growth mindset

Slay Say

Truth Without Testing

We often accept the thoughts we think every day as truth—without ever asking where they came from or if they’re even real.
But your dominant assumptions are more than thoughts.
They’re blueprints, quietly sculpting how you see yourself… and how you show up in the world.

If you never stop to question the story, you might keep building a life on someone else’s beliefs.
This is your reminder to pause, get curious, and challenge what you’ve been living on autopilot.

Your mind is listening.
Make sure it’s following a truth that’s actually yours.

SLAY on!

Stop Waiting To Feel Ready

If I’m being honest, most of the time…I don’t feel ready.

Whether it’s a new opportunity, a big decision, or even sitting down to write something like this—I rarely feel 100% ready. If left to my own devices, I’d keep fine-tuning, researching, adjusting, and second-guessing. I’d wait until everything was “perfect.”

But what I’ve learned on this path is simple and powerful: ready isn’t a feeling—it’s a decision.

The Myth of “Feeling Ready”

We tell ourselves we’ll start when we feel more confident.
We’ll speak up when we feel more prepared.
We’ll leap when we feel less scared.

But the truth is, that feeling of readiness? It doesn’t always show up. And if it does, it usually comes after we’ve already taken action—not before.

The illusion of “readiness” keeps us stuck. We wait, thinking there’s some magical moment where we’ll feel different—bolder, braver, more equipped. But most opportunities don’t wait for us to feel ready.

They ask us to decide to be ready.

The Power of Deciding

In my life, there have been countless times I’ve had to make that decision.

Sometimes it was because of a deadline.
Sometimes it was because an opportunity had an expiration date.
Sometimes I just knew if I didn’t move forward, I’d stay stuck.

And every time, I’ve learned this: I didn’t need to know everything. I just needed to know enough to start.

Being ready doesn’t mean having every answer. It doesn’t mean knowing the full path. It means saying, “I’ve got what I need to take this step, and I’ll figure the next one out as I go.”

Do What’s In Front of Your Hands

One thing I’ve carried with me on my journey is this simple reminder:
Do what’s in front of your hands.

That means staying grounded in the present step—even when your mind wants to jump five steps ahead. Yes, it’s wise to have a vision. I like to look a little ahead, to prepare for what’s coming. But the real growth? It happens in the now.

When you focus on what’s right in front of you—just the next task, the next decision, the next act of courage—you start to build momentum. And that momentum leads to clarity, confidence, and more opportunity.

Progress, Not Perfection

Waiting until you feel ready often comes from a deeper fear of making mistakes. But perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.

You’re allowed to make messy starts.
You’re allowed to learn as you go.
You’re allowed to pivot, evolve, and adjust your plan.

Because the truth is, the journey is the point. It’s not about getting it “right” the first time. It’s about moving forward, learning, and becoming.

You’re not behind. You’re not unqualified. You’re simply standing at the edge of the next thing. And all that’s left is to decide to begin.

Make the Decision Today

If you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to start, here’s your sign: stop waiting.

Make the decision. Be willing to show up before you feel completely ready. Trust that you’ll grow into each next step—and that you already have everything you need to begin.

The truth is, you won’t always feel ready.
But you can always choose to be.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s check in, SLAYER:

  • S: What are you currently putting off because you don’t feel “ready”?
  • L: What would change if you decided to start anyway?
  • A: Can you identify one small step you can take today, even if you don’t feel prepared?
  • Y: How can you reframe readiness as a mindset instead of a feeling?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something you’ve been waiting to feel ready for—and how can you choose to begin today instead?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for the “perfect moment,” send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Your Best Yes Might Be the One That Scares You

It’s easy to say yes when you feel prepared, qualified, and ready.
But what about the yes that feels uncertain? The one that makes you pause and think, “Can I even do this?”

I’ve learned over the years that these are often the most important yeses—the ones that lead you somewhere you never expected, but exactly where you’re supposed to be.

For me, some of the best things in my life have happened because I said yes even when I wasn’t sure. Even when I doubted myself. Even when it was something I’d never done before.

Those yeses have taught me that courage often comes before confidence.

