Good morning SLAYER! When somebody hurts you try to understand the situation instead of just trying to hurt them back.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
Mental Health
Hurt People Hurt People
I was reminded of this in a conversation yesterday, and remembered myself, it really resonated because I was once one of those hurt people who hurt people. I didn’t always intend to hurt people, and then other times, I did. When we are suffering, in pain, or mentally not at our best, our hurt trickles into every relationship and every interaction we have. Many times we tell ourselves that we are only hurting ourselves, but that is not true. Our actions affect everyone around us, even if it’s only for a few minutes. We all are responsible for what we say and do, and the energy we put out to those around us. As an adult, it is not OK to hide behind an event from our past or make excuses for behaving in a way that harms others. We all have a choice of how we act, react and respond to our set of circumstances and where we find ourselves. But realizing that the people who hurt are hurting themselves also gives us some perspective of what may be happening for someone who hurts us, and the realization that their hurt has nothing to do with us.
Walking in the dark for most of my life I walked with a lot of hurt, and I carried that hurt alone because I was not able to share my truth with others, as a result, it grew, it had power over me and as a result, I believed the lies it told me. I lived in fear, every day, and I didn’t trust anyone, so I was always looking for people to hurt me, and as a countermeasure, I would hurt back, or hurt before I could be hurt. This way of life left me feeling more and more isolated and guilty for hurting those I cared about. But the sick part of me loved this behavior, more I did it the more I was proud of it, I excused it away by saying it was my shield of armor, that it protected me, but what it was really doing was keeping me sick and far from those who cared about me. It also skewed my people picker, it clouded my vision of who was good for me and who I should invite into my life, I began to invite people in who might hurt me because that’s what I thought I deserved, or it gave me an easy target to hurt when I felt compelled to do so, or, I thought I would teach them a lesson. It wasn’t until I surrendered and asked for help, and began this new way of life I live today that I realized all of the damage I had done to others, and to myself. Once I was able to clean up my side of the street and find acceptance and forgiveness for myself I was able to humbly go and make any repairs I could to those I had harmed, and each of those experiences for me were steps that helped me grow and demonstrated to me the power of our words and actions. And now, having lived my life in the light I have been able to find compassion for those, who, like myself in the past, hurt others, I don’t give them a free pass because of it, but I am able to understand where they might be coming from as a way to maybe connect to them through the pain I once lived in, rather than judging them and condemning them for it. Just like when we were kids, that bully in the playground is actually one the lowest self-esteem and likely in the most pain, it’s no different out in the world today, as adults we can do the same thing to mask our hurt.
Whether you are the individual who is hurt, or have been hurt by someone who is hurt, we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves and to behave in a way that does not harm others. There is no excuse to purposely harm someone else no matter how much pain we may be in, or what harm was done to us, we only create more hurt when we do, and, we hurt our own spirit in the process. Stop the cycle of hurt, whether it be to ourselves or those around us, and start to be a part of the solution. Spread love, compassion, understanding rather than hurt and see how that turns your own hurt around. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your hurt hurt others? How has your hurt hurt others in the past? How does it today? Do you use your hurt to justify hurting others? How do you do this? How does that make you feel? How would you rather feel? What is your hurt based on? Is that hurt valid in your life today or is it a hurt from your past that you should let go? What keeps you holding on? How does that hurt you today? Has your hurt allowed you to recognize the hurt in others? Does it allow you to find compassion for them? Does it allow you to connect with them? Does that connection diminish your own hurt? Find the root of your hurt and focus on healing that hurt, our hurt doesn’t go away by causing others to hurt, it just makes more hurt. Let go of what hurt you and turn that energy into healing energy, for yourself, and those who may be hurting around you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Needing approval is like saying that someone else’s opinion of you is more important than your own opinion of yourself.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Finding oneself while seeking the approval of others is the murder of self.
SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Heal the past, live in the present, dream of the future.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Guilt Is Trying To Control The Past, Fear Is Trying To Control The Future
All we have control over is the right here and now. And even then, really, we only have control over how we respond to it. Sure, we can take action to work toward a goal, or choose actions that align with our best selves, but control, in the way we often seek it, is an illusion.
When we try to control the uncontrollable, we send ourselves spinning off into a task we cannot complete. Many times, our need or want for control manifests itself in guilt and fear. We feel guilt over what we have done in the past, over words unspoken or actions not taken. We feel fear about what has yet to happen, worrying we won’t do what we should or won’t get what we want. Neither of these places is a healthy place to live.
Instead of pouring energy into trying to control what has already happened or what has yet to come, we should focus on what we can do in this given moment.
The Trap of Guilt and Fear
When I was living in the dark, I spent a lot of time in the past and the future. The present felt lonely and terrifying. Even though I found no real comfort in reliving the past or projecting into the future, it still seemed better than facing where I was.
I spent thousands of hours berating myself over past moments, decisions, and imagined better responses. I sat paralyzed with fear over what might come next. This cycle of guilt and fear kept me sick for years, until finally the present moment became too unbearable to ignore.
