Good morning SLAYER! Needing approval is like saying that someone else’s opinion of you is more important than your own opinion of yourself.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
need
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Jealousy is the cousin of greed. When we focus on what we want and lose sight of what we need.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you don’t ask for you help the answer will always be no. Ask for what you need.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Are You Going To Get In The Car, Or Watch It Go By?
Everyday we have a choice. Choices. We have the power to choose each day whether we are going to engage with each person we encounter or not. It’s our choice. No one can force us. We always have the power to walk away, or, not get in the car and watch it go by.
Before stepping on this path I didn’t realize I had a choice. I felt compelled to always get in the car, to always engage. I had this fire inside of me and a need to be right, even when I knew I was wrong. In fact, I sometimes engaged with even more passion when I knew I was wrong, to see if I could convince you otherwise. It was part of my sickness. Having to be right. I felt like I had to and it took a lot of work to sit on my hands and to stop that behavior. Like many things on this path it was about breaking patterns, old behaviors that no longer suited me, or ones that never did. My need to be right, to fight, was really a deflection for me feeling less than. I didn’t feel good about myself so to prove to everyone else that I had worth, and to myself, I would engage, fight, argue, just to prove a point. But all it really did was chip away at my own self, it didn’t give me confidence, it didn’t give me worth, it always had me in a state of agitation and self-righteousness. I was never going to find peace there.
When I stepped on this path, I was working very closely with a woman, someone who understood my journey, as she had walked it years before me, and still was, and she would ask me, when I would talk about an argument I had gotten in or a heated debate, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” And when I was new to this life I would always say, “both,” or “being right does make me happy.” But it didn’t really. It might for a moment or two, and then I was off looking for the next battle, or car to get into. I remember very distinctly the first time I didn’t. Someone was baiting me to engage with them and I stopped, paused and excused myself. I walked out the door, shut it behind me and paused, I thought to myself, you just broke the pattern, just now, you stopped yourself. Tears welled up in my eyes because in that moment I knew I was going to be OK, that I had it in me to get better, to change and become the woman I had always wanted to be.
When we consciously make the choice to change, and make better choices for ourselves our lives get better. Easier. With less conflict. Drama. We always have the power to walk away, to not engage with those individuals who are looking for conflict, or the old you, you don’t have to play along, you can do what’s best for you and let that car go by, and let go of old ideas that used to shackle you to having to be right, or make sure your opinion is known, sometimes you can say a lot more by not saying anything at all, and in doing so, get your power back as that car speeds away down the road. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel compelled to always be right? Or to engage with everyone who crosses your path? Do you go looking for conflict? Why do you think you do this? What do you think will happen if you stop? Do you feel the need to always be right? Why do you think that is? How do you feel when you’re right? How do you feel when you’re wrong? Why does it matter to you one way or the other? What if you just didn’t engage? What do you think would happen? Who would you feel? What patterns in your life would you like to change? How can you go about changing them? Write down the behaviors you have that don’t serve you, cause you pain or unrest. The next time one of these comes up, pause, take a breath and let it go, don’t engage, just excuse yourself and walk away, you’ll be surprised SLAYER just how freeing it is, and just how right taking that right action will make you feel.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Are You A Giver, Taker Or Matcher?
No, I’m not talking dating terms here, I’m talking life. In a perfect world we’re all “matchers,” we give as much as we take, but in a lot of cases people tend to lean more heavily to one or the other, and in some cases, people are only giving or taking.
The trick is to find the balance, to make sure you’re getting what you need but also sharing what you have with others. There should be a give and take, and it’s up to keep yourself from doing more of one than the other. It seems easy to identify that behavior in others, but sometimes harder in ourselves. I’ve written before about “Emotional Vampires,” those people who demand so much of your time and energy they leave you drained, those people are takers, and I’ve also written in the past about those of us who are “People-Pleasers,” and we’ll do anything to make sure the other person is happy, even at your own detriment. So, how we find a balance?
Anything done to extreme isn’t good for us, so when we’re only putting energy out and not recharging our batteries, or doing things that give back to us, eventually we will tire ourselves out, and most likely, ring up one sizable resentment against the people we’ve been giving so much for. On the flip side, some of us can take without giving anything back, in which case, you’re probably the person someone has a resentment against. So it’s about finding ourselves somewhere in the middle, and, there may be times when we lean toward one or the other, but always making sure we are not just do one thing. It can be good to reach out and say you need help, it may be a part of your healing to do so, especially if you are like I used to be, always proud to do it alone, even if not asking for help ultimately caused more pressure or stress that could of been avoided. For those people, asking for help is a big deal, and something that will garner them big rewards as they continue to practice the act of asking for a hand. And then there are those who are always asking, and keep asking, when they could probably do it themselves, or, help someone else with something. Those who could benefit from asking themselves from time to time, how can I be of service here, and not just think of themselves.
