mindfulness

An Arrow Can Only Be Shot by Pulling It Backwards

There’s a powerful lesson tucked inside one of life’s simplest metaphors: an arrow can only be launched by first being pulled backwards.

At first, that pull feels like resistance. Pressure. Setback. You’re yanked away from where you want to go, pulled into discomfort, frustration, and sometimes even pain. But the truth is this: without that tension, without that backward stretch, there is no forward release.

Life’s pullbacks are not punishments—they are preparation.

The key is to not get stuck staring at the ground when life pulls you back. Instead, steady yourself, take aim, and get ready. Because what feels like a setback now may be the very momentum that propels you toward something greater.

The Backward Pull Feels Personal

When life pulls us back, it rarely feels neutral. It feels personal.

The relationship ends. The job falls through. The opportunity disappears. Suddenly, it feels like life is conspiring against us, stripping away what we wanted most. And in the middle of that loss, it can feel impossible to see any kind of trajectory forward.

But here’s the truth: the arrow doesn’t know it’s being pulled back to soar further—it only feels the tension. And we’re the same way.

The backward pull of life is often the exact energy we need to realign, refocus, and prepare for a different kind of future.

Take Aim: Purpose in the Pause

An arrow doesn’t just fly aimlessly—it’s aimed. The backward pull isn’t random; it’s part of the process.

When life feels like it’s dragging you back, the invitation is to pause and take aim.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I being redirected toward?
  • What lessons am I meant to carry from this moment?
  • What strength am I building through this resistance?

Taking aim doesn’t mean you’ll have all the answers right away. It means you choose not to waste the pullback. You align yourself with purpose, even if the target feels blurry.

The Release: Trusting the Launch

When the arrow is finally released, it doesn’t hesitate. It doesn’t fight the momentum. It doesn’t question the trajectory. It simply flies.

That’s the moment you’ve been stretched for.

The release is the job that finally matches your calling, the relationship that respects your worth, the moment you realize your strength has carried you further than you thought possible. It’s not about erasing the pullback; it’s about realizing that every inch of that resistance fueled the flight.

The Power of Perspective

Pullbacks and setbacks will always come. But here’s the difference between staying stuck and soaring forward: perspective.

If you see the pullback as failure, you’ll stay grounded. If you see it as preparation, you’ll find the courage to aim higher.

Every backward tug is an opportunity to grow resilience, clarity, and faith. It’s proof that you’re still in motion—that life is stretching you for something greater.

Your Bow, Your Aim, Your Flight

Remember, you are both the archer and the arrow.

You get to choose:

  • Do you fight the pull and call it defeat?
  • Or do you trust the stretch, take aim, and let yourself fly?

The setbacks won’t define you. The release will.

So the next time life pulls you back, don’t panic. Don’t lose heart. Steady your grip. Breathe. Take aim. And get ready—because you are about to soar.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Where in your life right now do you feel like you’re being pulled backwards?
  2. How can you reframe that pullback as preparation instead of punishment?
  3. What’s one target you want to take aim at, even if it feels blurry today?
  4. How can you use resistance as fuel for your momentum?
  5. What would trusting the release look like for you?

S – See setbacks as setups, not endings
L – Let the pullback strengthen your aim
A – Align with purpose, not panic
Y – Yield to the release and trust your flight

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What pullback in your life ended up being the momentum you needed to soar?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who feels stuck in a setback, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that the stretch is preparing us for the flight.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

There are moments in life that mark us so deeply, they carve their names into our memory. A love we lost. A chapter that closed too soon. A person who changed us forever. And when we talk about letting go, it can feel like we’re being asked to erase those parts of our story—to forget, to move on, to pretend it never meant as much as it did.

But letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry the past with you without letting it weigh you down.

There is a quiet kind of strength in remembering. In holding onto what once made your heart full, not to relive it or rewrite it—but to honor it. Letting go is not an erasure. It’s an act of transformation.

You Can Turn the Page Without Tearing It Out

I used to think that moving on meant forgetting. That in order to stop the ache, I had to pretend the past didn’t exist. But the truth is, the ache only grew louder when I tried to silence it.

