force

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The more you try to control something the more it controls you.

SLAY on!

state-of-slay Control Enjoy Nothing

Are You Playing Director And Trying To Run The Show?

Before walking this path I thought I knew better. About everything. I thought I knew how things should be run for myself, for you, and everyone else out there. As far as I was concerned, you were all doing it wrong, and if you would just listen to me, life would have been going smoother for all of us. Now, many of you thought as I did, that you knew better, and you may have, but I was determined to run the show, so I spent a lot of energy trying to control, manipulate and force things into being my way. All that really got me was a trip to my own personal bottom and a lot of frustration and heartache along the way. We, as human beings, do not have ultimate control over people, places and things, and if you think you do, you may find you are also heading toward a personal bottom. There is so much that is out of our control each day, in fact, most things, but, what we can control, and what we are in charge of, is our actions and reactions to those things around us, that is it. Anyone else’s business is, well, their business, and unless they’ve asked for help, or your opinion, then it’s typically not welcome. So, when I was living in the dark, I had to first check my ego at the door and admit that I didn’t know everything, and when I honestly looked at where my thinking had got me, I had to admit I didn’t, because I never would have chosen to have gone to the place I did, but, I am so very grateful it did.

You see, for me, it took me hitting a personal bottom to realize I didn’t know everything, and that maybe, my thinking had gotten me there. As much as I wanted to blame circumstances or other people, no one had forced me to live my life the way I had been, no one had forced me to take the actions I did, and no one had forced me to live in ego and not take the suggestions of those who may have known better, or who had made them out of care and concern. I did all of it, by myself. Now, yes, I was living with untreated mental illness, but even knowing I wasn’t doing well, feeling well and that I was getting worse, I still chose to muscle through trying to force things into happening instead of looking at things as they were. I did live my life as if I was the director, of life, and you were all just there for me to direct, and when you weren’t taking that direction I would get angry, and, many times retaliate. I was the one who caused myself the most stress, pain and anger, I suffered the most at my own hand, so to finally get help and be told that I had to vacate that director’s chair and stop trying to control people, places and things felt scary. Control had always been something I would cling onto when I felt scared, or uncertain, and I had never been as scared or uncertain as I was when I walked into recovery. But, like most things, it takes time to get used to a new way of life, taking little steps in the right direction, and as I did, it became less scary, and that need to try to control started to slip away. Now, that’s not to say that it can creep up again, and it does, usually when I am feeling unsure about something, which is now an indicator that I need to look at why I’m feeling unsure, not jump down the rabbit hole of control and start to hang on for dear life.

We are not the director’s of life. We only know our part, and our part is big enough to focus on, of being our best selves and finding ways to contribute to society, not try to make it what we want it to be. Let go of the reigns you may be holding, trying to run the show, and learn to accept life on life’s terms, making improvements to yourself and the community around you if it benefits the whole, not just the way we want it to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to control people, places and things around you? Why do you think you do this? Do you realize that you do this? Have you been told you do this? By whom? Do you agree with what they’ve said? Do you try to fix other people and situations as a way to keep the focus off yourself? Do you realize that may be why you’re doing that? What if you focused on being your best self and not trying to fix those around you, allowing them to walk their own journey as you walk yours. What if you let go and focused on what scares you, and why, and let that guide you to some work on your own recovery and healing, stop trying to direct the show and focus on your part, once you do, your role may become clearer and how your role may fit in to the bigger picture.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you’re living in harmony with yourself, you’re living in harmony with the universe.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay universe

How Do I Know I’m In The Flow?

Someone recently asked me how I know when I’m in the will of the universe or my own will. For me, I can typically tell because when I’m not trying to force my will things go smoothly, it’s like being in the express lane on the freeway.