It’s OK to ask for help, it can be a healthy action for many of us, but when we solely rely on people to run in and save the day, or do the work for us, we’re cheating ourselves out of doing the work, and feeling the satisfaction of a job well done, or overcoming an obstacle in our path. Really ask yourself, and be honest, are you too much of a giver or taker, and if so, are there certain areas in your life where you tend to lean one way or the other? Within the answer to those questions lie a lot of useful bits of information about yourself, information that will guide you to more of a balance, like anything else, when we find out the facts, why we do certain things, or what triggers us to exercise certain behaviors, we are better able to address those issues and practice contrary action to walk past it, to find our healthier balance, it should be just as good to ask for help as it goes to help someone else, and the more we strike that balance, the happier and healthier we’ll be.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you are a giver or a taker? Do you find it difficult to ask for help? Why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are you basing that on what’s happened in the past? You are not your past. Today you are setting out to make positive changes for yourself, so throw out old ideas and old stories and start to make new ones. Do you find that you are always asking things of other people? Do you also give back? If you find that you are taking more than you are giving, why do you think you’re doing that? What if you tried to help someone else? Do you think that might also help you in some way? It will SLAYER, when we help others, or do something we know they will appreciate, it’s gets us out of our head, or self, and it gives us a broader perspective than just our own, it also brings us closer to those people in our lives, as when we are able to ask for help, we allow someone else to give in service to us, both people receive a gift, so if you are only acting one way or the other, not matter what way, they are both selfish acts. Find your place in the middle and find a healthy balance of give and take, you will be a richer person for it, and you may find that your relationships get stronger and deeper as a result. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Place Importance On Important Things
We see this all the time, people in dire need of something or someone, reaching out frantically, putting up emergency posts, IN ALL CAPS, with lots of punctuation, only to find that it’s just something they want, not a necessity. Or, they make a big deal out of something that really isn’t, causing themselves anxiety, heartache, and pain needlessly because it shouldn’t be given so much weight in the first place. Or maybe we are guilty of those things. Causing drama, panic among our friends, when it really isn’t necessary. I think we all can be from time to time. We get used to something being a certain way, or we convince ourselves that it has to be one way or everything is off, or will go wrong, or something catastrophic will happen, but will it? Or are these just things we put too much importance on in our lives?
What is important? Things we need to live, food, water, family, loved ones, a roof over our heads, safety, these are some of the things that are important. For many of us, it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important, and what we deem as important because it’s the way we want it to be, or the way we’d like to be, or because everyone else seems to have it or is going where we want to go. But what is important is not loosing sight of what really is important.
The important things in life change for all of us, but there are four simple ones that apply to everyone, and when we focus on these things, the rest fall into perspective.
Your health. Not taking care of yourself and your health will not only limit the time you have to live your life but it will impact the quality of life you have, and your ability to enjoy it and those things you love. Ultimately, your heath, mental and otherwise, is most important thing in your life, and should be protected and nourished daily, making sure you are getting what you need to thrive, grow, and live the live you want to live. Make sure you are taking care of you, in every way that you need to to be your best, most effective, useful you.
Your self-love. Finding and owning your self and loving yourself is also one of the important things in life. Self love is a major part of our foundation as human beings. It grounds us. Gives us strength. Confidence. We make stronger, better choices, because we are doing what’s best of for us, not what’s expected, or what looks good from the outside, or what will impress others, we do what works for the lifestyle we want to live, and for the people we are and who we strive to be.
Your relationships. Life is about relationships, the connections and communication we have with others, whether it be friends, family, or co-workers, invest in the relationships in your life, or, find some worth investing in. Spending time with actual people, not the computer screen or phone, getting out and connecting, socializing, doing things that you love, sharing, is what makes our lives richer, and reminds us that we are not alone, it add to our foundation and fortifies us when life gets tough, relationships teach us who we are, who we want to be, and, take us to where we want to go. All important.
Living your purpose and dreams. When we’re taking care of our own needs, finding love in ourselves, and surrounding ourselves with supportive, like-minded people, we are on track to finding out who we are and what our purpose is in life. I know for myself, it was through my journey of self-love and healing that I became aware that my purpose was to be of service to others who may be struggling, I never would have figured that out had I not found my way through the first three things on this list. When we feel good, when we feel love, and when we give love, we become open to finding a meaning in who we are, in finding a purpose and how we can be most effective. We learn what values are most important to us and how we can apply those to our dreams, or find new ones. It’s important to dream, there is a reason we are drawn to certain people, places, and things, question that, pursue that, and use the knowledge you have gained about yourself and those around you to go after your dreams and make them a reality.
Having all of these in place, it’s time to take action, and to remember, what is really important in life, it’s not the stuff, it’s not the activities you feel you’re missing out on, it’s not something only having to be one specific way, it’s your health, self-love, relationships, and your purpose and dreams, everything else is gravy, so put the importance on life on the important things and with everything else, go with the flow and let things go, you’ll be happier when you do, and, you just might learn a thing or two about you.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you place importance on unimportant things? Do you think everything you want and need is important? Do you see that perhaps not everything on your list is important? List the important things on your list? List the things that may not be important but are nice to have or you like to have? Do you see the difference? It’s easy to get caught up in wanting and having things, but life is actually really simple SLAYER when you allow yourself to see it that way, and when you focus on the truly important things, you’ll probably find that many of those things you would like to have may just come your way as a result of you taking care of yourself and investing in your relationships and your hopes and dreams. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
