Good morning SLAYER! It is OK to doubt what you have been taught to believe, only you can say what’s right for you, learning to trust yourself and listening to your own instincts will guide you to the place you are supposed to be, a place where you can be your true self.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
I have always had an issue with trust. I have never really trusted people. I’ve always wanted to, but have always been wary of their words, motivations and intentions. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I realized that first and foremost, I didn’t trust myself. Just like with others, I had given myself reason to question my own words, motivations and intentions, because I had done things I had said I would never do, I had done things that harmed myself and I certainly didn’t always have my best intentions in mind before taking action. When I realized that I had broken my own trust I thought, how in the world can I learn to trust myself when I view myself as untrustworthy? The answer was to start being accountable to myself in my thoughts, actions and words, to figure out who I was and what I stood for, and stick with that, to not waver, even if it was the harder route, or the tougher path, to honor myself and my word no matter what. When I starting to do that, I was able to trust, and when I was able to trust myself, I could begin trusting others.
Only we know what are true intentions are, and only we can hold ourselves to stick to those intentions. It’s about being consistent, and yes, it’s OK to realize what we thought we wanted isn’t at all what we wanted, or needed, and head off in a new direction, it’s about being honest with ourselves and learning to listen to our ‘gut’ as it were, the voice that guides us and tells us when we’re headed in the right direction, with the right people. Don’t know what voice I’m talking about it? Then perhaps it’s about getting to know yourself, truly knowing yourself, warts and all. Who are you? What do you want? Who do you want it with? How are you going to get there? Start a relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Ask yourself the tough questions. And, don’t be afraid of the answers. The answers are you. As I keep saying over and over, when we know the facts we are safe, so never be afraid of what comes up, it’s you, and if you don’t like it, change it, or trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in that given moment. If something is coming up, it’s coming up for a reason. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have, and learning who you are allows you to figure out how you want to interact with the world, who you want to be, and from there learning to trust yourself. You can’t trust someone you don’t know, there are too many question marks. So, how do we fill in the answers about ourselves where there may be blanks?
1) Slow Down – stop keeping yourself busy, take some time for you, and stop over-scheduling yourself to keep yourself busy, give yourself time to catch up to yourself and check in to see how you’re doing and what’s going on.
2) Get Quiet – once you’ve slowed down, find some quiet time. Does that scare you? It doesn’t have to, and, the more you do it the more you’ll crave it. If you are afraid or reluctant, ask yourself why, that’s a good place to start. Connect with your truth. What’s it telling you?
3) Own Who You Are – no one knows you as well as you do, or at least as much as you’re privy to. So much importance is placed on what other people think of us sometimes, it doesn’t matter, what matters is what you think of you, and if that’s not positive, what can you do to change that? Take back your power, owning who you are gives you power, you may not be perfect, but you are you, and you are the best you you can be. If you’re not, why not? How can you work towards a you you would be proud of? Fight for you, you’re worth it.
4) Question Yourself – continuously check in, ask yourself what you want, how can you get it, who you are, who the people are you’ve chosen to be in your life, keep asking, things may change, and that’s OK, but only you can get the true answers to what’s happening inside, and what makes you tick.
5) Connection To A Higher Power – find a connection to something greater than yourself. Whether you call that God, or The Universe, or nature, or whatever that may be for you, connect with it and listen, because along with your inner voice comes the faith and guidance from something that may help you on your journey, and may give you comfort when that journey becomes difficult.
6) You Are Not Alone – this one goes two-fold, if you’ve found a connection to something bigger than you you’re halfway there, but along this journey of self-trust you’re also becoming a friend to yourself, that ensures you are never alone.
7) Don’t Let Others’ Fears Become Your Own – it’s easy to listen and take on what other people are saying and letting that stop, or paralyze you from doing what you are drawn to do, you are only accountable to yourself, not what other people are saying, again, this is about trusting yourself, so follow your path, and not the one laid out by someone else who may not have your best intentions at heart, or truly know you. Stand tall in who are you and what you want to do.
8) You Can Do It – if you’re practicing the principles above you’re well on your way to finding the trust within yourself and the more you start to realize that everything you’ve been looking for you have inside, you’ve just need to ignite that fire. Believe, and trust.
When we are accountable, to ourselves and to those around us, we not only learn to trust ourselves but we also learn to trust the people in our lives. And if we’ve chosen the right people to surround us, then we have no reason not to trust them, and we continue to build trustworthy relationships. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble trusting people? If so, why? Do you trust yourself? If not, why? How do you think you can find more trust within yourself? Do you consider yourself trustworthy? If not, why? How can you change that? What are 5 acts that you can work on this week to begin to trust yourself? Do them SLAYER, self-trust is the foundation to a stronger healthier life, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust? It starts with you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! The comeback is always greater than the setback. Never give up.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! We all suffer defeats, but we must not them defeat us. We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose not to be reduced by it.
