open heart

Don’t Follow Your Passion, Bring It With You

Before walking this path I was only focused on my passion. I knew what I was passionate about and almost all of my energy went to that, everything else fell by the wayside. I thought I had to focus only on what my passion for it to be enough, and I also used my passion to hide from the outside world. My passion was everything, and because I made it so, all the other areas in my life suffered, and, I was missing opportunities to try new things, or to head down new avenues because I was so hyper-focused on what I already knew. What I didn’t know is that my passion isn’t just something I love, it’s in me, it’s what makes me come alive and I can bring my passion into everything I do. It wasn’t until I learned that my passion really set my soul on fire.

When I was living in the dark I had a very narrow view of the world, and my life. I wouldn’t let in new things, I was stubborn and set in my ways, only allowing what I thought was right in and not allowing myself to investigate anything further. The minute something new was presented to me I shot it down, I would tell myself that I already knew it wasn’t going to work, or it wasn’t going to be good, or what I wanted to do, and as a result I stayed stuck, and continued to hide in my passion. That way of living was very lonely. And, if I wasn’t able to dive into my passion as I liked in each moment, I felt like I had failed, having nothing else to turn to. I had put all my eggs in one basket and if there was no basket I was lost.

When I set out to find a better way of life I realized what I had been doing. Living for my passion only kept me sick, kept me hidden and didn’t allow me to grow into who I was meant to be. As I learned more and more about myself I learned that my passion is who I am, not what I am, or what I chose to aim my energies at, my passion is that fire that burns inside of me that I can bring with me into any situation, relationship or new venture, and, by knowing that I open myself to all kinds of new ventures I didn’t even know existed before, or never would have considered. That alone fires up my passion. I know today that not one thing is my passion, I can bring it into anything I’m doing and by keeping an open mind and an open heart, I continue to find new passions along this path.

It’s easy to get stuck in one way of thinking, and it’s easy to hide in what your passion may be, but what are you missing around you while you’re doing that? What else may be out there you can also be passionate about, or who? There is so much each day we can bring our passion into and allow ourselves and others to see who we are and what we have to offer, and, we may just learn something about ourselves along the way, and those around us. Our passion can inspire others, it can bring passion to others and it can spark the passion already in you to greater heights. I used to think that I had to focus my passion on one thing, thinking it might be spread to thin to have multiple places to send that passion, and what I know today is that when I bring my passion to everything I do, not only do those things get better, my passion gets stronger and invites others to show their passion too. Show us your passion in everything you do and let it bring you closer to what and who you love. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you bring your passion into everything you do or limit it to what you focus on? If you do limit it, why do you think you do this? Do you use your passion to hide from the outside world? If yes, why? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? What if you allowed the world to see your passion through all that you do? What if you shared it with others? What if you allowed us to see who you are through your passion? Always bring your passion with you into everything situation, it may just lead you to the place your are truly meant to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you’re living in harmony with yourself, you’re living in harmony with the universe.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay universe

How Do I Know I’m In The Flow?

Someone recently asked me how I know when I’m in the will of the universe or my own will. For me, I can typically tell because when I’m not trying to force my will things go smoothly, it’s like being in the express lane on the freeway.

Looking back, before stepping on this path, I only wanted things my way. Nothing went smoothly because I was trying to force things into happening the way I wanted them and when I wanted them. There was no waiting or investigating to find the right way, or the right time, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now! As a result I wasted a lot of time and energy on things I had no business being a part of, and would often get involved with people I shouldn’t have, or get involved with them for the wrong reasons. Nothing just flowed into the right direction because I was trying to override that direction with the direction I was trying to make happen, which led me into dishonesty and manipulation. It was all a slippery slope with me, and when I’m in a mode of trying to force my will I’ll go to almost any length to make that happen, ignoring the signs around me that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever makes sense for you, does send us guidance and signs if we ask for them, and, we are looking for them. Sometimes those signs do come like a slap in the face when we’ve been ignoring them, and there may be something that comes that is even bigger than a sign and just stops you dead in your tracks, but when we are open to working with a force that is bigger than ourselves, and look for direction, I have found it is there, and if it’s not in that moment I know that I am not supposed to do anything at that moment, to keep doing the work, keep investigating, keep asking for direction, but stay right where I am until I feel confident about the next move. It is during those times, when I am in alignment with where I am supposed to be that I feel at peace, that things do fall into place, many times, quite miraculously, and I feel grounded and centered on my path. Now that may sound like some mumbo jumbo if you don’t have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself, but I am a firm believer in a higher power and I know, from plenty of experiences in my life, that there is something out there that watches over me, and I also know that when I connect with it, it has my back, in fact it’s even had my back when I haven’t connected with it, but it works better when I do, and I certainly feel better.

