Stinking Thinking

I used to have some stinking thinking, and on a bad day, I still can. My default mode, when I’m not on top of my self care, is negative, reactionary, manipulative, and downright awful, I know now that those are all defenses I used to use to “protect” myself, and they were my go-to tools before I found better tools for my tool box, but, now I know better, so I don’t let myself get away with using those old ones, I also know that when I do fall into stinking thinking that something is off and I need to take a moment to look at the source of that. As an actor I always liken my job to that of a detective. I get a script and then I try to gather as many facts as I can and research to paint a picture of who that person is and why they’re doing what they’re doing. I talked about being the detective of your own life in Powerful Powerlessness, so taking what I do for work I also apply that with my thoughts in my personal life. My thoughts lie to me, a lot, and I know now how to listen but with a different perspective, I know my perspective can be skewed to the negative so I have to be careful not to let myself fall down that rabbit hole, I’ve worked too hard over the years to let myself live in that negative place, and it’s not the woman I aim to be, so that stinking thinking tells me I need to pause for a moment and get out my detective hat.

Our negative thoughts and actions can quite often have nothing to do with the truth of what’s really going on, but a reaction to something that’s been triggered in you. We walk around with a lot of damage from past experiences, especially if we haven’t been living as our authentic selves, we’ve probably not spoken our truths and have chosen less than ideal people and situations to get involved in, all leaving these really touchy triggers of times we may have felt abandoned, wronged, or not listened to, so in life, we can be minding our own business and then come across something, or someone, and BAM, it triggers something in us from our past, and the stinking thinking comes out in full force. This seems especially true with family and romantic relationships, they seem to have a special atomic reaction with our stinking thinking. Now identifying the source of these takes time, and for me, was aided a lot by counselling to put all the puzzle pieces together, but since these reactions are usually triggered by our past experiences this takes us back to forgiving ourselves, we haven’t gotten to forgiving those other people yet, but if we’re able to forgive ourselves it makes getting through stinking thinking easier. Again, the people we were when we were hurt, or maybe thought we deserved it, is not who we are anymore, we are SLAYERS, and as slayers we are moving forward, but we’re also learning from our past, so when the negative thoughts come up, instead of reacting to them immediately, pause….pause and ask yourself why they’re coming up, what about the situation or person is causing these feelings? As I said, it may take time to come to the truth, or you may need to seek some outside help like I did, but it’s important that you find the root to all of the evils that plague you, once you do, you are actually safer, and, it feels good to have a better understanding of what makes you tick, or ticked off, and why. As a SLAYER we want to have as much of the information as we can so we can make better choices for ourselves moving forward.

For me, I’ve found the answers to most of my triggers, which doesn’t mean I don’t get surprised from time to time, but armed with the information I do have I can typically get to the root of the matter and figure out why I’m being triggered, and if I need to do some more work in that area to clear away the negativity. We are always works in progress, but as much as that can seem overwhelming at times, it also means it’s OK to be fallible, to be human, to make mistakes, we are all here to learn, and sometimes it takes a while to get it, but you will, as long as you don’t give up. The fact that you are even trying is a huge victory SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: What areas in our life trigger stinking thinking? Why do you think that is? Do you know where it stems from? Looking back at those things, can you find forgiveness and start to love and nurture yourself in those areas? Write down 5 positive things about yourself. Smile SLAYER, smile, you are awesome.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

7 thoughts on “Stinking Thinking

  1. A positive perspective is something I constantly have to work on because I listened to the negative voices of myself & others for so long. But as time has went by it has gotten easier. And I’m learning I do deserve it. As do we all.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You do! And yes, we all do, but we have to believe we do.

      It’s a constant battle for me too Lisa, the quiet the negative commentary in my head, but the more I live in the light, do the next right thing, and honor my mind, body & soul, the quiet those voices get. Every day is a new day, so it’s a daily job to make sure I am taking care of myself to keep those voices and, sinking thinking, at bay.

      SLAY on Lisa, get out that sword and SLAY through those stinking thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Today I was asked something and I replied with my heart. It freaked me out. So much even I went into stinking thinking. On my way home I realized what I was doing, I was freaking stinking thinking, and I asked myself why. What triggered this stinking thinking. The answer was a little bit shocking to me. I was stinking thinking because for the first time ever I told this person No, this is not what would make me happy, so no. I was stinking thinking about myself and going into a downward spiral for Slaying. And it was not the other person who did that, I did it. I went there. I got home, thought about it and realized that apparently chosing what would make me happy and not others, triggers stinking thinking with me. I shouldn’t be stinking thinking, but be proud. I chose me, I was me, authentic me and all was fine. Nobody got mad or was disappointed. They said okay, we’ll find another way. So now I choose again. I choose to be proud and leave the stinking thinking outside.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So much SLAYING in this message Willeke!

      You spoke your truth, what was right for you, it triggered something, you recognized what it was, and then were proud for doing what was right for you!

      YES!

      It can be scary to have to say no to someone, especially when you’ve never said it before, people expect you just to say yes. I found that a lot of times people have done what was done in your case, they say OK and find another way, but sometimes it doesn’t quite go that way, and, that’s OK too. As long as our intentions are in the right place, it is not our responsibility what the outcome is, and sometimes people don’t like the SLAYER in us because they’ve always been able to get us to do what they wanted in the past, but as SLAYERS we have to stand proud in our truth.

      The more you do this the easier it gets, and then sometimes certain situations can be difficult, and in those times it’s OK to say that you need to get back to someone with an answer, take some time and pause, ask what is right in your heart, and perhaps consult with another SLAYER in your life who can look at it with outside eyes.

      So proud of you SLAYER, and even more proud that you are proud.

      SLAY on!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mine always relates back to fear. This is one thing being a Libra is spot on about. I don’t want anyone to be mad at me or anything I’ve done. I want everything in balance. You look sideways at me or you are having a bad day, my first reaction was always it was my fault. That stemmed from fear. It took me years and years to recognize it for what it was. And more years to where fear didn’t rule my every reaction. Even now, like you said, I backslide, but those days are less and less as I stop, breathe and analyze the situation before reacting. Great post. Much love and cake. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you wiseoldowl72, for your message, and the cake! As you know, this SLAYER loves her cake.

      Fear is the root of so much of our pain, but as you wrote, the more we walk through it, the easier it gets, that force it has over us diminishes, we become stronger, and there is nothing like a victory over fear or realizing something no longer scares you.

      We all have days when we’re off, or something just gets to us to the core, we’re human, and that’s OK, but walking through it anyways is what makes us warriors, and recognizing where it’s coming from. For me a lot of the people pleasing I used to do came from fear of abandonment, the fear that if I didn’t behave or do what you wanted me to do you would leave, what it actually did was create a lot of false friendships and resentments on my part because I was doing things I didn’t want to do, or trying to manipulate a situation, only to not get the result I wanted. When we are true to ourselves, that all falls away. Our voice matters. Our opinion matters. Our time, and how we choose to spend it, matters. If someone can’t see that, or won’t, then it’s time to assess if they should be in our lives, how did our People Picker do here?

      You are on the right path SLAYER, keep moving forward and honoring your beautiful self.

      SLAY on.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s