boundaries

Keeping Your Side Of The Street Clean

It’s easy to look at someone else’s mess and call it out. But here’s the truth: we all have our own mess to manage. And if we’re being honest? It’s usually easier to spot someone else’s than to deal with our own.

Lately, I’ve been navigating a major life transition—a season full of change, compromise, and triggers. Most days, I can catch myself before reacting in old ways. But sometimes? I slip. I say or do something that’s not aligned with who I’m becoming. It doesn’t feel great. But I’ve learned something powerful: mistakes don’t define me—how I clean them up does.

Look Inward First

When you’ve made a mess, the first step is owning it. That means pausing long enough to acknowledge where you went wrong—not where someone else did.

Open, honest communication is essential. Admit your part without excuses. I’ve carried the weight of unacknowledged mistakes before, and it’s heavy. You end up walking through life with a dark cloud following you—not because of what someone else did, but because you haven’t owned your part.

Here’s what I’ve learned: most problems can be worked through with a sincere conversation. People are far more forgiving when they sense you’re being real with them.

Apologize. Make It Right.

Humility is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

If you’ve wronged someone, apologize clearly and directly. Skip the over-explaining or blame-shifting. They don’t need to hear all your reasons. They need to feel your sincerity.

Sometimes a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is enough. Other times, you may need to ask how to make it right. Be open to what they say. And remember, making things right isn’t about winning—it’s about restoring trust.

And if your instinct is to defend, justify, or co-blame? Pause. That’s not the work. Your side of the street is yours to clean. Period.

Make the Mess a Message

Mistakes are not dead ends—they’re spotlights on where we need to grow.

Rather than beating yourself up, get curious. What triggered that reaction? What could you do differently next time? Every misstep is a chance to shift your path.

I now try to see these moments not as failures but as feedback. They shine a light on areas I still need to work on, and that’s a gift. It helps me become more self-aware, more emotionally grounded, and more intentional in my relationships.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be accountable. Honest. Clean.

Being a SLAYER Means Owning Your Part

At the end of the day, keeping your side of the street clean means taking responsibility for your actions, no matter what someone else does. It means not letting your ego steer the ship. It means choosing peace over pride.

We can’t control others. But we can control how we show up. And when we lead with integrity? That ripple changes everything.

Let your integrity speak louder than your mistakes. That’s how we Slay.

SLAY Reflection

  1. When was the last time you had to own a mistake?
  2. Did you take action to make it right—or avoid it?
  3. How do you typically react when you’ve messed up?
  4. Is there something on your side of the street that needs cleaning?
  5. What could change in your life if you started showing up with more ownership?

S-L-A-Y:

  • See your part clearly
  • Let go of blame and excuses
  • Act with humility and integrity
  • You’re responsible for your energy and actions

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What does keeping your side of the street clean look like for you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone working on showing up better, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Healthy Conflict

You read that right. Healthy conflict. Typically we think of conflict as a negative thing, one stemming from anger, or a differing of opinion, but it’s all in how you look at it, conflict can be something positive, if you choose to look at that way.

Conflict is an opportunity to question our perspective, thoughts, or beliefs. It can open our eyes to an alternate view, or a new angle we haven’t been exposed to before, if, we walk through life with an open mind. I’ve talked about this before, I used to walk through life letting my ego run the show, I always thought I was right, even when I didn’t have the answers, I thought I knew better than you did, and I would argue my point until exhaustion, the thought of having healthy conflict never entered my mind, it was me against you, period. But now I see things differently, and no, that doesn’t mean I cave to what the other person’s point of view is, but I allow them to talk, and I allow myself to listen. Some of us too, avoid conflict at all costs, running from it, either bowing to the other person’s opinion to concede or just avoiding them all together, but here are some benefits to healthy conflict, see if you can change your mind and pick up some pointers on how to enter into conflict in a way that is more beneficial to you, and the people in your life.

1) Widens Our Perspective. Conflict can be extremely beneficial, it can widen our perspective and also challenge our own ideas and thoughts we may have carried with us from childhood, believing that there is only the one tried and true way, conflict may show us that there might be a better way, or that there might be another way at all. It also is a way that can produce solutions, if both parties are open to it, it may show different points of view and from there a resolution can be worked on, or an agreement to disagree, but the act of being open, of listening, and of at least trying to work out a solution strengthens relationships or forms new ones, as each of you learn more about the other.

2) Opportunity To Express Needs. Healthy conflict gives us the opportunity to vocalize our needs, and as I’ve talked about before, opens the door for us to ask for what we want. If our needs aren’t being met, here’s our chance to let them be known, allowing for the opportunity to then have a discussion about them. Speaking up for what we want, or believe in, allows for us to conquer our fear of getting our needs met, and sharpens our communication skills.

3) We Learn To Bend. I’ve also talked about this one before, if we don’t bend, we break. Conflict teaches us how to be flexible in relationships and in the workplace. We can’t always get our way, and, we shouldn’t, conflict helps us practice our flexibility and instills a sense of fairness into the relationships we have.

