Good morning SLAYERS! Let your freak flags fly today, be your authentic self, share your unique talents, it is when we are able to see through someone else’s eyes that our own world gets bigger.
SLAY on!
New blog goes up Friday morning!
Connect
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! What weakness can you turn into a strength? SLAY on.
New blog goes up Tuesday morning!
Weaknesses Become Strengths
Yeah you read that right SLAYERS, those things we consider our weaknesses will become our strengths! Crazy right? Hear me out. All of the things in our lives that challenge us, when we learn to and choose to take the right action, make us stronger and better people. I know, you’re still skeptical, I used to be as well. But let’s first start with this…have you forgiven yourself yet? If you haven’t that’s still on your list of things you need to SLAY, if you have, this concept may not seem so far fetched. I know for myself all of the things I used to hate about myself are the things that made me stronger because I was able to overcome them, or realized they weren’t weaknesses at all, they just made me feel vulnerable, and one way to weed through these things was acceptance, listening non-forgivers?
Acceptance is really the answer to all our frustrations, and that doesn’t mean being a door mat and letting people walk all over us, it means, looking at things for what they are, truly are, with the facts, not our feelings, and then deciding what the next right thing to do is. There are always going to be things that we don’t want to accept, for instance I don’t really want to accept that someone I trusted betrayed me, fraudulently used my name and personal information for his own gain and now I’m paying the consequences of that, but I have to, and I have. Once we know the facts we are safe. We’ve already established that we are not in control of all things, we’re not, or we would have everything we want, and everything would look exactly how we think it should look, and well, we’d probably be on a really awesome vacation right now, but alas, we don’t control all things, but we wouldn’t be SLAYERS if we did, we wouldn’t get stronger, we wouldn’t learn how to accept when things don’t go our way, or when people don’t behave the way or how we expect them too. There are many things we just have to accept.
For me acceptance goes along with my spirituality, if I believe in something greater than myself, something that is looking out for me, it’s easier for me to accept things for what they are, because really, I only have my one perspective, I only know how my actions affect those immediately around me or myself, I have no idea what the bigger picture is or how what I do may affect others out of my immediate circle who are supposed to be affected by something I’m doing. I trust that, if I am connected and paying attention, that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, it’s a leap of faith I know, but you have to agree that when we are on the right path and doing things for the right reasons, ie: not for just ourselves, that things seem to go smoother, that people seem to come into our lives who can help and support us, or who are just of like mind, it’s those times, the times our “gut instinct” tells us to do something, that we are one with our purpose, so for me, when things don’t go my way, I try remember that it wasn’t meant for me, or I’m supposed to go through something for myself and quite possibly the other people in involved.
Great example of acceptance. I was stuck on the 405 in Los Angeles, late for a meeting, my frustration and anger were at a boiling point, I was 25 minutes late, I hate being late, when I finally get to my destination I see a fire truck and ambulance parked out front. I found out that a woman had lost control of her SUV and rammed right into a car parked behind the spot where I would have parked, about 25 minutes before I got there, meaning if I had been on time she would have slammed into my car, and quite possibly me getting out of it. I try to remember that story when I get stuck in traffic and say to myself, “you are exactly where you are supposed to be.”
We don’t always know or understand why things happen to us, but finding a way to acceptance saves us a lot of heartaches and is one of the ways that I have found peace, and a way I turned a weakness of trying to control or manipulate situations into a strength. I can now find patience when things are out of my control and trust the process. This can be done for any of those attributes we think are our weaknesses, even just the awareness of them make us stronger, but asking yourself if that attribute really does make you weak, or if it just gives you the illusion of weakness because it makes you human, vulnerable, or soft, if that’s the case, it’s not a weakness at all, but what makes you a loving caring individual, something to be proud of, and the more tools you get in your SLAYER chest, the more you’ll have the courage to wear them like a badge of honor. If they are truly something that is hindering you from living as your authentic self, then the work begins to throw them away, or at least keep them in check, these are old ideas that no longer serve you, and even though they may pop up, even in SLAYDOM, they can be told to take a hike because their services are no longer needed. It’s all part of the process SLAYER, be patient, loving and kind to yourself during your journey, but in the end, if it doesn’t serve you, you don’t need it, throw it away and own your power and strength. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Make a list of the things you have a hard time finding acceptance about. Ask yourself why? Are the reasons selfish or because of fear? What attributes or habits stand in your way of you living as your authentic self? Make a list, ask that those attributes or habits be taken away, light the list on fire and watch the burn away.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER!
Look inward today to love and celebrate yourself, you have the power to change things, don’t give that away to outside things.