Learning to Stay in the Now
It took a lot of courage to sit in the present, to truly listen, to sit still, and to focus only on what was in front of me. It was deeply uncomfortable at first. My anxiety would spike. But I was told to breathe through it, to find some comfort there. It took a lot of breathing, but the breath was the key to walking through my anxious thoughts and learning to stay rooted in the here and now.
Like any new behavior, the more it is practiced, the easier it gets—leaving room for days when it still feels almost impossible. But with willingness, it’s a practice that can be strengthened.
Reflection and Awareness
Today, my mind still wanders back to the past or into the future, but I know I can’t control either. When it happens, I take note of why. Is there unfinished business? Is my mind leaping forward because I’m avoiding something in the present?
I’ve learned that I can’t control life—past, present, or future—but I can control how I respond to it. I can control the actions I take to prepare for what’s to come and the steps I take to stay true to my path today.
The Freedom of Presence
It’s easy to escape the present by dwelling on the past or fretting over the future. But doing so robs us of the moments right in front of us—the ones that deserve our respect and love.
We all have an abundance of choices each day. All we can do is the best we can in each moment. Yes, we may look back and wish we’d done things differently, but instead of guilt, we can use those lessons to guide us. When we implement those lessons in our present day, we free ourselves from unnecessary fear about the future.
All we truly have is right here, right now. The next move is yours to make—choose the one that keeps you grounded.
SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY:
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Do you tend to live in the past or future?
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What is the result of that?
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How does it help you? How does it harm you?
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What keeps you from living in the present moment?
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How can you change that?
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What do you try to control in your life? Are you able to?
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How does it affect you when you can’t?
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Do you suffer from guilt or fear? How so?
SLAYER, the action we can take is in this moment—everything else is out of our hands. Use this moment to do something your future self will thank you for.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you find yourself stuck in guilt or fear? How do you bring yourself back to the present moment?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s wrestling with guilt or fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The quieter you become the more you can hear.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!
You Can’t Receive The Message If You Don’t Show Up To Listen
I write a lot about looking and listening for signs, they are all around us, but if we are close-minded, think we know everything, or are determined to walk a certain path regardless of what you we be shown, we can easily miss these signs and messages all around us by not showing up for life, or deciding ourselves how it’s supposed to go.
I can relate, before I made a conscious decision to walk this path I thought I knew better, or, even if it was obvious that something should go a certain way, I tried to manipulate or force it to go the way I wanted it to. My ears and mind were closed, even when the signs were right in front of my face, screaming at me, I chose to ignore them and force my way ahead. All I really did was prolong my suffering, and, probably missed many opportunities for good things I would have wanted for myself, if, I had had the humility and an open mind to recognize them. I had to hit a very hard emotional and spiritual bottom before I was willing to listen to those signs, and I am grateful that it wasn’t too late.
We are given messages and signs every day, through music, people, nature and that thing we call our “gut instinct”, there are many ways that we are being guided, and, many ways we can ignore or choose not to listen to what we’re being shown. We do have freedom of choice, and there are many choices every day, but when we are open to listening and looking for that bit of guidance to help us on our journey we are often amazed at how often those signs appear.
For me, when I look back, even when I wasn’t open to them they were there, trying to nudge me in the right direction as I was careening off course. While I was living in ego, and listening to the negative voices in my head, I was almost defiant to them when I did notice them, I was resentful and pushed through them to forge my own path, even though that path was not one that was giving me what I wanted. I continued doing that until there were only two choices, get help, or give up, thankfully I remembered a message that had come to me months before and reached out for help.
Now I look for the signs, I think of them almost like my sidekick, that I am where I am supposed to be, or, when I am questioning starting something new, or looking to make a change, I reach out and ask for those signs, patiently waiting for them to appear when I am meant to see them. They have always appeared when I’ve asked, not always in that exact moment, but shortly after, and because it usually takes me a few times to really get it, I’ll usually get a few of them pointing me towards the same action or conclusion. Today they make me smile, and they comfort me, knowing that they are there walking this journey with me and working with me to get me to where I am supposed to go. I don’t know everything, there’s no way I can, so I look to them to help me on my path. The key is to be willing to listen, and with willingness change can come.
We often ask for signs but are we really open to seeing and hearing them? They only work for us when we are able to get out of our own way and hear them for what they are, if you’re unsure, ask again, in my experience they will keep coming until you are sure, and I know they will show up for you too if you show up and listen for them. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for signs in your day to day life? Do you see and hear them? Do you listen to them? If they are not what you want to hear do you keep doing what you’re doing and ignore them? What is the result? What has been the result when you have followed them? Do you think you are willing and open to their suggestions? If not, why not? What would you ask to see signs for today? Ask SLAYER, ask and listen, this blog may be the first sign to get you to look outward for answers you’ve trying to solve within yourself.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! Without your struggle you may not have stumbled on your strength.
New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Life has a way of evening things out, focus your energy on your own success.
SLAY on!
