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People Cast Us In Their Lives

I don’t think it ever occurred to me, until I started on this journey and began to make positive changes in my life, that some of the people in my life might push back and not support me in my journey, that some people in my life wouldn’t support that I was becoming a better person, that I was doing things differently, not engaging in arguments I didn’t belong in, that I had started taking care of myself, and learning to love who I was. Those people who wouldn’t accept the changes I was making had cast me as a certain person in their life and they didn’t want me changing that. It was hard for me to understand at first, I thought that everyone would be happy that I had stopped living my life the way I had been and was finally taking action and getting the help that I so desperately needed, but that wasn’t always the case because some of the people I had chosen to be in my life, who I thought had been friends, weren’t willing to accept those changes and wouldn’t try to adapt the role they had already cast me in.

Just like in a play people cast us as certain roles in their life, without our consent or sometimes even our knowledge or involvement. I know for me there have been times that people have had a wild misconception about the relationship that we had, wild because we didn’t have a relationship, the relationship they thought we had was completely fabricated based on a few brief exchanges and from those they decided who I was going to be in their life and created the rest on their own. When this used to happen I felt obligated to be that person, even if it wasn’t who I really was, or how I felt, not wanting to let them down I would act the part, but that wasn’t fair to me, not if that’s how I really felt, or, if it wasn’t the truth because it was false and based on some sort of fantasy or preconceived notion on their part . As my sense of self got clearer I stopped doing that, I stopped agreeing to be what other’s perception of me was and just focused on being myself, and when people did push back or not like it, that was a great indicator that those people shouldn’t be in my life, because the people who truly knew me, who truly cared, and who truly supported me were happy to see the changes I was making and supported them, and me. I realized that people will sometimes hold on to who you were, or who they thought you were, or who they want you to be and not let go, and if that’s not who I am then I have to let that person go, and that can be hard to do, but as we go through life, and walk this path of SLAYDOM, there are going to be people who fall away, who aren’t up for the journey with us, who aren’t ready for the steps we’re taking, and who’s story in our lives should come to an end. Not everyone is meant to take the journey with us, not everyone is ready, but, if we live our lives as an example of a better way, a more loving way, perhaps they might come back around, or perhaps they’re not meant to, but we in no way should change who we are to fit their idea of us.

We also have to watch out that we don’t do the same to others. I know for myself, as an example, I put my parents on a pedestal for a long time, expecting them to be all-knowing and to always get it right, but the truth is they are just people like myself, learning and growing as they go, and even though they have had more time to live life, they’re journey is their journey, and I have to respect that and let them be who they are, not who I want them to be. And that’s important for everyone in our lives. As a SLAYER we allow others to be their authentic selves, as we want people to honor ours, we allow others to walk on their path at their own pace, their own way, and if they change and grow, we accept that, and hopefully if that growth is in line with ours, we do it together.

At the end of the day we our only responsible for being the people we are, we don’t owe anyone else a different representation, the only role we should play is ourselves, and we should only expect and encourage that in others. Who we are, authentically, is the greatest role of all, stand tall in who you are, and shine bright.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there people in your life who have cast you in a role that doesn’t or no longer fits? Why do you think they’ve cast you in that role? Have you been honest with them, or have you played the role they’re wanting you to play? Do you think they will accept your authentic you? If not, why? If they won’t, do you feel this person is a good fit for you and your life? Do you cast other people in specific roles you want them to play? If so, why? As a SLAYER we celebrate our authentic selves, as well as others in our life, the only role we want to play is us, and that’s the only role we want them to play as well, there’s no greater part to play, it’s the part of a lifetime. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction, it’s to pause, and think before you react, and maybe, step away until you can take the next right action. There are no bonus points for speed, take the time you need to gather your thoughts and get the facts.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Think

Finding Grace In The Grey Areas

I used to think that everything had to be either black or white. If something didn’t fit in one of those two areas I would make it fit, bending it, manipulating it, twisting it to fit into the narrative I wanted to tell so it could be put neatly into the box I wanted it to. In doing so I was forcing things to only ever be one of two things in my mind, right or wrong. Life isn’t always that simple, many times it’s many things in between, and as much as I myself fought back to not to be put in a box, or be labelled as any one thing, I was doing just that with the people, places and things in my life. Much of that had to do with my need to control, to force things to be a certain way because it made me feel safe, smart, or better than, but I wasn’t living in truth, and I was missing out on appreciating all of the amazing things that live in the grey area, including myself.