Saying Yes Before You Feel Ready (I Never Felt Ready Either)

If I had waited until I felt fully ready, I would have missed out on so many opportunities that shaped me.

There have been roles I’ve taken, projects I’ve joined, and events I’ve spoken at where my first instinct was, “Why me? I’ve never done this before.”
But then I’d hear this little voice reminding me:
“Just say yes. You’ll figure it out.”

And you know what? I always did. Maybe not perfectly. But growth never is.

Every time I said yes, I walked away with more than I expected—new skills, new friends, new perspectives.
You become ready by doing. Not by waiting.

The Unexpected Gifts of Taking a Chance

Some of my favorite experiences started with a hesitant yes.

  • Saying yes to a random opportunity led me to discover a new creative passion.
  • Saying yes to a conversation with someone I barely knew turned into a meaningful friendship.
  • Saying yes to a project that felt way out of my league ended up teaching me things I didn’t even know I was capable of.

If I had stayed in my comfort zone, I would have missed out on all of it.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes, that scary yes is simply the universe nudging you toward something bigger.

When Yes Isn’t About the Destination

One thing I’ve come to believe is this:
Not every yes is meant to be the grand finale.
Sometimes, it’s just meant to get you moving.

There have been plenty of times when saying yes didn’t lead me exactly where I thought it would.
But it got me out the door. It opened a new door. It connected me to people and places I wouldn’t have found otherwise.

Your yes doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be intentional.
You’re not committing to a lifetime. You’re committing to the next step.

Brave Yes vs. Reckless Yes: Here’s How I Tell the Difference

Let me be real—I’ve said yes to things for the wrong reasons too.
Guilt. People-pleasing. Fear of missing out.

Those yeses? They don’t feel good. They drain you.

But the brave yes?
That’s the one that feels a little scary but also exciting. The one that stretches you in the right way. The one your gut says “this could be good for me” even if your brain is panicking a little.

Now, I pause and ask myself:

  • Am I saying yes because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?
  • Or am I saying yes because it aligns with who I’m becoming?

That pause makes all the difference.

Growth Lives on the Other Side of Yes

Every time I’ve stepped into something new, even when it terrified me, I’ve grown.
Not just in skills or experiences, but in how I see myself.

By saying yes, I’ve learned to trust myself more.
To know that I can figure things out.
That even if I stumble, I’ll get back up stronger.

That’s what your best yes does—it helps you grow into the next version of you.

What’s Your Best Yes? Final Thoughts

Here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t have to feel fully ready to say yes.
You don’t have to know exactly how it will turn out.

Sometimes, your best yes is the one that simply gets you moving.
The one that introduces you to a new part of yourself.
The one that reminds you—you’re more capable than you think.

So, what’s the yes you’ve been hesitating on?
It might just be the beginning of something amazing.

Your Turn: Reflect & Take Action

Now it’s your turn. Take a moment and think about these questions:

  1. What opportunity have you been hesitating to say yes to because it feels outside your comfort zone?
    What’s really holding you back?
  2. Think of a time when you said yes even though you were unsure.
    What did you gain from that experience?
  3. What’s one small, brave yes you can give yourself this week?
    A chance to grow, connect, or simply show up differently.
  4. How do you personally tell the difference between a reckless yes and a brave yes?
    What does your body or intuition tell you?
  5. Who or what could benefit from you saying yes to yourself right now?
    Remember, your courage is contagious.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s the yes you’re ready to say, even if it scares you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s standing on the edge of a yes, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Just Because You Make Mistakes Doesn’t Mean You Are A Mistake

We all make mistakes.
It’s how we grow. It’s how we learn.
Sometimes we learn to do things differently, and sometimes we simply learn that mistakes are just part of the process—an oops, not an identity.

But there’s a dangerous turning point many of us reach:
When we start to believe that we are the mistake.

That’s when mistakes stop being lessons and start becoming labels.
And when we internalize our failures, we block our own growth.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Trap of Perfectionism

When I was living in the dark, I believed I was a mistake.
Every time I messed up—even just a little—I used it as proof that I was broken, unworthy, or incapable.

I set impossibly high standards for myself, and when I didn’t meet them, I punished myself emotionally.

