self-reflection

Don’t Forget To Check Your Odometer

Some of us move through life so fast we never catch up to ourselves—while others move forward without realizing just how far they’ve come. It’s always easier for someone else to notice the distance we’ve traveled before we do. We’re often too close to our own lives to see the growth clearly.

That’s where checking your odometer comes in.

We may not have a physical readout to track our personal mileage, but we do have markers—our habits, our choices, our relationships, and our emotional shifts. When we take the time to pause and reflect, we might just see that we’re not in the same place we were three months ago, a year ago, or even last week.

And if we are in the same place? That’s not shame. That’s information. A gentle cue that it might be time for new action.

How Far Have You Really Come?

Before I stepped on this path, I didn’t want to check the odometer. I didn’t want to be reminded that I wasn’t making progress—or worse, that I was moving in the wrong direction. I judged myself harshly and measured my worth based on where I thought I should be, instead of where I actually was.

I was living with blinders on—trapped in a cycle of self-criticism, isolation, and disconnection. It wasn’t until I asked for help that I started placing positive mile markers in my life. Each step forward, no matter how small, became something to build on. And even when I couldn’t see my own growth, the people around me could.

Their reflection helped me see the transformation happening inside of me—and over time, I started to believe it for myself.

Celebrate the Journey

You’ve come a long way. Even if you don’t feel like it, you have. Maybe you’ve let go of a toxic relationship. Maybe you’re managing your mental health better than you used to. Maybe you’re just waking up and trying—and that alone is progress worth celebrating.

Self-checks matter. They give us a chance to acknowledge our growth, recognize where we still want to go, and celebrate the resilience that brought us this far. And yes, even setbacks can be part of that progress—sometimes, they’re just a moment to pause and breathe before your next big leap.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to be proud of how far you’ve come. Own it.

You’re a survivor. A warrior. A kickass SLAYER.
Don’t forget that.
Don’t forget you.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Recalibrate

  • Do you notice the changes in yourself—or only when someone else points them out?

  • When others celebrate your growth, do you accept it? Or do you deflect?

  • How do you support and recognize growth in others? How would it feel to give yourself the same grace?

  • What’s one area where you’ve worked hard to grow? Write down the milestones that got you here.

  • Where are you today that felt impossible a year ago?

You’ve traveled further than you think. Don’t miss the view just because you forgot to check the odometer.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one win—big or small—you’ve had on your journey that you sometimes forget to celebrate?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who doesn’t see how far they’ve come, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder.

Name Your Fear

I spent years in the dark, without realizing that fear was driving nearly every decision I made.
I was afraid of not getting what I wanted.
Afraid of losing what I had.
Afraid of not being good enough.
Afraid of what others thought of me.
Afraid you already knew what a horrible person I was.

Fear whispered lies and distortions at every turn, clouding my judgment and leading me down a spiral of bad decisions. And once those decisions were made, fear crept in again—this time afraid I’d be found out for them.
I lived in constant irritability and discontent.

The Fog of Fear

Fear doesn’t always show up loud and obvious.
It disguises itself.
It justifies itself.
For me, it was like a low-lying fog—ever-present, making it hard to see the next steps.

When I committed to getting honest with myself, I began to confront my fears. At first, I wouldn’t have said I was afraid of much—except the trajectory of my disease. I knew if I didn’t face my fears, they’d consume me.
But naming them? That took time, and guidance from others.

I had to learn to trust—both the people supporting me and myself. When you live in fear, trust evaporates. You’re stuck in fight-or-flight, always waiting for the next trauma.
Learning to live with honesty and peace was a new concept.

Step by Step

I slowed down.
I started asking myself: What’s the next right thing?
And when I didn’t know, I asked for help.
I had to push through the fear of asking.

As I peeled back the layers of myself, the fears began to reveal themselves—each one an opportunity to heal. Slowly, those fears fell away, replaced by better decisions and a clearer sense of the life I wanted to create.