There are signs and direction everywhere if we choose to see them and take the direction. We can try to run the show and steer the ship ourselves, but we’re likely going to hit solid ground at some point steering it alone, now that’s not to say that hitting bottom isn’t a part of your journey, and, could possibly be a blessing to get you where you need to be, but why cause more chaos than you really need to, life is meant to be enjoyed, we’re not meant to suffer at your own hand. Find your flow, be open to new ideas or directions, and look for the signs, they’re there and they’re there to show us the way. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe that there is something greater than yourself that guides you and looks after you? If not, why not? If you do, what is your understanding or belief in what that is? How has it guided you in the past? When have you seen the guidance and chosen not to take it? What was the result? What signs have you seen in your life that there seems to be some guidance from that source? How do you connect with it? How can you connect with it more? It comes down to having faith SLAYER, faith in something you cannot see but can feel, if you consciously work on forming a relationship with it, and allow yourself to loosen the reigns and let something else show you the way, that connection, or bond, will get stronger, and that direction clearer. There is a lot out there we don’t know, so why not let yourself believe and trust that you may have more on your side than you thought?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Failure Isn’t Fatal, It’s Feedback

I used to fear failure. I thought it validated me being not good enough, less than. Every time I failed it stung like it was proof I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted, or I wasn’t good enough to get it. But what it was really there to do was give me feedback. To show me what wasn’t working so I could learn from it and try again, or try something different, or maybe just a different approach. But I would let it defeat me every time. Back then, I think that I equally wanted to fail as I wanted to win, because when I failed it let me continue to tell the narrative my head liked to tell, that I didn’t deserve good things, and I was never going to get them. I know now then that thinking wasn’t true. Those were just the lies my disease would tell me to keep me sick, and keep me isolated, it was working.

When things don’t go my way now I try to look for the lesson in it. I look at how I approached it and ask myself if there was something I could have done better, or differently, that may have resulted in a better outcome. I’ve learned a lot from doing that, and I’ve also learned, that sometimes it was out of hands, and that goal or thing I was working for wasn’t meant to be mine, and it may not have because I was meant to be somewhere else or with someone else. You see, failure isn’t fatal, unless you let it be fatal, all it really is just information, or feedback. It’s the universe trying to show you where you are meant to be, and how to get there. We are programmed, by society, to look at failure as just that, proof we failed, or as failures, but that’s not what it’s mean to tell us at all. It’s direction. A nudge to head somewhere else, or try something different. Many of the world’s greatest inventions or successes have come from failure, and perhaps yours can too.

I look back at my life and at a very dark time I would have labeled a failure. A time when I didn’t even want to live. I looked at myself, and my life, at that time, and thought, wow, what a waste, all this potential and you messed it up, this is where your best thinking and best efforts brought you, but the reality is that getting myself to a place of total defeat brought me to a place of surrender, of complete humility, and willing to be teachable is the greatest victory of my life, and the start of the most incredible journey of my life, the journey I’m still on, and plan to stay on for the rest of my life. What I thought was complete failure, got me to a place that I was able to reach out and receive the greatest gift I could ever receive, the gift of desperation to finally look to and grab onto the light. And because I was willing, so many other gifts came my way that have helped me on this journey, and continue to, and when I attempt something new, or try something I haven’t before, and I don’t get the desired result, I know to keep going, and, to keep an open mind and an open heart, because that failure may just bring another incredible gift, in fact, it already has, and it can for you too, if you just allow it to. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: How do you handle failure? Do you let it defeat you? What do you say to yourself when you fail? Are those things true? If not, why do you say them? How those things help you? How do they hurt you? What if you stopped saying them? What if you started looking at them as just feedback? What if you let them guide you to where you are meant or supposed to be? What if you looked at them as just that, a guide? Can you write down some examples of good things that have come out of seemingly failures in your life? Can you write down examples of times you felt you failed, but can now look at those situations and perhaps find some feedback or guidance in those failures? Those times we “fail” we may be right on course to where we’re supposed to be headed, we may have never been destined to achieve what we set out to in the first place, because there is something else waiting for us that is better, or far more well-suited than what we think we should have, or be. Trust the process and don’t listen to your head that tells you your next failure is fatal, because your greatest victory may just be around the corner.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When things go wrong, don’t go with them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Bad Things