Grief, loss, heartbreak—they don’t disappear just because we’re tired of feeling them. They soften when we allow them to be part of us. When we stop fighting them. When we let them shape us, instead of shame us.

The chapters that break us open are still part of our story. They don’t need to be rewritten. They need to be remembered. With tenderness. With clarity. With the understanding that they taught us something essential about who we are.

So no, you don’t need to forget. You just need to stop clutching the past so tightly that your hands aren’t free to receive what’s next.

Memory Is Not the Enemy

We’re told to move on. To get over it. To stop living in the past. And while yes, healing requires forward motion, it doesn’t require amnesia.

You can move forward and still feel. You can carry love and loss in the same breath.

Letting go is not about abandoning your memories. It’s about finding the strength to acknowledge them—even the painful ones—and still take the next step.

I had to learn how to hold space for both: the ache of what was, and the hope of what could be. And in doing that, I discovered something surprising:

The past doesn’t hold me hostage when I stop trying to run from it.

Instead, it becomes something I carry—not with regret, but with reverence.

Life Moves On, and So Can You

There’s a moment in every healing journey when you realize: you can miss what was, love who you were, and still choose to turn the page.

Letting go is not a betrayal of the past. It’s a commitment to your future.

You can bring everything you’ve learned with you. The beauty. The brokenness. The truth. All of it.

Letting go is about making peace with what no longer fits, not because it wasn’t real, but because you are growing.

So don’t rush to forget. Don’t erase what made you feel. Let the memories come. Let them stay. Just don’t let them stop you from living the life that’s waiting for you now.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Is there something in your past you’ve been trying to forget in order to move on?
  2. How might you carry it differently—with tenderness instead of pain?
  3. What have your most difficult moments taught you about yourself?
  4. Are you ready to stop running and start remembering?
  5. What would turning the page look like for you today?

S – Sit with your memories, even the hard ones
L – Let yourself feel without needing to fix
A – Accept what was, and honor how it shaped you
Y – Yield to growth—even when it hurts

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What is something from your past that you now carry with love instead of pain?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to let go, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

When a Child is Shamed for Feelings, They Don’t Stop Feeling—They Stop Trusting

There’s a heartbreaking truth many of us come to learn too late:

When a child is shamed for having feelings, they don’t stop feeling. They stop trusting.

They stop trusting their emotions. They stop trusting their voice. And eventually, they stop trusting themselves.

We often teach kids—intentionally or not—that certain feelings are too much, too messy, too inconvenient. That anger is bad. That sadness is weakness. That fear is overreacting. We hush them. We roll our eyes. We tell them to “get over it” or “calm down.” But what we’re really saying is: Your feelings don’t belong here.

And that message doesn’t just sting in the moment. It stays.

The Seeds of Self-Doubt

When we shame a child’s feelings, we’re not teaching emotional regulation—we’re teaching emotional suppression.

Instead of learning how to navigate their emotions, they learn to ignore them, question them, or feel guilt and embarrassment for even having them in the first place.

They start asking:

  • “Why am I so sensitive?”
  • “What’s wrong with me?”
  • “Why can’t I just be normal?”

These questions don’t come from nowhere. They come from a world that told them, early on, that their natural responses were somehow wrong.

Unlearning the Silence

As adults, many of us carry this conditioning into our relationships, our workplaces, and our inner dialogue. We still quiet our feelings. We second-guess our instincts. We feel shame for emotions that are perfectly human.

But here’s the thing: Our feelings don’t go away just because we learned to hide them.

They find other ways to come out—through anxiety, depression, emotional outbursts, or chronic people-pleasing. The body keeps the score. The heart remembers.

Healing begins when we give ourselves permission to feel again. To validate what was once invalidated. To trust that our emotions have something to teach us, not something to be ashamed of.

Reparenting Starts With Awareness

Maybe you were that child. Maybe you’re still carrying the weight of being told to “toughen up” or “stop crying.”

