Good morning SLAYER! When we don’t speak our truth, what we keep inside has power over us, it controls us, keeps us in fear, isolation, anger, shame, and regret. When we share those secrets with others, those things that used to bind us to our past are set free, and we are released from the bondage that used to control us.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Secrets, we all have them, my whole life used to be a secret, I would hide what I was thinking and doing from everyone in my life, ashamed, confused, and angry. I kept everything inside and consequently became very sick, my secrets nearly cost me my life. And it was me, I had control of that, it was me who held myself back from sharing, from getting help, from talking to the people who loved me about what was going on, it was all me, all in my control.
It wasn’t until I finally asked for help, finally started telling people what was going on that I first heard someone say, “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” That hit me like a lead balloon. Wow, I had put myself through years and years of suffering because of my fears, pride, and need for control and I could have stopped it, put an end to my suffering had I just spoken up. My sick brain told me that I was in control if I didn’t tell anyone, but the truth of the matter was, I had the control to stop it, I had control over my own well-being and my own happiness by sharing my struggles, by admitting what I had been doing, how I had been living, and how I was feeling. Once I said those things out loud, they lost their power over me. They were out there. Nothing left to hide. And, THAT is freedom.
We walk around ashamed and scared to share our truth with others, but when we do we harm ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are bad people, that we are better off alone, that no one will understand us, but none of that is true, there is nothing that we’ve done that someone hasn’t already done, sorry if you think you are tragically unique, but it’s true, someone, and probably many, have already done what you think is so shameful or horrible that you can’t possibly share it with anyone for fear of the consequences. But typically the consequences are understanding, kindness, love, and connection to another person who may also have felt like you, or now, because you shared your truth, understands you and has now found compassion for you, and possibly you for them.
People have asked me if I have any fear for sharing my truth in a public forum, do I worry what people might think and without hesitation I say no, because I don’t, and the reason I don’t is because all of the people in my day-to-day life, the ones I count as family, close friends, and my actual family, know all of this, at least the broad strokes, I may not have gotten into the detail I have here, but everyone knows, and in me telling them years ago, I was granted the gift of freedom from all of that, from the bondage of my past that I let bind me, I walk tall today owning my part in it, but also knowing that I am not that person anymore, I know that by me sharing it not only helps me, but it helps you, and that is far more powerful than anything that I could keep to myself out of fear, shame, or pride, that power is false, it only feels powerful because we think we’re safe, but we’re not, it makes us vulnerable to ourselves, the darkness, and to those who would exploit that and use that against us. When we are open and honest, we are free, we don’t have a reason to hide, and it keeps us safe.
Being open about where we’ve come from and what we struggle with also opens the door for people to understand us better, it opens the door to communication and connections to others we wouldn’t have if we kept to ourselves. It can also keep us safe if there is still a threat from our past that can harm us today, if those around us are clear on what our past is, it gives them a better understanding of why our safety rests in their hands in keeping our anonymity with certain people who may still want to harm us. It’s important to share your truth, even if it’s painful, ensure that everyone understands your situation.
At the end of the day you hold the key to our freedom, not sharing those things that you think are unsharable keeps you imprisoned in your own cell, it keeps you from connecting to others, and can leave you vulnerable to harm. You are only as sick as your secrets. Don’t let them have power of you and your life.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life or your past that you’ve never shared with anyone? If yes, why not? What do you think will happen if you do? What are they? Look at them, do you think that no one else has done these things or can relate to them? Do you see how holding on to your secrets can hold you back from living a loving and fulfilling life? Do you see how sharing these things might help others? You have the power to take control of your life, to let go of all of the things you think you have to keep a secret, and to find freedom from the bondage of your past and move forward. Let it all go SLAYER, we understand.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to have emotions, to have feelings, to hurt, to love, to be who you are at any given moment, give yourself permission to be true to your heart and honor your truth.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Hello SLAYERS! I’m ready for another SLAY TALK LIVE. You can watch the feed here, or if you want to comment, ask questions, or suggest a topic of conversation join us by clicking this link: SLAY TALK LIVE
Before stepping on this path it never occurred to me that what I was seeing and hearing was being filtered through my own perception, I just took it all as fact, and reacted to it. What I didn’t realize is because I was living in a negative space, and quite often as a victim of the world and all of you, what I was seeing and hearing was skewed to fit the narrative I wanted to keep justifying. Often what was really going on was far from the way I had seen or heard it, making my reactions to it off and sometimes downright aggressive to the unsuspecting people I would encounter every day.
Perception is a tricky thing, even now sometimes I have to keep myself in check and ask myself if what I’m reacting to is really going on, or, is it just what I’m choosing to see and hear. Each of us has our own perception of the same things, and much of that perception is based on our past experiences, opinions, or whatever head space we may be in that day, and sometimes, it is whatever we’re wanting it to be based on expectations we had going in. Something to remember when we encounter people in our day to day life who may have a totally different perception than we do of that exact same event, and, just like with ourselves, we need to take into consideration that everyone else is fighting their own battles that we know nothing about, everyone, and in fighting those battles, is seeing things through their own filter, with their own perception. So, who’s right and who’s wrong? Well, it depends. It depends on who is taking in just the facts and who is lacing it with their own prejudices or preconceived notions of what was going to happen. It’s important to take stock of where we’re at and make sure we’re not bending the truth because of a bad mood, exhaustion, a case of being hangry, or maybe simply taking something out of context.