Look At Rejection As Redirection

It’s easy to feel defeated by what we feel is rejection. We get our hopes up, have expectations, and may have worked hard to reach a specific goal, only to have the door slammed in the face of our dreams. I used to let those rejections get me down, I would let that negative bullshit committee get loud in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, or that I didn’t deserve good things. It fed into the narrative of me being a loser, so as much as I wanted to succeed, that part of me that was sick, relished in the defeat so it could keep me down, or, push me down even more.

Looking back, there were many times when those perceived rejections were actually a blessing. Either I wasn’t ready for what I was aiming for, I was saved from a bad situation, or, I wasn’t meant to go down that path because something else was waiting for me. As I’ve said before, we know only a little, we only know our part, and not what the big picture is, so what may seem like the right path to us is really only based on the little information we have, our perception of that information, and what our will is propelling us to do. All of that, can steer us in the wrong direction. I’m a big believer that there is a plan for all of us, that we’re all here to do certain things, learn certain things, and take certain action to fulfill the lessons and life we are meant to. We don’t know what that is, but I do believe it is what our “gut” guides us to, those moments of intuition or feelings that send us off into a specific directions. But, because there are so many other factors that can throw us off course, distract us, or perhaps our ego may start to run the show, what should be a straight line often gets broken up into some curvy twists and turns. I know in my life, when I’ve gotten way off track, there has always been something to knock me back on the right path again, so when something doesn’t go my way, I take notice. Sure, it can be disappointing, and trust me, I’ve had plenty of disappointments in my life, but I do trust that those opportunities weren’t meant for me, or, weren’t meant for me at that time. Timing is everything, and much of what we struggle with is trying to make something happen in our own time, instead of waiting for something to organically unfold when it is meant to. And that doesn’t mean sitting around just waiting for things to happen, we have to take action, with the all the information we have in front of us, but it’s also about being open to what else is out there, looking for the signs, the opportunities, the roads we haven’t traveled on, because we may be meant to be on those roads rather than the one we’ve stubbornly stayed on.

Nothing happens by accident, even accidents, everything serves a purpose, and it may take a lifetime to figure that out in some cases, but when we look at a so-called rejection as just information, and look where that rejection may lead us, it may just be nudging us in the direction we’re meant to be heading. The end may be the same as what we had been working towards, but maybe we’re meant to take a different route, maybe there is something to learn there that we need on our journey, something we wouldn’t learn otherwise. So when things don’t go your way don’t retreat, look for other avenues, other roads to travel on, try a new approach, or perhaps with someone new, see what you can learn from the rejection and look to see where else that can lead you. You never know, that big disappointment may just lead you to your biggest accomplishment yet, but at the very least, it can lead you to an open mind and on open heart, and a life that is meant to be, not one you are chasing because you think it’s supposed to look a certain way. Trust the signs, learn from the struggles, and go where the path leads you. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When something doesn’t go your way do you let that defeat you? Why? Can you think of a time something didn’t go your way and as a result you discovered something new? What was that? Can you think of a time when you didn’t get what you wanted and found out later it would have been a bad situation? When you find yourself rejected, how can you turn that around into something positive for yourself? Look back at your life SLAYER, at all the times you’ve been redirected in your life, trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, even if that’s a tough place, know that there is something to be learned there, and once you do, you will move on. Take each defeat as new information, and learn to use that information to find your path, the signs are all around you, you just have to be open to things looking differently than what you might have imagined, but your path is there, if your open to finding it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Walk through life with love in your heart and you are ready for any battle. Even when you feel lost, trust, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Nowhere

