express yourself

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! To live a beautiful life we must lose the fear of being wrong.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Express Yourself (1)

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Sometimes people around you won’t understand your journey, but they don’t need to, it’s not for them.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Art

To Be Seen And Heard Is A Wonderful Thing

As I child I always felt invisible. I felt awkward, different, less than, and I always tried to blend in with my surroundings, I didn’t want to stand out. I just wanted to appear as normal, because I didn’t feel normal. I don’t know what I basing that on, what normal was, I just know that I didn’t feel I was. I hoped to just fade into the background when I was at school. I always had friends, but stayed within smaller groups, or one on one friendships over the bigger crowds. I just didn’t want a lot of eyes on me, asking questions.

I traveled through my childhood like that until high school, when I discovered the drama club, a place where I cold go hide, on the stage, and just be someone else. I didn’t mind being seen and heard in that place, because I got to be someone else there, and that seemed safe. I started to take those characters, those people I played out in life, I pretended to be who I thought you wanted to be, again, a way to be invisible in plain sight, because no one ever saw the real me, including myself. It wasn’t until I hit my bottom, until I asked for help, and started the work to make that happen that I was asked to share who I truly was. That terrified me, who the heck was I anyway? I found a group of people who I knew wouldn’t judge me, who, like me, where finding their way out of the dark, and it was in that safe place that I learned who I really was, and I learned, it was OK to share that I didn’t know when I didn’t. But as I started to find out and I started to truly share my authentic self it felt good to be seen and heard.

Many of us walk around feeling invisible, even in a crowded room, I remember what that feels like. In my case it was a choice, because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me, because I didn’t like myself, but for some, you are there, screaming, jumping up and down, trying to get our attention, and for some reason you are not seen. Maybe you’re picking the wrong people to wave your arms at, maybe you’re not speaking as loud as you think, maybe people are just missing you, right in front of them. Really, at the end of the day, we all just want to be seen and heard, for who we are, truly, and have that be acknowledged, and ideally, appreciated, but just the acknowledgment can sometimes be enough. It’s hard to find our voice sometimes, it may have been shamed into silence by someone, or ourselves, and we can’t seem to get it back. Or maybe we never had it, and now struggle to find the words to express who we are and what we need. Well, I am here to say that I see you and I hear you because I was you. And I know that that little voice you may have today can turn into a loud one, just as mine did. It takes you just sharing it. Sharing it as much as you can with those who will listen, appreciate and encourage you to continue to get louder, braver more authentically you.

We all want to feel like we matter, and we all do. But let us know you’re there. Speak up, tell us who you are, live out loud, because you have something special to offer us, you, who you are is special and we should know that. That also goes for you out there who are struggling right now, suffering or grieving, we also want to acknowledge you, we want to hear from you and we want to listen to you. The greatest gift we can give anyone is the acknowledgment of who they are and how they feel. We all deserve to be seen and heard, something to remember when we step out today and walk among each other this busy world, acknowledge those around you, and let yourself be acknowledged as well. It’s a wonderful thing. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to see you or do you try to stay hidden in the shadows? Why do you do that? What scares you about letting people in? Are these fears based on facts in your current life, or from your past? Are these things you can overcome today? How can you do that? Have you overcome them in the past? How did you do that? How do you feel when someone acknowledges you? Do try to acknowledge others? How does that make you feel when you see how that acknowledgment is appreciated by others? It feels good right? So why not give yourself the same gift, and allow others to see and hear you, just as you are? Do it SLAYER, we want to see and hear just how special you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Communication Is The Key

Communication is something I had to learn on this path. It was not a skill I had growing up, I was too full of fear to speak up, to reach out, or to dare share my truth. There were so many times, looking back, when I was asked about my feelings, or what I thought, where I stood there, paralyzed, and couldn’t find the words to express how I felt. I would get embarrassed, but the words would just not come out. They would get all scrambled in my head, and just get stuck there. It was out of an act of desperation that I was able to communicate my need for help, and share with a trusted friend what was really going on in my life, and that I wanted it to stop. That same desperation was the catalyst for me learning how to communicate with others. I had kept my truth so bottled up for so long, that my life now depended on me speaking up.

Communication can be difficult. We may fear of being judged. We may not find the right words to rightly express how we’re feeling. Or we feel like we don’t want to be bother to someone by unleashing our problems on them. All of these self-made obstacles need to be overcome before we can cultivate healthy, long-lasting relationships, and truly find our way on our path.

For me the first obstacle was the fear. Fear that you all would judge me for not having it all together, for getting myself into the situation I had, fear I wouldn’t say the right things, just plain fear I couldn’t even identify. So, I surrounded myself with like-minded people. People who had been through what I was going through, or were going through it as well. That helped with the fear a bit. But it was by stepping out of my comfort zone to find others like me that I was able to get over the fear. I had to just jump in. It helped to have others around me who were sharing their truths with me and others, I saw that they weren’t being judged, in fact, the opposite was happening, they were being supported, encouraged and loved, so I stepped out of my comfort zone a little further and started to share, and, I received the same response. It became easier the more I did it, and now, I don’t even hesitate. The more we do something, the more it becomes our new normal, and, we start to make healthier and better choices for ourselves.