Letting go of fear also allowed me to share my true self without being paralyzed by the thought of being judged or “not enough.”
The same vulnerabilities that once kept me isolated became the bridges that connected me with others—and helped others still stuck in fear.

What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Right now, many of us live with fear—understandably so, given the world’s circumstances.
But how many of those fears are real?
How many are imagined?
How many can we actually name?

You can’t let go of fear you won’t name.

Find it.
Flush it out.
Let it go.

Because you deserve a life built on freedom, not fear.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Would you say you are someone who lives in fear?

  • What are you afraid of?

  • Do you know what you are afraid of?

  • Which fears are real, and which are imagined?

  • Where do those fears come from?

  • What steps can you take to let go of imagined fears?

  • How can you approach real fears in your life with clarity and strength?

  • How does holding onto fear help or hurt you?

Remember:
Some fear is healthy. It keeps us safe.
But most fear just holds us back.
Look at your fears today, Slayer.
Figure out why you’re holding on.
Don’t let fear rob you of your best life.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one fear you’re ready to name—and take a step toward letting go of today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s support each other’s journeys.

And if you know someone who might be feeling stuck in fear, send this to them.
Sometimes, naming a fear is the first step to reclaiming your power.

Write A Letter Of Forgiveness To Your Younger Self

I was new on this path, grappling with the weight of my past—the realization of where I had ended up, the choices I had made, and the harm I had done to myself. It felt almost too much to bear.

Then someone suggested something I’ll never forget:

Write a letter of forgiveness to your younger self.

Facing the Hurt

That suggestion stopped me in my tracks. The thought of facing the harm I had done to that innocent, hopeful little girl inside me made my heart sink.

I could see her—vulnerable, full of dreams—and I had failed her. Time and time again, I had ignored her needs, tried to extinguish her light.

But I wasn’t at a point to resist anything that might help me heal. So, I picked up a pen.

I didn’t plan or overthink. I just started writing. I pictured her face and humbly asked for her forgiveness. I poured out all the ways I had let her down, all the times I ignored her worth.

The tears came, but the apology flowed.

I was told to leave nothing out—whatever I held back might keep me sick. So, I wrote it all. And then I read it aloud.

Hearing it, facing it, was hard. But that letter didn’t just end in apology. It ended in a promise: a vow to love her better, to make choices that nurtured her and honored her existence.

That letter became my compass.

Keeping the Promise

When the days were hard, when the negative self-talk got loud, it was easy to throw myself under the bus. But it was harder to throw that little girl under there with me after making her a promise.

Seeing her face in my mind pushed me to keep going. As I healed, I pictured her smiling, cheering me on.

Every milestone became a love letter back to her.

Later, I wrote another letter—to the version of me who didn’t know better, who lacked the tools or courage to navigate life in a healthy way. I apologized to her too. And in that apology, I made a commitment: to learn, to grow, to make amends by living in the light.

A Path to Freedom

These letters were powerful steps in my journey of forgiveness. They opened the door to forgiving not just myself, but others too.

But it all started with me.

We’ve all let our younger selves down. We’ve all made choices we regret, or harbored resentment for things we didn’t know or couldn’t handle at the time. Writing these letters, making those promises—they can set us free.

So get your pen, SLAYER. You may have a letter to write today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you harbor resentment toward yourself for your past?

  • What do you resent?

  • Do you believe you knew better or should have done better? How?

  • Do you look back and feel like you failed your younger self? In what ways?

  • What can you do today to make amends for that?

  • How can you find forgiveness for yourself?

  • How can you protect and honor your younger self today?

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know. Aim to do better today. And when the days get hard, fiercely protect that younger version of yourself—you deserve it.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What would you say in a letter to your younger self today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other’s healing journey.

And if you know someone who’s been hard on themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is knowing we’re not alone.

We Are Mirrors Of Each Other

We’re all mirrors for each other.
We have more in common than we think, and when we allow ourselves to look for the similarities instead of the differences, something powerful happens—we begin to see ourselves in others. And when we truly see ourselves, healing begins.