4) Helps Us To Listen. Engaging in healthy conflict teaches us how to listen. To engage in healthy conflict we need to listen to the other party, it’s not all about us, so we have the opportunity to listen to the wants and needs of others, in an active way, taking in what the other person is saying without interrupting and waiting for them to finish before we start our new thought. Again, an incredible skill to deepen any relationship.

5) Recognizing Patterns. If we engage in healthy conflict, and we are truly listening, we are better able to pick out patterns, not only in our own behavior, but in the behavior of those we engage with, which allows us to better understand ourselves and those around us. It also gives us signs of what to expect when we continue to interact with these people, and how we may react to them.

6) Brings Us Into Solution. Working these principles into healthy conflict allows us to find solutions in our daily life, and brings our thinking into solution based thinking, instead of adding to or creating problems. Change can be difficult, but if we’re willing and open to it, it can bring great resolution, and maybe even reinvention and evolution.

7) Fine Tunes Communication. Conflict allows us to fine tune our communication skills. Giving us an opportunity to state of intentions and expectations clearly and concisely without getting angry, speaking from ego, or bulldozing over the other person. Communication is truly the key to a healthy and happy life, and healthy conflict is a great way to practice it.

8) Boundary Setting. Another topic I’ve talked about before. When we engage with others we may need to set boundaries, this type of healthy conflict allows us the chance to set boundaries if we feel we need to for us to continue on in a healthy way for ourselves. Setting boundaries also lets the other people in our life in on who we are and what we’re looking for, as it does for them, we learn more about each other, and have more respect for each other when we are able to set healthy boundaries.

9) Emotional Control. Healthy conflict also is a way to practice controlling our emotions, of not letting our emotions control us. It is a great way to practice self-control and letting emotions from our past experiences or bottled up anger get thrown into a conversations it doesn’t belong, it’s about taking a breath, listening, staying in the moment, and being open to new ideas, and not letting ourselves get carried away and out of control. If we can stay in control it leads to a faster resolution, and if the other person is getting a better understanding of who we are and what our intentions are. Also, if we are able to remain calm it sends the message that we are open to resolve the issue, making people more willing to work with us and feeling like we are working together as more of a team, instead of one against the other.

10) Allows Us To Shine As Individuals. Engaging in healthy conflict sets us apart, it shows people who we really are, what we stand for, what we’re looking for, and how we’re willing to resolve an issue. It allows us to shine, and to be an example to those who may still be struggling to resolve issues in a healthy way. It allows us adjust, and allows others to adjust, as a solution is found, and it leads to far less frustration, anger, and separation with the people in our lives.

In the end it’s up to us to practice these principles, and to be open to new ideas and change, and I promise you if you do, you’ll walk away a stronger and more knowledgeable person and one with far less frustration in your lives. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open to healthy conflict in your life? Is the conflict that you’ve experienced so far been healthy? Why hasn’t it been? What part have you taken in the unhealthy conflict? What can you do to engage in healthier conflict? Looking back at some instances that weren’t healthy, write down what they were and, using the principles above, write out some scenarios that could have made those instances healthier for you, and as a result, how the resolution could have been healthier. It’s about practicing these principles in your life SLAYER, and it takes time, but each time you practice them you’ll get better, and when you do, you see and feel the difference between unhealthy conflict and the kind that opens the door to a possible new perspective, and a solution.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Allow

Secrets Are Not A Replacement For Boundaries

We’ve all done it—told those “little white lies” to make things easier. Maybe to get out of a bind, avoid a confrontation, or dodge a situation we never felt comfortable with in the first place. We tell ourselves it’s harmless because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But if we’re honest? Most of the time, we’re just trying to avoid the discomfort of setting a boundary and speaking our truth.

Boundaries aren’t about being difficult.
They’re about being clear—about our needs, our limits, and how we expect to be treated. They build self-respect and create space for healthier relationships. The truth is, once we get comfortable setting them, life tends to feel less chaotic and more aligned. Boundaries reduce stress because they make our expectations known—no guessing, no games.

But learning how to set boundaries—especially when we’ve spent most of our lives people-pleasing—takes intention, patience, and practice. Here’s how you start:

1. Know Where You Stand

You can’t set a boundary if you’re unsure of how you feel. Check in with yourself. What makes you uncomfortable? What feels unsafe or triggering? Clarity is power.

2. Tap Into How You Feel

Resentment, anxiety, dread—these are often signs that a boundary needs to be set. What emotion is coming up, and why? Naming the feeling helps you respond with intention instead of reaction.

3. Be Clear

Once you know your truth, communicate it plainly. No over-explaining. No apologies. A boundary isn’t a debate—it’s a statement of self-respect.

4. Give Yourself Permission

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-aware. You are not “too much.” You are worthy of peace and respect.

5. Check In Often

Your needs evolve, and so will your boundaries. Stay aware. Reflect regularly on how situations or people make you feel, and adjust accordingly.

6. Look at Your Patterns

Do you default to caretaking? Do you shut down? Are you conflict avoidant? Recognizing these patterns gives you the power to shift them.

