mindset shift

A Pickle Can’t Go Back To Being A Cucumber

There were so many times—when I was living in my darkness—that I wished I could turn back time. Every day felt heavier. My shame grew deeper, my self-hatred stronger, and my life more out of control. I remember wondering how I ended up in such a place, feeling trapped and defeated. And instead of taking action, I relied on wishful thinking, hoping things would magically return to the way they once were.

But as they say: a pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber.

You Can’t Go Back

Life moves forward, whether we do or not. Time doesn’t stop just because we’re stuck. We can’t undo the past, and we can’t relive the glory days we once knew. No amount of hoping, wishing, or romanticizing will turn back the clock.

What we can do is choose to grow from where we are now. We can become the best version of who we are today. We might not be able to go back to who we were before, but we can become someone even stronger—someone wiser, more resilient, and more alive because of what we’ve walked through.

When I stopped trying to return to the past and started showing up for the present, everything changed. I started building the life I wanted—not by undoing what was, but by creating what could be.

From Regret to Renewal

In the beginning, I had to learn how to be okay with discomfort. Letting go of the past and embracing the present wasn’t easy. I had to shift my mindset, stop reliving old memories, and set new goals for myself. I had to trust that I could heal, evolve, and become someone I hadn’t even imagined yet.

And you know what? I did.

Today, I live in forward motion. I know I can’t be who I was before, but I can be someone better. I’ve learned to love the journey—even when it’s messy. Because forward is the direction of growth. It’s where joy, healing, and new beginnings live.

We don’t need to be cucumbers again. We just need to be the best damn pickles we can be.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Embrace the Now

  • Do you spend time wishing for the past? Why?
  • What are you holding onto that’s keeping you stuck?
  • What parts of your past could you reframe as lessons?
  • What can you do today to move forward—just one step?
  • How might your life change if you focused on who you’re becoming, not who you used to be?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can let go of the past and move forward today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who keeps looking back, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that the best is yet to come.

Are You Disappointed With The Results Of The Work You Didn’t Do?

It’s easy to feel disappointed when things don’t work out the way we’d hoped. But here’s the hard truth: sometimes we’re disappointed not because life let us down, but because we didn’t show up and do the work. We wanted the results, but skipped the steps it takes to earn them.

I know this because I lived it. For years, I clung to magical thinking—believing that somehow, some way, the good things I wanted would just appear. I thought if I wished hard enough or hoped long enough, the change I needed would show up without me having to actually do anything different.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

Wishing Isn’t Working

Looking back, I realize how much time I wasted waiting for something to happen instead of making something happen. I was stuck in the cycle of perfectionism and low self-worth—telling myself there was no point in trying if I couldn’t do it perfectly, or that I wasn’t worthy of the outcome anyway. So I stayed stuck, watching others get the results I wanted while doing nothing to change my own situation.

Scrolling through social media didn’t help. I saw people thriving, hitting milestones, sharing wins. And I wanted that. But instead of getting inspired, I got resentful. Why not me?

The truth: I hadn’t done the work. They had.

The Shift Begins with a Step

It took hitting a true bottom—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—for me to finally reach out and ask for help. I didn’t know what the path looked like, and I didn’t need to. I just had to take the first step. That single act—picking up the phone and admitting I needed support—set everything into motion.

As I walked this new path, I started to do the work. And the results came. Slowly at first, but with each effort, my life began to change. The more I invested in myself, the more I believed I was worthy of what I was building. And that belief—that self-worth—became the true result of the work I was doing.

Results Take Action

No one can do this for you. Not your friends, not your partner, not your mentor. The transformation starts with you. It might feel overwhelming to imagine all the work it takes to change your life, but you don’t have to do it all at once. You only have to do what’s in front of you. One step, one moment, one decision at a time.

Doing the work shifts your mindset. It silences the doubts and empowers you to keep going. Even when the results aren’t immediate or perfect, the effort is building something better. Something sustainable. Something real.

