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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Find the courage to tell your truth, every bit of it.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dangerous Lies (1)

Tell On Yourself So You Can Hear It

Before walking this path I hid a lot of things. And, as my disease progressed so did the list of secrets I was keeping. I was ashamed at how I was living my life and worked hard to keep what was going on from the people in my life, and that required keeping many things to myself, which only added to my shame and guilt. When I decided to get help, I also made the decision to come clean with everyone about what had really been going on. It frightened me, but I couldn’t live under the weight of lies and secrets anymore, and once I had told everyone, I felt the weight of all of it get lifted, I still carried some guilt and shame, but the majority of it was gone, it had been said, it was out in the open, and all I had to focus on from there was getting well.

I was told, early on, how important it was to be honest, with myself and others. I was told that I was only as sick as my secrets. That resonated with me, as I used to think of my secrets as poison to my soul, even thinking about them all these years later I can feel a burning in my throat. And I felt, that when I was keeping a secret from you I was also keeping it from me, burying it deep down so that even I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it, rotting from the inside out. Part of my sickness is a disease of perception. My perception of things isn’t always as they truly are, and my head can skew things to fit a narrative it wants to tell me instead of seeing it for what it really is. Now, that has gotten much better over the years, but it can sometimes still happen, but what really flushes it out is telling on myself. Saying it out loud. Sometimes just the act of verbally saying it can put things back into perspective, and depending on who I am saying it to, they can also share theirs with me. A big part of my recovery has been to be accountable, to myself, and to others, and that leaves no room for secrets. I need to be transparent with those I love, and myself, to make sure my perspective hasn’t gotten me off course and I stay on the path I would like to be on. My ability to be honest is also what is going to keep me well and will give me the best chance when challenges or obstacles come my way. Especially during difficult times, it’s important to be as honest as I am capable of, and after almost 14 years of practice, I have gotten pretty good at telling on myself when I start to hold things back, or, I think I have a great idea that probably isn’t the best choice for me in the long run. If I say it out loud, it loses it’s power over me, and, I can hear truly how it sounds.

Many of us walk around with thoughts, ideas, or things we’ve done that we may not want to share out loud, but when we get in the habit of telling on ourselves we save ourselves from a lot of grief down the road, and maybe, a path that may not be so easy to come from. Be honest, with yourself, and those around you, no matter what speaking your truth is always better than living a life of lies, take it from this reformed liar, the truth will set you free. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open and honest with yourself, or do you tell yourself stories to make things easier? What do you keep secrets about? Why? What secret are you keeping that may be keeping you sick, or holding you back? What stops you from telling someone? How can you find a way around that? Have you ever told on yourself? What was the secret or thought? How did it help you to say it out loud? What was the result of that? Find it in you to be honest SLAYER, tell on yourself when you are thinking of doing something that may not be in your best interest, or, may harm you, or someone else. No matter what, our well-being is contingent on our ability to be honest.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We Become What We Do

Before walking this path I had become someone I wasn’t very proud of. It happened over time, each time I crossed a line I said I never would I became someone darker, more ashamed, and further away from who I truly was, and the more I made poor choices and didn’t honor my true self the easier it became to continue down that path and step all over the me that was dying inside. I didn’t start out a bad person, but I kept making a series of bad choices that lead me to a place of such emptiness and darkness I doubted I could ever find my way back. But I could, we all can. We are what we do, our actions determine who we are and who we become, talk is just that, talk, it doesn’t cause any change, it’s the action we take that can change us, either for the good, or bad.

Making a commitment to change and to not only reclaim who I knew, but find out who I truly was, I was told that my actions would determine who I would turn out to be. Thinking I was a horrible human, and being new on the path of positive thinking and actions, I wasn’t sure that I could change things around, I felt like it was a steep climb back, but I set out to do what was suggested, and I was told I only had to do what I could each day, and even if it was only one thing, that alone was enough to set me on a different path. I had to really focus on the good in my life, and even when it was hard to find it to start, I would find at least one thing and focus on that. I, first and foremost, made a commitment to be accountable, to myself, and to those in my life. If I made a commitment I had to stick to it, and if I couldn’t I had to reach out within a reasonable time and explain why I wasn’t able to follow through. That in itself kept me honest, and being honest was a big first step for someone who had been living her whole life lying to herself and everyone around her. Accountability kept me transparent, and even though I felt exposed at first, it didn’t allow me to slip back to me old nefarious ways, and if I did manage to briefly, it didn’t allow me to stay there. From there I started to make a point to be thoughtful, to find compassion for others, to not judge those around me, and myself, to find forgiveness, to be kind, and the more I practiced these actions the more I became those things, and, the more my old actions didn’t feel good, or like me anymore.

