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Actress Carrie Genzel Shares Her Coping Strategies During the Pandemic

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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What is meant to be will always find it’s way.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Blast Off

You Can’t Open A Flower With A Sledgehammer

I mean, technically you can—but it won’t be pretty.

That’s true for life too. We can force things, try to speed them up, or push them into place. But more often than not, we end up destroying what could have been something beautiful by trying to control everything.

I spent so much of my life doing just that. Forcing. Pushing. Demanding. Always expecting a different result. That’s the very definition of insanity, right? It wasn’t until I learned to let go, to stop trying to force life to move on my schedule, that I started to see things bloom naturally.

Letting Go of Control

Learning to let things unfold in their own time was not easy. Just thinking about letting go of control used to make my anxiety spike. But here’s the truth: I was never really in control. I only thought I was. And realizing that—finally—was liberating.

I had always been a bit of a bull in a china shop, diving into situations without a plan and then trying to figure it all out on the fly. If I thought of life as a delicate flower, it reminded me to be gentle, to pause, and to let it open on its own.

It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about doing the footwork and then stepping back. My old fear-based thinking had me believing that I needed to control everything to keep the fear at bay. But in reality, trying to control made the fear grow stronger. Letting go, breathing, and trusting the process helped ease the anxiety and made space for the right things to happen.

The Sledgehammer Mentality

We all have wants, desires, and goals. But coming at them swinging a sledgehammer won’t get us any closer. It usually pushes them further away.

It’s easy to forget that everyone else has their own wants and needs too. And maybe, just maybe, what we think we want isn’t what’s actually best for us. Sometimes, when we loosen our grip a little, life brings us something even better than what we were trying to force into place.

So the next time you feel yourself reaching for the metaphorical sledgehammer, take a breath. Step back. Let life unfold. You might just be surprised at what blossoms.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you tend to force things to happen or do you let things unfold as they will?
Do you come at life like a bull or do you take the time to investigate and thoughtfully move through life?
If not, what can you do to slow down and look at things instead of just charging for the finish line?
Give an example when you used a sledgehammer in a situation and it backfired.
Give an example when you backed off a little and things went smoothly.
What was different about the time you backed off over the time you used a sledgehammer?
Why do you sometimes take out a sledgehammer instead of letting things unfold in their own time?
Forcing our way usually doesn’t give us the results we want, and even if we do get them, often we stomp on someone else to make it happen.
So why not put the sledgehammer down, do what you can, and stay out of the way of the results? You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens next.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
When was the last time you tried to force something and it backfired? When did you let go, and it worked out beautifully?
Share your stories in the comments. Let’s support each other in learning to put down the sledgehammer.
And if you know someone who needs this reminder, share it with them.
We grow by learning—and letting go—together.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your day is not ruined. Your world is not over. Take a deep breath and start over.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! 97% of what you worry about never happens.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anxiety Figure Out

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Space is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself in times of upheaval or confusion, or, just to breathe.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Permission To Pause

The Negative Space

I was in a conversation someone who works in design the other day and she was talking about the beauty of negative space. It made me think, that yes, there is beauty in not having to fit everything in, in order or right in line with the next. There is something very beautiful with space between things, not only aesthetically but in life as well.

Before walking this path I was constantly trying to control everything. What I didn’t realize until I was in recovery was that my need for control was a result of me feeling out of control of my life and the world around me, so, I would dig in and hold tight trying to do the impossible, control the uncontrollable. Negative space, any space or gaps, made me nervous, I always wanted everything to line up and to be perfect. Well, I don’t know about your life, but mine, no matter how much I tried to force it, never quite lined up that way, not for long anyway, and when it didn’t, I thought I had failed. The insanity for me was continuing time and time again, day in and day out, to line everything up, and each day finding it didn’t. I never left room for any negative space, or anything I couldn’t see or label. Learning to leave that negative space caused me anxiety at first. Things felt unfinished, or undone, two things I never let happen while I was living in the dark, I always had to see everything to it’s conclusion and have it neatly tied up at the end, even if it was harmful to me. I had to change my thinking and my perspective to focus on my own self-care, and that had to take precedent over trying to finish something or lining everything up neatly so it looked pretty but may have damaged my heart and soul. I challenged myself to leave some space, or not finish something if it didn’t feel right or wasn’t in line with my new way of life. It was difficult to walk away at first, but I found my power in it, if I had made that choice there was a good reason, and that reason was me. I had to put myself at the top of any list and make sure whatever it was I was engaging in was feeding me with positivity, or teaching me something I needed to know or experience. I began to look at that negative space as self-love, of giving myself space to breathe, to let go and to allow for the possibility of the unknown, and as I did, my anxiety started to dissipate and retreat. I know today that the only control I have in my life is my reaction to what is around me and my intentions, that is all, and when I feel the need to try to control I can change that need to being of service to others, to finding a way, or ways, to make someone else’s day brighter or let them know they are loved and appreciated, when I focus on that intention, my need to control goes away, and I am no longer stuck in my head trying to run the show. Today I can find peace in the negative space because it’s where I can exhale and find some room to move, to investigate and to be open to new things. I have made that space a positive space.