If you want change, you have to move. Wishful thinking might feel comfortable, but real change requires real effort. The work is where the transformation happens.

So ask yourself: Are you ready to stop hoping for results and start working for them?

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Time to Get Honest

  • Do you expect results from work you haven’t done?

  • Have you used magical thinking to justify inaction? How has that worked for you?

  • Can you remember a time when hard work led to a positive result? How did that feel?

  • What first step can you take today toward a goal you’ve been avoiding?

  • How might your life change if you committed to action instead of waiting for a miracle?

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to start.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve been hoping would change without putting in the work? And what’s one step you can take today to shift that?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the wishing phase, send this to them.
Sometimes, we just need a reminder that we already have what it takes.

You Set The Tone To How You Want To Feel

When I stepped onto this path, I was told, “You can just decide to have a good day, and it will happen.” I thought that was ridiculous. Clearly, these people didn’t understand how bad my life was or what a piece of crap I thought I was. But they insisted—and over time, I realized they were right.

At the start, my mind was rarely positive. I had to practice focusing on the good. I began writing down the things I was grateful for—sometimes only one thing, but it still counted. I’d carry that piece of paper in my pocket, and when the shadows crept in, I’d take it out and read it aloud. Just that simple act would bring some light back.

As I got better at it, my mind cleared, and the list of good things grew—as did the light and positivity in my life.

Building a Solid Foundation

To feel good, I had to do good things for myself. Self-care wasn’t just a buzzword—it became a necessity. For me, that meant:

  • Getting enough sleep

  • Eating well

  • Moving my body in some way

  • Connecting with my spiritual side

These were the key ingredients that gave me the best shot at having a good day.

And here’s a secret I learned: even if the day took a turn for the dark, I could still infuse it with light and turn it around. We’re not victims of our thoughts or feelings—unless we choose to be.

Staying Present in Uncertainty

During times of uncertainty, feelings can creep in and derail our day if we let them. It’s crucial to stay connected to what we’re feeling and why. Many times, those feelings point to something we’re holding onto from the past.

Setting an intention for positivity—of staying present and in the moment—cuts those ties to the past. If our mind drifts back, we can acknowledge it without letting it take over.

We set the tone for our day, SLAYER, so let’s make sure we’re setting a good one.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you feel like you’re bullied by your own feelings and thoughts?

  • Do you set an intention for your day?

  • When you do, are you able to hold onto it? If not, what pulls you away?

  • What kind of intention do you set?

  • Can you work harder on setting a positive tone for your day? What steps could you take?

  • How can you pause in the morning and decide to have a positive day?

  • How can you shift back into a positive mindset if negativity creeps in?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one intention you’ll set for yourself tomorrow morning?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to set a positive tone for their day, send this to them.
Sometimes, we all need a little reminder of our power.

Perseverance

I used to think perseverance was only for certain things—like career goals or material achievements. But when it came to my mental health, I was quick to throw in the towel. The moment a setback occurred, my inner critic would scream, “Why bother? You’ll fail anyway.” And too often, I listened.

But I learned something: true perseverance—the kind that transforms you—isn’t about pushing through only when it’s easy or convenient. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when the path is rocky, the finish line invisible, and the negative voices loud.

There were times I clung to perseverance for external wins but abandoned it for the internal work—the work that mattered most. I believed the lie that I didn’t deserve good things. But when I finally committed to my recovery, I discovered that same perseverance, channeled into my healing, could produce powerful results.

The Power of Persistence

When you ask most successful people their secret, they’ll likely tell you: perseverance. They didn’t give up. It seems like common sense, but how often do we stop just shy of the finish line? Or give up before the miracle happens?

There’s no published timeline for how long we have to keep going without seeing results. That’s where many falter. But if you can’t stop thinking about it—if giving up feels like losing a part of yourself—then keep going. That’s your sign.

Sometimes, perseverance isn’t about bull-headedness. It’s about flexibility, too. If a particular path isn’t working, the lesson might be to pivot. But often, it’s about staying the course—especially when it comes to your own well-being.