I learned that being honest was always the best route to go, now, I did have to learn how to fine tune that a little bit, learn to read the situation and the people involved, because just blurting out my truth could do more damage than not sharing it at all. I had to learn to be compassionate to those around me, to not withhold what I needed to say, or how I felt, but to make sure I wasn’t doing more damage by sharing my truth in maybe a blunt or sudden way. At the beginning, and sometimes I still do, I would think how I would want to be told the information I needed to share, to think about how that person might feel once I shared what I needed to. I had some misfires at the beginning, but that’s to be expected with anything new, it takes time to find the right tone, and to never let your needs rise above what someone else is able to listen to.

Communication really is the key to most of our problems. It’s about being honest, but also compassionate for others in our lives, about making sure you’re intentions are clear, your expectations are clear, and that your voice is heard, but, never the expense of anyone else. When we communicate we learn about others, we invite discussion, we are open to suggestions, to new solutions, and we are our authentic selves. Learning to communicate brings us closer to people, it strengthens our relationships and bonds, and, it strengthens our self-worth and self-respect. Communication is the clarifyer, it allows us to step out of who we once were and into the light of who we are meant to become. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble communicating with others? How so? Why do you think that is? What are some bad experiences you’ve had with communication? What are some good? Of those bad experiences, what could you have said or done in terms of your own communication that would have improved that situation? What stops you from doing that? I challenge you SLAYER, this week, to practice your communication skills. Look for opportunities to communicate better, clearer, and allowing more of you to come out and share with those around you. Find your voice, and share your true self, it’s within that practice that we begin to find our way on our own path to who we are meant to be.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The closer we get to get to being who we are meant to be…the brighter we shine.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Light

Ask For What You Want

I used to be guilty of never asking for what I wanted, either because I didn’t think I really deserved it, or I just thought you should know. Either way, many times I didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t ask for it, or tell people what what I was hoping to receive in any given situation. As a result I got angry or became resentful sinking into a pity party pit of despair and anguish as I watched, what I thought, was everyone else getting what they wanted while I wasn’t. But, I had no right to be angry if I didn’t ask in the first place. It isn’t anyone else’s job to make sure I get what you want, that job is for only one person, and that person is me, and SLAYER, it’s your job to make sure you get what you want as well, so, what’s holding you back?

What are we so afraid of? The worst thing that can happen is someone can say no. That’s it. We’ve all heard no before, and will many more times in our lifetime, so why do we get so afraid to ask for what we want? Well, as I’ve already mentioned, we may not feel like we deserve it, we do, we deserve to get the things we want, we work hard, we’re good people, why can’t we ask for what we want? We can. That doesn’t mean we’re always going to get it, and, that’s OK, but it we don’t let our intentions be known people aren’t going to know that it’s something we want unless they just guess or somehow or are on the same page as we are, but why leave your wants up to chance? You shouldn’t, you should be clear about what you want so there aren’t any misunderstandings or unrealistic expectations. This was something I had to learn, to speak up for myself, and to clearly ask, and know that I do deserve good things, I do deserve to ask for what I want, and once I got over the fear of asking and started doing it, things became more clear, my communication with other people was better, I did get what I wanted, not all of the time, but more than I was, and at the very least it started a conversation with someone who I wouldn’t have had before, and sometimes, out of that, came a compromise, or something else that I hadn’t even thought of, but was also good.

It’s the fear, I think, more than anything, of getting turned down, or being laughed at, or someone thinking we’re arrogant for even asking. The exercise here is just to ask, to stay out of the results of it, or how it’ll be received, those are beyond our control, but what we are in control of is letting our needs and wants be known, and then standing back to see what comes back, and learning to be OK with whatever that is, but knowing that you did ask, you stood tall and asked for what you wanted.

It’s easy to sit back with envy over what other people are getting, and letting yourself sink down in resentment, but you have the power to get yourself out of that hole of despair, you have the power to say, “hey, I want this,” and working to make that happen. I have so much respect for people who come out and ask for what they want, some new friendships have started because of it, because someone found the courage to just reach out, and generally people tend to respect and listen to people who are strong enough to stand up and ask for what they want, they start to listen to those people and ask their opinions and want to collaborate with them. It’s the start of a shift of how people view us and communicate with us.

There are certainly guidelines for your asking that typically are good to follow; make your requests reasonable, keep it simple, believe you are worth it, take into consideration the other person’s needs, find a nice way to deliver your request, be honest about it, and, don’t huff and puff and stomp away if you don’t get what you want, see if you can find a compromise, or if there isn’t, say thank you, or OK, and walk away. There’s a right way to ask and a wrong way, but when we are concise and clear many times it can be a simple conversation, and one the other person will appreciate for your honesty and courage to come out and ask for what you want.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ask for what you want? Why not? Do you think you deserve to have what you want? What was a time you asked for what you wanted and got it? What stops you from doing that each time? What has been the result of you asking for what you wanted in the past? Do you think you may have approached it in the wrong way? What did you learn from that? I challenge you SLAYER, to ask for what you want, when something comes up, and it’s a reasonable request, ask, see what happens, and, if you don’t get what you want, know that just the act of asking is a win, keep doing it and see how things will change for you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be Yourself. Accept Yourself. Value Yourself. Forgive Yourself. Bless Yourself. Express Yourself. Trust Yourself. Love Yourself.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay FLY