growth mindset

Slay Say

The journey no one clapped for created the moment they celebrate

It’s easy to admire someone’s success without ever seeing the struggles that built it. People will clap for the glow, but they rarely acknowledge the fire it came from.

Behind every highlight is a hard-fought story—quiet battles, sleepless nights, doubts you had to silence, and resilience you had to grow. The truth is, the spotlight only shows the ending; it doesn’t reveal the shadows you walked through to get there.

Your journey matters, even if no one sees it. Every step, every scar, every setback you’ve overcome is part of the strength that makes your light shine.

This is your reminder to honor the path as much as the outcome.

SLAY on!

Learning to Love the Thing You Wish Hadn’t Happened

There are moments in life that split time in two.

There’s before it happened.
And there’s after it happened.

And sometimes, that “it” is something you would give anything to erase. A betrayal. A loss. A mistake. A failure. Something that shook you so deeply that, even years later, you still catch yourself saying, “If only that had never happened…”

I’ve been there. More than once.

For a long time, I believed the only way to be truly happy again was to go back—back to the way things were before the pain, before the fallout, before the day that changed everything. But the truth is, there is no going back. There’s only forward. And learning to move forward doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt, or even pretending you’re glad it happened.

It means learning to love what it taught you.

It means finding peace in the fact that this unwanted thing—this thing you thought would break you—has also shaped you into the version of yourself you are now.

The Lie We Tell Ourselves About “If Only”

When something painful happens, our minds get stuck in loops. We replay conversations. We imagine different choices. We rewrite endings that never came.

It’s a way of bargaining with reality: If only it hadn’t happened, I’d be happier. If only it hadn’t happened, I’d be whole.

But here’s the truth no one wants to admit—those loops keep us chained to the very thing we want freedom from. Every time we run through the “if only” scenario, we hand over our present to a past we cannot change.

And if we’re not careful, we start defining ourselves by the wound instead of the healing.

What It Really Means to Love the Thing You Wish Hadn’t Happened

Loving what you wish hadn’t happened doesn’t mean excusing it, approving of it, or romanticizing pain. It’s not toxic positivity, and it’s not saying, “Everything happens for a reason” as a way to shut down your feelings.

It’s about recognizing that you did survive it. That it’s part of your story. And that by accepting it instead of resisting it, you can take back your power.

When you love what you wish hadn’t happened, you’re saying:

  • “I see what this taught me, even if I never wanted the lesson.”
  • “I won’t let this moment define my future in a way that keeps me small.”
  • “I can carry this with me without letting it weigh me down.”

That shift—acceptance over resistance—is where freedom begins.

Turning Pain Into Purpose

If I look back at my own life, the moments I once wished away have given me some of my greatest strengths.

The heartbreak that shattered me? It taught me how to listen to my intuition.

The loss that felt unbearable? It taught me to love harder and to cherish the present.

The mistake I swore I’d never recover from? It humbled me, made me more compassionate, and connected me to people I never would have met otherwise.

When you learn to love what you wish hadn’t happened, you’re essentially mining your pain for gold. You’re pulling the wisdom from the rubble. You’re saying, “If I have to carry this, I will make sure it makes me stronger.”

Choosing to See the Gift

This is the hardest part—seeing the gift in the thing you never wanted.

Sometimes the gift isn’t obvious. It’s not wrapped neatly with a bow. It might take years before you see how something awful set the stage for something better.

But I believe this: Every wound has the potential to be the very thing that builds your wings.

That doesn’t happen automatically. It happens when you choose to look for the lessons. When you decide that your story will not end in tragedy, but in transformation.

You Don’t Have to Like It to Learn From It

There’s a misconception that acceptance means approval. It doesn’t. You can still hate what happened. You can still grieve it, still wish it had been different.

Acceptance is simply saying, “It happened. I can’t change that. But I can choose how I live with it.”

And sometimes, “living with it” means integrating it into your story in a way that honors your growth instead of your grief.

From Scar to Strength

Your pain is not who you are.

It’s part of your story, but it’s not your identity. The thing you wish hadn’t happened might always sting a little, but with time, the sting fades, and the scar becomes proof—not of what hurt you, but of what couldn’t break you.

When you reach the point where you can love that scar, when you can look at it and think, That’s where I grew the most, you’ve taken back what was stolen from you.

That’s when the thing you once wished away becomes the thing that shaped you into the person you were always meant to be.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What’s one event in your life you still wish had never happened?
  2. How has holding onto resistance kept you tied to it?
  3. What’s one strength, lesson, or relationship you have today because of it?
  4. How would your life look if you could accept it fully?
  5. What’s one small step you can take this week toward making peace with it?