  • I beat myself up.
  • I questioned my worth.
  • I kept mental score of every misstep.

Perfection wasn’t just the goal—it was the requirement.
And every time I fell short, I used it as another reason to feel like I had failed at life.

The Permission to Mess Up

Everything changed when I got help.
I was told something I had never even considered:
It’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, it’s encouraged.

Mistakes meant I was trying.
Mistakes meant I was doing something new.
Mistakes meant I was taking action—even if the outcome didn’t go as planned.

That shift in thinking opened the door to something I hadn’t felt in a long time: freedom.

I stopped needing to be perfect and started focusing on being present.
I learned to ask, What can this mistake teach me? instead of, What does this say about me?

Listening to the Signs

Another thing I began to notice?
I made more mistakes when I wasn’t taking care of myself.

If I was tired, overwhelmed, underfed, or overworked—my errors increased.
And instead of blaming myself, I started seeing those slip-ups as signals.

  • Maybe I needed rest.
  • Maybe I needed better boundaries.
  • Maybe I needed to slow down.

Mistakes became more than just missteps—they became a check-in.
An opportunity to notice where I might be neglecting my own needs.

Mistakes That Lead to Magic

Here’s the other thing:
Some of my biggest mistakes?
They’ve led me to some of the most beautiful parts of my life.

If I hadn’t taken the wrong turn, I wouldn’t have found the right path.
If I hadn’t said yes when I probably should have said no, I wouldn’t have learned what a real yes feels like.

We don’t always know in the moment, but sometimes what we call a mistake is actually just a redirection.
A plot twist with a purpose.

The Only Real Mistake?

The only mistake you can make is not taking action because you’re afraid of failing.
Playing it safe. Holding back. Staying small. That’s where real regret grows.

Life isn’t about getting it right all the time.
It’s about trying.
Learning.
Adjusting.
And trying again.

Mistakes are just part of the road.
They’re not roadblocks. They’re guides.

And they are never who you are.

SLAY Reflection: What Are You Learning?

  1. Do you tend to beat yourself up when you make a mistake?
    What does your inner voice sound like in those moments?
  2. Have any of your past mistakes led to something unexpectedly positive?
    What did you learn?
  3. What can you do to be more forgiving of yourself when you mess up?
    What would you say to a friend in your position?
  4. Are you holding back from taking action out of fear of making a mistake?
    What might shift if you gave yourself permission to just try?
  5. How can you begin turning your mistakes into tools for learning instead of weapons for self-punishment?
    What would change if you saw them as stepping stones instead of stop signs?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one mistake you’ve learned from—and how did it help you grow?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s being too hard on themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

The Oops Factor

Growing up, I never left any room for mistakes. I expected myself to do everything perfectly—and when I didn’t, I beat myself up. I carried these unrealistic expectations with me through childhood, my teenage years, and well into adulthood, never giving myself permission to simply be human. The result? A constant negative narrative playing on loop in my head, convincing me I wasn’t good enough. Every mistake felt like proof of failure, which I used as an excuse to abandon self-care, spiral into self-doubt, and reinforce the lie that I could never get better.

I see now that none of that thinking was true. I made it feel true by keeping my struggles to myself and believing the cruelest voices in my mind. I nearly rode that train all the way into the station—but thankfully, I got off before the final stop.

The truth is: our mistakes are where we learn the most. They shape our character. They build the resilience we need to accomplish the things that really matter. No one is meant to get it right every time. The growth is in the slip-ups. That’s why we need to embrace what I call the “Oops Factor.”

What Perfectionism Really Cost Me

Expecting myself to be perfect—even when I knew better—set me up to fail. I’d aim impossibly high and, when I missed the mark (which was inevitable), I’d use that as ammunition to tear myself down. Even when I succeeded, I picked apart the outcome. I never gave myself permission to feel proud. That made relationships harder too. I lived in fear that people would see me for the fraud I thought I was.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point and asked for help. In that process, I learned something life-changing: mistakes are a sign that I’m trying. They mean I’m pushing myself. And even when things don’t work out the way I hoped, there’s always a lesson or a growth opportunity—often the real reason I was on that path in the first place.

