cope

Every Little Thing Should Be Celebrated

We often save our celebrations for big events, or accomplishments, but what about those every day victories that get us to those big celebrations? Every day is worth celebrating, heck, most of us have made it through some pretty treacherous waters to get where we are right now, I know I have, and yet, sometimes we forget to celebrate how far we’ve come, how our day-to-day choices, decisions, or our overall mindset has changed for the better. We tend to focus on those big changes or life events instead of those little shifts each day. Many times we dismiss our hard work, or downplay what we have accomplished, never acknowledging ourselves for a job well done. It takes a lot to even recognize we need a change many times, let alone actually making them.

When I made the decision to change my life for the better most of what I had been doing to get by, and the way I had been living my life, had to be changed. That seemed really daunting, and scary. I, in the past, was someone who didn’t like change, and at times, when things were changing around me, beyond my control, I had turned to behaviors that ultimately harmed myself to cope with the feeling that my life was out of control. So, to set forth knowing I was embarking on an unknown path that was going to require me to change almost everything took some courage, but I had to trust I had been led to the path ahead for a reason and I had to trust that those I was walking with were going to help me and walk with me into this foreign land. I was encouraged to celebrate the little things, which, for me, back then, weren’t little, but even just the fact that I woke up, that I put a new routine in place that was in support of good mental health and a spiritual practice, and that I had stopped leaning on old habits that were harming me just to get by. Each day was a celebration because I had made it through, I had come from a place of wanting to die each day, so just waking up and looking forward to the day ahead was always something to celebrate, even if it was a difficult day, it was still better than where I had come from. But focusing on the victories, small or large, helped me to keep going, and it started to build my self-esteem. It also gave me a connection to others who were on a similar path, and I learned to celebrate their victories as well, sometimes even more than my own, because I knew how hard they were working and how tough the road could be. I learned compassion through taking an interest in others, and encouraging them to keep going as I celebrated along with them. Life started to look different, and instead of it being a series of horrible events, or punishment, it became full of celebrations, for me, and those around me.

We often set parameters in our lives for what we think is worthy of celebrating, and often we set those parameters higher for ourselves than those around us. What if we looked for all the ways we can celebrate ourselves today? What if we focused on our wins and not our losses? Why don’t we look at all the ways we deserve to be celebrated today, and share that joy with others as they celebrate themselves, or, perhaps, inspire them to celebrate their own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate the smaller moments in your life, acknowledging how far you’ve come or how hard you’ve worked? If yes, how do you do that? If no, why not? Do you set the bar high for what you deem important enough to celebrate? What is worthy of celebration in your life? When was the last time you celebrated you? How can you do that more? What can you celebrate in your life today? How can you do that? Each time we walk through something we struggle with, each time we make a positive change in our life, or a positive thought replaces a negative one, each time we step out of our comfort zone and reach for something new we should celebrate. Maybe there’s a celebration just for reading this today and considering it, it starts with one small step, but that step could change the rest of your life.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Break The Loyalties Of Inaccurate Information About Yourself

Before stepping into the light I was very loyal to who I thought I was, who I had been told I was, and who I thought my life had produced and locked me into being. As we grow up what we learn about ourselves comes from those around us, what we learn becomes what we think our worth is, and we carry that with us into, and sometimes through, our adult life, but far too often we are given inaccurate information about ourselves because of certain circumstances or someone else’s prejudice or agenda to have us believe a narrative that may not be true. And there are times when we find ourselves in situations with those are may be sick, and may not know that they are projecting their own sickness onto us when we are in a vulnerable place or during our formidable years. We, most of the time, aren’t even aware of the damage being done as it seeps into our subconscious and into the fabric of our being. We become loyal to the information we’ve been given or have picked up along the way, even though it may be far from the truth of who we are. We may recognize the inaccuracies in the information but still may cling to it because it’s what we know and have convinced ourselves is true even when we know the truth. We participate in self-sabotage to keep the narrative alive making it more difficult for ourselves to let go of the person we never really were.

That was my struggle for a long time. I had developed several coping mechanisms to keep myself within the confines of that inaccurate information about myself, coping mechanisms that kept me down and fed the negative self-talk that continued to tell me things that were not true. Those untruths, that I chose to believe, nearly cost me my life. But even at my darkest point, even when I believed that inaccurate information had become who I was, the true me was still in there trying to get out, trying to get my attention and tell me the truth. The truth was I was never those things I believed I was, sure, there had been times I played the part and participated in behavior or activities to support that inaccurate information, but that was never who I truly was, and I always, deep down, knew that. I had to let go of the unconscious loyalties I had to that inaccurate information and start to develop and nourish the accurate details of who I was and who I could work to be. That started by being accountable to myself and my recovery, by participating in esteemable acts, by giving back to those around me, and by building a community around me of like-minded people who were all working towards the same goal.