SLAY on!
How many times have we heard the quote “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s how you get up” by Vince Lombardi? I got knocked down a lot, and I got up a lot, and then I stopped. I just stopped getting up. I let every knock knock me to the ground and I just stayed there. I believed I belonged there, I didn’t want to be there, it didn’t feel good there, but my head told me I was exactly where I was supposed to be. So I stayed. Alone. In the darkness. It wasn’t until my life was literally on the line that that little tiny spec of light and fight in me reached out for help, and that was enough to pull myself up off the floor. It sometimes takes all of our strength to get up, but we do have the power to not give up and continue to go after our dreams and overcome our challenges. And the beauty is, we don’t have to do it alone, I didn’t, I had a lot of hands help me along the way, and still do, and in many ways you all lend me yours every day, even if you don’t realize it, to give me that extra strength when I need it, because sometimes I do need it. Resiliency is the ability to get back up even when things did not go as planned, it’s not dwelling on our perceived failures, it’s about acknowledging our situation, learning from it, and moving on. So, how do we do this?
1) Perspective – resilient people look at obstacles in their way as challenges, they don’t take them personally or let them stop them from moving forward and continuing to work toward their goal. They look at the obstacles as lessons and an opportunity to grow or look at a situation in a new way, or different angle. When we think of our obstacles in these terms it allows us to navigate around, or use this new information to build on what we already know to get the result we’re looking for. Turn these seemingly negative things into something that will make us better, brighter, and faster.
2) Promise – resilient people make a promise to themselves and commit themselves to their goals and to the betterment of their overall being. This pledge gives them a reason to get out of bed every day, to continue to push forward, to grow, to learn, and to live as their true selves. It extends to every area of their life, from work, to friends, to relationships, to their community, they are committed to engaging in these areas and contributing in ways that show their commitment and love for themselves and those around them.
3) Personal Direction – resilient people focus their energy on what is in their control, not wasting their energy on uncontrollable events, which leads to feelings of loss, hopelessness, and powerlessness. They stay on track by sending their energy towards those things they can change, improve on, or learn from in their own lives, and within their community, not getting lost in the chatter of outside things that can take them off course. They stay committed to their own path, and keeping their goals in mind.
These three areas keep things pretty simple. And, life can be simple if we choose to it be, focusing on the things that matter to us and not getting sucked into the vortex of other people’s issues and problems that we have no business getting involved with. It is always nice to lend a hand, or some advice, when asked, or if you think we can be of service, but not so much that it takes us off track and keeps us from living our life and moving us forward. If we are questioning our own resiliency, and perhaps our reasons for it, it is best to stay focused on our own personal direction before jumping into someone else’s.
Resiliency also goes back to self-care, something I’ve talked about quite a bit. But it’s one of those blocks of our foundation that is necessary to be resilient. Are we eating enough, or the right foods, are we getting enough sleep, are we exercising, are we doing things to give back to ourselves, things we love, things that add light to our lives, are we finding time to reflect and listen to ourselves? All of these things contribute to our resiliency. Without self care our resiliency tank will be running on empty. We have the power to come back from insurmountable places, if we can find the fire within to give us the energy to move on, the fire burns in each and everyone one of us, can you find yours? If not, how can you fan the flames so you can burn bright?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you consider yourself resilient? If not why? If so why? List some examples. What can you do to make sure you have what you need to be more resilient? How has your self-care been? Where can you do better? Where have you done better? What stops you from trying new things, or from moving forward? How can you overcome this? We are capable of anything, it’s all in how we choose to see it, make sure we’re setting ourselves up to rock our resiliency and give ourselves the tools we need to pick ourselves up and get what we want from life. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Looking back before I stepped on to this path my life was a series of repetitious bad decisions. I kept doing the same things and expecting different results, the true definition of insanity. How were things going to change if I wasn’t? Well, they weren’t. I was proud of my stubbornness, and my ego was holding me back by telling me I knew better, it was all of you that were wrong. But in truth, I was stuck in a cycle that was never going to get me to where I wanted to go, I was so stuck I couldn’t even see where I could go, my blindfold of bad decisions kept me from seeing that I had other options, it was my choice to continue to make the same bad decisions over and over, even though I had the power to change that.