Or maybe you’ve caught yourself repeating those phrases to someone else—not out of cruelty, but because it’s what you were taught.

Here’s the good news: You can stop the cycle.

You can start by:

  • Saying “I hear you” instead of “you’re overreacting.”
  • Asking “What are you feeling?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Letting your own emotions be seen, so others feel safe showing theirs.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be a safe place.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Was I shamed for showing emotion as a child?
  • How did that shape the way I express or suppress feelings today?
  • Do I trust my emotional responses—or do I second-guess them?
  • How can I begin validating my emotions, rather than hiding or judging them?
  • What would it feel like to create space for someone else to share, without judgment?

S – L – A – Y

S: See where your emotional patterns began.
L: Listen to your inner voice with compassion.
A: Allow your feelings to surface without shame.
Y: Yield to the wisdom your emotions are offering.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Were you taught to suppress your emotions as a child—and how has that shaped your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s learning to feel again, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Invest In Yourself

When people talk about investments, they usually mean stocks, property, or retirement accounts. But there’s one investment that’s even more critical: you.

Your well-being—mental, emotional, and physical—is the foundation for everything else in your life. When you prioritize yourself, everything else gets better: your relationships, your career, your creativity, your peace of mind. Yet, so many of us wait until we’re completely burned out, overwhelmed, or spiraling to give ourselves the care we need.

It doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way.

Why Investing in Yourself Matters

The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving to others without replenishing yourself, you’re operating from depletion. Eventually, something gives.

Investing in yourself doesn’t mean spa days and bubble baths—though those are lovely. It means making consistent choices that nurture your well-being. It means saying no when something compromises your peace. It means taking the time to listen to your own needs, even if others don’t understand.

For me, investing in myself looked like finally saying yes to therapy. It looked like turning down invitations that drained me, and instead spending quiet time journaling, walking, or simply being. It looked like learning how to support myself the way I’d supported everyone else for years.

It was uncomfortable at first. I worried I was being selfish. But I realized: prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it’s survival. And over time, I saw how much better I could show up for others when I was also showing up for myself.

The ROI of Self-Investment

When you invest in yourself, you start to:

  • Build resilience
  • Strengthen your boundaries
  • Increase your capacity for joy
  • Reconnect with your purpose
  • Attract healthier relationships

And perhaps most importantly, you start to trust yourself more deeply. You become someone you can rely on. That’s powerful.

Start Where You Are

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start with one intentional choice a day. One small way to say, “I matter.” Maybe it’s drinking a full glass of water first thing in the morning. Maybe it’s taking five minutes to breathe. Maybe it’s setting a boundary you’ve been avoiding.

Whatever it is, let that choice be an act of self-respect.

Because when you invest in your well-being, you’re not just surviving—you’re building a life that supports you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What does investing in yourself mean to you personally?
  2. What small act of self-care can you commit to today?
  3. Do you feel guilty prioritizing your well-being? Why?
  4. How might your relationships shift if you were more centered and grounded?
  5. What would change if you treated your mental health like a top priority?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Say yes to what nourishes you
  • Let go of guilt and shame
  • Act with intention, not obligation
  • You are worth the effort

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can invest in your well-being this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s always giving but rarely giving to themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Name Your Brain

Ever catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt or reacting like the sky is falling… when it’s really not? You’re not alone. That voice in your head—the one that catastrophizes, criticizes, or convinces you you’re not enough—it has a mind of its own.

So what if you gave it a name?

That’s right. Name your brain. Give that voice a personality, an identity, a little flair. Why? Because separating you from your thoughts helps you manage them with more clarity—and maybe even a little compassion.

Why Naming Your Brain Works

When you name your brain, you create space between you and the mental noise. You stop treating every thought as truth and start seeing them for what they really are: patterns. Most of them were wired in long ago—through experiences, messaging, and survival mode. But they’re not your whole story.

Let’s say your brain loves worst-case scenarios. It goes from “I made a mistake” to “I’m going to lose everything” in under five seconds. Instead of spiraling with it, what if you said:

“Okay, here comes that same old voice again. We’ve heard this one before—and we’re not falling for it.”