Over time, I’ve learned to trust that I’m exactly where I need to be. My job is to take the next right step. I can’t control the outcome—just the intention behind the action. And when I show up with that mindset? It’s always a win. Trying is the victory. There’s always something to gain.

Make Room for the Oops

We’re all allowed to make mistakes. In fact, we should be making them. That’s how we grow.

Start leaving space for the Oops Factor in your life. When something doesn’t go as planned, look for the lesson—or simply laugh it off. Don’t let the fear of messing up keep you from taking risks or being yourself. Let go of the pressure to be perfect and redefine what success looks like. Maybe, just maybe, being exactly who you are today is enough.

Mistakes don’t define you. But how you respond to them just might.

SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you expect yourself to be perfect?
  • How do you usually react when you make a mistake?
  • Does that response help you—or harm you?
  • What’s one belief about mistakes that you’re ready to let go of?
  • What’s one thing you’ve learned from a recent oops moment that helped you grow?

Give yourself permission to stumble. Learn, laugh, and get back up stronger.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can show yourself more grace when you make a mistake?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been stuck in a shame spiral, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a little reminder that it’s okay to mess up.

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

For most of my life, I believed I was unlovable.

Not just hard to love—unworthy of it.

I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself, so when someone claimed to love me, I didn’t trust it. If someone’s love felt genuine, it made me uncomfortable. I feared they’d eventually discover the “ugly truth,” so I kept one foot out the door—just in case. Even after I began to learn how to love myself, I still accepted love that was far below what I knew I deserved.

Because deep down, I didn’t believe I could ever have the kind of love I truly wanted.

That belief kept me stuck in relationships that weren’t healthy. They weren’t safe. And they weren’t loving. But it was only through experiencing pure love—one grounded in mutual respect, connection, and emotional honesty—that I finally learned what I truly deserved.

And more importantly, I believed I could have it.

Love Begins Within

It’s hard to receive real love when you don’t feel it for yourself.

Sure, there are times we begin to heal through the way someone else sees us. But more often than not, if we don’t believe we’re worthy, we’ll sabotage anything good that comes our way.

To let love in, love has to live inside us first.

If fear, shame, or self-hatred are taking up residence, there’s no room for love to grow. Love doesn’t thrive where it’s unwelcome. But when we begin to care for ourselves, nurture our hearts, and see our worth, love becomes a natural extension of that inner work.

It becomes the lens we filter everything through.

If what we say, do, or allow in our lives doesn’t align with love—it has to go.

What We Accept Reflects What We Believe

When we truly love ourselves, we become more compassionate toward others. Our energy shifts from scarcity to abundance. From needing love to sharing it.

And the more love we put out, the more love finds us.

That kind of love? It’s not desperate or dependent. It’s full. It’s expansive. It shows up with open hands, not clenched fists. And when it arrives, we can receive it—not because we’re perfect, but because we’ve finally stopped questioning whether we deserve it.

You do.

You Are Love

There are many paths to love.

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find our way back to it. Other times, we’re inspired by love we witness in others. But the more we cultivate and share love, the more it grows—and the more it sustains us when life gets hard.

Because love is more powerful than fear, shame, or anything trying to hold us back.

You are love at your core. That has always been true—even if you forgot for a while.

Feed that love. Honor it. Share it with someone who needs it today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you love yourself? Why or why not?

  • If you do, what do you love most about yourself?

  • If not, what beliefs stand in your way?

  • What’s one small, loving thing you can do for yourself today?

  • What kind of love are you accepting right now—and is it aligned with what you deserve?

Start by naming one reason you’re lovable. Hold it in your heart. Add to it every day until you believe it.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helped you finally believe you were worthy of real love?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s settling for less than they deserve, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder of who we truly are.

See With Your Eyes, Hear With Your Ears

I used to live with blinders on.
Not the kind you wear—but the kind you believe.

I only saw what I wanted to see. I filtered everything through my pain, my fear, and the false narratives I told myself over and over again. If I thought I was a bad person, I looked for proof. If I believed I was unlovable, I focused on every moment that could validate that. If I thought life was unfair, I zeroed in on all the ways I’d been wronged.