We Find What We’re Looking For

I was trying to help someone yesterday with putting on a bracelet, this person immediately started complaining that I was putting it on too tight, the bracelet wasn’t tight, to make sure of it I had placed my finger between the bracelet and her wrist to make sure I wasn’t fastening it too tight, and as I tried to adjust it anyway, she kept complaining, so much so that I finally opened my hands letting the bracelet go and said, “OK, why don’t you do it.” She immediately jumped on me verbally and said that I had thrown it at her. I hadn’t, I just opened my hands and let the bracelet fall to the table, which was right below my hand. She looked at me with such anger, right away, and it was in that moment I realized, she was looking to be upset, so she was upset. There was no reason for her to be upset, but that’s what she had decided to be, long before we crossed paths, so that’s what she was. It reminded of a few things I’ve talked about before at STATE OF SLAY, about when we expect the good, good often comes, well, when we expect the bad, it can come, and if it doesn’t, we can manifest it on our own, like this lady yesterday. But it got me thinking, how often do we go into a situation with dread, or worry, or doubt, or, anger, only to find that’s exactly the outcome? But, were we right in expecting that? Or, did we manipulate the situation to fit the narrative we wanted to tell?

It’s important to walk into every situation with an open mind. To do your homework, prepare where you can, know your true intentions, but then let go of the outcome, and, if you can, try to make the situation a pleasant one, for all parties. We all can carry extra baggage into our days. Something is weighing on our minds, or has pissed us off, or is causing us anxiety, but it’s important not to drag that baggage around with us into the other events and situations that have nothing to do with where we currently are. I know, it can be hard to shake certain things, but it’s about keep things in perspective, and checking in with ourselves to find the source of how we’re feeling at any given moment, so we don’t take things out on people who have nothing to do with the reason you’re upset.

And, just as when we expect the good the good often comes, so does the bad when we expect it. If you’re anticipating something is going to be difficult, or frustrating, or infuriating, it probably will, because you’ve set yourself up to have that experience. Again, if you are feeling a certain way, even before you’ve gotten into the situation, find out why you’re feeling that way. Ask yourself what the real issue is, and try to let that go before stepping into something new and bringing that baggage with you. If the situation is one that you often find to be a negative one, ask yourself how you can turn it around, or, how you can make it a better experience. Many times, even in times when there isn’t much that can be done to make something better I just try to bring in a positive attitude, or bring in some humor, or, maybe compliment someone on something they’re doing right, or well. It’s about changing the energy around something, and, we’re not successful every single time, but many times it does make things smoother, or more pleasant.

When we look for the bad, the bad is what we’re going to find, and who wants to look for that all the time? Well, I used to, but it was a very unhappy place to live.  Be mindful of how you’re feeling, and find out why, and, don’t take that out on someone else who has nothing to do with what’s bothering you in the first place. Be honest with your feelings, and be responsible about how you share them. It just takes a little effort to take responsibility for how you interact with others but that interaction can make a huge impact on those you interact with. Always try to leave someone in the situation the way you would want to be left, maybe even better than that, you choose. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are about to start something new, or start a new task, do you assume the worst or look for the bad? If you look for the bad, why do you do you? Do you think it benefits you to look for the bad? How do you think it hurts you? What can you do to start looking for the good? Do you often carry bad feelings from past experiences into your current experiences? What is the result of that? Do you see how expecting the worst, or carrying feelings from your past, can influence how things go in your present? How can you let go of your past, or expectations, and walk into each situation or task with an open mind? How do you think that will help you? Work on that SLAYER, don’t let your past dictate your future.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

