Good morning SLAYER! Our minds are like water, when it’s turbulent it’s difficult to see, when it’s calm everything is clear.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
easy
Don’t Borrow From Tomorrow
Before walking this path I was rarely present. There were a few reasons for that. One, I hated my present circumstances and hated who I was, so I would often think about tomorrow because that seemed less dim and dark because it hadn’t happened yet. Two, I wasn’t ready to take action to change the circumstances I was in, blaming others for my misfortune or believing I was a bad person who didn’t deserve better, so my head would live in the future with the hope that things would just magically get better on their own. They never did. When I set out to find a better way of life I was told to live in the present, to only look so far as what was in front of my hands, that, at first, frightened me, because it was hard to escape my situation when you could only look that far, but I realized that much of my anxiety came from fear of the unknown, fear of what might come next, and fear that I would also stay stuck right where I was. When I could focus on what was in front of my hands life became easier, because I only needed to focus on what was right in front of me each day, every day. My thoughts still wanted to jump ahead to tomorrow so I had to train it to stay with me right where I was, but the more I practiced it the more I found comfort in only focusing on each moment as it came, each task, each step I needed to take to get through the day. I realized why I had not been living that way as I started out on this new approach, there’s no hiding from the truth when all you have is the truth in each moment.
Jumping ahead was a way to escape, a way to fantasize and hope that things would get better. I would keep borrowing from tomorrow, and the tomorrows after those thinking somehow I could just wish things better, but as the years went on and the darkness got bigger and thicker, that hope was harder to find and I would reach farther and farther into the future while I was dying in the present. It was like a smokescreen, so I wouldn’t notice how bad things had gotten, and how bad they still could get, my thinking would propel me forward hoping a magical solution would present itself somewhere out there in the days that had not yet happened. They never did. The solution that appeared came to me in the present, in the form of a person, who in the present, could see how much I was suffering, and how sick I truly was, and in that present moment shared his story with me, which, in that moment, I did not fully absorb, but on a night when it really mattered, on a night when it mattered most, that story became as present as anything could be. I saw myself in that story and I was suddenly pulled back into the present, lost, scared, and wondering what to do next, but the thinking of what comes next, held me in the present.
When we find ourselves in those moments things get really simple. It becomes about survival, and when you’re fighting for your life there’s no time for complications. For me, I took the only action I could in that moment, I picked up the phone and asked for help, that action set off a chain of events that are still happening today, 13 years later, and today, 13 years later, I still focus on what’s in front of my hands, especially when life gets busy and can seem overwhelming.
It’s OK to plan for the future, to have goals and things you are working toward, but don’t cheat today by living in the future, you never know what you might have missed while you were looking ahead, and what you missed may have been the key to attaining everything you ever wanted in a future, and more, maybe even beyond your wildest dreams. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble staying present? Where does your mind typically go? Why do you think it doesn’t want to stay right where you are? What frightens you there? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you think living in the future offers you? What if you tried to live in the here and now? What if you only did what was in front of your hands? Do you see how simple your life would be? How much more grounded it would be? When you think about doing that how does it make you feel? Try it SLAYER, focus on what’s in front of your hands, don’t allow yourself to get ahead and go to places you have not yet been when there is work to do right here, trust that where you are is where you are meant to be, and that there is valuable information there that will help to get you to where you are supposed to go. Follow your hands and listen for the direction of where they should go next.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right
Sometimes we assume that if we’re facing difficulties we’re doing something wrong, but many times it’s a sign we’re doing something right, and, maybe different from what we’ve always done in the past. We tend to be creatures of habit, we do what we’ve been taught, what we’ve been shown, and many times, what may seem like the easiest way out, but those ways may not be taking us to where we need to be, or where we should be. Which brings up their own set of difficulties. But those difficulties are within our control. We can make different choices. The right choices, for us. And even though those new choices may bring up their own set of difficulties, they are easier, and healthier to work through, because we are being authentic to who we are and what we need.
We should never apologize, or shy away from what is best for us. For me, before stepping on this path, I often tried to take the easier, softer route, in terms of finding a solution in which meant the least amount of conflict, or attention. I often didn’t get what I wanted, or if I did, would have to manipulate or lie to work around the work I wasn’t doing, which in reality was only making more work for myself instead of doing what was right for me in the first place. A lot of times this falls into people-pleasing, putting others’ wants and needs ahead of our own, or being afraid to ask for what we want for fear of the response. So we do what is best for someone else, or what will cause the least amount of waves, and settle for that solution, only to become angry, anxious or depressed about the situation we then find ourselves in. We continue this behavior until it becomes unbearable, at which point we may start to find outside fixes to cope with where we find ourselves, or, hopefully, start making some better choices. For me, I opted for the outside fixes first. I found ways to numb myself, to quiet the voices in my head that were telling me I wasn’t making the right choices, that I wasn’t supposed to be where I was, I thought if I could just get them to quiet down I could be OK where I was, but I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t supposed to be there.
We can only hide from the truth for so long, and some of us spend most of your lives hiding in those places, maybe even our whole lives, but we know when it’s not right, when we’re not in a place that allows us to be ourselves, to shine, to grow and be accepted for who we are, and encouraged to be who we should be. So when we start to make the right decisions, maybe for the first time, those difficulties that come up are showing us we’re on the right track, and, that we’re walking where we’ve never walked before. The difficulties that come up on that path feel difficult because we’ve never been there, but are not nearly as difficult as the ones we’ve lived with when we weren’t being truthful with ourselves. Walkthrough these new difficulties, because we are meant to, because they are just fear of letting go of what we’ve had, where we’ve been, and the uncertainty of finally living a life that serves us and allows us to be our best selves. If we are being truthful about who we are, what we need and want, we should have no fear, just follow the road we find ahead of ourselves, and keep making the next right decision for us and the life we want for ourselves. Of course that doesn’t mean we don’t care how our decisions affect the other people in our lives, but if we’ve chosen the right people, they will want the best for us and may even encourage us to walk through those difficulties we may find on this new path. Or, they may not be OK with the changes and that tells us that we need to move forward without them, or, just in a different way.
Only we can decide what is best for us. Only we can do the work to have the life we want, the way we want it. And only we can walk through the difficulties or fears we may encounter on that road to the place that’s been waiting for us. Suit up SLAYER, step on that path, there are plenty of us walking beside you to help you through those rough spots. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always follow the path that reflects your true self? If not, why not? How have you not been true to yourself in the past? What has been the result? Write down some times that you were true to yourself? What was the result? How did you feel? Why do you not do what’s best for you and your growth all the time? What stops you? How does this hurt you? What if you stopped doing that? What if you started making decisions and taking action that did put you on the right path? What if you tried to do something different today, something that honored you? Start there SLAYER, and see how you feel. See if you can’t start making more of those decisions and choices to start honoring who you are and what you want in your life. Do it SLAYER, we’ll all be right there with you, cheering you on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