I wasn’t seeing the truth—I was seeing my trauma.
And I was listening through it too.

A Filtered Life Isn’t a Full Life

When we don’t see with our eyes and hear with our ears—when we see and hear through the noise of our past or our pain—we miss what’s right in front of us. We convince ourselves of stories that may not be true. We act on distorted feelings. And slowly, we begin to disconnect from reality, from the people around us, and from ourselves.

That’s where I was before I began this path.

My perspective was warped. My sense of truth was tangled in denial and self-destruction. But I couldn’t live that way anymore. And when I started my recovery journey, the very first thing I had to do was get honest—with myself, and with the world around me.

The Moment I Took the Blinders Off

Truth didn’t come all at once—it came in pieces.
Each time I stripped away a lie I had believed, the world became clearer. Each time I sat in the discomfort of a moment instead of running from it, I reclaimed a little more power. I learned how to be present, how to focus on what was right in front of me, and how to listen with compassion.

That’s when I stopped reacting and started responding.

Because here’s what I know now:
We can’t live fully if we’re not looking and listening fully.

The Danger of Disengaging

It’s easy to get lost in our distractions—our phones, our playlists, our screens. But when we do that, we cut ourselves off from the life happening around us.
We ignore truth.
We disconnect from others.
We retreat into the stories we already believe.

But life isn’t meant to be background noise.
It’s meant to be lived, seen, heard, and felt.
And the only way we can do that is by taking off the blinders.

Choose to Show Up

When we truly see and hear what’s happening around us, something shifts. We become part of the world again. We stop reacting through old patterns and start participating in real connection. We begin to move with clarity and intention.

Let go of the need to be right.
Let go of the comfort of the old narrative.
And open yourself to what is actually real, here, now.

Because your truth lives in the present.
All you have to do is look. And listen.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Are you seeing and hearing the truth—or just what you’ve trained yourself to expect?

  • Do you move through life fully engaged, or are you walking with emotional blinders on?

  • What truths might you be avoiding? What stories do you replay that might not be real?

  • How does this affect your relationships? Your inner peace?

  • When’s the last time you truly paused, took in your surroundings, and responded instead of reacting?

Challenge yourself to listen differently.
Look deeper.
And live fully.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something you’ve learned to see clearly—once you stopped seeing it through the lens of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might be stuck in an old story, send this to them.
Sometimes, truth is what sets us free—but only when we choose to see it.

You Can Choose Peace

I didn’t know I could choose peace.

When I was living in the dark, peace wasn’t even a concept I believed in. My mind was in constant chaos—racing with thoughts, shame, regret, and fear. I felt like a prisoner in my own head. The noise never stopped. And because I believed I was broken, I thought I deserved the torment.

I wore the label of “victim” like it was a fact, not realizing that the most painful parts of my story were being written by the choices I was making every day. But here’s the truth I wish I’d known sooner:
Peace isn’t something that just shows up one day. Peace is something we choose.

Peace Starts with a Choice

When I finally admitted I needed help, it was like the door cracked open just enough to let in a sliver of light. That sliver? It was peace. Just a little. Just enough. But it was mine. And it showed me what was possible.

I began to see others who had found peace after chaos. People who had lived in the dark and come out the other side. People who had chosen peace—and in doing so, had chosen themselves. That became my inspiration. And from that moment on, I made a commitment to do the work to find my own.

Rebuilding a Life Around Peace

It wasn’t instant. Peace takes practice. It took a lot of honesty. A lot of humility. I had to stop pretending I was fine and get real about how I felt and what I needed. I had to clear out the chaos—the people, patterns, and beliefs that kept me in turmoil—and make room for something better.

I said yes to new things. I kept my heart open. I focused on love, support, and self-care. And as I leaned more into peace, I started to want it. Crave it. Protect it. That’s the thing about peace—once you taste it, you start building your life around it.

Today, I find peace in many ways—through nature, through connection, through honesty, through stillness. I don’t wait for peace to find me anymore. I go and get it. Every single day.