S – Stop replaying the “if only” loop
L – Look for the lessons, even if they’re small
A – Accept that it’s part of your story, not all of it
Y – Yield to the growth it’s given you

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you wish had never happened—and how has it unexpectedly shaped you for the better?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck wishing they could erase the past, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Every Step Counts

Not every day will be a sprint—and that’s not a failure. Some days will feel like momentum, others like maintenance. And that’s still progress.

The truth is, life isn’t about hitting your peak every single day—it’s about honoring where you are and showing up in a way that’s true to that moment. Some days you’ll move mountains. Other days, you’ll simply stand your ground. Both matter.

Progress is built in moments, not just milestones. The small steps you take on your slowest days are just as valuable as the leaps you take on your strongest ones.

This is your reminder to celebrate the fact that you’re still moving forward, no matter the pace.

SLAY on!

You Can’t Speak Butterfly Language to Caterpillar People

There comes a moment in growth—real, soul-deep growth—where you start to see things differently. You think differently. Feel differently. You’ve been through the fire, and now you move lighter, clearer, freer. But what happens when the people around you haven’t caught up?

What happens when they’re still speaking caterpillar, and you’ve turned into a butterfly?

It’s one of the hardest parts of healing. You want to be understood, to be supported, to be met with the same energy you now bring to the table. But not everyone will get it. Not everyone is meant to. Some people are still living in the version of you that fit them. And that version? The one who shrunk, people-pleased, kept the peace, and didn’t make waves? That’s who they miss.

But you don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that you’ve outgrown.

Don’t Waste Your Wings Explaining Yourself to Those Who Refuse to Fly

The more you evolve, the less you’ll feel the need to explain yourself. That’s not arrogance—it’s alignment.

You’re not obligated to shrink your truth to make someone else comfortable. You’re not here to convince them of your growth, your healing, or your worth. If someone is committed to misunderstanding you, no amount of butterfly talk will make them listen.

They don’t speak your language. They haven’t earned the right to interpret your transformation.

So instead of wasting your energy justifying your boundaries, your peace, your purpose—protect that energy. You’ve worked too hard to unlearn survival mode only to get pulled back into it trying to prove you’ve changed.

Let your life speak for itself. Let your peace do the talking.

You’re Not Better—You’re Just Becoming

Growth doesn’t make you superior. It makes you aware. And with awareness comes choice.

You don’t have to cut people off with cruelty. But you also don’t have to carry the weight of relationships that ask you to deny your truth. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you can grow beside them.

Some people will stay rooted in fear, gossip, chaos, control. They’ll look at your wings and call them dramatic. Call them selfish. Call them fake. That’s okay.

Let them.

You don’t need their permission to evolve. Your transformation isn’t up for debate.

Fly Anyway

If you’ve been dimming your shine to stay digestible—stop.

If you’ve been translating your truth into someone else’s comfort—stop.

If you’ve been waiting for them to catch up—you don’t have to anymore.

Butterflies don’t explain how they became butterflies. They just fly.

You’re allowed to protect your peace without guilt. You’re allowed to walk away from dynamics that drain you. You’re allowed to outgrow places, people, and patterns that no longer serve you—even if they once did.

That’s not disloyal. That’s evolution.

So the next time someone tries to pull you back into the old version of yourself, remember: you’re not who you used to be. And that’s a good thing.

You’re speaking butterfly now. Not everyone is meant to understand.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who in your life still expects you to be the person you’ve outgrown?
  2. What version of yourself are you most proud of leaving behind?
  3. Do you feel the need to explain your healing journey to others?
  4. How does it feel when someone doesn’t “get” your growth?
  5. What’s one way you can protect your peace this week—without apology?

S – Speak your truth without over-explaining
L – Let go of needing approval for your evolution
A – Align with people who see and support the real you
Y – Yield to your transformation, even if it’s misunderstood

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Who have you had to stop explaining yourself to—and how did it free you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to fly while others are pulling them down, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Growth starts where ego ends

It’s not always easy to hear what we need to hear. Sometimes, the truth pokes at our pride before it frees us. But if we want to grow, we have to stop treating feedback like failure. Growth asks for humility, curiosity, and the willingness to be wrong. The most powerful people are the ones who stay open—even when it stings.

If you treat feedback as an attack, you’ll miss every opportunity to rise.

SLAY on!