The Universe Is On Your Side

Oh I can hear you cynics, I hear your big sighs or “not me’s” and I used to be you, I was, big time, I always thought the universe had it out for me, that is was plotting against me, wanting me to fail, and relishing in it when I did. I looked for the bad and the bad typically came, when the good did come I didn’t think I deserved it, or thought it was a trick, so I couldn’t ever really enjoy it. When I started out on this path of healing, self-love, and empowerment a good friend of mine, someone who walks this same journey, and who I trusted very much, said to me, live life as if it’s rigged in your favor. I laughed! “Yeah right” I said, “nothing is rigged in my favor.” He told me to act “as if” it was, and he gave me a set of cherry red dice that I still have today. When I’m having a day of doubt that the universe is indeed on my side, I’ll take those dice out and look at them, they remind me to expect the good, to do the footwork, and trust that the universe has my back and is leading me to the people, places and things I need to move forward or to where I am supposed to be. I have to remind myself that where I think I should be and where the universe knows I should be may be two different places, but I just need to let my intentions be known, do what I can, and leave the rest to a power great than myself to do the rest. When I do that, and stay out of the way, not trying to manipulate or force the outcome I want, great things happen, one of those great things that path lead me to writing this blog, something I would have never have thought to set as a goal myself on my own. Amazing things happen when we get out of our own way. So, how do we start trusting, or even collaborating, with universe?

1) Keep and open heart and open mind. We can only see but a small part of the whole picture. We are only privy to our own lives and what’s in front of us, we have no idea how our actions contribute to the bigger picture and how they can affect others around us. It’s about finding trust, or faith, that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, even when that’s a good place, we’re meant to be there for a reason, perhaps there is something to learn there, there likely is, we typically learn a lot through pain, and it’s usually a big motivator for change, change we wouldn’t seek out or agree to if our circumstances were great, so trust you are there for a reason and look to find the lesson in it, or what’s it’s trying to tell you. Also, things don’t have to look and sound a certain way to be deemed “good,” keep an open heart and open mind. There are infinite possibilities out there, and our experiences are small compared to what exists, let yourself explore and be open to new things, or things looking a different way.

2) Be Creative. So in keeping an open heart and mind, we are able to try new things, to be creative and explore. When we do this our world, our mind, our circle gets bigger causing us to find new paths, new ideas, and new dreams. Challenge yourself to do one thing differently each day and see if that doesn’t open up your world. Keep yourself engaged in life and don’t limit yourself to the way you’ve always done it, or the way your parents did, find our own way, your right way, be creative and what’s best for you. And, don’t be afraid to change even that. If we are continuously challenging ourselves, growing, learning, loving ourselves, we are continuously changing and growing, so even if something did work for us yesterday, things may have changed today, shifted, so keep yourself open to being fluid with your life and keep finding new ways to be creative.

3) Ask For Help. Never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I’ve talked about this before. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, you may also be helping the other person you’re asking, and, you may just find a new perspective or way through a problem by having someone else join you for the journey, you may even make a new friend, or strengthen a friendship you already have. We all need help some times, everyone, and you’re no different, if you need help, ask for it, the person you ask may just be a part of the universes plan to get you to where you need to be.

4) Don’t Let Challenge Stop You. I know, sometimes we get tired, and the thought of a new challenge makes us want to hide under our blankets, but let the challenge energize you. You’ve been through many challenges before and have made it through, so what’s a few more challenges? Challenges keep us sharp, they make us stronger, and, they can also open our eyes to new solutions and new opportunities. A challenge is all a matter of perspective, so look it right in the eye and say “game on,” and head right in without hesitation.

Allow yourself to believe the universe is on your side, at least be willing to believe, willingness opens the door, but when you believe that you have something pulling for you, cheering for you, and wanting good for you, you tend to find the good. It’s really an easy concept, when we look for good things, we find good things. It’s up to us. And what’s the alternative? Sitting in the darkness wallowing in our anger, hurt and pain? Been there, done that. I’ll stick to the good any day, even if it’s hard to muster on a dark day, the good always wins over the dark. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe the universe has your back? If yes, why? If no, why? Make a list of times you feel the universe had your back. Make a list of times you felt the universe didn’t have your back. Within those two circumstances, what did you do differently. Do you think that had anything to do with changing the outcome, or your perspective of it? I challenge you SLAYER, to look for the good this week, to act “as if” you believe the universe has your back and see how that changes your outlook and goals. At the end of the week write down how you feel and see if that has changed from today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you