Misunderstanding someone’s meaning through email or text is really easy to do. It’s happened to me many times. We tend to read the words in whatever mood or head space we happen to be in, so a seemingly innocent message can come off angry if that’s the current mood we’re in, or if we’ve been harboring resentments against that person and haven’t worked on them and expressed how we feel. My recommendation always before immediately reacting is to pause, don’t do anything, maybe even go do something else for a while before getting back to it. Sometimes just taking a break does put things back in perspective and may help you read those same words differently. Something I also always do is ask myself if I can be misinterpreting the message, I question my perception because I know it can be off depending on what’s happening for me that day, sometimes just questioning myself can also put the words in perspective, as well as taking in the other person’s track record, do they typically talk to me like this, or does it seem out of character? Do some work before firing off a response and then hitting send. Trust me, you’ll make much less apologies when you practice this. Life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for the fastest response, it never hurts to pause, and in some cases ask a friend for their opinion if you’re unsure yourself.
At the end of the day, we as individuals all see things differently, we all have our own opinions of the same events or information, we all bring our own history to every situation, the trick is to keep that into consideration before diving into an argument or engaging with someone you may have felt disrespected by, or offended by, ask yourself if that’s what’s really going on, and maybe ask someone else for their opinion. The idea is, we don’t just launch ourselves at someone without thinking it through, and reminding ourselves that someone else may be doing the same with us, so if you do feel attacked ask for clarification before lauding bombs back in their direction, communication is the key, and most of the time a simple clarification can fix things right up.
We are all human, we all make mistakes, remind yourself of that before becoming the judge and executioner in the course of a minute, what are the facts?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there times when you know your perception was off about a person or situation? Why do you think that was? What can you do in the future to keep your perception on track? Are you able to have compassion for others who’s perception may be off about you or a situation? If not why? Do you see how easy it is to be wrong about someone or something because of the where a place you may be in your life? How can you remedy that, or work on that for the future. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let the past or other people hijack your life story, it’s your story to tell, you decide how that story is going to unfold and how it’s told, and if you don’t like the story you’re in, you have the power to change it.
The pen is in your hands SLAYER, start writing.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! When we make a commitment to live in the light, to love and honor ourselves, authentically, and do the work to ensure we stay on that path, miracles happen.
New blog goes up TUESDAY, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYERS! Never dull your shine for anyone else. Shine bright without apologies for who are you and what you are. Find people you let you light shine, and make you shine brighter. You are magic!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
I used to do this, feeling less than I didn’t think I deserved anyone’s help, concern, or ear, I thought I was a burden and if I did reach out I would apologize for it. I would apologize for everything, for wanting things, for being passionate about the things I was, for being alive! I truly didn’t think I was worthy of anything and wouldn’t speak up, and then I would get angry and hurt when I wasn’t acknowledged, as a defense my ego would kick and say “yes, you do deserve all of these things and how dare they not know that!” I would stand there, the most righteous piece of crap that ever walked the earth, and then crumble in self hatred and doubt and not speak up, or if I finally did, be apologetic for my wants and needs.
We need to stop apologizing for ourselves! We do deserve good things, good people in our lives, and to love the things we do, no apologies. We have to lose the idea that if we need a friend, someone to listen to us that isn’t a burden, because, true story, you may just be helping the other person too. Crazy right? When you think about it, it’s actually selfish to hold back, not share, because you could also be cheating someone else from hearing what you have to say, maybe they also need to hear it, or need to hear themselves say what they’re going to say back to you. Don’t apologize. You matter, your experiences matter, your thoughts matter, it all matters. When I started this blog my intention, or hope, was to bring some light to someone who may be suffering or struggling, and so I set out to speak my truth, with no apologies, and because I’ve been doing that you all have responded with your stories of struggle or experiences, and victories, and have given back to me, and because I relate to so much of what you’re saying it reminds me of where I am, where I’ve come from, or where I need to be. See, it’s really a big circle, when we all share our truths, we all find some healing, and love, and comfort. Never apologize for who you are or your story.
That goes for your passions as well! Be you! Love what you love! Don’t ever apologize for those things or think you shouldn’t share it, when you do you find like-minded people who are also into the things you are. Some of you out there already have, and look at how amazing it feels to find your tribe, if people don’t understand, that’s OK, they don’t need to, it’s not up to you to make them understand, or apologize for it.
As SLAYERS we stand tall, we love and appreciate our authentic selves, we are proud of who we are, what we stand for, and what and who we love. We deserve to have good people and friends around us, we deserve to have the things we work for, aspire to, we deserve all of it, never apologize for any of that because it’s your unique voice, your love, your passion that is needed out the in the world, whether you’re having a good day or one full of challenges, we need to hear your voice, we connect with it, we love it, and we share in your journey.
Standing tall in ourselves means forgiving yourself, yeah I’m not going to let that go, finding your flawsome, letting your freak flag fly and celebrating you! Never apologize for who you are or what you want, you deserve all of it, you are special, we love you, but, you have to love yourself…without apologies.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you apologize for what you want? Why? Do you apologize when you’re struggling and need someone to listen? Why? Don’t you think we want what we want and go through what we do because there is a bigger plan, a reason we want and go through those things? If we don’t speak our truths and share with others we’re not only cheating ourselves, but we’re cheating those around us who may need to hear what you have to say. Don’t apologize for needing and wanting what you do. Stand tall SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! It’s easy to compare how we’re feeling to what we’re seeing, but today SLAYER remind yourself, you are your only competition, not knowing anyone else’s journey, we focus on our own, and compare ourselves today to were we’ve been, and were we want to go.
SLAY on!