Slay Say

Truth Without Testing

We often accept the thoughts we think every day as truth—without ever asking where they came from or if they’re even real.
But your dominant assumptions are more than thoughts.
They’re blueprints, quietly sculpting how you see yourself… and how you show up in the world.

If you never stop to question the story, you might keep building a life on someone else’s beliefs.
This is your reminder to pause, get curious, and challenge what you’ve been living on autopilot.

Your mind is listening.
Make sure it’s following a truth that’s actually yours.

SLAY on!

Stop Waiting To Feel Ready

If I’m being honest, most of the time…I don’t feel ready.

Whether it’s a new opportunity, a big decision, or even sitting down to write something like this—I rarely feel 100% ready. If left to my own devices, I’d keep fine-tuning, researching, adjusting, and second-guessing. I’d wait until everything was “perfect.”

But what I’ve learned on this path is simple and powerful: ready isn’t a feeling—it’s a decision.

The Myth of “Feeling Ready”

We tell ourselves we’ll start when we feel more confident.
We’ll speak up when we feel more prepared.
We’ll leap when we feel less scared.

But the truth is, that feeling of readiness? It doesn’t always show up. And if it does, it usually comes after we’ve already taken action—not before.

The illusion of “readiness” keeps us stuck. We wait, thinking there’s some magical moment where we’ll feel different—bolder, braver, more equipped. But most opportunities don’t wait for us to feel ready.

They ask us to decide to be ready.

The Power of Deciding

In my life, there have been countless times I’ve had to make that decision.

Sometimes it was because of a deadline.
Sometimes it was because an opportunity had an expiration date.
Sometimes I just knew if I didn’t move forward, I’d stay stuck.

And every time, I’ve learned this: I didn’t need to know everything. I just needed to know enough to start.

Being ready doesn’t mean having every answer. It doesn’t mean knowing the full path. It means saying, “I’ve got what I need to take this step, and I’ll figure the next one out as I go.”

Do What’s In Front of Your Hands

One thing I’ve carried with me on my journey is this simple reminder:
Do what’s in front of your hands.

That means staying grounded in the present step—even when your mind wants to jump five steps ahead. Yes, it’s wise to have a vision. I like to look a little ahead, to prepare for what’s coming. But the real growth? It happens in the now.

When you focus on what’s right in front of you—just the next task, the next decision, the next act of courage—you start to build momentum. And that momentum leads to clarity, confidence, and more opportunity.

Progress, Not Perfection

Waiting until you feel ready often comes from a deeper fear of making mistakes. But perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.

You’re allowed to make messy starts.
You’re allowed to learn as you go.
You’re allowed to pivot, evolve, and adjust your plan.

Because the truth is, the journey is the point. It’s not about getting it “right” the first time. It’s about moving forward, learning, and becoming.

You’re not behind. You’re not unqualified. You’re simply standing at the edge of the next thing. And all that’s left is to decide to begin.

Make the Decision Today

If you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to start, here’s your sign: stop waiting.

Make the decision. Be willing to show up before you feel completely ready. Trust that you’ll grow into each next step—and that you already have everything you need to begin.

The truth is, you won’t always feel ready.
But you can always choose to be.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s check in, SLAYER:

  • S: What are you currently putting off because you don’t feel “ready”?
  • L: What would change if you decided to start anyway?
  • A: Can you identify one small step you can take today, even if you don’t feel prepared?
  • Y: How can you reframe readiness as a mindset instead of a feeling?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something you’ve been waiting to feel ready for—and how can you choose to begin today instead?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting for the “perfect moment,” send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Your Best Yes Might Be the One That Scares You

It’s easy to say yes when you feel prepared, qualified, and ready.
But what about the yes that feels uncertain? The one that makes you pause and think, “Can I even do this?”

I’ve learned over the years that these are often the most important yeses—the ones that lead you somewhere you never expected, but exactly where you’re supposed to be.

For me, some of the best things in my life have happened because I said yes even when I wasn’t sure. Even when I doubted myself. Even when it was something I’d never done before.

Those yeses have taught me that courage often comes before confidence.

Saying Yes Before You Feel Ready (I Never Felt Ready Either)

If I had waited until I felt fully ready, I would have missed out on so many opportunities that shaped me.

There have been roles I’ve taken, projects I’ve joined, and events I’ve spoken at where my first instinct was, “Why me? I’ve never done this before.”
But then I’d hear this little voice reminding me:
“Just say yes. You’ll figure it out.”

And you know what? I always did. Maybe not perfectly. But growth never is.