Lessons Learned

Before recovery, I used perseverance to chase things that didn’t nourish me. Now, I channel it into what matters: my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It’s not easy. There are still days when the voices of doubt and fear creep in. But I’ve learned to keep going, to fight for the life I want, and to trust that even the smallest steps count.

The finish line may be hidden, but it’s there. The only way to see it is to keep moving forward. Don’t let the setbacks define you. Let your perseverance become your strength.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you have perseverance?

  • Write out some examples of when you’ve shown perseverance. What was the result?

  • Do you consistently have perseverance, or only in certain areas?

  • What stops you from persevering?

  • When have you failed to persevere? Why?

  • What can you do to cultivate perseverance in those areas?

  • What challenges do you face in maintaining perseverance?

  • How can you channel it into things that nurture your growth and healing?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing in your life you’re determined to keep going for, no matter what?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay the course, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that perseverance is worth it.

Name Your Fear

I spent years in the dark, without realizing that fear was driving nearly every decision I made.
I was afraid of not getting what I wanted.
Afraid of losing what I had.
Afraid of not being good enough.
Afraid of what others thought of me.
Afraid you already knew what a horrible person I was.

Fear whispered lies and distortions at every turn, clouding my judgment and leading me down a spiral of bad decisions. And once those decisions were made, fear crept in again—this time afraid I’d be found out for them.
I lived in constant irritability and discontent.

The Fog of Fear

Fear doesn’t always show up loud and obvious.
It disguises itself.
It justifies itself.
For me, it was like a low-lying fog—ever-present, making it hard to see the next steps.

When I committed to getting honest with myself, I began to confront my fears. At first, I wouldn’t have said I was afraid of much—except the trajectory of my disease. I knew if I didn’t face my fears, they’d consume me.
But naming them? That took time, and guidance from others.

I had to learn to trust—both the people supporting me and myself. When you live in fear, trust evaporates. You’re stuck in fight-or-flight, always waiting for the next trauma.
Learning to live with honesty and peace was a new concept.

Step by Step

I slowed down.
I started asking myself: What’s the next right thing?
And when I didn’t know, I asked for help.
I had to push through the fear of asking.

As I peeled back the layers of myself, the fears began to reveal themselves—each one an opportunity to heal. Slowly, those fears fell away, replaced by better decisions and a clearer sense of the life I wanted to create.

Letting go of fear also allowed me to share my true self without being paralyzed by the thought of being judged or “not enough.”
The same vulnerabilities that once kept me isolated became the bridges that connected me with others—and helped others still stuck in fear.

What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Right now, many of us live with fear—understandably so, given the world’s circumstances.
But how many of those fears are real?
How many are imagined?
How many can we actually name?

You can’t let go of fear you won’t name.

Find it.
Flush it out.
Let it go.

Because you deserve a life built on freedom, not fear.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you are someone who lives in fear?

  • What are you afraid of?

  • Do you know what you are afraid of?

  • Which fears are real, and which are imagined?

  • Where do those fears come from?

  • What steps can you take to let go of imagined fears?

  • How can you approach real fears in your life with clarity and strength?

  • How does holding onto fear help or hurt you?

Remember:
Some fear is healthy. It keeps us safe.
But most fear just holds us back.
Look at your fears today, Slayer.
Figure out why you’re holding on.
Don’t let fear rob you of your best life.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fear you’re ready to name—and take a step toward letting go of today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other’s journeys.

And if you know someone who might be feeling stuck in fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, naming a fear is the first step to reclaiming your power.

Adversity Shows Us Who We Are

In my journey, I’ve been through deep adversity before, and it has always shown me who I am. I haven’t always liked what I’ve seen, but I’ve come to understand that I have the power to change it.

Facing Ourselves

In our daily lives, we often fill our days with busyness—things that distract us from what we may not want to face about ourselves: our behaviors, our patterns, and the places we choose to live emotionally day after day. It’s easy to focus on other people, on places and things, and avoid the inner work that requires honesty. For much of my adult life, I did exactly that. I numbed, distracted, and ran from myself until I hit an emotional and spiritual bottom. Suddenly, I had no choice but to face who I truly was.