Looking back, before stepping on this path, I only wanted things my way. Nothing went smoothly because I was trying to force things into happening the way I wanted them and when I wanted them. There was no waiting or investigating to find the right way, or the right time, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now! As a result I wasted a lot of time and energy on things I had no business being a part of, and would often get involved with people I shouldn’t have, or get involved with them for the wrong reasons. Nothing just flowed into the right direction because I was trying to override that direction with the direction I was trying to make happen, which led me into dishonesty and manipulation. It was all a slippery slope with me, and when I’m in a mode of trying to force my will I’ll go to almost any length to make that happen, ignoring the signs around me that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever makes sense for you, does send us guidance and signs if we ask for them, and, we are looking for them. Sometimes those signs do come like a slap in the face when we’ve been ignoring them, and there may be something that comes that is even bigger than a sign and just stops you dead in your tracks, but when we are open to working with a force that is bigger than ourselves, and look for direction, I have found it is there, and if it’s not in that moment I know that I am not supposed to do anything at that moment, to keep doing the work, keep investigating, keep asking for direction, but stay right where I am until I feel confident about the next move. It is during those times, when I am in alignment with where I am supposed to be that I feel at peace, that things do fall into place, many times, quite miraculously, and I feel grounded and centered on my path. Now that may sound like some mumbo jumbo if you don’t have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself, but I am a firm believer in a higher power and I know, from plenty of experiences in my life, that there is something out there that watches over me, and I also know that when I connect with it, it has my back, in fact it’s even had my back when I haven’t connected with it, but it works better when I do, and I certainly feel better.

There are signs and direction everywhere if we choose to see them and take the direction. We can try to run the show and steer the ship ourselves, but we’re likely going to hit solid ground at some point steering it alone, now that’s not to say that hitting bottom isn’t a part of your journey, and, could possibly be a blessing to get you where you need to be, but why cause more chaos than you really need to, life is meant to be enjoyed, we’re not meant to suffer at your own hand. Find your flow, be open to new ideas or directions, and look for the signs, they’re there and they’re there to show us the way. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe that there is something greater than yourself that guides you and looks after you? If not, why not? If you do, what is your understanding or belief in what that is? How has it guided you in the past? When have you seen the guidance and chosen not to take it? What was the result? What signs have you seen in your life that there seems to be some guidance from that source? How do you connect with it? How can you connect with it more? It comes down to having faith SLAYER, faith in something you cannot see but can feel, if you consciously work on forming a relationship with it, and allow yourself to loosen the reigns and let something else show you the way, that connection, or bond, will get stronger, and that direction clearer. There is a lot out there we don’t know, so why not let yourself believe and trust that you may have more on your side than you thought?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Wear The World Like A Loose Garment

Before stepping on this path I was constantly trying to control the world around me. I would manipulate things to try to force a favorable outcome for myself. I would lie. Cheat. Steal. I would do anything I could to try to get the result I was looking for. As those of you know who have tried this approach, it is impossible to control people, places and things, the only thing we can control is how we react to the world around us, and how we conduct ourselves while we’re out there.

For me, when I made a decision to live a healthier life and made a commitment to make better choices for myself, I had to find a balance of not trying to control everything, but also not just cutting myself off from the world, to observe what was going on, changing those things I didn’t like that were in my control and learning to accept the rest. The observing things and letting them go proved to be the most challenging. It was hard to just see things and not try to control what I didn’t like, right down to noise outside my window from a garbage truck. I mean, doesn’t the truck driver know I’m trying to concentrate over here!? I was told to wear the world like a loose garment. I thought, how am I going to do that? Not react or try to change things? But I learned, I had to, my mental health depended on it. I could no longer enjoy the luxury of getting so tied up in things being my way, and that being the only way, it wasn’t healthy for me, or those around me. I had to start letting things go, so I took the loose garment approach and set off on my goal to start observing and stop obsessing.

It wasn’t easy at first. Just noticing things, things that bothered me, or weren’t “right” or things that could be done better, but I had to ask myself if it was my business in the first place, and most of the time, it was not, I had to ask myself if anyone had asked for my suggestions, and, most of the time, they had not, and I had to ask myself if I wanted to be right or I wanted to be happy, well, I wanted both, but many times, that wasn’t an option, so I had to choose happy. I practiced just acknowledging things as they came up, without reacting to them, that wasn’t always easy, but like anything else, the more I did it the easier it got. When I found it difficult to let something go I had to ask myself if it was my business to be worrying about it in the first place, most of the time, it was not. The better I got at this the less stress and anxiety I felt in my life, and, because I wasn’t trying to control the outcome I was able to see things from a different perspective, and, I found it easier to find solutions to things because I wasn’t trying to meddle in the results.

