There was a time in my life when I was unraveling quietly.
On the outside, I was functioning. On the inside, I was doing everything I could to hide how lost I felt. During that season, a dear friend came to stay with me for a few days. We never talked about what I was going through. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t call me out. He simply saw me.
Before he left, he handed me a movie and said he thought I should watch it.
The movie was Instinct. I had never seen it. I set it on my coffee table, where it sat for months — untouched. When I finally watched it, I remember thinking it was well done, thoughtfully acted… but I didn’t understand why he’d given it to me.
It wasn’t until years later, after I had begun my healing journey, that I understood exactly what he was trying to tell me.
In the film, a character struggling to find his place in the world writes a farewell letter that includes this line:
“Freedom is not just a dream. It’s there, on the other side of those fences we build all by ourselves.”
When that line finally landed, it hit me like a wave.
My friend wasn’t offering advice.
He was offering truth.
The Fences We Build to Feel Safe Often Keep Us Trapped
Every one of us builds fences.
We build them to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection, and loss. We tell ourselves they’re necessary — that they keep us safe.
But often, those fences don’t just keep people out.
They keep us in.
The longer we stay behind them, the louder the negative chatter in our minds becomes. Fear grows comfortable. Doubt feels familiar. And the idea of stepping beyond what we know — even if what we know is painful — starts to feel terrifying.
What we call a “safety zone” slowly becomes a cage.
And from inside it, we watch others live. Love. Risk. Grow.
While we tell ourselves stories about why we can’t.
The Illusion of Safety
Here’s the hard truth:
You are not actually safe behind emotional fences.
You’re not safe from your own thoughts.
You’re not safe from resentment.
You’re not safe from the slow erosion of joy.
Survival may feel like safety — but it isn’t freedom.
When we hide, we don’t stop pain from existing. We just stop ourselves from experiencing the fullness of life that exists alongside it.
And eventually, hiding costs more than risking ever could.
Tearing Down the Fence Doesn’t Have to Happen All at Once
The good news is this: you don’t have to demolish everything overnight.
If the idea of tearing down your fences sends anxiety through your body, start smaller. Tear a hole. Open a gate. Peek through the slats.
You don’t need a wrecking ball — you need willingness.
For me, though, I tore everything down at once.
It was terrifying.
I felt exposed. Raw. Vulnerable. Like I was standing naked in front of the world, waiting to be judged.
But something unexpected happened when the fences came down.
The world came in — because I invited it to.
And I learned something powerful: the world wasn’t nearly as dangerous as I believed. There were others like me. Others who were afraid. Others who were healing.
And when we stood together, we became stronger.
Braver.
More alive.
Freedom Comes From Discernment, Not Isolation
We often tell ourselves that walls keep us safe, but real safety comes from discernment.
From choosing the right people.
The right environments.
The right truths.
Freedom doesn’t mean recklessness. It means living authentically while making informed, conscious choices.
Yes, we’ve all been hurt before.
But that was the old us.
The SLAYER standing here today has learned.
Has grown.
Has wisdom.
We don’t move forward by closing our hearts — we move forward by opening them to what aligns with who we are now.
Boundaries Are Not Fences
This is where boundaries come in.
Boundaries are not walls meant to isolate you.
They are guidelines that protect your freedom.
They communicate what is and isn’t acceptable access to you.
For me, boundaries often sound like:
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Honesty is required
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My time is respected
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I’m spoken to with kindness
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Distance is allowed when something isn’t healthy
Boundaries shift depending on the relationship and the season — and that’s okay. We are constantly evolving, and clarity requires checking in with ourselves often.
When something doesn’t feel right, that’s information.
Ask yourself:
What do I need right now to feel safe and free?
Asking for What You Need Is an Act of Freedom
One of the most liberating things you can do is ask for what you want and need.
Not everyone will be able to give it to you — and that’s okay.
But as SLAYERS, we don’t hide our needs behind fences anymore. We speak them clearly. We honor ourselves openly.
And when we do that, walls become unnecessary.
Because freedom isn’t found in hiding.
It’s found in truth.
You Were Never Meant to Live Behind the Fence
Freedom lives outside the structures we built from fear.
It lives in courage.
In connection.
In choosing alignment over avoidance.
You are not your past.
You are not the fear that once protected you.
You are not meant to stay confined.
You are meant to run free.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life have you built fences instead of boundaries?
L: What fears are keeping you behind those walls?
A: What is one belief, habit, or relationship you could loosen your grip on to create more freedom?
Y: What would it look like to step outside the fence — even just a little?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where do you notice yourself hiding instead of living — and what would freedom look like for you right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s ready to step beyond their fences, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