It wasn’t easy. I had spent so long running from my feelings and stuffing down the emotions I didn’t want to admit even existed. Looking at myself felt nearly impossible. But adversity leaves us with two choices: give up and sink deeper or choose to fight for our lives.

Surrender Is Strength

The adversity I faced with my mental health forced me into a corner. To survive, I had to surrender and ask for help. The word surrender used to feel like weakness to me. I thought it was something only people who weren’t strong did. But the moment I let go, the moment I admitted I couldn’t do it alone, was the strongest decision I ever made.

That act of surrender allowed me to take my power back. It was only the start—I had to continue to be honest about myself and my past. That honesty wasn’t always easy, but if I was ever going to build a life worth living, I had to stop hiding behind lies and half-truths. I had to commit to showing up for myself fully.

Looking in the Mirror

When the curtain is pulled back and all you’re left with is a mirror, there is no moment more humbling. I stood there and saw hate, sadness, and defeat staring back at me. But I was encouraged to find even one small good thing, one spark of light. It was hard at first, but even the smallest bit of goodness was a starting point. From there, I could begin to rebuild.

The journey from self-hatred to self-love wasn’t easy, but every step, every tear, and every hard truth was worth it. Today, I can look in the mirror with compassion and gratitude for how far I’ve come.

Adversity in the Present

Today, we face a new kind of adversity. It’s one that isn’t of our own making, but it affects every part of our lives. As we’re forced to slow down, to pause the busyness we’ve come to rely on, this adversity is holding up a mirror once again.

This time offers us the opportunity to see who we truly are. If we don’t like what we see, life is giving us a chance to change. Maybe that’s one of the greatest lessons from this pause: a reset, an opportunity to return to ourselves and realign with what really matters.

This is a time to shine—not only for ourselves but for those who need our light. It’s an invitation to reflect, to reset, and to emerge stronger and more grounded.

Are you liking what adversity is showing you? If not, it’s time to get to work.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY

  • Have there been times in your life where adversity has shown you who you are?

  • Did you like what you saw?

  • What did you do to change that?

  • During this time of adversity, are you liking what you’re seeing?

  • What don’t you like? What can you do to change it?

  • Reflect and make some changes. Love yourself through them, and remember: we’re all walking through this together.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What has adversity shown you about yourself, and how are you working to change or embrace that?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s navigating their own adversity, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

If You’re Thinking Long You’re Thinking Wrong

Overthinking is something most of us know all too well. Whether we’re trying to talk ourselves into a decision we know deep down isn’t right, delaying a choice we don’t want to face, or spinning our wheels in solo analysis instead of asking for help—we waste a lot of time trying to force a result that usually isn’t meant for us.

I’ve done it more times than I can count. I would think a situation to death, trying to make it make sense or to justify an action I wanted to take. And almost always, that thinking led me in circles. No resolution. No peace. Just more confusion.

Thinking Isn’t the Problem—Overthinking Is

There’s value in pausing to make a thoughtful choice. But when that pause becomes paralysis? That’s usually a red flag.

In my past, I often sat in silence with my thoughts. I wouldn’t share them. I wouldn’t ask for help. I just stayed stuck—spinning in fear, doubt, and self-sabotage. My negative inner voice had full control, and the longer I stayed in my head, the more power I gave it. That thinking nearly cost me my life. Because at some point, I had to face the truth: my thinking alone wasn’t always trustworthy.

Recovery taught me something vital: just because I think it doesn’t make it true. And just because I want something to work, doesn’t mean it’s right.

Gut Check: What’s Really Going On?

When we find ourselves overthinking, it’s often because we’re trying to:

  • Force something that isn’t right
  • Avoid something we don’t want to face
  • Convince ourselves to go against our intuition

Sometimes, our mind will fight our gut. Our fear will argue with our truth. That’s why it’s so important to stay honest—and to talk it out with someone you trust.