Naming helps you shift from fear to awareness. You start to notice your patterns, question them, and choose a new response. It turns down the emotional intensity and gives you the power back.

What’s Your Brain’s Personality?

Start by observing. When stress hits, how does your brain talk to you?

  • Is it hypercritical? (“You’ll never get this right.”)
  • Dramatic? (“This is a disaster!”)
  • Perfectionist? (“Not good enough. Try harder.”)
  • People-pleaser? (“Don’t speak up. You’ll upset them.”)

Now give that voice a name and a persona. Think of it like casting a character. Your name can be oddly specific, or just descriptive—whatever helps you take the edge off and reclaim your power.

For me, naming my brain made me think of it in a different way—less like a runaway train and more like an annoying voice or committee that would show up and try to spoil my day. Giving it a name helped me keep it in perspective. It gave me something specific to talk back to—and even tell to take a hike.

I mean, I wouldn’t put up with someone else saying the kinds of things my brain sometimes did—so why would I take that abuse from myself?

These days, when that voice pops in, I can say: “I hear you, but we’re not doing that today.” And it really does help.

From Reaction to Redirection

Once your brain has a name, you can start redirecting instead of reacting.

“Thanks for your concern, but I’ve got this.”

“We’ve heard enough from that old voice—let’s listen to truth instead.”

You’re not ignoring your emotions—you’re choosing to respond differently. That’s the real flex. When you stop giving your inner critic the mic, you make space for the wiser, calmer, more grounded version of you to speak.

Naming Isn’t Silly—It’s Self-Awareness

This practice is rooted in mindfulness and psychology. Creating mental distance from unhelpful thoughts is a proven way to disrupt negative cycles and build emotional resilience.

It’s not about dismissing your feelings. It’s about shifting from “this is me” to “is this me—or is this an old pattern or story?” It’s about knowing your truth, staying present, and calling out those old thoughts—and showing them the door.

The name is just a tool to help you step into that choice. Again and again.

Who Do You Want Driving the Bus?

At the end of the day, your brain will keep doing what it’s always done—unless you take the wheel. When your old mental pattern starts driving toward chaos, anxiety, or shame, you get to say:

“Thanks for the warning, but I’m steering us in a different direction.”

Empowerment starts when you realize you are not your thoughts. You’re the observer. The narrator. The author. You can write a different story—and still let those old characters pop in from time to time, without giving them control.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What type of thoughts show up when you’re stressed, insecure, or overwhelmed?
  2. What name would you give the voice that fuels those thoughts?
  3. How does it feel to separate yourself from that voice?
  4. What kinds of things does your brain say that you no longer believe?
  5. How can you start responding with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Separate yourself from your thoughts
  • Label the patterns
  • Acknowledge the impact
  • You are in charge of your response

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever given your brain a name? What would you call the voice that tries to take over?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in a spiral of self-doubt, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Sometimes Happy Is a Feeling, Sometimes Happy Is a Choice

Let’s be honest: some days happiness wraps around you like a warm blanket. Other days, it’s a threadbare flag you have to raise yourself, even when the wind isn’t blowing.

Sometimes, happy arrives uninvited. A smile you didn’t expect. A moment of peace. Laughter that catches you by surprise. These are the days when joy feels natural. Effortless. When your heart feels light and your worries take a back seat. These are the days you wish you could bottle.

But what about the other days? The days when you wake up heavy, when your body aches with exhaustion, when your mind is cluttered and your heart is a storm cloud? What then?

That’s when happy becomes a choice. And yes, sometimes, it’s the hardest choice you can make.

Feel It When It Comes

We all have seasons where happiness seems to bloom everywhere—inside us and around us. These are the easy days. The ones where gratitude feels automatic, and your smile is real. And when those moments show up?

Let them.

Don’t question the joy. Don’t wait for the other shoe to drop. Let yourself feel good without guilt. You don’t have to earn happiness for it to be valid. It’s not a reward, it’s a gift. And you are allowed to receive it, just because you exist.