The more we’re able to wear the world like a loose garment, let things slide off of us, and not try to manipulate the results to suit our own needs, to happier we’ll be. Now, my illness used to tell me different, but today I know the truth, and I know what is best for me to live the kind of life I want to live, and that is one where I know the difference between what I am able to change, should change, and what is none of my business all together, and that frees me up to do a lot of more productive things, like reaching out to all of you here at STATE OF SLAY. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to manipulate things in your favor? What is the result of that? How does it help you? How does it hurt you? What happens when things don’t go your way? How does that impact your day? Are you able to let things go if you don’t get your way? If not, why not? If not, how can you learn to let things go and trust the outcome? Do you get involved in situations that are not really your business? Do you get told things are not your business? Do you still involve yourself? Typically, what is the result? How does that harm you? What if you just observed things SLAYER, and not get involved in every battle, every thing that catches your eye as something you don’t like, or need to fix? What if you choose to let those things go that shouldn’t involve you? What would you do with all the free time? Perhaps continue to work on your own self-love and self-care? Just a gentle suggestion

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Are You Killing Yourself To Live?

Sometimes we stay somewhere that feels safe even though it’s killing us. Sometimes we go after a job, a relationship, a situation that we feel we want, need, deserve, but we don’t belong there, and the pursuit of it is killing us. Sometimes we believe if we don’t get something or can’t maintain something we will die, but it’s the forcing of our will or the story we tell ourselves that we don’t deserve more than we have, or things have to look a certain way, that slowly kills us inside.

Life shows us where we’re supposed to be, what we can attain and who we can attain it with. We don’t always listen, out of fear, or not believing it to be true, but the signs are always there. When we’re in a situation that does not serve us there will be many signs that we should get out, people in our lives may even tell us to get out. Many times we make excuses and may stay telling ourselves we’re better off where we are, maybe even safer there, but the truth is, if it is not where we are meant to be, if we’re not reaching our full potential, we will slowly die there. Our soul will atrophy, and we will never see and feel the things we are meant to. I find this so sad, and yet, for most of my life I was slowly killing myself to live in the shadows, to be invisible, and as I lived there, I slowly slipped away and was killing myself in the process. I did realize that at the time, and I welcomed it. I wanted to disappear from the place I was, it had become too painful to live there and to complicated to numb myself enough to make it OK. I stayed out of fear, out of shame, ego, and from self-hatred, not believing, truly, that I deserved better. I was lucky that someone came into my life and showed me that it was possible to have more than I did, and that I did deserve better, and then the work began for me to believe it myself and go get it.

Why do we stay? Why do we try to force situations that don’t feed our soul, that don’t nourish us, encourage us, inspire us? Why do we tell ourselves it’s OK? It’s not. The price is too high to pay if something is killing you to stay there, killing any part of you, there is always a way out, another option if you look for it, if you’re open to it, if you allow yourself to look outside of where you are. We have the power to change our story, our situation, even a little, to make it better for us, to change the direction of where we are headed, or where we should be. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to pause and ask ourselves if we’re happy. If we’re living up to our potential. If where we are is true to who we are? And if it’s not, asking ourselves what we can do today to make a positive change in that situation, no matter how small, because that little crack through an open door, can sometimes let enough light in that you will find that door, and eventually, hopefully, kick it down, or at least turn the knob and walk through.

It’s time to get really honest with yourself SLAYER, it’s time to look at the place you stand, right now, and ask yourself if it’s killing you to be there, to stay there, or to get there? If it is, that price is too high to pay. Make the investment in you, in finding your place, what you love, where you need to be. All of those things you have dreamed of may be just within your reach, with a little work, trust and faith you are being led to them. Follow your heart, always, and get to work, your destiny is waiting for you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you happy where you are today? If not, why not? How can you change your situation to become happier? To make it better for yourself? Do you try to force things to be a certain way because you think they should be that way? Is the fact that you are trying to force something to be a certain way killing you? Making you unhappy? Are there other options out there that may make you happier, even if they are different from what you think things should look like? What are they? What stops you from going after those things? Get quiet today SLAYER, ask yourself if you are truly happy where you are, if you’re not, ask yourself where you could be that will make you happy, and what step you can take today to get you there. It’s all within our reach with an open mind, open heart and the courage to walk through that fear to get what we truly want. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If life was meant to be controlled, it would have come with a remote.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Control