You don’t have to think your way out of everything alone. Insight often comes when we open up, ask questions, and let others help us see clearly.

Action Beats Inaction

Long thinking is often a mask for fear. But taking action—even one small step—can break the loop.

If you’ve been stuck in thought, ask yourself:

  • What am I really afraid of?
  • What’s one action I can take to move forward?
  • Who can I talk to about this?

Not every decision needs weeks of thought. Sometimes, you already know the answer—you’re just scared to act on it.

Trust yourself enough to try. And if it’s the wrong move? You can course correct. But don’t let thinking be the reason you stay stuck.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: What’s Keeping You Stuck?

  • Do you find yourself overthinking important decisions? What does that usually look like for you?
  • Have you talked yourself out of action before? Why?
  • What’s one decision you’ve been sitting on for too long?
  • What’s one step you can take today to move forward?
  • Who could you talk to for clarity or support?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one decision you’re ready to stop overthinking and finally act on?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in their head, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a little clarity—and a nudge to begin.

Guilt Is Trying To Control The Past, Fear Is Trying To Control The Future

All we have control over is the right here and now. And even then, really, we only have control over how we respond to it. Sure, we can take action to work toward a goal, or choose actions that align with our best selves, but control, in the way we often seek it, is an illusion.

When we try to control the uncontrollable, we send ourselves spinning off into a task we cannot complete. Many times, our need or want for control manifests itself in guilt and fear. We feel guilt over what we have done in the past, over words unspoken or actions not taken. We feel fear about what has yet to happen, worrying we won’t do what we should or won’t get what we want. Neither of these places is a healthy place to live.

Instead of pouring energy into trying to control what has already happened or what has yet to come, we should focus on what we can do in this given moment.

The Trap of Guilt and Fear

When I was living in the dark, I spent a lot of time in the past and the future. The present felt lonely and terrifying. Even though I found no real comfort in reliving the past or projecting into the future, it still seemed better than facing where I was.

I spent thousands of hours berating myself over past moments, decisions, and imagined better responses. I sat paralyzed with fear over what might come next. This cycle of guilt and fear kept me sick for years, until finally the present moment became too unbearable to ignore.

Learning to Stay in the Now

It took a lot of courage to sit in the present, to truly listen, to sit still, and to focus only on what was in front of me. It was deeply uncomfortable at first. My anxiety would spike. But I was told to breathe through it, to find some comfort there. It took a lot of breathing, but the breath was the key to walking through my anxious thoughts and learning to stay rooted in the here and now.

Like any new behavior, the more it is practiced, the easier it gets—leaving room for days when it still feels almost impossible. But with willingness, it’s a practice that can be strengthened.

Reflection and Awareness

Today, my mind still wanders back to the past or into the future, but I know I can’t control either. When it happens, I take note of why. Is there unfinished business? Is my mind leaping forward because I’m avoiding something in the present?

I’ve learned that I can’t control life—past, present, or future—but I can control how I respond to it. I can control the actions I take to prepare for what’s to come and the steps I take to stay true to my path today.

The Freedom of Presence

It’s easy to escape the present by dwelling on the past or fretting over the future. But doing so robs us of the moments right in front of us—the ones that deserve our respect and love.

We all have an abundance of choices each day. All we can do is the best we can in each moment. Yes, we may look back and wish we’d done things differently, but instead of guilt, we can use those lessons to guide us. When we implement those lessons in our present day, we free ourselves from unnecessary fear about the future.

All we truly have is right here, right now. The next move is yours to make—choose the one that keeps you grounded.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Do you tend to live in the past or future?

  • What is the result of that?

  • How does it help you? How does it harm you?

  • What keeps you from living in the present moment?

  • How can you change that?

  • What do you try to control in your life? Are you able to?

  • How does it affect you when you can’t?

