self care

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t hate what you don’t understand.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Below You

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYERS! Hate is heavy, let it go.

SLAY on!
State Of Slay Ill Mind

 

Why Do We Hate?

We hate out of fear. We hate out of ignorance. We hate out of intolerance. We hate because we hate ourselves.

When I was living in the darkness I hated myself. Because I hated myself I hated a lot of other things. It’s hard to find love in your heart for other things when you’ve stamped it out for yourself. I also lived in a place of ego, ego and self-hatred, that was the insanity of my reality, I thought I was the biggest piece of crap out there, but I still thought I knew more than you did. I was really unforgiving of others because I was unforgiving of myself. I judged everyone and had an opinion about everything. I didn’t like someone who was different because I felt different, and that made me feel uncomfortable. But all of that really came from that deep-seated hate for myself, once I found self-love hate became something I no longer thought about. I know that for some of us self-love seems like a daunting task, but know others who were able to find self-love by loving others, or letting others love them, looking at themselves through someone else’s eyes and seeing the love they see. There is not just one route to finding self-love and the love that is shared between us, but those who hate will tell you different.

We see so much hate in the world today. And hate seems to have a louder voice than love. And maybe that’s because we who love and are spreading love do it in a more one-on-one, softer and gentler way than those spreading hate, they seem to spread it in a rapid fire spraying motion trying to cause the most collateral damage as possible. Love is not spread that way. For me it’s spread because of the love I feel within, I want to share that with those around me and so that they may possibly feel the way I do. The thought of hate doesn’t even really cross my mind. There are certainly things, and even a few people, I dislike, but hate to me feels evil, dark and sinister, and a gateway to the place I used to live. I have also learned to have much more of an open mind than used to, although, I can still be a bit stubborn at times… I’ve been told. Okay, yes, I can be. But when I lived in hate I would never budge, I thought I knew the truth, I thought, I knew the best way and that was that, even though the best way I came up with nearly cost me my life. Which brings me to another topic I’ve discussed before, humility. There is no humility in hate, it cannot co-exist, humility opened the door for me to recovery, to find a solution because the solution I had come up with was not working. I had to admit that I was wrong and I had to surrender. Both things I used to think would make me weak, but after doing it was able to see the strength in it.

When we live in a place of self-love, when we are open to new things, when we can find compassion for our neighbors, we no longer have a place for hate in your lives. We seek to learn, to understand, to honor those around us, and ourselves, so now when I see someone spreading hate I feel badly for them because I know that that hate likely extends to themselves, as mine once did, and I know the only antidote for hate is love. Perhaps today, we can all send some love out in the world to try to neutralize the hate, maybe if we all did it we could extinguish it, even just in our own lives. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hate? What do you hate? Why do you hate? What does that word mean to you? How do you feel about yourself? Describe yourself? How many of those things are positive? How many of them come from love? How many from hate? Do you think of yourself as better than those around you? Do you consider yourself worse? What can you do to even level that field? Do you love yourself? If yes, why? If not, why? Finding love for yourself is the most important work you can do, and the most rewarding. It is the base of everything you do, and it allows you to share that love with others and possibly show them love that they might see themselves. Love is contagious, so why not spread instead of hate?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Words are singularly the most powerful force we have, and we have the choice to use that force constructively or destructively.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Words Add Value

The Power Of Words

I was having a conversation the other day about the power of words. The words we say aloud, and most importantly, the words we say internally to ourselves. Our words have more power than we think. Our words power what we think. Our words can change how we feel and can change how others feel. They can uplift us and can tear us down. But we get to choose what words have power over us, and what words have what meaning to us and our lives. And, we get to choose how we use our words.

When I was struggling to find the light in my life my inner dialogue was powerful, I gave it the power to keep me there, to only see the darkness, and I let my words speak a narrative that wasn’t authentic to who I was, but would tell the narrative I wanted to tell. The more I said them, them the more I believed them. My words kept me sick, and were making me sicker. I sought out people or situations where I would find the same words, so I was never hearing anything different. I didn’t realize that my words had the power they did, or that I even had power over them, it just seemed like a running dialogue of negativity that I couldn’t escape from.

It wasn’t until I made the choice to find a solution that I started to realize the power of my words, and, how I could get power over them. If I was going to get better and start loving myself, I had to start using my words for good, my good, and stop letting them tear me down. At first I struggled to find the words that were going to start a positive change in my life, but I was encouraged to look for what I was grateful for, what I saw in my life that was positive, and start saying those things out loud. To start, it wasn’t easy, but even if I could think of one thing, I would write it down, put it in my pocket, and when the negative words started to flow, I would take that piece of paper out and say those positive words out loud. The key for me was to say them out loud, to hear myself say them, and as I practiced this I began to find more positive words to say and more things I was grateful for. Those words started the change, and I started to realize that my words could make change, in myself, and those around me. I realized that I had the power to do that, and set out to lay down the foundation of positivity in what I was saying. I also began to realize that my words could move me forward in a direction I wanted to go, that they could propel me to a place that I had only dreamed of, and because I was saying it, and because I was doing the work, that place was now within my reach.

