Good morning SLAYER! When you speak your truth with compassion, your words have more power.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Love
Slay Talk Live Video
Hey SLAYER! Couldn’t join us for SLAY TALK LIVE today, well, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered, here’s what you missed!
SLAY on!
Telling The Truth In A Way It Can Be Heard
I have never been accused of being subtle. My mind works at a fast pace and my mouth is just as fast, and at times, even faster, and can belt out quick comments or opinions as I move about my day. As I’ve walked along this path I have made a conscious effort to use a filter of compassion and understanding on my mouth, but sometimes the unfiltered truth comes out as I’m running out the door, or late because of someone else’s actions or out of my own frustration, and someone gets hurt. What I say typically is the truth, or the truth as I see it, but can probably be said in a softer and gentler way. It seems that the unfiltered truth often gets used on those I love the most, perhaps my immediate response to something I have already had a discussion about or think they should know. But what I should always know is that my words can hurt, and when I feel that rush of hitting my limit of the softer and gentler way, that’s likely when I should double-down on finding that filter instead of just letting the words fly out of my mouth.
Most people are open to hearing the truth, if it’s said in a way that they can receive it. People don’t hear us when we make them wrong. People don’t hear us when when we attack their weakness. People don’t hear us if we’re if we’re telling the truth by making ourselves sound better, or when we assume they don’t understand what we mean. They will typically always hear us when we speak from the heart. That in itself can be the challenge.
Patience is something I work on every day. I have gotten a lot better with it, but when my brain gets it’s gallop going and it’s heading toward the finish line, patience can fly right out the window, and anyone that slows me down or gets in my way sometimes gets trampled on. It’s in those times I need to speak the way I would want to be spoken to. Even if I may be in the right with the truth I am saying, I need to make sure I am carefully choosing my words and the delivery of how I’m saying it or I can be just as wrong. In fact, many times, the moment someone feels spoken down to, criticized or judged they will likely shut you out, and no amount of truth will be getting in once that happens.
We may be right, but it’s not just about being right, it’s about telling the truth in the right way, in a way that can be heard, and a way that you would want to hear it. It’s then, that a conversation can take place, and progress is able to happen in that area. Also, making sure that we’re not holding back our truth until we just can’t anymore and it just come blurting out. Saying it in the moment, or when it’s appropriate, and not just appropriate for us. When we hold back the truth that frustration, resentment or anger can grow and when it finally lands on our lips it can come across much harsher than it was every meant to be, so making sure we are speaking up when we should, so that fire doesn’t burn both of you later on. Work on speaking from your heart, and thinking of the other person as a part of yourself, from that place the truth is often a lot easier to digest. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to be quite direct when speaking our truth? Do you speak your truth in the moment or wait until you can’t hold it in anymore? What is the result of that? How can you improve or shorten the time it takes for you to express your truth? Are people generally open to hearing your truth? If yes, why do you think that is? If no, why do you think that is? What can you do to change your delivery so people may be more receptive to the truth? How do you like to hear the truth? Do you like to hear the truth? Take into consideration how you best receive the truth and work on sending out the truth that way, there may always be someone who isn’t receptive to hearing it, but when we are able to to say it in a way that they don’t feel attacked, they may be better able to recieve what you say.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! If you can carry love in your heart, you can heal any moment.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Loneliness Is Curable
If someone had told me that my loneliness was curable before stepping on this path I would have laughed. I had always felt lonely, even in a big room full of people. I always felt apart from everyone else, different, and those feelings kept me from connecting with others. I always had friends, and had several long-term romantic relationships, but I never really let anyone in completely, fearing that what they would find in me they wouldn’t like, because I didn’t like myself on the inside. That feeling of loneliness was always present in my day-to-day life. What I didn’t realize is that I held the key to that loneliness, I could let people in and find a peace and love in myself to wipe out the loneliness I felt.