  • Do you suffer from guilt or fear? How so?
    SLAYER, the action we can take is in this moment—everything else is out of our hands. Use this moment to do something your future self will thank you for.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Do you find yourself stuck in guilt or fear? How do you bring yourself back to the present moment?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s wrestling with guilt or fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Don’t Have To Be A Bully To Win

Choosing Strength Without Losing Yourself

There’s a moment many of us can point to — where we made ourselves smaller so someone else could feel bigger. Where we let a louder voice drown out our quieter truth. Where we convinced ourselves that the only way to keep peace, keep harmony, keep connection… was to let someone else take the spotlight or the power.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

And for a long stretch of my life, I believed a dangerous lie:
That the only way to win was to push, dominate, or overpower.
That the world rewarded sharp edges, not steady hearts.
That kindness was weakness, and compassion was a liability.

Except… every time I tried to step into that version of “strength,” I felt like I was abandoning myself. Winning didn’t feel like winning if I had to step out of integrity to get there. It felt hollow. It felt false. It felt like I was playing a role someone else demanded of me.

It took years to understand what I know now:

The loudest person in the room isn’t the strongest — just the loudest.
Real power doesn’t need to humiliate anyone to stand tall.
And you never have to be a bully to win.

The Myth of “Hardness” as Power

So many of us grew up observing people who led with fear, not respect. Maybe it was in our home, our school, our workplace, or even our friendships. People who believed intimidation equaled leadership. People who measured their worth through dominance. People who confused cruelty with competence.

Maybe those were the people who seemed to get rewarded. They got attention. They got results. They got their way.

And somewhere along the line, we internalized the belief that:

  • If we wanted to succeed, we had to be more like them.

  • If we stayed soft, we’d get run over.

  • If we stayed compassionate, we’d get crushed.

But here’s the truth we weren’t taught:

Strength without empathy is insecurity.
Confidence without humility is ego.
Power without kindness is fear dressed as control.

None of that is leadership.
None of that is winning.
None of that is sustainable.

Power built on intimidation crumbles the moment someone refuses to be intimidated.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It’s Precision

People often misunderstand compassion. They confuse it with people-pleasing. They mistake boundaries for cruelty and softness for passivity.

But kindness is not a lack of backbone.
Kindness is not the absence of truth.
Kindness is not silence in the face of harm.

Kindness is precision.
It’s the ability to see clearly when others act from fear.
It’s the ability to hold your shape instead of collapsing into theirs.
It’s the bravery to choose integrity even when someone else chooses force.

Kindness is strength with the volume turned down — and the clarity turned up.

Winning with kindness means:

  • You don’t betray yourself.

  • You don’t hurt others to lift yourself higher.

  • You don’t weaponize your voice or your power.

  • You don’t step outside your values to gain validation.

It means you succeed as yourself, not as a costume someone else taught you to wear.

Standing Strong Without Striking Back

There is a quiet moment — the moment between hurt and response — where we decide who we want to be.

When someone else raises their voice, throws their weight around, or tries to provoke a reaction, you get to choose:

Do you match their energy?
Or do you rise above it?

Do you let their behavior define the moment?
Or do you let your integrity define you?

Choosing not to bully back is not weakness.
Choosing not to belittle is not submission.
Choosing not to retaliate is not letting them win.

It’s choosing peace over chaos.
It’s choosing self-respect over reactivity.
It’s choosing your future over a moment of validation.

Strength isn’t proven through force — it’s proven through discipline.

Winning By Staying in Integrity

Here’s what no one tells you:

When you stop engaging in someone else’s game, they lose control of the scoreboard.

Winning without bullying looks like:

  • Setting a boundary and sticking to it.

  • Walking away from disrespect instead of debating it.

  • Saying “No” without explanation or apology.

  • Refusing to match someone else’s cruelty.

  • Choosing peace even when chaos tempts you.

  • Being confident enough not to dominate.

  • Leading by example, not intimidation.

When you choose integrity, you reclaim the power they hoped you’d abandon.

When you choose grounding, you interrupt the cycle.

When you choose compassion — for yourself and others — you create a new standard of strength.

And when you stop trying to outperform someone’s ego, you start outperforming your own past.