7. Prioritize Self-Care

Boundaries are a form of self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of you is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.

8. Find Your People

Surround yourself with those who support your growth. Healthy people respect healthy boundaries. And don’t be afraid to reach out for help—it benefits both the giver and receiver.

9. Take Action

Thinking about setting a boundary is not the same as setting it. You have to follow through. Speak up. Be consistent. And don’t shrink when you feel resistance.

10. Start Small, Build Confidence

You don’t have to tackle the toughest boundary first. Practice with low-stakes situations. Build your voice. Build your confidence. Then level up.

Here’s the truth:
Keeping secrets or telling lies to avoid discomfort isn’t kindness—it’s avoidance. And the more you avoid, the more disconnected you become from your truth.

Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about honoring yourself.

The more you practice, the more you’ll feel grounded, clear, and connected. That’s the foundation of a life that SLAYS.

SLAY Reflection

Do you struggle to set boundaries? Why?
Have you ever used a “white lie” instead of speaking your truth? What did it cost you?
Do you believe you’re worthy of setting the terms for how you’re treated?
What patterns from your past still influence how you show up today?
What would it look like to protect your peace, unapologetically?

S – Stop hiding behind excuses or silence.
L – Listen to your gut—it’s telling you what you need.
A – Assert your truth with compassion and clarity.
Y – Yield only to what honors your worth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you struggle with setting boundaries—and if so, why?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s learning to speak up for themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Self-Righteous Anger

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.

You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.

That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.

Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility

If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.

You decide:

  • Who you engage with

  • How far you let them in

  • What boundaries you set

There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.

This blog connects back to so many past entries:

  • People Picker – choosing aligned connections

  • Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs

  • Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”

  • Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance

It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.

When We Engage to Feel Superior

Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.

Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.

Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.

And it didn’t work.

Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership

When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.

Ask yourself:

  • Could I have avoided this situation?

  • Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?

  • Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?

A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.

Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:

  • Disappointment

  • Resentment

  • Frustration

  • Anger

That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.

Break the Cycle with Compassion

The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.

We avoid self-righteous anger by:

  • Engaging with people who align with us

  • Setting boundaries with those who don’t

  • Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong

  • Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow

  • Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves

And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.

Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.

Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.

And reactions are usually about us, not them.

As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.

So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.

Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?

  1. Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
    Why do you think you do that?

  2. Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
    What do you think it’s really covering up?

  3. How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
    What’s the cost?

  4. What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
    How could you protect your peace instead?

  5. What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
    Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?

 

 

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Happiness

News flash, SLAYER – you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness! I spent so much of my life trying to make or keep everyone else happy. It wasn’t until I started this journey that someone told me my real responsibility was to make sure I was happy. At first, it felt selfish.

It was pointed out that my efforts to make others happy were sometimes rooted in wanting something in return – even just acknowledgment. I wasn’t doing it purely from the goodness of my heart. Instead, I was trying to fill my own void or prove I was a “good” person.

The People-Pleaser Pattern

As a kid, I constantly tried to make my parents happy. I wore that effort like a badge of honor. Even into adulthood, that need to please followed me. I thought if I could make someone happy, that would mean I had worth. But what it really meant was putting others’ feelings ahead of my own, neglecting my needs, and losing my voice.

I’d martyr myself when my efforts weren’t appreciated. I’d lash out or resent the person for not seeing what I was doing for them. But the truth is, I was trying to do someone else’s job—their happiness—and ignoring the work I needed to do for my own.

Happiness Is an Inside Job

Here’s the reality: we’re all responsible for our own happiness. No one else can do it for us. Sure, it’s lovely when someone does something that makes us feel good. But relying on others to provide our happiness is like expecting someone to go to work for you while you still cash the paycheck.

Happiness comes from within. It’s about being authentic, living our truth, and knowing what lights us up. It’s about asking for what we need without fear and showing compassion for others while still prioritizing our own joy.

Shifting the Narrative

Doing nice things for others can bring happiness—it feels good to spread love. But it should nourish, not replace your happiness. Sometimes, seeing what makes others happy can reveal what makes us happy. But one should never replace the other.

Start identifying what makes you happy. Explore, try new things, say yes. Your happiness shouldn’t hinge on someone else’s feelings. When you make yourself a priority, that joy spills over to those around you—authentically and without strings.

Happiness Is Contagious (But Starts With You)

Our path is about finding what makes our hearts shine. It’s okay to do things we don’t want to do sometimes, but not at the expense of our own happiness. When we cheat ourselves, we also cheat others of finding their happiness.

Fill your life with what brings you joy. And by making your happiness a priority, you might just inspire others to do the same. See how that works?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflection Questions

  • Do you put others’ happiness before your own?

  • Why do you think you do that?

  • Do you believe you deserve to be happy? (You do!)

  • What truly makes you happy?

  • How can you challenge yourself to prioritize your happiness today?

Happiness is your job, SLAYER. Make it a priority. SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ll prioritize your happiness today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to put themselves first, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.