Without even realizing it, what we do is what we become, it can happen so seamlessly we don’t even realize it’s happening, but if we don’t like who we are, or where we find ourselves, we have the power to change that. Focus on the good, focus on the attributes you had or want to have and act in a way that honors those attributes and you. Even the smallest act can impact us in a big way when we change our way of thinking and stop acting out in a way that harms us and those around us. Finding the love in our hearts and letting that lead us to the us we are meant to be, the us that is our best selves and the us we can share with others and encourage them to be their best selves on their path. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see how your actions can affect who you become? How have your actions affected who you are today? What are you most proud of? What would you like to change? What action can you take today to change who you’ve become? Have you already changed who you are in a positive way? How so? We have the power to become whomever we want to be, or whomever we are meant to be just by changing our actions. Set out today to be your best self and taking action that supports that and allows you to shine.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

You’re Finding It Hard Because It’s Hard

I know when I started on this path it wasn’t easy. It’s still not easy on certain days. But I know that’s because it’s not an easy path. That’s part of the journey, the ups and downs, it just is, and the tough days always pass. But sometimes when we’re in them they don’t feel like they will. Sometimes when we’re in the them our head tells us they never will. That’s why it’s important to share our truth with those around us, and to find people like ourselves on the same or similar path. When we are working to do the next right thing, when we are facing our fears, our demons, things can get hard, but know that it’s because it is hard, not because you’re doing it wrong. In fact, if it were too easy, that is likely a sign you’re not being truthful, or, not doing all you can do.

I am a firm believer in always sharing your truth, especially when you are struggling, not just for yourself, but to let others who are struggling know it’s normal, and not just them. When I was just starting, and didn’t know what I was doing, just following the directions I was being given, everything was new, everything felt weird, everything felt hard, and when I would speak to someone who was also experiencing the same thing I felt better, like I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t doing it wrong, it was just hard to throw away all the coping mechanisms I had used, the vices, the bad habits, and replace them with healthy choices, and not having those things I used to use to hide behind, I had to learn to stop hiding and face the truth, my truth, now anyone can imagine, just by looking at it in black and white, that is not an easy road. And why it’s so important to share that to ease that difficulty and possibly share that journey with others who are also in that same path. Life is not meant to be lived alone, we find inspiration, strength, encouragement from those around us, people who are trudging the road next to us, it’s easier when we do it as a group, we propel each other forward, we hold each other up and give each other strength, we cheer for each other when we succeed or go beyond anywhere we’ve been before. Good, bad, easy, hard, it’s important to share what’s truly happening for you each day. Yes, it’s going to be hard some days.

I think many of us have been told or have learned to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is OK, or good, when we may be struggling inside, but when we do that it’s not only a disservice to us, it’s also a disservice to everyone around us who may be feeling the same. It’s OK to be sad, it’s OK to not know the answers, it’s OK to say that you’re finding life hard. It’s more than OK, it’s required to live a life of rigorous honesty, and truthfulness about who we are each day, keeping ourselves and our lives transparent keeps us honest, and keeps us accountable for our actions, it also lets us be vulnerable with those around us which brings us closer to them, and them us. So even when things are hard, we feel protected, safe and loved.

Life gets hard, that’s just life, but when you try to hide your truth, you only make it harder on yourself. You’re not doing it wrong, those hard times are there to teach us things, to draw us closer to people, and to prepare us for what’s coming next. Trust them, share them, share you, and SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think when things are hard that you’re doing it wrong? Do you feel like a victim, and that you are being punished? Why do you think that? You’re not SLAYER, life ebbs and flows, it can be easy and then hard, and then it gets easy again, it’s just the way life works, the hard times always pass. It’s important to share your truth doing those hard times. Do you have trouble sharing your truth when things aren’t good? Why? What are you afraid of? Does this come from an actual experience in your life, or something you’ve been told? Share SLAYER, share. Trust me, you’ll find many of yes by your side understanding where you are, and we are here to help you through it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you