Just as we hold the key to most of our suffering, we hold the key to our recovery from our past. For me, I found a way to connect with a spiritual way of life, to find a belief in something greater than myself. That took some time, even though I had always believed there was something out there, I was told it was up to me to find something that I could connect to and nurture a relationship with. I set out to find something that wanted the best for me, that was there to guide me and watch out for me, and I started to talk and connect with that idea. That alone wasn’t enough, but it was a great start. As that connection grew stronger I started to feel less alone, and that along with making an effort to connect with others like myself, who were on a similar path, those feelings of loneliness started to subside. It wasn’t always easy at the start, to reach out to people I didn’t really know, but it helped to focus on our commonality and those things I knew we shared and when I was able to do that asking someone to meet for a coffee or for their phone number became less scary, and as I did that and formed new friendships and relationships my life got richer and fuller. I still maintained many of the friendships from before, but it helped to form new ones with people who understood the journey I was on.
We, many times, impose our own loneliness, we sentence ourselves to be alone, because we may not feel worthy, or may not like ourselves or convince ourselves we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives, we do, but we have to believe we do and then set out to form those friendships. And, if you live in a smaller community where it’s more difficult to find people like yourself, find them online, find groups or fandoms that you can relate to, and that have common interests, goals or ways of life that coincide with yours. They’re out there. There are so many ways to cure your loneliness, all it takes is some effort on your part, no matter where you find yourself, no matter what interests or excites you, there are people just like you who will not only accept you, but embrace you, so let them know you’re out there and invite them in. Your loneliness is within your control, take your power back and let yourself live as your true self, allowing others to celebrate who you are along with you. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel lonely? When do you feel lonely? Why do you think you feel lonely? Have you always felt lonely, or was there a specific time or event that started your loneliness? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life? If so, what is it? Are you able to identify it? Do you have a spiritual belief or relationship in your life? If so what is it? When you connect with something greater than yourself, do you feel less lonely? Does connecting with it give you comfort or make you feel more confident? Do you have trouble making new friends, or seeking out new people with similar interests or a similar journey? If not, why not? What gets in your way? Find the courage, SLAYER, to reach out those like yourself if you’re feeling alone, work on engaging with those people and find a commonality with them you can connect to. You can cure your own loneliness, but it takes work, so get to work and kick loneliness to the curb!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! No one comes into our lives by accident.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Those We Miss
I found out last week that a woman I used to see at the Pilates studio I attend passed away. Her name was Julie. She was a New Yorker with a lot of spunk, never shy to chime in with her opinion. She wasn’t one to warm up to new people, but we hit it off right away with our glances during class, our love of dogs and sharing of political sketches from the last SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. We never exchanged phone numbers, but would always say goodbye to each other before leaving the studio with a smile and a “I’ll see you”…whatever day our next class was together. The last time I saw her we did just that. “See you Wednesday,” I said, and left looking forward to seeing her the next time we had class together. I never did see her again. I had noticed she hadn’t been coming to class, which was unusual, and assumed she had come down with a cold or flu, it is that season, but after a week and a half had gone it seemed strange that I hadn’t seen her. I was told that she passed away, that she had been found in her home unresponsive. It hit me hard. This woman, who I didn’t know outside of the studio, was someone, in 3 ½ months, I had made a connection with, someone who always made me smile, and someone who come over to me when I was new to the studio and made me feel welcome. Something she was not known for. It’s been over a week since I learned of her passing and it still hits me every time I walk into the studio that she won’t be there. I hadn’t realized how much of an impact she had made on me until she was gone.
It got me thinking. How many people do we have in our lives, people we may see where we work, at our favorite coffee shop, or maybe one of our neighbors who we don’t really know but make an impact in our day-to-day lives? How many beautiful souls do we exchange smiles with, pleasantries with or just look to see if they are there? And how many of them would we miss if they were no longer there? I find myself missing Julie deeply, to the point where often I find I have tears in my eyes when I open the door to the studio for a class we frequently both took. I think back and wonder if there was something more I could have done to let her know how much she meant to me, even more than just a few minutes of banter we would share before or after class, but I think she knew, and I think it meant just as much to her as it did me. I wonder how many people we impact and don’t even know it. I’ve certainly had people, people I didn’t even know, come up to me and thank me for just showing up, for consistently being somewhere and being reliable, for always walking in with a smile, and so I realize that just by being myself and by being conscious of those around me, I may leave a lasting impression on someone, and I try to remember that when even doing the most mundane of tasks, every moment is an opportunity to make someone feel good, or worthy, or appreciated.