Every time I said yes, I walked away with more than I expected—new skills, new friends, new perspectives.
You become ready by doing. Not by waiting.

The Unexpected Gifts of Taking a Chance

Some of my favorite experiences started with a hesitant yes.

  • Saying yes to a random opportunity led me to discover a new creative passion.
  • Saying yes to a conversation with someone I barely knew turned into a meaningful friendship.
  • Saying yes to a project that felt way out of my league ended up teaching me things I didn’t even know I was capable of.

If I had stayed in my comfort zone, I would have missed out on all of it.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes, that scary yes is simply the universe nudging you toward something bigger.

When Yes Isn’t About the Destination

One thing I’ve come to believe is this:
Not every yes is meant to be the grand finale.
Sometimes, it’s just meant to get you moving.

There have been plenty of times when saying yes didn’t lead me exactly where I thought it would.
But it got me out the door. It opened a new door. It connected me to people and places I wouldn’t have found otherwise.

Your yes doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be intentional.
You’re not committing to a lifetime. You’re committing to the next step.

Brave Yes vs. Reckless Yes: Here’s How I Tell the Difference

Let me be real—I’ve said yes to things for the wrong reasons too.
Guilt. People-pleasing. Fear of missing out.

Those yeses? They don’t feel good. They drain you.

But the brave yes?
That’s the one that feels a little scary but also exciting. The one that stretches you in the right way. The one your gut says “this could be good for me” even if your brain is panicking a little.

Now, I pause and ask myself:

  • Am I saying yes because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?
  • Or am I saying yes because it aligns with who I’m becoming?

That pause makes all the difference.

Growth Lives on the Other Side of Yes

Every time I’ve stepped into something new, even when it terrified me, I’ve grown.
Not just in skills or experiences, but in how I see myself.

By saying yes, I’ve learned to trust myself more.
To know that I can figure things out.
That even if I stumble, I’ll get back up stronger.

That’s what your best yes does—it helps you grow into the next version of you.

What’s Your Best Yes? Final Thoughts

Here’s what I want you to know:
You don’t have to feel fully ready to say yes.
You don’t have to know exactly how it will turn out.

Sometimes, your best yes is the one that simply gets you moving.
The one that introduces you to a new part of yourself.
The one that reminds you—you’re more capable than you think.

So, what’s the yes you’ve been hesitating on?
It might just be the beginning of something amazing.

Your Turn: Reflect & Take Action

Now it’s your turn. Take a moment and think about these questions:

  1. What opportunity have you been hesitating to say yes to because it feels outside your comfort zone?
    What’s really holding you back?
  2. Think of a time when you said yes even though you were unsure.
    What did you gain from that experience?
  3. What’s one small, brave yes you can give yourself this week?
    A chance to grow, connect, or simply show up differently.
  4. How do you personally tell the difference between a reckless yes and a brave yes?
    What does your body or intuition tell you?
  5. Who or what could benefit from you saying yes to yourself right now?
    Remember, your courage is contagious.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s the yes you’re ready to say, even if it scares you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s standing on the edge of a yes, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Just Because You Make Mistakes Doesn’t Mean You Are A Mistake

We all make mistakes.
It’s how we grow. It’s how we learn.
Sometimes we learn to do things differently, and sometimes we simply learn that mistakes are just part of the process—an oops, not an identity.

But there’s a dangerous turning point many of us reach:
When we start to believe that we are the mistake.

That’s when mistakes stop being lessons and start becoming labels.
And when we internalize our failures, we block our own growth.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Trap of Perfectionism

When I was living in the dark, I believed I was a mistake.
Every time I messed up—even just a little—I used it as proof that I was broken, unworthy, or incapable.

I set impossibly high standards for myself, and when I didn’t meet them, I punished myself emotionally.

  • I beat myself up.
  • I questioned my worth.
  • I kept mental score of every misstep.

Perfection wasn’t just the goal—it was the requirement.
And every time I fell short, I used it as another reason to feel like I had failed at life.

The Permission to Mess Up

Everything changed when I got help.
I was told something I had never even considered:
It’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, it’s encouraged.

Mistakes meant I was trying.
Mistakes meant I was doing something new.
Mistakes meant I was taking action—even if the outcome didn’t go as planned.

That shift in thinking opened the door to something I hadn’t felt in a long time: freedom.

I stopped needing to be perfect and started focusing on being present.
I learned to ask, What can this mistake teach me? instead of, What does this say about me?

Listening to the Signs

Another thing I began to notice?
I made more mistakes when I wasn’t taking care of myself.