We are not a product of who raised us, or what happened to us, or who we’ve been told we are. What facts are true about you, what do you know to be true and what information can you use to build a new foundation. It’s time to break the loyalties you’ve carried around that are false and start to focus on who you truly are and have always been. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you believe about yourself? Why do you believe this? Were you told this, or did you discover it on your own? Is it true and based in facts? If it is not something you like, how can you make changes to move away from this? How do you demonstrate who you truly are? Are there more or better ways you can do this? How? What do you remember you were told about yourself? By whom? Why do you think you were told this? Is it true? If it was, back then, is it still true today? If it is and you don’t like it, what changes can you make to change this? How does your behavior today support what you’ve been told? How does your behavior support who you truly are? Focus on the last question SLAYER, focus on showing yourself and those around you who you truly are, not the inaccuracies you have been told, even by yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Sometimes You Face Difficulties Because You’re Doing Something Right

Sometimes we assume that if we’re facing difficulties we’re doing something wrong, but many times it’s a sign we’re doing something right, and, maybe different from what we’ve always done in the past. We tend to be creatures of habit, we do what we’ve been taught, what we’ve been shown, and many times, what may seem like the easiest way out, but those ways may not be taking us to where we need to be, or where we should be. Which brings up their own set of difficulties. But those difficulties are within our control. We can make different choices. The right choices, for us. And even though those new choices may bring up their own set of difficulties, they are easier, and healthier to work through, because we are being authentic to who we are and what we need.

We should never apologize, or shy away from what is best for us. For me, before stepping on this path, I often tried to take the easier, softer route, in terms of finding a solution in which meant the least amount of conflict, or attention. I often didn’t get what I wanted, or if I did, would have to manipulate or lie to work around the work I wasn’t doing, which in reality was only making more work for myself instead of doing what was right for me in the first place. A lot of times this falls into people-pleasing, putting others’ wants and needs ahead of our own, or being afraid to ask for what we want for fear of the response. So we do what is best for someone else, or what will cause the least amount of waves, and settle for that solution, only to become angry, anxious or depressed about the situation we then find ourselves in. We continue this behavior until it becomes unbearable, at which point we may start to find outside fixes to cope with where we find ourselves, or, hopefully, start making some better choices. For me, I opted for the outside fixes first. I found ways to numb myself, to quiet the voices in my head that were telling me I wasn’t making the right choices, that I wasn’t supposed to be where I was, I thought if I could just get them to quiet down I could be OK where I was, but I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t supposed to be there.

We can only hide from the truth for so long, and some of us spend most of your lives hiding in those places, maybe even our whole lives, but we know when it’s not right, when we’re not in a place that allows us to be ourselves, to shine, to grow and be accepted for who we are, and encouraged to be who we should be. So when we start to make the right decisions, maybe for the first time, those difficulties that come up are showing us we’re on the right track, and, that we’re walking where we’ve never walked before. The difficulties that come up on that path feel difficult because we’ve never been there, but are not nearly as difficult as the ones we’ve lived with when we weren’t being truthful with ourselves. Walkthrough these new difficulties, because we are meant to, because they are just fear of letting go of what we’ve had, where we’ve been, and the uncertainty of finally living a life that serves us and allows us to be our best selves. If we are being truthful about who we are, what we need and want, we should have no fear, just follow the road we find ahead of ourselves, and keep making the next right decision for us and the life we want for ourselves. Of course that doesn’t mean we don’t care how our decisions affect the other people in our lives, but if we’ve chosen the right people, they will want the best for us and may even encourage us to walk through those difficulties we may find on this new path. Or, they may not be OK with the changes and that tells us that we need to move forward without them, or, just in a different way.

Only we can decide what is best for us. Only we can do the work to have the life we want, the way we want it. And only we can walk through the difficulties or fears we may encounter on that road to the place that’s been waiting for us. Suit up SLAYER, step on that path, there are plenty of us walking beside you to help you through those rough spots. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you always follow the path that reflects your true self? If not, why not? How have you not been true to yourself in the past? What has been the result? Write down some times that you were true to yourself? What was the result? How did you feel? Why do you not do what’s best for you and your growth all the time? What stops you? How does this hurt you? What if you stopped doing that? What if you started making decisions and taking action that did put you on the right path? What if you tried to do something different today, something that honored you? Start there SLAYER, and see how you feel. See if you can’t start making more of those decisions and choices to start honoring who you are and what you want in your life. Do it SLAYER, we’ll all be right there with you, cheering you on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you