The feeling of loss around Julie has taken me a bit by surprise, the heaviness of it, and I know if I was able to tell her today how I felt, she’d probably send back a quick, “ah, get over it,” with a smirk in her sharp New York way, but perhaps my feeling of loss around her was meant to make the impact it has because I need to be more vocal about how I feel about everyone in my life, not just those in my immediate circle, but anyone I consistently see or talk to and let them know what they mean to me, even if it’s the smallest exchange. As they say, you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone, and that is so true, but what if we make an effort to look at what we do have, and make sure we appreciate those people today, and let them know we do, while we still can. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make an effort to let people know what they mean to you? Do you make an effort to reach out or be kind to the people you meet, or see on a regular basis? Of those people, is there someone who you would truly miss if they were no longer there? Let them know SLAYER, let them know what they mean to you, share that with them, you never know when it might be too late.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from loving yourself, but it can start your journey to self-love.
SLAY on!
Shapeshifter
When I was very ill, it was obvious what needed to change in my life for me to get better, and once I removed that from my life my disease started to reach for other things that I could use to try to fill the void I felt inside, to soothe me or to try to quiet my mind. It was so seamless at times I didn’t even realize I was doing it, and it sometimes worked it’s way in as things that wouldn’t necessarily raise a red flag at first, sugar, caffeine, shopping, overeating, not eating enough, exercise, even gum chewing, the behaviors or habits would start and because I was so focused on the removal of something else that brought me to my knees, I wasn’t looking at these others things. Mental illness is very cunning, it will disguise itself as anything it needs to to survive. It watches and listens as you get better, and tries to find the work-around, and, if we let our guards down, it succeeds. I’ve seen it at work in my own life, and it has almost succeeded, and, I’ve seen it succeed in others’ lives, and take lives. It shows no mercy. It doesn’t care who you are, where you’ve come from, that you may be a loving talented person, it wants what it wants, and mine wants me dead.
The trick for me is stay on top of things. To not let old habits slide, and to stay accountable for my actions. I have an incredible network of people in my life who I stay honest with, and when I notice something flare up or that I may be falling back I call myself out, that way I now have to take action, and there is going to be a person, or people, there to check in on me.
Before stepping on this path I kept anything I thought was bad to myself. I never shared anything with anyone except the good stuff, and even then I was a little hesitant because I was concerned I would jinx it, or that the person I was sharing it with wouldn’t like me anymore. This was the insanity of my head. So when I made the commitment to get well I had to out myself on everything. No more secrets. And damn it felt so good. After a lifetime of putting on an act or showing you only what I thought you wanted to see, it felt so good to just be myself, the good, the bad and the ugly, especially the ugly, to just let it all out. The reaction I got was incredible, so much support, but that’s not why I did it, I did it because it was imperative for my survival, and my recovery, but the support and love helped quiet down my disease that used to tell me that no one cared, they did care, and always had, but I hadn’t let them.