You Win Every Time You Don’t Become What Hurt You

What if winning isn’t about beating someone else?

What if winning is:

  • Becoming who you needed when you were younger

  • Responding instead of reacting

  • Growing instead of repeating patterns

  • Standing tall without stepping on anyone

  • Being the person who breaks generational cycles

  • Choosing softness in a world that worships hardness

What if the real victory is becoming someone you’re proud of?

Because every time you refuse to become what tried to break you, you win.

Every time you choose compassion over ego, you win.

Every time you stay rooted instead of rattled, you win.

Every time you lead with integrity, you win.

You don’t have to be a bully to win.
You just have to be brave enough to stay yourself.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment and check in with yourself. Let these questions guide what comes next:

S — Sit With Your Truth

Where in your life have you believed you had to act harder, sharper, or louder just to be heard?

L — Look at the Pattern

Who taught you that compassion was weakness? And were they actually strong — or simply scared?

A — Align With Your Values

How can you choose strength with kindness in the next conflict or challenge?

Y — Yield to Growth

What becomes possible when you stop fighting battles that require you to betray yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When have you chosen integrity over intimidation, and how did it change the outcome?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to find their power without losing their kindness, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

I Will Not Kick Myself When I’m Down

There was a time when I didn’t just fall down—I helped push myself further. The moment I was down, I would pile on the blame, the guilt, the shame. I thought that was what I deserved. That somehow the worse I felt, the more I could atone for my failures. But the truth is: kicking ourselves when we’re down doesn’t build us back up. It keeps us buried.

The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations

I held impossible expectations for myself. If I didn’t meet them perfectly (and let’s be honest, they were designed to be unmeetable), I used that as proof that I was a failure. That cycle of aiming too high, falling short, and self-destructing was its own form of punishment. And it kept me stuck in the belief that I wasn’t good enough.

Even when good things did happen, I didn’t trust them. I feared they’d be taken away. I feared I would mess them up. I feared someone would find out I didn’t deserve them. That mindset didn’t protect me—it prevented me from ever feeling joy, ease, or peace.

Ground Zero and the Climb Back Up

When I found recovery, I was at rock bottom. Spiritually bankrupt. Emotionally drained. I couldn’t get any lower. And still, the instinct to blame and shame myself was there. But slowly, step by step, I started doing something different. Instead of kicking myself, I started caring for myself.

I had to rewire my brain to stop looking at every misstep as proof of failure. I had to learn that failure is part of learning. And more importantly, I had to love myself through it. I started asking: What can this moment teach me? That changed everything.

Reframing Failure as Growth

Because failure isn’t failure if it teaches you something.

That shift in perspective allowed me to see mistakes not as dead ends, but as detours with lessons. Sometimes they pointed me toward a better path. Sometimes they showed me where I still had growing to do. And sometimes they helped me realize I was never really off-track—I was just learning in real time.

Yes, there were disappointments. Yes, I still felt frustration. But instead of spiraling into shame, I started practicing self-reflection with compassion. That’s how we grow. That’s how we keep going.

A Better Way Forward

So if you’re in a tough season, be honest with yourself: Are you making it harder by turning on yourself?

You may have goals and dreams that didn’t unfold how you imagined. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. It means you’re on the journey. And maybe—just maybe—that so-called failure is actually pointing you toward what you were meant to do all along.

Let go of the punishment. Pick up the lesson. Love yourself when it’s hardest to do so. That’s where the real power lives.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you tend to beat yourself up when things don’t go your way?
  2. What expectations are you holding yourself to that may be unrealistic?
  3. Can you think of a recent mistake that actually taught you something important?
  4. How does self-compassion feel different from self-criticism?
  5. What’s one way you can support yourself today, even if it feels uncomfortable?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Show yourself grace when you fall
  • Learn from the lesson
  • Acknowledge your humanity
  • You get to choose how you respond

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you break the cycle of beating yourself up? How do you practice self-love on your hardest days?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the shame spiral, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.