For me, it took things getting really bad before I was even open to the idea that it was possible for change. My best decisions brought me to a place where it literally was a matter of life and death that I make positive changes in my life, and, break the cycle. As we grow up we learn certain things, we pick up things we see, hear, and experience and start to build up who are we, what we stand for, and how we’re going to operate, and unless someone, or something, teaches us something different, we tend to stay stuck in those ways, sometimes for a lifetime. I was forced to find different ways to live, healthier, more positive ways, and even though it was tough to undo a lifetime of behaviors that no longer served me, in fact, probably never had, when I finally did, it was like that blindfold got lifted off my eyes and I saw a brand new world. Life is not something that happens to us, we have the choice in how we react to it, and how we choose to engage with it. We can hit the reset button at any time and choose not to repeat the past.
Let’s start here, make a list of the areas in your life that you are not happy with, not happy with any of it, write it all down in a column. Now, write next to each item how you can do things differently, even if it’s something you don’t want to do or it makes you squirm, just write it down. Now think about those things you’re not happy with, and visualize yourself taking the opposite action, visualize the result being different than it has been in the past. How does that make you feel when you think about it? How do you make that feeling a reality?
1) Take Action – it’s always about taking action. Make a conscious effort to make better choices for yourself and stick to it. Make yourself accountable for those actions. Call yourself out. When we are accountable and vocal about what we are working towards you are more likely to follow through.
2) Conquer Fear – let go of the fear of doing something different, or upsetting someone for not doing what’s expected. The only fear you should have is staying in the same place, staying stuck, but walking through fear to get to a better place is worth it, just do it and see what happens.
3) Know You Are Worth It – you are worth fighting for, your wants and needs are valid, so take the action you need to get it. Find your own self value and know that each step you take to make your life better is worth it, because you are. Believe you deserve the things you want.
4) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes – we all make mistakes, especially when trying something new, so don’t quite or beat yourself when you make a mistake, or if it doesn’t go the way you had wanted it to. Keep going, keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes, let them make you stronger, smarter, better, just keep going.
5) Recognize Your Victories – allow yourself to celebrate your wins. When we make changes for the better let yourself celebrate that, feel good about that, shine. We’re undoing years, or a lifetime, of old behavior, every victory, no matter how small, is a victory and a step in the right direction.
6) Write Down Your Progress – keep a journal so you can track your progress. Write down your wins and losses and the circumstances around them so you can see your own growth, or the areas where you keep stumbling, recognizing your patterns is going to give you the map that you need to navigate around them and to chart new courses of action.
7) Persistence – keep going, keep doing it, don’t celebrate so much that you fall back into old behaviors or think you can stand down and coast, it takes a lot of work to break a pattern, and a lot of repetitious behavior of doing the opposite of what you had been doing to make it stick, keep practising and keep moving forward. Be patient with yourself.
This is a lifetime practice of making changes for the good, as we grow and learn we will find new things to focus on, patterns to break, we start to fine-tune and hone our behaviors and lives so they work in conjunction with our hopes, dreams, and goals, not against them. I can assure you it is possible, I am proof, it just takes a desire to do so, and some work. Roll up your sleeves SLAYER.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see negative or unhealthy patterns in our life? What course of action can you take to change them? Why haven’t you in the past? Are these patterns serving you? My guess is not if you are listing them as unhealthy or negative. How can you make the changes you need to make to break your patterns and live a healthier more positive life? Write them down. Start to make a conscious decision SLAYER to take action in these areas, to do the right thing for you, and to make the changes you need to start a new cycle, a cycle that allows you live a life you want, and one your are proud of. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYERS! Conflict will happen, it’s how we choose to respond to it that matters. Practicing healthy conflict allows us to get into a solution, and offers us an opportunity to learn about those around us, and ourselves.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
You read that right. Healthy conflict. Typically we think of conflict as a negative thing, one stemming from anger, or a differing of opinion, but it’s all in how you look at it, conflict can be something positive, if you choose to look at that way.
Conflict is an opportunity to question our perspective, thoughts, or beliefs. It can open our eyes to an alternate view, or a new angle we haven’t been exposed to before, if, we walk through life with an open mind. I’ve talked about this before, I used to walk through life letting my ego run the show, I always thought I was right, even when I didn’t have the answers, I thought I knew better than you did, and I would argue my point until exhaustion, the thought of having healthy conflict never entered my mind, it was me against you, period. But now I see things differently, and no, that doesn’t mean I cave to what the other person’s point of view is, but I allow them to talk, and I allow myself to listen. Some of us too, avoid conflict at all costs, running from it, either bowing to the other person’s opinion to concede or just avoiding them all together, but here are some benefits to healthy conflict, see if you can change your mind and pick up some pointers on how to enter into conflict in a way that is more beneficial to you, and the people in your life.
