anxiety

Upside-Down Personality Right-Side Up

I always felt different from everyone else. As far back as I can remember, sitting in school, or standing in the playground, everyone else seemed to have an easier time than I did, or so it seemed, to me. I always had friends, but I had to work at it, it wasn’t something that came easily to me. I would overthink things, try to plan out what I was going to say, worry about what others were thinking about me, and trying to anticipate who everyone else wanted me to be. I always felt like my thinking, my humor, who I was was upside-down.

I managed to get by for a long time pretending I was like you. But eventually all that pretending caught up to me, and I tried to use things to stuff down the anxiety and uncomfortably I felt in my day-to-day life. I thought maybe it was something I would grow out of, but I never did. And as I finished school and started my career that anxiety got worse, so I did whatever I could to suffocate it with whatever I could, to appear normal. Eventually what I was doing to get by stopped working and the anxiety ramped up even more to the point where it became unbearable. I found myself in my mid-30’s not really knowing who I was but not liking who I thought myself to be. If I thought I was upside-down in the past, I was now really upside-down then.

I was fortunate that someone came into my life at that time who had felt the way I had. But, he no longer felt that way. I was intrigued. Was there a way to turn my upside-side personality right-side up? He told me there was, because he had done it. It had never occurred to me that I could, I thought I would just have to find a way to live the way I had been, even though I knew I couldn’t go on living that way. I was desperate enough to try something new and so I set out on this path I now walk on.

The key to finding my right-side-up personality was with self-love, but I also a heavy dose of forgiveness. Some things were easier to forgive than others, but the more I was able to see that the way I felt wasn’t always because of my own actions, that I had a mental illness that got in the way of me living and learning like most people, and because of that I did not have the tools I needed to live a healthy and happy life. Even that took some acceptance, even though it made sense to me and I was identifying with the symptoms and actions of my illness, I had to get over the stigma of being labeled with one, but once I was able to accept that, I wanted to gather as many tools as I could, because I knew I had to get to work, and I knew if I did, I could get better. I realized that how I had felt as a child was not my fault, there was something else going on that I couldn’t have understood, and that I did the best I could with the information I had. Did I go on a spree of self-destruction later in adulthood, yes, but again, I had a disease I didn’t know I had and without the proper information I just reached for what I could to quiet it down.

Today I know the difference. I know who I am, and I love who I am, flaws and all…remember those aren’t really flaws they are what make us flawsome. But I’ve done enough work to know what I’m dealing with today, that doesn’t make every day easy, but it makes it manageable, and if it doesn’t feel manageable, I have places to go to hit the reset button, and people I can talk to walk me through it. I’ve also learned that some of my personality is a little upside-down, but today I embrace those upside-down parts, it’s what makes me me, as long as I make sure that most of me is right-side up, I know I’ll be OK. And you know what, you will be too. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel different from those around you? How so? Do you think that what makes you different makes is wrong? Why? Who says they’re wrong? Do they hurt you? Do they hurt others? What parts of you would you like to change? How can you? Why would you like to change those things? Is there someone or a group of people who can help you do that? Have you reached out to them in the past? If not, why haven’t you? If you have, why didn’t you continue to do the work? Is there something you’re afraid of? Does feeling better scare you? Why? SLAYER, you have the power to change, and that’s pretty powerful, I know because I’ve done it. Seek out those who can help you make the changes you want to see in yourself. Love yourself through those changes and find forgiveness in the past when you didn’t know the difference, and love yourself for knowing what you do today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight on SLAY TALK LIVE tonight? Not to worry, catch what you missed here.

A great chat with best-selling author Kelly Martin about Dealing With Anxiety.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When anxiety and stress have your brain stuck in a loop, reboot, it’s the I.T. of life!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ctrl Alt Del

 

Do What’s In Front Of Your Hands

I talked about this last week on SLAY TALK LIVE, in regards to anxiety. I used to suffer from a lot of anxiety, and typically it was because I was living in the past, or I was living in the future. I wasn’t living in the present. When we worry about things that have happened already, or fixate on circumstances or situations that have already happened, we can feel anxious, we feel anxious because there is nothing we can do to change the past, we just keep rehashing what’s already happened, or we let it dictate what will happen because we haven’t take the necessary steps to correct the behavior or situation so we worry about it happening again. There are also times we live in the future. We fear what may or may not happen, we worry about things that again, we have no control over, because just like the past, we cannot control the future either. What we can control is right here and now. So when I would feel anxious it was suggested to me to focus on what’s in front of my hands.

When you focus on what’s in front of your hands you are present. You are looking at what is right in front of you, and that is something you can control, well, most of the time, but when you’re looking at what is right in front of you you are able to take action, it’s also a way to focus when you’re feeling overwhelmed and have a lot to do. Many times we get side-tracked, or we can procrastinate because we don’t know where to start on our long list of things to get done, but, if you focus on what’s in front of your hands, and start there, you can work your way down your list and it doesn’t seem so daunting.

For me, when I first started my journey on this path, focusing on what was in front of my hands was that magic trick that got me through my day, and it taught me how to zero in and focus on an activity even if there was a lot going on around me, or if I had a lot to do, as I practiced being present the rest of my worries or tasks started to fall away and I got the first task done, and I learned to get it done without feeling anxious. One thing that always quashes anxiety is action, when we take action and do what we can in any given situation our worries about the past or future start to fade away because we are doing what we can in the present moment, also, we are occupied with the doing that we lose the worry.

Our hands are always with us, when you feel anxious, when you are worried or overwhelmed, look at your hands and ask yourself, what is in front of my hands, what can I do to take action right now? It’s a simple trick to tackle a substantial problem.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you often feel overwhelmed or anxious? What causes you to feel that way? Are these things you have control over? Are these things that are active in your present life? Or, are these things have already happened, or have yet to happen? What can you do to take action in your present life to address these things or issues? Do you often get overwhelmed by your to-do list? What happens when you get overwhelmed? What do you do to overcome it? Do you see that by focusing on what’s in front of your hands that you may be able to focus on the task in front of you rather than letting your thoughts hijack you and paralyze you? I challenge you SLAYER to focus on what’s in front of your hands, that when you feel anxious or worry, right that down, acknowledge it, but go back to what is in front of your hands. Tackle each task one at a time, take action where you can, let your past teach you as you move forward in your present day, and keep your thoughts out of the future, none of that has happened yet, and your energies are better spent on the things that are happening right in front of you. Do what’s in front of your hands. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you