If I was tired, overwhelmed, underfed, or overworked—my errors increased.
And instead of blaming myself, I started seeing those slip-ups as signals.

  • Maybe I needed rest.
  • Maybe I needed better boundaries.
  • Maybe I needed to slow down.

Mistakes became more than just missteps—they became a check-in.
An opportunity to notice where I might be neglecting my own needs.

Mistakes That Lead to Magic

Here’s the other thing:
Some of my biggest mistakes?
They’ve led me to some of the most beautiful parts of my life.

If I hadn’t taken the wrong turn, I wouldn’t have found the right path.
If I hadn’t said yes when I probably should have said no, I wouldn’t have learned what a real yes feels like.

We don’t always know in the moment, but sometimes what we call a mistake is actually just a redirection.
A plot twist with a purpose.

The Only Real Mistake?

The only mistake you can make is not taking action because you’re afraid of failing.
Playing it safe. Holding back. Staying small. That’s where real regret grows.

Life isn’t about getting it right all the time.
It’s about trying.
Learning.
Adjusting.
And trying again.

Mistakes are just part of the road.
They’re not roadblocks. They’re guides.

And they are never who you are.

SLAY Reflection: What Are You Learning?

  1. Do you tend to beat yourself up when you make a mistake?
    What does your inner voice sound like in those moments?
  2. Have any of your past mistakes led to something unexpectedly positive?
    What did you learn?
  3. What can you do to be more forgiving of yourself when you mess up?
    What would you say to a friend in your position?
  4. Are you holding back from taking action out of fear of making a mistake?
    What might shift if you gave yourself permission to just try?
  5. How can you begin turning your mistakes into tools for learning instead of weapons for self-punishment?
    What would change if you saw them as stepping stones instead of stop signs?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one mistake you’ve learned from—and how did it help you grow?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s being too hard on themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

The Oops Factor

Growing up, I never left any room for mistakes. I expected myself to do everything perfectly—and when I didn’t, I beat myself up. I carried these unrealistic expectations with me through childhood, my teenage years, and well into adulthood, never giving myself permission to simply be human. The result? A constant negative narrative playing on loop in my head, convincing me I wasn’t good enough. Every mistake felt like proof of failure, which I used as an excuse to abandon self-care, spiral into self-doubt, and reinforce the lie that I could never get better.

I see now that none of that thinking was true. I made it feel true by keeping my struggles to myself and believing the cruelest voices in my mind. I nearly rode that train all the way into the station—but thankfully, I got off before the final stop.

The truth is: our mistakes are where we learn the most. They shape our character. They build the resilience we need to accomplish the things that really matter. No one is meant to get it right every time. The growth is in the slip-ups. That’s why we need to embrace what I call the “Oops Factor.”

What Perfectionism Really Cost Me

Expecting myself to be perfect—even when I knew better—set me up to fail. I’d aim impossibly high and, when I missed the mark (which was inevitable), I’d use that as ammunition to tear myself down. Even when I succeeded, I picked apart the outcome. I never gave myself permission to feel proud. That made relationships harder too. I lived in fear that people would see me for the fraud I thought I was.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point and asked for help. In that process, I learned something life-changing: mistakes are a sign that I’m trying. They mean I’m pushing myself. And even when things don’t work out the way I hoped, there’s always a lesson or a growth opportunity—often the real reason I was on that path in the first place.

Over time, I’ve learned to trust that I’m exactly where I need to be. My job is to take the next right step. I can’t control the outcome—just the intention behind the action. And when I show up with that mindset? It’s always a win. Trying is the victory. There’s always something to gain.

Make Room for the Oops

We’re all allowed to make mistakes. In fact, we should be making them. That’s how we grow.

Start leaving space for the Oops Factor in your life. When something doesn’t go as planned, look for the lesson—or simply laugh it off. Don’t let the fear of messing up keep you from taking risks or being yourself. Let go of the pressure to be perfect and redefine what success looks like. Maybe, just maybe, being exactly who you are today is enough.

Mistakes don’t define you. But how you respond to them just might.

SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you expect yourself to be perfect?
  • How do you usually react when you make a mistake?
  • Does that response help you—or harm you?
  • What’s one belief about mistakes that you’re ready to let go of?
  • What’s one thing you’ve learned from a recent oops moment that helped you grow?

Give yourself permission to stumble. Learn, laugh, and get back up stronger.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can show yourself more grace when you make a mistake?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s been stuck in a shame spiral, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a little reminder that it’s okay to mess up.