1) Widens Our Perspective. Conflict can be extremely beneficial, it can widen our perspective and also challenge our own ideas and thoughts we may have carried with us from childhood, believing that there is only the one tried and true way, conflict may show us that there might be a better way, or that there might be another way at all. It also is a way that can produce solutions, if both parties are open to it, it may show different points of view and from there a resolution can be worked on, or an agreement to disagree, but the act of being open, of listening, and of at least trying to work out a solution strengthens relationships or forms new ones, as each of you learn more about the other.
2) Opportunity To Express Needs. Healthy conflict gives us the opportunity to vocalize our needs, and as I’ve talked about before, opens the door for us to ask for what we want. If our needs aren’t being met, here’s our chance to let them be known, allowing for the opportunity to then have a discussion about them. Speaking up for what we want, or believe in, allows for us to conquer our fear of getting our needs met, and sharpens our communication skills.
3) We Learn To Bend. I’ve also talked about this one before, if we don’t bend, we break. Conflict teaches us how to be flexible in relationships and in the workplace. We can’t always get our way, and, we shouldn’t, conflict helps us practice our flexibility and instills a sense of fairness into the relationships we have.
4) Helps Us To Listen. Engaging in healthy conflict teaches us how to listen. To engage in healthy conflict we need to listen to the other party, it’s not all about us, so we have the opportunity to listen to the wants and needs of others, in an active way, taking in what the other person is saying without interrupting and waiting for them to finish before we start our new thought. Again, an incredible skill to deepen any relationship.
5) Recognizing Patterns. If we engage in healthy conflict, and we are truly listening, we are better able to pick out patterns, not only in our own behavior, but in the behavior of those we engage with, which allows us to better understand ourselves and those around us. It also gives us signs of what to expect when we continue to interact with these people, and how we may react to them.
6) Brings Us Into Solution. Working these principles into healthy conflict allows us to find solutions in our daily life, and brings our thinking into solution based thinking, instead of adding to or creating problems. Change can be difficult, but if we’re willing and open to it, it can bring great resolution, and maybe even reinvention and evolution.
7) Fine Tunes Communication. Conflict allows us to fine tune our communication skills. Giving us an opportunity to state of intentions and expectations clearly and concisely without getting angry, speaking from ego, or bulldozing over the other person. Communication is truly the key to a healthy and happy life, and healthy conflict is a great way to practice it.
8) Boundary Setting. Another topic I’ve talked about before. When we engage with others we may need to set boundaries, this type of healthy conflict allows us the chance to set boundaries if we feel we need to for us to continue on in a healthy way for ourselves. Setting boundaries also lets the other people in our life in on who we are and what we’re looking for, as it does for them, we learn more about each other, and have more respect for each other when we are able to set healthy boundaries.
9) Emotional Control. Healthy conflict also is a way to practice controlling our emotions, of not letting our emotions control us. It is a great way to practice self-control and letting emotions from our past experiences or bottled up anger get thrown into a conversations it doesn’t belong, it’s about taking a breath, listening, staying in the moment, and being open to new ideas, and not letting ourselves get carried away and out of control. If we can stay in control it leads to a faster resolution, and if the other person is getting a better understanding of who we are and what our intentions are. Also, if we are able to remain calm it sends the message that we are open to resolve the issue, making people more willing to work with us and feeling like we are working together as more of a team, instead of one against the other.
10) Allows Us To Shine As Individuals. Engaging in healthy conflict sets us apart, it shows people who we really are, what we stand for, what we’re looking for, and how we’re willing to resolve an issue. It allows us to shine, and to be an example to those who may still be struggling to resolve issues in a healthy way. It allows us adjust, and allows others to adjust, as a solution is found, and it leads to far less frustration, anger, and separation with the people in our lives.
In the end it’s up to us to practice these principles, and to be open to new ideas and change, and I promise you if you do, you’ll walk away a stronger and more knowledgeable person and one with far less frustration in your lives. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open to healthy conflict in your life? Is the conflict that you’ve experienced so far been healthy? Why hasn’t it been? What part have you taken in the unhealthy conflict? What can you do to engage in healthier conflict? Looking back at some instances that weren’t healthy, write down what they were and, using the principles above, write out some scenarios that could have made those instances healthier for you, and as a result, how the resolution could have been healthier. It’s about practicing these principles in your life SLAYER, and it takes time, but each time you practice them you’ll get better, and when you do, you see and feel the difference between unhealthy conflict and the kind that opens the door to a possible new perspective, and a solution.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Good morning SLAYER! It’s great to have goals, and look into what you need to do to achieve them, but it’s the action that takes you to the finish line.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Good morning SLAYER! Take charge, be at the center of your power and energize yourself with what you need to fuel your passion, but also give yourself permission to learn and to grow, you don’t have to have it all figured out, leave some room for the unexpected.
SLAY on!
