acceptance

Setting Them Free Frees You

There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.

But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:

Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.

And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.

Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.

About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.

And maybe you have felt that too.

When Anger Becomes an Attachment

Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.

You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.

I have done all of that.

And honestly, it was exhausting.

There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.

But over time I saw how accurate it was.

My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.

That realization was sobering.

Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.

Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook

This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.

Forgiveness does not mean:

  • What happened was acceptable

  • You have to reconnect with the person

  • You forget the experience

  • You stop having feelings about it

Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

That is it.

You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.

And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.

My Turning Point

For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.

I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.

And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.

So I started asking myself a different question:

Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?

The answer was always no.

Every single time.

That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.

What Letting Go Actually Looks Like

Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.

Sometimes it looks like:

Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences

And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:

“I release this. I deserve peace.”

You do not even have to tell the other person.

Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.

Steps That Helped Me Move Forward

There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.

Acceptance

I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.

Just reality.

Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.

And that alone can bring enormous relief.

Finding Growth

Even painful situations carry information.

Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.

Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.

And transformation is powerful.

Perspective

Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.

People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.

Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.

Checking What Serves You

This was the biggest one for me.

Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?

Usually, it does not.

Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.

Creating Closure Yourself

Sometimes, closure never comes externally.

No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.

Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.

Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.

Whatever works for you.

Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.

Freedom Is the Real Goal

When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:

I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.

Forgiveness cleared space.

And that space allowed joy back in.

Not immediately.
But steadily.

Protecting Peace Going Forward

Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.

In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.

You can forgive and still:

Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being

Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.

A Note From My Heart to Yours

If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.

Truly.

There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.

But I promise you this:

Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.

You deserve that.

Not someday.
Now.

SLAY Reflection

Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?

Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?

Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?

Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Optical Delusion

We’ve all heard the saying “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” and I was certainly guilty of that, and I say guilty because I believe that although sometimes it is nice to see the world with a positive, or pretty perspective, when we purposely ignore the truth, ignore our responsibilities, and ignore ourselves and choose to see only what we want to see, that’s where we can fall into bad behaviors. Each one of us has our own perspective, no two people see everything exactly the same, and take our experiences, beliefs, and projected expectations into each situation, and those things can twist reality into something very different.

Our own Optical Delusions aren’t always rose-colored. They can also hold us back. I was reading a story recently about some trainers in India working with baby elephants. When they began they would firmly chain them to a tree so they can’t break free. Over time, after many attempts to break free, the elephants stop trying, and slowly the trainers reduces the size of the chain until they no longer use one at all, but the elephant, still believing it’s there, because it had been many times in the past, no longer tries to see if it can get away. We as people do the same thing. Our field of vision can get so small based on our past experiences that we stop trying, we just sit there, and our Optical Delusion tells us that there is no hope, no use in trying, because we are doomed to the existence we currently find ourselves in, not true. Try. Just try something different, take contrary action and just try. Circumstances can change, we change, but we’ll never know unless we try. Sometimes the only thing that is currently holding us back is us, there is no chain, only the one we imagine in our mind.

On the flip side, there are those who live life like they’re in their own fairy tale. Floating through life doing what they want, not a care in the world, or if they do, quickly brushing it off, or stuffing it down with outside things, thinking if they can keep floating above the mayhem, or the reality of their actual lives, they will always be OK. Well, at some point the balloon bursts and they come crashing down to earth, sometimes with a lot of mess and financial damage to clean up. As you know, I’m always an advocate of looking for the good, the positive in the world and our lives, but not so much that we are ignoring what is really going on around us.

So, how do we know if we are seeing the truth around us, or our own Optical Delusion? We stop, really look around. We ask ourselves if what is happening, truly happening, lines up with our core beliefs of who we are and how we want to live our lives. We ask ourselves if we are shirking our responsibilities to go off and play, ignoring our own needs and those around us. We ask ourselves if the story we’re seeing in front of us is true. What are the facts? Or have we slipped into a place of repression, or irresponsibility, which is holding us back? Listen, it’s always nice to treat ourselves and do something we love, enjoy, or feel a part of, but not if we’re using those things to run away from ourselves and our lives, or, holding ourselves back and telling ourselves we can’t do the things we love, or try for something better because of our own negative self-talk. It’s about getting honest with ourselves. We can do anything SLAYERS, we have the power, but sometimes we get in our own way, or let the voices of others stop us from trying. Ask yourself if what you’re seeing in your life is true, the facts, or are you looking at it through an Optical Delusion?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you look at your life with a clear perspective? Or do you think you give it a darker view, or to much of a rosey one? Why do you think you do that? What do you think you can do to change that? What do you think will happen if you do? Write down how you feel about yourself and your life. Now, ask yourself which of those things are facts, and which ones are fears or feelings that no longer pertain to your life or situation. What can you do to change the facts that you don’t like? And, how can you accept the ones that you cannot change? It’s about finding a balance SLAYER, living our lives for us, finding joy for ourselves, but not putting joy above the basic things we need to do to be active in our own lives and taking responsibility for our own actions. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Take Up More Space