New blog goes up Sunday morning.
Until then…SLAY on!
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYERS!
When we love ourselves we exude love, we are able to share our love with others, love is all around us, and the love we share starts a ripple effect of love that touches everyone, even those we don’t know or have actually met.
I had someone come up to me years ago at a support group I attended weekly. This man walked up to me and said, “I want to say thank you.” I couldn’t remember ever really seeing this man before, it was a big group, and I knew we had never been introduced. I asked him “for what?” He told he wanted to thank me for always being there. That for the first few months of coming there, the group, and me in particular, were the only consistent things in his life. Everything in his life was unpredictable and unstable, but that he knew if he made it there I would be here and that I would share your truth, and that gave him hope that everything was going to be alright.
It was a reminder how we affect everyone around us, even those we don’t know. Without even knowing, when we’re living as our authentic selves and giving out the love we have and want for ourselves, we can change someone’s day or life, without even knowing it.
New blog goes up Friday morning, until then….SLAY on!
Slaying Live Next Week
I’m going LIVE! That’s right SLAYERS, the second Wednesday of each month I’m going to go live and video chat with all you SLAYERS and talk all things SLAY!
You have been so inspiring and courageous in sharing your stories and struggles here on the blog and on social media, I want to open up the floor, or the web as it were, to take your questions and to talk about what the topics you want to talk about.
More details to follow on how to watch and participate so make sure you subscribe and follow so you don’t forget to join us for an hour of live SLAYER talk at 5:50pm PT / 8:30pm ET Wednesday June 14th.
To follow State Of Slay click on the menu button at the top right of the screen, pop your email address in, and you won’t miss a thing.
Until then SLAYERS….SLAY on!
You Are Not Alone
There was a time in my life when I felt deeply alone. Not occasionally lonely. Not just on a quiet evening. I mean profoundly alone. I could be surrounded by people, even in a crowded room or a packed stadium, and still feel like I was standing on an island no one else could reach.
At the time, I did not realize I was playing a major role in creating that feeling. I had family who loved me, friends I enjoyed spending time with, and colleagues I looked forward to seeing. On paper, I was anything but alone. But emotionally, I had built walls so thick that connection could not get through.
And those walls were built from fear.
Fear that if people saw the whole me, the imperfect parts, the struggling parts, the uncertain parts, they might not like what they saw. Fear that if I admitted I was not always OK, people might judge me, reject me, or quietly drift away. So I kept smiling. I kept performing. I kept everything that mattered most locked inside.
From the outside, everything looked fine. From the inside, it felt like isolation.
The Illusion of Being Alone
Here is something I learned that changed everything. Feeling alone is not always about who is around you. Often, it is about how much of yourself you allow to be seen.
I could sit with friends, laugh, share stories, and still feel disconnected because I was protecting myself rather than connecting. I was editing my truth in real time. I was maintaining an image rather than building a relationship.
That kind of distance adds up. Over time, it starts to feel like an ocean between you and everyone else. You watch others seem connected and supported while you stand on your own emotional shoreline, wondering why you cannot feel the same.
For me, the turning point came when the effort of hiding became more exhausting than the fear of being seen.
The Moment Everything Shifted
I remember the first time I truly opened up. I was terrified. My hands were shaking. I had never shared what I considered the messy or imperfect parts of my life. I honestly did not know how it would land.
But I also knew something important. Continuing to carry everything alone was not sustainable. Emotionally, mentally, and physically, it was taking a toll.
So I reached out to someone I trusted. I spoke honestly. Not polished. Not perfect. Just real.
And what came back was not judgment. It was understanding. It was compassion. It was love.
That moment cracked something open inside me. It showed me that vulnerability does not push the right people away. It often pulls them closer.
Connection Requires Courage
When I started sharing more openly with others in my life, something remarkable happened. People showed up. They listened. They supported me. They shared their own stories. And suddenly I saw something clearly.
Everyone is carrying something.
Some people hide it better than others. Some people have not yet found safe spaces to share. But the idea that you are the only one struggling is almost always an illusion created by silence.
Connection happens when honesty enters the room.
That does not mean oversharing with everyone. It means choosing safe people and allowing yourself to be known by them.
And yes, sometimes people will step back. That happened to me too. A few relationships changed. But I learned an important lesson. The people who stay when you are real are the people meant to walk alongside you.
Building Your Circle
We are living in a time when connection can happen in more ways than ever before. Geography is less of a barrier. Shared interests bring people together. Communities form around healing, growth, creativity, spirituality, mental health, and personal development.
Your people might already be in your life. Or they might be waiting for you to find them.