Too many of us hesitate to feel joy because we’re afraid it won’t last. But here’s the truth: happiness isn’t permanent, but it is powerful. And when it comes naturally, lean in. Let it soak into your skin.

Choose It When It Feels Out of Reach

And then there are the other days.

The days when happy feels like a stranger.

That’s when you make the choice to reach for it anyway. You choose to smile. To take a walk. To text a friend. To wash your hair. To play a song that makes you sway just a little. To say thank you, even when you’re not quite feeling it.

This isn’t toxic positivity. This is resilience. This is saying, “I know I feel low, but I’m going to plant the seeds of joy anyway.” And over time, those seeds bloom.

Happiness isn’t about denying what hurts. It’s about refusing to let the hurt define the whole day.

You Are Allowed to Want More

Here’s a powerful truth: you don’t have to settle. Not for a life that keeps you stuck. Not for a mindset that keeps you small. You are allowed to chase joy. To design a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good from the outside.

And when you can’t find it? You can choose it. You can create it.

Even if that looks like a slow morning with coffee and quiet.

You are not failing if you have to fight for your happiness. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.

Some Days It’s Both

Sometimes happy is a breeze. Sometimes it’s a battle.

And sometimes, it’s a little bit of both.

Either way, you have the power to feel it, create it, or reach for it. You don’t have to wait for life to feel perfect before you allow yourself to be happy. Let it show up in small ways. Invite it in. And when it comes, don’t push it away.

You are allowed to feel good. You are allowed to choose good. You are allowed to live a life that includes joy.

Even on the hard days.

SLAY Reflection

  1. When was the last time you felt joy without effort? What triggered it?
  2. Do you feel guilty when you’re happy? Why?
  3. What’s one small way you could choose joy today?
  4. How can you remind yourself that happiness isn’t a reward?
  5. What would your day look like if you let joy take up more space?

S-L-A-Y:

  • See where joy naturally shows up in your day
  • Let yourself lean into those moments
  • Acknowledge the hard feelings, but don’t stay stuck in them
  • You have the power to choose happiness, even in small ways

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What does choosing happiness look like for you right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel joy, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder.

Go Where Your Voice is Needed

There comes a time in life when you realize—not every space is meant for you. Not every conversation needs your input. And not every audience is ready—or even willing—to hear what you have to say.

For years, I believed I had to be everywhere, say everything, and make sure I was heard. Even if it meant squeezing into spaces that didn’t feel right. I thought that was how you made an impact. Be louder. Be present. Be seen.

But experience has taught me something far more powerful:

True empowerment comes from going where your voice is needed, not where it’s merely tolerated.

It’s a shift from trying to fit in to standing tall where you belong.

The Myth of Being Everywhere

We’re bombarded with messages telling us to “show up everywhere.” Post more. Be visible. Stay relevant. Hustle harder.

But visibility does not equal value.

When you stretch yourself thin trying to be in all the rooms, you lose something essential—clarity. The more you chase attention, the more disconnected you become from your true message.

Impact isn’t about volume. It’s about resonance.

The power of your voice isn’t in how many people hear it, but in who hears it and how deeply it connects.

Quality over quantity. Alignment over attention.

Your voice deserves to be heard in spaces where it is valued—where it can make a real difference.

How to Know Where Your Voice is Needed

Not every invitation is an opportunity.

Some spaces want what you represent, not who you are. You might be included to check a box, but your actual voice? It’s sidelined.

That’s not your room.

Ask yourself:

  • Does this space genuinely value my voice?
  • Is my presence here aligned with my purpose?
  • Am I heard and respected, not just seen?

If the answers are no, it’s not your place to pour your energy into.

You deserve spaces where your contribution matters.

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s human nature to stick with the familiar. But sometimes, the places we’ve outgrown are holding us back.

Finding where your voice is needed often means stepping outside your comfort zone.

Try new communities. Enter unfamiliar conversations. Build fresh connections.