I think many of us at times have cut off pieces of ourselves to make other people more comfortable. We’ve made ourselves small. We’ve downplayed who we are and what we want to fit in nicely to what others are expecting of us, or willing to accept from us and cheating ourselves of being who we are authentically or going after what we want. Our job isn’t to make others comfortable with who we are, it’s to be the best us we can be and celebrate who we are and what we love, to go after the things that make us happy, that challenge us, and show off our talents. If that makes someone in your life uncomfortable then perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend or partner would want you to be you, and loves you for being you, and would never want you to dull your shine for them or those around you. Nor should we want nothing less for ourselves. As SLAYERS we should make ourselves priority, always shine bright and believe in our own strength, power, and beauty.

I didn’t always believe. I thought, for most of my life, that I was less than. That you all were the bright shiny stars, and even though I could pretend, put on the act like I too was bright, the truth was I didn’t believe I deserved it, and, I many times, made myself smaller so I wouldn’t stand out, or cause anyone to look at me. I had so many hopes and dreams and there were many I quashed in the darkness, I didn’t dare let out, or tell anyone, for fear you would tell me I didn’t deserve them, or they were stupid, or that you might get jealous. I lived like that most of my life, and it felt like I was constantly cutting away at who I was and I worried what would be left. In the end, not much was left, just an empty girl, with a dark heart, and an empty soul. Thankfully that girl had a tiny bit of light and fight left in her and started to put the pieces back to together.

Sometimes it takes a lot of walking through fear. If you’ve lived in an environment where you’ve been told you don’t deserve what you want, or aren’t good enough to get it, walking through the fear that they might be right can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. Use your desire to push past your fear, to show yourself that you can, and you will accomplish and get what you want, what you’re working for, don’t let someone else’s insecurities or jealousies stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Surround yourself with people who do believe in you and support you, use that support to further fuel you as you step forward, growing, expanding, and taking up more space. The fear that you might fail is not your story, it’s someone else placing a narrative on you to make them feel better, and if it is you and your narrative, you have the power to change it, as I’ve written in the past, You Are The Author Of Your Own Story, so start writing a new chapter. Make your mark!

Don’t get caught up in someone else’s expectations of who you are and who you can be. Express yourself in it’s truest form and be your best self, regardless of limits others may put on you. You are the only one who can break free of the chains that hold you back, you hold the key to reaching your potential and realizing your dreams, let go of those people who don’t support that and you and let yourself shine, you may just light the path for those naysayers who said you couldn’t.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make yourself smaller to make others feel more comfortable? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop doing that? What do you think will happen if you do? If you have fears in doing so, what are those fears based on? Fears aren’t facts. What are the facts of your situation, why are you stopping yourself from living as your authentic self and going after you dreams? You are not a victim, you are not your past, what you are is a beautiful human being with so much to offer to world, go out there and get it and show us all what you’ve got. SLAY on!

                                                 S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  We should fight for what we want, but not at the expense of our own serenity, happiness, and health, sometimes we have to ‘drop the rope’ and accept that things may not be what we want them to be, but trust that they are the way they way they are supposed to be.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Accepted

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you can’t find a solution to the problem, it’s probably not a problem to be solved, but a truth to be accepted. Accept the truth,  move on, and let go of what no longer serves you, that is where happiness lives.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Letting Go

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Learning to celebrate our flaws, loving them, and turning them into strengths makes us flawsome! We have the power to do that. Loving ourselves and embracing our uniqueness gets us on the road to flawsomeness, as we continue to accept and love ourselves we work towards finding a place where we stop judging ourselves and start to shine, and that, is true perfection!

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flawsome