Before I started this path, I wasn’t open to that idea.
I judged others. I needed to feel better than the people around me, so I pointed out what separated us. I picked at their flaws to cover up my own. It made me feel superior—but it also kept me sick and isolated.

The truth?
I believed I was a piece of crap, but still thought I had a better solution than you did. That’s how twisted my thinking was.
It wasn’t until someone shared their story with me—raw and honest—that something shifted. I saw myself in them. For the first time, I recognized my reflection in someone else. And it changed everything.

Seeing the Truth in Someone Else

They had the same mental illness I did. They struggled the way I had. But they were getting help. They were doing the work.

In that moment, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
I wasn’t different.
I wasn’t better.
I was just like them.
And if they could find a way forward… maybe I could too.

The Power of Similarities

Early in recovery, I was told: “Look for the similarities, not the differences.”
That became my mantra.

So I listened.
I really listened—to what people were saying, how they were living, what they were feeling. And the more I listened, the more I saw myself reflected in their stories. I began to connect.

But here’s the thing: you have to be willing to see it.
You have to let go of the need to feel different or better.
You have to get honest about who you are.

And sometimes that honesty is tough. Those mirrors don’t lie.
They show us the parts of ourselves we’ve been trying to hide.

Learning to Accept the Reflection

Looking in the mirror hasn’t always been easy.
There were times I saw things I didn’t like.
But I knew if I wanted to get better, I had to face it.

That meant living with rigorous honesty.
If I saw something in myself I didn’t like, I had to:

  • Address it
  • Change it
  • Or learn to accept it if I couldn’t

We all walk around with mirrors. Sometimes our reflection helps others. Sometimes someone else’s reflection helps us. Nothing is accidental. We cross paths with the people we’re meant to—people who inspire us, challenge us, or show us who we really are.

And if we’re paying attention, those reflections can save our lives.

From Shame to Shared Light

I no longer hide my reflection. I don’t carry shame about what I’ve lived through or how far I’ve come. My reflection is what connects me to others. And if someone else sees a piece of themselves in me? Even better.

Because just like someone else once helped me recognize myself, maybe my story—my mirror—can help someone else too.

I also pay attention to what I see in other people.
If I’m triggered, if something feels off or uncomfortable, I ask myself: What is this showing me about me?
Maybe it’s something I need to look at. Maybe it’s something I need to change. Maybe it’s something I need to love.

Recognizing myself in someone else’s reflection is what saved my life.
And it might just save yours—if you’re willing to look.

SLAY Reflection: What Do You See?

  1. Are you open to seeing the commonality in others?
    What might be keeping you from looking?
  2. Do you sometimes feel superior to others?
    Where did that come from—and how might it be holding you back?
  3. What reflections have others shown you about yourself lately?
    How did you respond to them?
  4. Are there parts of your reflection you’ve been avoiding?
    What’s one small step you can take toward healing or accepting it?
  5. Have you ever seen yourself in someone else—and felt less alone because of it?
    How did that moment change you?

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    Have you ever seen yourself in someone else’s story—and how did that moment change you?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who needs a reminder that they’re not alone, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Results vs. Rewards

Before I started this journey, I was very rewards-oriented. If I did something nice for someone, I expected something in return—or at the very least, an acknowledgment of my good deed. And if I didn’t get that, I’d hold onto one heck of a resentment. I wouldn’t say anything about it until I could throw a zinger at them later—a quick-witted one-liner meant to sting.

I was good at those, too. I even prided myself on them.

I thought if I did the right thing, the universe owed me something good in return. But it rarely worked that way. Because when you go into a situation with an expectation, you’re not going in with a pure heart—or the right frame of mind.

Doing It for the Right Reasons

I’ve talked about this before: we should never enter into anything unless we want to do it—and don’t expect anything in return.

Oh, that’s right. That’s the only reason to do anything. Because you want to. Period.

It’s the only way to keep your intentions pure. It’s the only way not to be let down when your expectations aren’t met.