Being open and honest about who we are and what we struggle with sheds light on our disease, or illness. When we are open and honest we let the light in and those damaging habits or behaviors can’t hide in the shadows like they once could. We have to stay vigilant about our own recovery and health, mind, body and spirit, because when we’re looking the other way what we think we’re battling can shapeshift into something else that we think is harmless, and that’s when it can do the most harm. When you notice something coming up more frequently in your life, take notice of it, it could be a sign that something is running amok in your life while you’re attention is elsewhere. As much as we think we can outsmart it, it knows what we know and the moment we let our guard down, or have a moment of doubt, it takes that opportunity to slide in and lay some roots. The key to our best selves, and healthy selves, is to be open and honest about who we are and where we are, to remove those things from our lives that take us down an undesirable path, and that harm our spirit. Watch out for the shapeshifter in your life, and identify it for what it really is, that is the only way to reduce it’s power and to take yours back. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you notice your disease, mental illness, or struggles shapeshift in your life? How so? How have you caught it? How have you quashed it? How has it gotten the best of you at times? How can you stay on top of things and keep it from shapeshifting? Typically when things shapeshift in our lives it’s because we’re taking something bigger on and our disease feels threatened, or we’re not being honest about who we are and what we’re struggling with, truth will stop it in it’s tracks, it has nowhere to hide in our truth, so let your light shine in all the shadow places it likes to hide and share your truth with those around you, once you get to the source of your struggles you have the ultimate weapon at your disposal, and no amount of shapeshifting can survive that.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Freedom Fighter
When we’re sitting in the dark we may dream of a hero swooping in to save us, a superhero, of sorts, who understands us and shows us the way out. Someone who can fix things and make everything better. Someone who will bring light into our darkness and use that light to show us the way. What we don’t understand when we’re in the darkness is that we are that hero, we have the power to save ourselves and we are our own superhero, we need to fight for our freedom and be a freedom fighter!
When I was living in the darkness I thought my life was hopeless. I didn’t see a way out and my head told me everyday that there was only one way out, to end my suffering. Because I wasn’t sharing those thoughts with anyone I believed what my head told me, I thought it was the truth. It wasn’t. I was blessed with another freedom fighter coming into my life who shared his truth with me, and the story of his fight into the light. It seemed like an incredible story, and it remained just that for months as I continued my downward spiral into my deep pit of darkness. On a particularly dark night that story suddenly rang true for me. For the first time I identified with the before part of the story, what it had been like for my friend, I saw myself in that story and that was the tiny bit of hope I needed to pick up my sword and start my journey as a freedom fighter, a fighter who was fighting for my own freedom.
You see, no one else can truly save us if we aren’t willing to save ourselves. Now, I’ve had a lot of help along with the way from some very amazing freedom fighters who have shown me the way, and I still have many in my life, and it’s important to me to light the way for others so that they might find the freedom fighter in themselves.
My sword, when I started, wasn’t nearly as mighty, in fact, many days I questioned whether I could pick it up at all, but I did, I used all my strength, even if I could only get it an inch off the ground, but I did it, and each day that sword got a little easier to carry, and then some days it got heavy again, and still does from time to time, but now I’ve got many years of carrying that sword under my belt, and I know, no matter how heavy it feels, it’s there, and I have the strength to pick it up, and if I still doubt that, I have many other freedom fighters around me to remind me, or, if I need it, to help me lift that sword.
We have the power to save ourselves at any given time. We may not know how, or why, or if we really can, but if we believe, even a little, that tiny bit of light may cause us to reach out for help, and that tiny bit of light may give us hope, and that hope may propel us to take action, any action, that will set us on a trajectory of blinding light. We just need to pick up our sword, even if we have to drag it at first, and find the other freedom fighters in our lives who lend us their strength as we fight the most important battle of our lives, the fight for our own freedom. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you know that you have the power to save yourself from the darkness? You do SLAYER. Even if that power is picking up a phone, or sending a message, or chatting with someone, you have the power to let some light in and possibly some hope. You have that light inside of you. You may have buried it under a lot of darkness, but it’s still there if you dig deep down and find it. I know because if it wasn’t there you wouldn’t be reading this right now. You wouldn’t be open to finding your own freedom fighter within. You wouldn’t be standing next to me in this path, and yet, here you are. You have it in you SLAYER, I don’t doubt you, even if you doubt yourself, know that I believe in you and until you can pick up your sword yourself, know that there are many of us here who will help you hold it high, until one day you can use it to tear down your darkness and let the light in.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