When I started on this path, the grey area made me very uncomfortable, it felt unsafe, unmanaged, not defined enough, but as I started to open my mind, to see that things didn’t always fit in one of two places, the grey area started to become exciting, a little like the Wild West, where anything could happen. First I had to get comfortable with that, even though it seemed exciting, it felt scary, a little dangerous, and unpredictable, it was about learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness, which at first made me want to crawl out of my own skin, but I was encouraged to sit there and was told if I did, I could find peace there, and eventually grace. I did. And when I did it opened up a whole new world for me. A lot of life happens in the grey areas, and no matter how much I would force it into one of two places, a lot of things didn’t belong there. Most things don’t really belong there. Most things fall into the middle, and deserve to be left there. And when we leave them where they are supposed to be, even honor them for being there, we find grace. We stop fighting, manipulating, twisting them into something they are not, and honor them for being exactly what they are. This may sound like an abstract concept, but when we think about ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, who and what we love, typically, we don’t just fit into one neat box either, there is some grey, and maybe a lot of grey in the areas that matter, so as much as we wouldn’t want to be forced into a box that we didn’t fit in, neither should other people, places, and things. It’s also acknowledging our own growth. As we walk on this path, learn, and grow, what we believe, experience, and the way we live our lives, changes, our parameters get bigger, wider, and more vast, we accept things as they are, no matter how messy or perhaps how undefined they are, and let them be, without trying to change them, we let them live just as they are, and when we do, we find our grace.

Life does it’s dance, and a lot of the time it’s dancing to a totally different tune than the one in our heads, but instead of trying to force our dance to it’s music, just enjoy the music, and trust it’s the music we’re supposed to be hearing, it gives us an opportunity to learn a new dance, or to adjust the one we already know. Try new things, accept differences in others, and trust that you are being introduced to these things to help you on your journey, to guide you on your path, and to lead you to where you are supposed to be going. Find the grace in the grey, and let that open your heart to a brave new world.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to put everything in your life neatly in boxes or categories? Does the grey area scare you? If yes, why? Why do you think you need to have everything categorized neatly into one or two boxes? Would you like to be categorized into only one or two boxes? Do you think you fit into some grey areas in your life? If so, in what way? Can you see that others’ may also fit into grey areas? Can you accept that? When you can SLAYER, you are on your way to finding grace, and you are on your way to a new freedom, opening your eyes to the infinite possibilities that the world has to offer. Let go of old ideas and SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  We should fight for what we want, but not at the expense of our own serenity, happiness, and health, sometimes we have to ‘drop the rope’ and accept that things may not be what we want them to be, but trust that they are the way they way they are supposed to be.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Accepted

Drop The Rope

I used to hang on to anything and everything like my life depended on it, what I didn’t realize is that my life depended on me dropping the rope and letting go. I don’t mean I was literally holding a rope, but I was tethered to people, places, and things trying to control each and every situation in my life, trying to manipulate it into what I wanted it to be, what I expected it to be, what I thought it should be. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I learned to, “drop the rope.” It was difficult at first, to let go and walk away, trust that if I had done the footwork the outcome was now not up to me, that I had to trust that the result of that work would be what I needed it to be, not necessarily what I wanted it to be, but what I needed at that given time. Scary. But holding on tight only got me to a place of despair, of pain, of dishonesty, of, well, close to death. It took things getting that bad for me to finally listen and take the suggestion to drop the rope.

Dropping the rope can be scary, especially when we’ve always held on tight, when we’ve believed that hanging on was the safest choice, or the only choice, and that holding on could make things go our way. It can’t. If things are meant for us, they will come, they will happen, so holding on, worrying, causing ourselves anxiety and pain isn’t going to make things come to us any faster, or more often than they are meant to, it’s only stealing our serenity, happiness and health. Drop the rope.

For a lot of us it goes back to our childhoods, of feeling different, or alone, or like things were out of our control, things we didn’t like, things we wanted to be different, so we held onto that imaginary rope thinking if we did things perfectly, or a certain way, it would be OK. And, as we grew into adulthood, we continued to do that, we continued to hold on tightly to that rope, even when it didn’t seem to change things or make things sway in our favor, we still held on, fingers burning, palms bleeding, we held on tight. For me it took a breakdown to see that it wasn’t working, to see that nothing I did to try to control things could make things always fall in my favor, and no one always has things fall in their favor, it’s just not how life works, there are some who seem to be ‘luckier’ than others, but no one wins all the time, so what I was trying to do wasn’t even possible to attain.

So, how do you win? You win by doing what you can do to help things go in your favor, by putting your best foot forward, by doing the work, make your intentions known, share your expectations with others, and then, stay out of the results. Oh yeah SLAYER, I said, stay out of the results. Once you’ve done all you can, you step back, exhale, and let it happen. As scary as that may sound, there is so much freedom in doing that, so much power, you, are taking your power back, trusting that the work you’ve done is enough, and if it’s not, learning from that for next time, or accepting that it wasn’t meant for you, and focus on something else, or the next time you will try again. But when we hang on, way past when we should have, we lose a part of ourselves, we loose our self-respect, dignity, we lose our power, it’s the act of letting go that gives us strength and showing the world that we are strong enough to do it, it shows the world that we are confident in who we are, we are sure of our decisions, and work we’ve done to get to this point, and it gives us peace.