When I’m having a challenging day—or I’m just plain grumpy—it happens. I’ll do something nice for someone without them knowing. It could be paying for someone’s coffee or putting money in a meter that’s about to expire. It might be something bigger. But the point is, I do it without expecting a reward.

But here’s the twist: we do get something in return. A result. And a result is far more important than a reward.

Esteemable Acts Build Self-Esteem

Sure, it’s nice to get a reward. I think we can all agree. But if that’s your sole purpose for doing something, you’re going to be disappointed—often.

It’s the result of doing something that truly matters. When we do esteemable acts, we build self-esteem. We begin to like who we are, respect who we are, and learn to trust who we are.

I had to learn this when I made the choice to get better. I had to make a conscious decision to practice it each day.

It felt strange at first—to do something nice without the other person knowing. I was told that if they found out, it didn’t count and I’d have to find something else. So, I turned it into a little game. Like a positive secret.

I used the same cleverness I once used to manipulate people to figure out how to do something kind without them finding out it was me. It actually became fun. And the more I looked for those moments, the more I found them.

The result? My mind stayed positive because I was looking for positive things to do. And that kept me living in the light. No reward could do that for me. A reward might shine a light on me temporarily, but it wouldn’t keep the light on in my life day after day.

Choosing the Path of Growth

We live in a world that’s very reward-oriented. It’s easy to fall into the expectation of getting something for doing something.

But we SLAYERS are better than that.

We’re about growth, learning, and striving to do better. What we want are results.

Results that help us build a strong foundation. Results that keep us on the right path, doing the right things, and remembering why we’re doing them.

Esteemable acts build self-esteem. They help us shed the feeling of being “less-than” or deficient. They quiet those negative voices because we’re not just doing what’s best for us—we’re also considering those around us.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you do things and expect a reward? What happens if you don’t get one, or aren’t acknowledged for your good deed?

Do you feel negatively toward that person? What if you didn’t expect a reward? What if you just did good things to do them—without expecting anything in return?

I challenge you, SLAYER, to do three good things for three different people this week without them knowing. If they find out, it doesn’t count, and you’ll need to find something else.

Write down how you feel after doing them. Then write down how you feel compared to before you did them.

Keep going, SLAYER. When we look for the good, we find the good.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small act of kindness you’re committing to this week—just because?
Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. Let’s inspire each other to keep growing.

And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them.
Sometimes, the best rewards come from giving freely.

Be The Mountain, Not The Weather

I was talking to someone the other day. They were struggling with something, and before he finished sharing, he said, “I know, I need to be the mountain and not the weather.”
It made me smile.

Yes, we should all be the mountain.

Solid vs. Shifting

The mountain is solid. It has a strong foundation. Nothing is moving a mountain—it stands tall.

The weather, on the other hand, comes and goes. It shifts and swirls. It can change completely in a day, be unreliable, unstable, surprising, and even destructive. Sure, there might be days when having the force of the weather sounds tempting—when it feels like release—but in the long run, what we need is to be the mountain.

So, how do we become more like the mountain and less like the weather?

Be Flexible

It might sound strange to say a mountain should be flexible, but building your own solid foundation means being open and adaptable.

I’ve written before about the importance of staying teachable. To remain teachable, we have to stay flexible—open to new ideas, perspectives, and information. It’s great to have convictions, but it’s also essential to listen to other viewpoints. You never know when you might learn something that shifts your understanding or reaffirms your stance.

Stay flexible. Look at situations from all angles. Make sure your perspective rests on solid ground.

Give Yourself Permission

Be confident in your decisions. Allow yourself to try new things—without waiting for approval.

Too often, we look to others for validation when we should be checking in with ourselves. If it makes you happy, inspires you, or fills you with joy, do it. It doesn’t matter if others understand or approve. This is your life.

Give yourself permission to change. To grow. To become.

Find Forgiveness

Let go of what no longer serves you. Release the grudges, the regrets, the “should-haves” that weigh you down.