The key is willingness.
Willingness to open up. Willingness to risk being seen. Willingness to believe you deserve connection and support.
And if you are part of this State Of Slay community, know this. We are building that circle together. A space where growth, honesty, and support are not just encouraged but celebrated.
There is real strength in community. Individually, we can accomplish incredible things. Together, we become resilient in ways we never imagined.
You Get To Choose Connection
Today, I do not feel alone the way I once did. Not because life is perfect. Not because challenges disappeared. But because I no longer isolate myself emotionally.
I choose connection.
I choose honesty.
I choose to let people in.
And when you do that, you realize something powerful. You were never truly alone. You were just carrying more by yourself than you needed to.
You do not have to do that anymore.
You are not alone.
SLAY Reflection
S — See the Truth
When do you feel most alone? Is it actually about who is around you or what you are holding back?
L — Let Yourself Be Seen
Is there someone safe you could open up to this week? What stops you?
A — Allow Support
How does it feel when someone truly listens to you? Can you let yourself receive that?
Y — Your Next Step
What is one small action you can take today to build connection instead of isolation?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I would love to hear from you.
When have you felt alone, and what helped you reconnect with others?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
The ‘P’ Word
Patience. Ugh, I used to hate that word, still do sometimes, but I’ve gotten better about it. It used to be like hearing nails on a chalkboard when someone would say “be patient,” I’d want to smack them. It seemed that I had spent my whole life being patient for one thing or another, but what I had really been doing is trying to force my will on all of the people, places and things in my life. Nothing patient about that, that took a lot of energy, and typically a very aggravating result, things quite often didn’t go the way I would have had them go.
Patience is hard, especially when you feel that you’ve lived your life as an unauthentic version of you, if you feel like you’ve never had a voice, or mattered. For me, that was the root of the problem, finding value in myself, and learning that yes, it was OK to have goals, hopes and dreams, yes, that is encouraged, but what my job was was to do the footwork, the steps that I could take to take me closer to where or what I want, and then let it go. Yeah, I said let it go! Sounds scary right? It did for me at first, I was so used to keeping everything so tightly wound that the thought of stepping back seemed like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, it didn’t feel safe. What was pointed out to me is that I only had the illusion of feeling safe because that’s what I had become accustomed to doing, trying to force a favorable outcome for myself. Growing up I felt like my world was unstable, unpredictable and unsure, so as a defense for that I started to control every aspect of my life that I could, and even try to control what I couldn’t control, which always added to my frustration, but not trying to control everything seemed too scary. I continued to do that well into my adulthood because that was what I knew, and thought was working for me, but it wasn’t, it just brought me more pain, heartache and disappointment, but it also gave me validation when things didn’t go my way that I didn’t deserve good things because I wasn’t a good person, a self fulfilling prophecy. As I set out on my journey of self-love and acceptance I was better able to “take my hands off the wheel” as it where and let things happen as they would. I also now have a stronger connection spiritually than I did before, which has helped me to step back and let things unfold. Also after finding forgiveness in myself I was better able to find compassion in others, even people I never thought I could, because I could see how they also struggled with certain things, maybe some of the same things I did, so finding compassion in others also helped me to find patience when it came to certain people in my life.
There are a lot of layers to all of this, and we’ll get to them as we go, but hopefully the door to patience will open just a crack.
I now look at patience as a huge victory for me, and I look at it as something that takes the load solely off my shoulders, I look at it as a positive thing, I can do the work and then move on to something else and let it unfold as it will, if more work needs to be done I can get back to it and then let it go again. This alleviates so much stress and exhaustion in my day, and frees me up to concentrate on other positive things.
Patience, not a swear word anymore.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What in your life tests your patience? Why are you not able to let go? What do you think will happen if you do? Is there someone in your life who tests your patience? Why? Is it possible that what bothers you about them is something you don’t like about yourself? Be honest. How are you doing with your own forgiveness? What, if anything, is holding you back? Love yourself today SLAYER, we all do.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
New blog will go up Friday morning, until then SLAYERS….SLAY on!
Slayer Love
Thank you all for of your incredible SLAYER love for my first blog. So many of you have shared beautiful messages, comments and posts with me here and on social media, which is what I was hoping would happen, we would start a dialogue, a fearless exchange of our ideas and thoughts about ourselves, and, ignite a whole lot of healing and strength.
This is just the beginning SLAYERS, let’s gather an army of SLAYERS and continue to love and support each other through this journey of self love and empowerment.
Let’s SLAY on!
New blog goes up Friday morning, until then…how’s that gratitude list?
SLAY with me on social media.