We all have the ability to give ourselves some space, to leave some room in between those people, places and things we deem important or essential in our lives, and when we do, we open the door for new thoughts, new experiences and new ways of life, letting go of the patterns we may have been in that no longer suit us, or perhaps, never did. Learning to enjoy the negative space in our lives allows us to be gentler to ourselves, it always us room to learn and make mistakes, it gives us permission to be human and flawed, and it allows us to laugh where we may have beat ourselves up in the past. Find the negative space in your life, and look for some that you can expand and give yourself more room to grow. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow for any negative space in your life or do you keep things tight and lined up? If you don’t allow for any negative space, why is that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? Does it frighten you? Why is that? What if you tried SLAYER, to ease off the control of our life and let there be some room for some negative space in your life, some room to let go and breathe. The answers you seek may just be in that space you so desperately try to avoid.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Breathe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Press Pause

Meeting Catastrophe With Composure

Now, I’m not going to lie, I do tend to be a little dramatic by nature, but I used to meet catastrophe with craziness. I would dial up the drama and add fuel to an already roaring bonfire never acknowledging that I may be making things worse, for the situation, and for my own peace of mind. But back then I never had any peace of mind, and I thought of most things as worse than the next, so I just would jump in feet first and get right in there. It wasn’t until I started on a new path, the path I am now, that I was told I didn’t have to do that. I had a choice. What? That was news to me. A lot of things were news to me at the start of my journey, but learning that I had, not only a choice, but a responsibility to myself, and honoring this new way of life, to not cause myself unnecessary harm, and to certainly not cause it for others.

In concept this seemed like a good idea. It made sense to me. But putting into practice proved to be challenging at first, and still can be on certain days. As I’ve said here at State Of Slay, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points or cash and prizes for answering or reacting the fastest, in fact, it should be the opposite, we should get points for taking a moment and doing the right thing, but life isn’t about points, it’s about doing that next right thing, and not just for ourselves, but for those around us. In a sense, I liked the idea that it was my choice on how I could tackle something I considered a catastrophe, or disaster, or any kind of adversity, it felt powerful, but I had to learn how to use and harness that power. And, really, when I thought about it, when I reacted to things in the past, or overreacted, that didn’t feel powerful at all, it felt out of control. So, how did I take my power back? Well, I slowed down, for one. When I felt that fire in me bubble up from something that was going on, I would breathe, and if I needed to, I would step away, go outside, or even retreat to the restroom to cool down. I excused myself a lot at the beginning, and sometimes I still do, sometimes it’s just better to take a moment, or just not engage at all when there isn’t any way of making something better, or you realize, that what’s going on really has nothing to do with you and someone is just trying to take out their anger and frustration on you and there’s no way to make that situation better. It’s about giving yourself enough time to asses what’s really going, what can be done to make it better, if anything, if there is a resolution, and what the proper channels are to find one. You see why the pause is necessary? You can’t answer and discover all of those things while you’re flying off the handle and screaming at the top of your lungs to match someone else’s voice or energy. Take your power back, pause, then respond, or don’t respond, but don’t let ego take over and tell you you have to win, or that always can win in the moment, and, is winning even the point?

We are met with challenges every day, there are those people, places and things that will stand in the way of our composure, if we let them. Next time we meet up with a potential catastrophe try throwing some composure on the situation and see if you can dial down that catastrophe to just a situation, or, maybe turn it around to a good experience…it’s possible, give it a try. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you typically dive right in when something is going on or are approached to engage in a situation that may not involve you? Why? Do you find you have a tendency to have to be right? Do you find you have a tendency to have to try to fix any and all situations, even if they don’t involve you? Why do you think you feel the need to do this? When something is heated or gets you angry to rise to the same level of anger, or higher, to try to get your way? Why do you feel the need to do this? Do you have to be right, even when you’re wrong? Why do you feel the need to be right? SLAYER, all of these reactions or reasons are within your control, the question is, what serves your soul and peace of mind? It’s likely not confrontation.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The universe sends us exactly what we are ready for at the exact time we need it in our lives, but it’s up to us to accept it.

SLAY on!

state of slay pause