Forgive others for what they did—or couldn’t do. More importantly, forgive yourself. For not knowing better. For not making the best choice in a moment. We’re all human, and none of us gets it right all the time.

Holding on to past hurts chains us to the past. Letting go frees us to move forward.

Be Mindful

With forgiveness comes mindfulness.

When we practice mindfulness, we make choices that serve us—decisions that help us grow, strengthen our self-esteem, and build true confidence.

Stay present. Stay grounded.

Find Love and Gratitude

When we move through each day with love in our hearts and gratitude for what we have, we make better decisions.

Walking in love and gratitude keeps us centered in spirit, not ego. And it’s from this space that we find true peace—a peace that can’t be shaken by life’s storms.

Engage in Life

This is the result of it all.

When we practice these principles, we become more engaged in life. We care for ourselves and nurture relationships with others. Our world expands as we open ourselves to new experiences and connections.

We become the mountain—steady, solid, unwavering—no matter what storms may come. And we know the sun will always rise again.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you see yourself more as the mountain or the weather? Why?
Can you think of moments when you’ve been both? What triggered the shift?
What gets in your way of standing solid?
What can you do today to strengthen your foundation and embrace your inner mountain?
What action will you take to give yourself permission to grow, change, and forgive?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What does being the mountain look like in your life? How do you stay grounded through storms?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other’s growth.

And if you know someone who could use a little extra grounding today, send this to them.
Sometimes, just knowing we have the power to stand steady makes all the difference.

Stop Judging Yourself And Start Loving Yourself

We would never put up with someone else saying the things we say to ourselves. Why we do judge ourselves so harshly? I used to be guilty of self-judgment, and still can be, hating myself for not living up to an unattainable standard. Making sure that I set those standards so high I could never reach them, ensuring that I always had a reason to hate myself and talk down to myself. It took a lot of work to stop doing that on a regular basis, but once I started to love and accept myself I stopped accepting that negative self-talk that used to be my daily narrative. If we don’t believe in ourselves, it’s difficult for others to believe in us, the work starts with us, and it’s work that’s worth it. Let’s start with, why do we judge ourselves?

What is it about our human nature that makes us turn on ourselves? It’s easy in the culture of social media for us to compare who we are to what we’re seeing, but as I’ve written about before, we should never judge our insides to someone else’s outsides, or their outsides at all for that matter. I’ve shared in the past that when I was at my lowest low, when I had given up on myself and didn’t want to be here anymore, I still got dressed, put on a happy face and walked out the door fooling most people, and there were people who told me they envied me during that time, not knowing what my internal struggle was, and I would laugh to myself and think, you have no idea what’s really going on, and truthfully, most people have an internal struggle going on of some kind that we know nothing about, so why would you compare yourself to someone who may be only showing you what they want you to see? We live an a time of filters and editing and well, unrealistic expectations, based on what we see online and in the media, and trust me, as someone who works in entertainment, even we don’t look like the images of perfection that get put out there, we get a lot of help, by experts who are paid to make us look a certain way, and even then there are filters and lighting. So, when I say to not judge yourself based on these images, I’m telling you, there is a lot of wizardly magic that goes on behind the scenes to make things look pretty. Just be you, be proud of that, and stand tall. And, if there is something you truly are not happy with, something that you can work on or change, go ahead and do that, work for it, make it a goal and take action if it makes you feel good about you. Speaking of action, let’s get into some action.

1) Where Do Your Judgments Come From? When you look at yourself, or think about yourself, what do you see or think? Do you feel love, or shame? Have you always felt this way, or was there a time or event that made you change? Where there people in your life who validated these judgments or negative thoughts? Or maybe, placed them there to begin with? Think about what got you here, how it began, what in you or your environment fueled your judgment? As I always say, get out your detective hat, and find out the facts and the root of your judgment. Once you have that, you have something to work with. And, even if you don’t know, it’s about consciously making a decision to turn that negative self-talk and judgment around, to talk to yourself in a loving and forgiving way. No one is perfect, no one, even the people you think who are, so give yourself a break SLAYER, we’re all learning and growing, and trying to be the best us we can.