You might be surprised how much common ground you discover when you truly see and hear others. Different backgrounds, same dreams. Different paths, shared values.

That’s where genuine community begins—with curiosity, openness, and the courage to explore beyond what feels safe.

Building Meaningful Connections

As we grow, so do our relationships. Not everyone who started with you is meant to go the distance. And that’s okay.

Invest in connections that:

  • Encourage your growth
  • Challenge you in meaningful ways
  • Support and celebrate your voice

The right connections won’t just tolerate your voice. They’ll make space for it. They’ll value it. They’ll help you carry it further.

The Power of Walking Away

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is knowing when to walk away.

Leaving a space that doesn’t align with you isn’t failure. It’s wisdom.

When you walk away from what no longer serves you, you create space for what does. For the right people. For meaningful conversations. For opportunities that honor your voice.

Walking away is a declaration of self-worth. You’re not here to prove yourself in rooms that don’t value you. The right spaces will invite you in, not because they have to, but because they want to hear what you have to say.

The Ripple Effect of Showing Up Authentically

When you focus your energy where it’s truly needed, you create a ripple effect.

You may not always see the immediate impact, but:

  • A story you share helps someone feel less alone.
  • A truth you speak encourages someone else to find their voice.
  • A perspective you offer opens minds and hearts.

Impact isn’t always loud.

It’s the quiet strength of showing up authentically, in the right spaces, at the right time. That’s where real change begins.

State of Slay™: The Return

Even as I stepped away to focus on other parts of my life, the State of Slay™ blogs never truly went silent. More people have been reaching out, telling me they’ve been revisiting old posts, finding guidance, connection, and reminders that they’re not alone.

And as you may have noticed, I’ve quietly been writing and uploading new posts over the last few weeks—preparing for this very moment.

So today, on the 8th anniversary of the launch of State of Slay™, I want to say it loud and clear: I’m back.

This next chapter will bring new energy, fresh stories, and the same commitment to real, vulnerable dialogue that started it all. If you’ve been wondering when the blogs would return, this is your answer.

I’m here. My voice is here. State of Slay™ is here.

Final Thoughts: Go Where Your Voice is Needed

You don’t need to force yourself into spaces that don’t align with you.

Instead:

  • Seek out rooms that resonate with your values.
  • Build relationships that amplify your voice.
  • Step out of your comfort zone to discover new communities.
  • Know when to walk away from what no longer fits.
  • Speak your truth where it will be heard and valued.

When you go where your voice is needed, you don’t just create change—you create connection, fulfillment, and purpose.

That’s where the real magic happens.

SLAY OF THE DAY

  • Are you investing energy in spaces that no longer align with your purpose?
  • What communities or conversations feel aligned with your voice?
  • When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone to explore something new?
  • Who in your life helps amplify your voice?
  • What’s one intentional step you can take today to bring your voice where it’s needed?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where is your voice needed right now?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other in finding those spaces.

And if you know someone who needs this reminder—send it their way.
We rise when we lift each other up.

Slay Say

Follow Your Own Road

It’s tempting to look at someone else’s journey and think their path could be ours.
But the truth is, following someone else’s map won’t lead you to your destination.

Your journey is unique, filled with your own experiences, lessons, and growth.
Trust your steps, even when the road is unclear.
Embrace the detours and the unexpected turns—they’re all part of your personal map.

The path to self-discovery isn’t about following others; it’s about forging your own trail.
So, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and keep moving forward.
Your path is unfolding exactly as it should.

SLAY ON.

How Is Your Now?

Fear can show up in sneaky ways. It did just the other day—while talking with a group of women, someone brought up fear, and we all shifted in our seats.

There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world right now. And with uncertainty often comes fear. But most fear doesn’t live in the present—it lives in the past or the future. That’s what makes it so tricky. It takes us out of the only place where we have power: the now.

When I feel fear creeping in—and I have, especially recently—I bring myself back to the present. I ground myself in gratitude. I focus on my breath. I ask: How is my now?

Because right now, in this moment, I’m okay.

