Good morning SLAYER! Our minds are like water, when it’s turbulent it’s difficult to see, when it’s calm everything is clear.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
easy
Don’t Borrow From Tomorrow
Before walking this path I was rarely present. There were a few reasons for that. One, I hated my present circumstances and hated who I was, so I would often think about tomorrow because that seemed less dim and dark because it hadn’t happened yet. Two, I wasn’t ready to take action to change the circumstances I was in, blaming others for my misfortune or believing I was a bad person who didn’t deserve better, so my head would live in the future with the hope that things would just magically get better on their own. They never did. When I set out to find a better way of life I was told to live in the present, to only look so far as what was in front of my hands, that, at first, frightened me, because it was hard to escape my situation when you could only look that far, but I realized that much of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, fear of what might come next, and fear that I would also stay stuck right where I was. When I could focus on what was in front of my hands life became easier, because I only needed to focus on what was right in front of me each day, every day. My thoughts still wanted to jump ahead to tomorrow so I had to train it to stay with me right where I was, but the more I practiced it the more I found comfort in only focusing on each moment as it came, each task, each step I needed to take to get through the day. I realized why I had not been living that way as I started out on this new approach, there’s no hiding from the truth when all you have is the truth in each moment.
Jumping ahead was a way to escape, a way to fantasize and hope that things would get better. I would keep borrowing from tomorrow, and the tomorrows after those thinking somehow I could just wish things better, but as the years went on and the darkness got bigger and thicker, that hope was harder to find and I would reach farther and farther into the future while I was dying in the present. It was like a smokescreen, so I wouldn’t notice how bad things had gotten, and how bad they still could get, my thinking would propel me forward hoping a magical solution would present itself somewhere out there in the days that had not yet happened. They never did. The solution that appeared came to me in the present, in the form of a person, who in the present, could see how much I was suffering, and how sick I truly was, and in that present moment shared his story with me, which, in that moment, I did not fully absorb, but on a night when it really mattered, on a night when it mattered most, that story became as present as anything could be. I saw myself in that story and I was suddenly pulled back into the present, lost, scared, and wondering what to do next, but the thinking of what comes next, held me in the present.
When we find ourselves in those moments things get really simple. It becomes about survival, and when you’re fighting for your life there’s no time for complications. For me, I took the only action I could in that moment, I picked up the phone and asked for help, that action set off a chain of events that are still happening today, 13 years later, and today, 13 years later, I still focus on what’s in front of my hands, especially when life gets busy and can seem overwhelming.
It’s OK to plan for the future, to have goals and things you are working toward, but don’t cheat today by living in the future, you never know what you might have missed while you were looking ahead, and what you missed may have been the key to attaining everything you ever wanted in a future, and more, maybe even beyond your wildest dreams. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble staying present? Where does your mind typically go? Why do you think it doesn’t want to stay right where you are? What frightens you there? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you think living in the future offers you? What if you tried to live in the here and now? What if you only did what was in front of your hands? Do you see how simple your life would be? How much more grounded it would be? When you think about doing that how does it make you feel? Try it SLAYER, focus on what’s in front of your hands, don’t allow yourself to get ahead and go to places you have not yet been when there is work to do right here, trust that where you are is where you are meant to be, and that there is valuable information there that will help to get you to where you are supposed to go. Follow your hands and listen for the direction of where they should go next.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right
There’s a belief many of us carry without ever questioning it:
If things feel hard, we must be doing something wrong.
So when resistance shows up — discomfort, fear, pushback, uncertainty — we assume it’s a sign to turn around. To retreat. To go back to what’s familiar.
But sometimes, the opposite is true.
Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re off track — but because you’re finally on the right one.
Especially when you’re choosing something new. Something honest. Something that honors who you actually are instead of who you’ve always been expected to be.
Familiar Paths Feel Easier Because They’re Familiar Not Because They’re Right
We are creatures of habit.
We do what we’ve been taught.
What we’ve seen modeled.
What feels easiest in the moment.
Even when those patterns don’t serve us, they feel safe because they’re known.
But “easy” doesn’t always mean aligned.
And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean healthy.
Sometimes the path that looks smooth is the one leading you further away from yourself. And the path that feels difficult is the one asking you to grow into someone new.
New choices almost always come with new discomfort — not because they’re wrong, but because they’re unfamiliar.
The Cost of Taking the Easier Softer Route
For a long time, I chose what felt easier on the surface.
I avoided conflict.
I tried to minimize attention.
I looked for solutions that required the least resistance.
But those choices didn’t bring peace — they brought consequences.
I didn’t get what I needed.
And when I did, it often came through manipulation, avoidance, or dishonesty with myself. I ended up doing far more emotional labor trying to maintain something that never truly fit.
What I thought was “keeping the peace” was actually betraying myself.
And over time, that betrayal showed up as anxiety, resentment, and exhaustion.
People Pleasing Is a Survival Strategy Not a Solution
Many of us learn early on that being agreeable feels safer than being honest.
So we prioritize other people’s comfort.
We swallow our needs.
We tell ourselves it’s not worth the trouble.
But unspoken needs don’t disappear — they turn inward.
They become anger.
They become sadness.
They become numbness.
And eventually, the weight of living out of alignment becomes unbearable.
That’s often the moment when people turn to outside fixes — anything to quiet the voice inside that says, This isn’t right.
I did too.
I tried to numb myself.
To silence the discomfort.
To convince myself I could stay somewhere I didn’t belong.
But I couldn’t — because I wasn’t supposed to be there.
The Truth Always Finds You
We can hide from the truth for a while — sometimes even for years.
But deep down, we always know when we’re not living authentically. When we’re shrinking. When we’re dimming ourselves to fit into spaces that don’t allow us to grow.
And when we finally start making decisions that honor our truth — maybe for the first time — the difficulties that arise can feel overwhelming.
But those difficulties aren’t punishments.
They’re signs that you’re walking where you’ve never walked before.
New Difficulties Mean New Growth
The challenges that show up when you choose yourself feel hard because they’re unfamiliar — not because they’re wrong.
They require courage instead of compliance.
Honesty instead of avoidance.
Boundaries instead of people pleasing.
But here’s what matters:
These difficulties are far healthier than the ones you lived with while betraying yourself.
Fear shows up when we’re letting go of old versions of ourselves.
Uncertainty shows up when we’re stepping into something real.
That doesn’t mean stop.
It means keep going.
Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Mean Everyone Will Understand
Choosing what’s right for you doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. It means you care enough about your life to live it truthfully.
If you’ve chosen the right people, they’ll want the best for you — even when it’s uncomfortable. They may walk beside you through the difficulty.
And if they don’t — that tells you something too.
Sometimes growth requires moving forward without everyone coming along.
Or continuing relationships in a different way.
That isn’t cruelty.
It’s clarity.
Only You Can Walk the Path That’s Meant for You
Only you know what’s right for your life.
Only you can do the work to build it.
Only you can walk through the fear that stands between where you are and where you’re meant to be.
Difficulties don’t always mean danger.
Sometimes they mean direction.
So suit up, SLAYER.
Step onto the path that asks more of you — because it gives more back.
You’re not alone.
Plenty of us are walking beside you.
And we’re cheering you on.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life are you choosing what’s familiar instead of what’s true?
L: When have you ignored your needs to avoid discomfort or conflict?
A: What difficulty might actually be a sign that you’re on the right path?
Y: What would honoring yourself look like today — even if it feels uncomfortable?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where have you faced difficulty because you were finally doing something right?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s questioning their path because it feels hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