2) Find Your Own Self Love. I know, this one can be tough, but I know it can be done because I’ve done it, and I hated myself so much I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth, so, I have faith you can find it to. Start by making a list of 5 things you like about yourself. Carry that list with you and when you start to judge yourself, read that list out loud, then smile. I did that for a few months when I started on this path, it always put things in perspective, and as my self-love started to grow so did my list. Start looking for the good instead of the bad.

3) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes. We all make them. If we’re not making them we’re not taking chances, so really, it’s a good thing that we’re making them. We learn from mistakes, we grow, and it may just give us the answers we’re looking for. When things “go wrong” we then know not to do that again, and sometimes we will anyway, but eventually we’ll stop, and we’ll move on to something else. But it’s about trying, and learning from those tries, and allowing yourself to not get it right, and maybe even celebrating when you don’t because it means you’re allowing yourself to try new things, or maybe old things, in a different way. Mistakes open the door to discoveries.

4) Treat Yourself Like You Treat Others. We typically treat others better than we treat ourselves, and we judge them less, if we are judging them more harshly that’s usually a pretty good indicator though that we’re needing to address things in our own lives, we often will attack someone else for the things we dislike in ourselves, but, usually we tend to see everyone else with rosier glasses than see ourselves. A lot of times we find it easier to forgive others’ flaws because it’s not us, or because we’re only seeing their outside, so we figure anything we’re picking up on is just them having an off day, we make excuses for them, and maybe it’s because we love them, but, shouldn’t we cut ourselves the same breaks because we love ourselves? Yes, we should. When you catch yourself behaving badly towards yourself, think about how you treat others in your life, and ask yourself if you would be as harsh to them? Also ask yourself why? Those same reasons apply to you.

5) Step Out To Look In. When you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk , step outside of yourself and observe what’s going on. Don’t engage in it, just observe what you are saying and how it makes you feel. Let it pass by you. Watch it go. When you don’t engage and passively observe it, you don’t get emotionally involved and defensive, that’s when the truth can come to the surface. And when you know the truth, you stop telling yourself lies because they no longer make sense. And, you stop believing them.

Once you stop judging yourself and start encouraging yourself to live a full and expansive life you open the door to a bigger world, you open yourself up to new relationships and experiences, and you attract others into your life who are also on the same path. We all have bad days when the negative chatter gets loud in our heads, but that’s when we practice self-care and stick to the facts, those things we know to be true, we are beautiful, incredible people who are growing and learning and taking chances because we are operating from a place of love, not judgment. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you judge yourself harshly? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop judging yourself so harshly? Do you want to stop judging yourself so harshly? If not, why not? How does it benefit you? How does it hurt you? What are 5 loving things you can do for yourself this week? Write then down SLAYER and do them, see if start to lessen the grip on our own judgment.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Self-Righteous Anger

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.

You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.

That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.

Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility

If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.

You decide:

  • Who you engage with

  • How far you let them in

  • What boundaries you set

There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.

This blog connects back to so many past entries:

  • People Picker – choosing aligned connections

  • Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs

  • Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”

  • Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance

It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.

When We Engage to Feel Superior

Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.

Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.

Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.

And it didn’t work.

Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership

When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.

Ask yourself:

  • Could I have avoided this situation?

  • Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?

  • Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?

A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.

Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:

  • Disappointment

  • Resentment

  • Frustration

  • Anger

That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.

Break the Cycle with Compassion

The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.

We avoid self-righteous anger by:

  • Engaging with people who align with us

  • Setting boundaries with those who don’t

  • Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong

  • Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow

  • Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves

And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.

Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.

Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.

And reactions are usually about us, not them.

As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.

So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.

Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?

  1. Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
    Why do you think you do that?

  2. Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
    What do you think it’s really covering up?

  3. How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
    What’s the cost?

  4. What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
    How could you protect your peace instead?

  5. What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
    Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?

 

 

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.