Living Outside the Now

Before I began walking this path, I didn’t live in the now. I lived everywhere but here. I obsessed over what had already happened or worried about what might come next. I was spinning—and because I wasn’t grounded in the present, I couldn’t take meaningful action.

My life became unmanageable. Fear ran the show. And instead of facing what was in front of me, I avoided it. I let things slide. I convinced myself that if I ignored the chaos long enough, it might resolve itself. Spoiler: it didn’t.

Eventually, the only way forward was through. I had to stop hiding from the now and start making peace with it. Slowly, the present stopped feeling like a battlefield and started becoming a place of peace—a space where I could reflect, reset, and realign.

The more I committed to living in the now, the less power fear had over me. It still visits, of course. But today, I don’t let it drive. I stay focused on the moment—and when I do, I can breathe again.

Return to What’s in Front of You

We don’t know what tomorrow holds. We can’t change what’s already happened. But we can choose how we show up today.

Even when life feels uncertain, we can find clarity by focusing on what’s in front of us. One step. One breath. One moment at a time.

This is how we quiet the fear. This is how we get grounded.

And if the now doesn’t feel great? That’s okay. The present is still the place where change can happen. We get to respond differently. We get to choose a new direction.

Ask yourself: How is my now? And if you don’t like the answer, know that this is the best place to begin again.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: How Is Your Now?

  • Do you often get pulled into the past or future? How does that impact your emotional state?
  • What role does fear play in your life when you’re not present?
  • How do you feel when you manage to stay grounded in the now?
  • What tools or habits help you return to the present moment?
  • If today feels heavy, what’s one thing you can do right now to lighten the load?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’re bringing yourself back to the now when fear tries to take over?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in fear or uncertainty, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a moment of presence to find our power again.

Your Mind Replays What Your Heart Cannot Delete

We’ve all been there—tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, replaying a conversation or event from the past. Wishing we had responded differently. Wondering why it still hurts. Telling ourselves to let it go—but we can’t.

Our mind replays what our heart hasn’t yet released.

It’s like our brain is trying to rewrite the story to heal us, but instead, the loop only deepens the ache. Until we learn to extract the lesson, offer ourselves grace, and let go of what we can’t change, we keep ourselves stuck in the pain of yesterday.

Before the Release: The Cycle of Replay

Before walking this path, I never let anything go.

I was a walking vessel of resentment. Conversations looped in my head for days, weeks—sometimes years. I’d even replay them out loud, alone in my room, beating myself up for not saying the “right” thing or for freezing in the moment.

The weight of those replays followed me into new relationships and opportunities like a ball and chain. Every fresh connection felt like a repeat of the old one. I filtered every interaction through the pain and fear I hadn’t dealt with. Eventually, I started to isolate—bitterly and often.

And yes, my heart hurt. A lot. But what I didn’t realize was that I was choosing to stay in that hurt every time I pressed play again.

Rewriting the Loop

It wasn’t until I began prioritizing my peace—my healing—that I realized how much control I had.

Letting go didn’t mean letting someone else off the hook. It meant letting me off the hook. No longer dragging around conversations that had already ended or wounds that no longer served me.

I began to ask: What can I take from this? What’s mine to own? And what do I need to release?

Sometimes, yes, the harm done wasn’t my fault. But the replay? That was on me.

By valuing my peace over my pain, I slowly turned the volume down on the noise—and finally found some quiet.

You Can Mute the Past

We may not be able to delete every painful moment from our hearts—but we can learn to mute the noise. To press stop on the loop. To extract the wisdom and throw out the rest.

Because the longer we replay what hurt us, the longer we stay hurt.

Let it teach you. Then let it go.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Replaying or Releasing?

  • Do you find yourself mentally revisiting the same events or conversations? Why?
  • How does that impact your mood, energy, and relationships?
  • What would change if you gave yourself permission to let it go?
  • What can you learn from that moment instead of reliving it?
  • How might your life shift if you muted the loop—and chose peace instead?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one loop you’re ready to stop replaying—and what’s one way you’ll start letting it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in replay mode, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to rewrite the story.