If something isn’t working for you, let go, as the saying goes, “you don’t have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump, you can get off at any time.” It’s time to do what’s right for you, make the commitment to let go when something doesn’t serve you, or, you’ve done all the work you can, let go, drop the rope, and show yourself some love.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hang on too long? Why are you afraid to let go? What do you think will happen if you do? Write down an example of when you held on too long. How did that make you feel? What was the result? Make a commitment SLAYER, to drop the rope, to let go when it no longer serves you, to know when there is no more work to be done, and to walk away, and trust, that you will be taken care of, and you’ll be stronger for your courage of acceptance. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  The best thing you can do for yourself is believe in you, and do what’s best for you, without worrying about the results, or what that looks like to those around you. Be your best you for you!

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes the most loving thing to do for yourself is to not engage, to not get in the ring and fight, and finding enough love in yourself that you don’t feel the need to prove your worth.  Sometimes the braver action is to not take action, for your own peace of mind.  SLAY on!

State Of Slay Peace

 

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Starting off the week with a to-do list? Here’s a start.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Breathe

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! There’s no prize at the end for going it alone, but there are many gifts when you honor yourself enough to ask for help when you need it, and, gifts for the person who is helping you, as they may be helped as well.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Help

It’s OK To Ask For Help

I never used to ask for help. In my mind that was a sign of weakness, that I couldn’t do it alone, that it meant I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, or just not enough. I would struggle or suffer in silence, slowly slipping away in the darkness of my mind, of feeling alone and disconnected from the world. My stubbornness and determination to not ask anyone for help appeared in every aspect in my life, not just with emotional or mental issues, I remember moving into a new apartment and needing to put together an entertainment center, this thing was heavy, and big, and I strained, sweated, and contorted my way through it’s assembly alone until it was finally done. I remember standing in front of it proud that I didn’t ask for help, but sore and full of bruises and scrapes from lifting and trying to balance the heavy pieces of wood. It was ridiculous, it would have been so much easier, and faster, to have just asked someone to help me, but then a lot of my life would have been a lot easier if I had just asked for help, and it wasn’t until I did that my life got better.

Many of us seem to have this fear of asking someone to help us. We don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, that things aren’t good, or how bad they’ve gotten, we put on this act that we show the world, we smile and put on a show. I know I did, it was that act, the show, that almost cost me my life, because I was so good at it, most of the people in my life never suspected anything was wrong, or that things had gotten as bad as they were. I had so much fear of letting anyone know how lost I was, how low I felt, and how scary my thoughts had become. This goes back to one of my previous blog, You’re Only As Sick As Your Secrets, we hold the power to change our circumstances, to make them better, and there is no shame in asking for help. When I made that phone call to a trusted friend and finally told someone what I was doing and how I was feeling, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me, it was out, and it no longer had the power over me it did, it took some work until it didn’t have any power over me, but that was a huge first step, my admission and willingness to let it go.

There is no shame in asking anyone for help, for anything, in fact, you may also be helping someone else by doing so. By giving someone the opportunity to be of service, to help, the other person also receives something from that, they may learn something, they may get the opportunity to teach you something, or just the chance to get to know you better and feel a deeper connection. Many of us have this idea that we’re constantly bothering someone if we reach out for help, that needs to stop, if we need help reach out and ask, no matter what it is. Sometimes just the act of reaching out helps us to solve the problem, or by talking it out, a solution can sometimes come out of that, but if we sit with it alone, and spin our wheels with it, over and over, we won’t get anywhere, there’s a reason why we’re all different, why we all shine in different areas, so we can bring some knowledge or a different perspective to a situation, use those opportunities, to not only get some assistance, but to learn, to grow, to take control of a situation that is hanging over you, there is a solution out there, reach out for help.

I know the power of asking for help, had I not done that I would not be here. No matter what the issue is, or task, if you can’t do it alone, can’t figure it out, or just don’t want to do it alone, ask for help. Give yourself that gift to not carry the burden alone, and you may also be giving a gift to the person you ask. Nothing happens by accident, the situations we find ourselves are all part of your journey, your broader plan, and if you find yourself in situations that consistently find you in need of help and you’re not asking for it, perhaps that is the universe trying to tell you something, or trying to nudge you to do what you’re supposed to do. If you need help, ask for help.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you reluctant to ask for help? If so, why? Do you think you don’t deserve to have anyone help you? Is it your pride that stops you from reaching out? What stops you from asking for help? Have there been times you’ve asked for help? What were the results of that? Do you see that asking someone for help can also help them? Challenge yourself SLAYER to ask for help this week, not matter how big or small the task or issue, be willing and open to help, and, ask for what you want and need. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you