You Are Worth the Work

Peace is possible. But peace requires effort. It asks us to let go of the lies, face the truth, and show up for ourselves—even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s how we earn it. That’s how we grow into it. And that’s how we become it.

Peace is not perfection. Peace is knowing you’re doing your best. Peace is forgiving yourself.
Peace is choosing love over shame—and presence over panic.

You may not feel it right now. But I promise you, it’s within reach.
You have more power than you think. And you are allowed to use that power to choose peace today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you believe you’re allowed to have peace—or are you still punishing yourself?

  • Where do you currently find peace, even in small ways?

  • What’s blocking you from feeling peace more often?

  • Are you still surrounding yourself with things (or people) that fuel your chaos?

  • What is one thing you can remove from your life today that is stealing your peace?

  • And what’s one thing you can add to cultivate more of it?

You are not your past.
You are your progress.
And you are worthy of peace.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve created peace in your life—even when it felt impossible?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who feels stuck in the chaos, send this to them.
Sometimes, we all need a reminder that peace is possible—and that we’re allowed to choose it.

I Will Not Kick Myself When I’m Down

There was a time when I didn’t just fall down—I helped push myself further. The moment I was down, I would pile on the blame, the guilt, the shame. I thought that was what I deserved. That somehow the worse I felt, the more I could atone for my failures. But the truth is: kicking ourselves when we’re down doesn’t build us back up. It keeps us buried.

The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations

I held impossible expectations for myself. If I didn’t meet them perfectly (and let’s be honest, they were designed to be unmeetable), I used that as proof that I was a failure. That cycle of aiming too high, falling short, and self-destructing was its own form of punishment. And it kept me stuck in the belief that I wasn’t good enough.

Even when good things did happen, I didn’t trust them. I feared they’d be taken away. I feared I would mess them up. I feared someone would find out I didn’t deserve them. That mindset didn’t protect me—it prevented me from ever feeling joy, ease, or peace.

Ground Zero and the Climb Back Up

When I found recovery, I was at rock bottom. Spiritually bankrupt. Emotionally drained. I couldn’t get any lower. And still, the instinct to blame and shame myself was there. But slowly, step by step, I started doing something different. Instead of kicking myself, I started caring for myself.

I had to rewire my brain to stop looking at every misstep as proof of failure. I had to learn that failure is part of learning. And more importantly, I had to love myself through it. I started asking: What can this moment teach me? That changed everything.

Reframing Failure as Growth

Because failure isn’t failure if it teaches you something.

That shift in perspective allowed me to see mistakes not as dead ends, but as detours with lessons. Sometimes they pointed me toward a better path. Sometimes they showed me where I still had growing to do. And sometimes they helped me realize I was never really off-track—I was just learning in real time.

Yes, there were disappointments. Yes, I still felt frustration. But instead of spiraling into shame, I started practicing self-reflection with compassion. That’s how we grow. That’s how we keep going.

A Better Way Forward

So if you’re in a tough season, be honest with yourself: Are you making it harder by turning on yourself?

You may have goals and dreams that didn’t unfold how you imagined. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. It means you’re on the journey. And maybe—just maybe—that so-called failure is actually pointing you toward what you were meant to do all along.

Let go of the punishment. Pick up the lesson. Love yourself when it’s hardest to do so. That’s where the real power lives.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you tend to beat yourself up when things don’t go your way?
  2. What expectations are you holding yourself to that may be unrealistic?
  3. Can you think of a recent mistake that actually taught you something important?
  4. How does self-compassion feel different from self-criticism?
  5. What’s one way you can support yourself today, even if it feels uncomfortable?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Show yourself grace when you fall
  • Learn from the lesson
  • Acknowledge your humanity
  • You get to choose how you respond

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you break the cycle of beating yourself up? How do you practice self-love on your hardest days?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the shame spiral, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Results vs. Rewards

Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.

I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.

I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.

Doing It for the Right Reasons

I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.

Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.

It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.

When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.

But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.

Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem

Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.

It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.

I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.

It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.

I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.

The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.

Choosing the Path of Growth

We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.

But we SLAYERS are better than that.

We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.

Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.

Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?

Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?

I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.

Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.

Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.

And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.