Today I work to choose my words carefully. I use them to shoot forward, like an arrow, of where I want to go, I use them to stamp out my fear, to congratulate myself when I overcome something in my life that I have been challenged by in the past, I use them to encourage myself, and those around me, and I have learned to listen and seek out others who speak the words I speak or want to speak. When we learn to use our words to guide ourselves in the direction we want to, we take power over our words and where we’re going, our words are more powerful than we think. Use your words carefully because you are listening. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you understand the power of your words? What do you use your words for mostly? To lift you up, or tear yourself down? If you use them to tear yourself down, why do you make that choice? How does it hold you back? What words do you use around others? Do you speak more kindly towards others than yourself? Why is that? What if you chose to speak kinder words to yourself? What do you think the result would be? Feel the power of your words, the power they have within yourself and out in the world, and you decide what energy you want to put behind them, that choice is yours.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The way you think creates your reality.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Share Your Story (1)

Using Heartache To Heal Hearts

As yesterday was World Mental Health Day it got me thinking about my own journey over the past 13 ½ years, and learning that by sharing some of the toughest and darkest days of my life with others can bring hope to someone who is also suffering. I often think back moments before I am writing a blog, speaking or sharing with someone one on one, of what it used to what it used to be like, and how, back then, I could have never have imagined myself talking publicly, or at all, about things that I, or society, may deem as negative or weak. I, before seeking help, felt shame about my mental health and how I was living my life, I was worried about being labeled crazy, but as I started to get better and took steps to make the changes necessary to have the life I live today I realized the power of my words, and all of our words, have the power to heal, and those days when we felt our hearts might break, or couldn’t take anymore, may, later, fill someone’s heart with the hope they need to move forward.

It’s always easier to look back at life and see the purpose of events or people who have been in our lives. Not everyone and everything may become clear to us, but those big events, those things that may changed our course, changed our view or position, may have needed to happen to get us where we needed to go, or, where we are right now. I survived a suicide attempt that I shouldn’t have, I struggled with the guilt of why I was still here, even though, after I had done it, I had regretted it thinking at that moment that there was no turning back, so when I survived, I asked myself, why was I still here? And, in my experience, when I ask the questions the answers come, they may not come on my timeline, but they will when I am meant to know them. For me, the answer was, I am here to be of service, to share my story with those who may be struggling or thinking that suicide is the only way to stop their pain, it is not. And I also know from my experience, that no one’s message gets through like someone who has been through what you have or are going through. There is power in my story and experience, and I have taken my power back from the most difficult day of my life and turned it into a message of hope, and I am not unique, you all have the ability to do the same, to take something you may have thought was negative, and perhaps was, and turn it into a beacon of hope for someone else. None of us get a free ride and walk through life without challenges, and many walk in silence because they are afraid to speak their truth, but by sharing yourself with someone you give them permission to do the same, and that permission may be the first step on their journey to recovery, it was for me when someone shared their story with me 14 years ago.

What we’ve walked through has value, not only to us, but those around us. We are all more alike than not alike, and when we open a dialogue about who we are and where we’ve come from we realize just how linked we all are and how many common experiences we have, which in turn, makes us feel less alone and more connected to those around us. I am a big proponent of looking for seemingly negative moments, struggles or aspects of my life, and turning them into positives, something that can help heal or connect with someone like myself. We all have the power to turn what may have been heartache into something that heals hearts, including your own. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you keep or hide aspects of your life that you think are negative or shameful? Why do you think you need to do that? Have you been told to do that? By whom? When you do share one of those things how do you feel after? Have you been able to connect with others who may have had the same or similar experiences? How does that feel? What is your darkest secret? Why do you think you can’t tell anyone? How do you think you would feel if you did? Is there someone in your life you could tell? Tell them SLAYER, be honest about who you are and your journey so far, we are all works in progress, and each challenge is meant to teach us something and guide us to the next part of the path, by keeping it to yourself you are stalling your progress on that road. Find the courage to share your truth, you never know how that may open the door to road you never knew was there.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The happiest people don’t seek out only those with the same character, but do their best to understand the differences.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ego Or Understanding

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Listen to understand, not just to reply.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Understand Them

Understanding

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand. People let us down, deceive us, have their own hidden agenda or own sickness that blurs the lines of honesty and their actions. On my journey in recovery I have managed to find a lot of compassion for most people, but sometimes I even find it difficult to try to find some understanding in what people say and do. I forget sometimes, that not everyone has the same intentions that I do, that not everyone lives their lives the way I do, or strive to, and that there are many out there who try to take advantage, use, or take without any consideration of what that may have cost someone, physically, emotionally or spiritually. I still, do what I can, using what I’ve learned, try to find some understanding, and remember what it was like for myself before walking this path when many of my actions were selfish or dishonest.

I find myself in a place where I am trying to find some understanding around multiple people. And, maybe they don’t deserve my time to figure them out, perhaps they’re behavior is just a warning to stay back next time they come around. It’s difficult for me, to trust, it always has been, it’s easier than it was, as I learned to trust myself and began to make better decisions for myself including who I let into my life. I raised the bar, as it were, eliminating those who did not live their lives by the same principles that I was now living mine. But as I’ve traveled this road, I’ve expanded it, letting more lanes in to create more of a super highway, still always being cautious, but finding compassion and understanding where I can, and, making an effort to learn the truth instead of making assumptions and then leaving them cold. I live today with a much more of an open heart, and because I do my relationships have become richer, and more vast, but it also hurts more when I do let someone in and they break that trust. My old thinking flares up and wants to close the door on anyone new and push those in question back, and, I may for a short time, until I feel comfortable again to let the door open again. Ultimately I know I will, and have to, because living my life isolated does not bring me joy and I’ve experienced too much of it this new way to extinguish it from my life. So, how do you trust when your trust has been broken? For me, it’s different for each situation or person, sometimes I’m never fully able to do it, but it always comes back around to trying to find some understanding. We all at times are in fear, we all at times do selfish things, even when we may tell ourselves we’re not, we may not reveal our motives or intentions or expectations, we may at times find it difficult to share our truth. I can relate to all if these things, so how can I judge others for similar behavior? I shouldn’t, and most of the time, don’t, anymore, but it does take me time to build up that trust again, and to find that understanding when I feel wronged.

None of us are saints, we have all been the one who has hurt someone, even in some small way, but instead of closing the door and hiding alone, look to where you might find some understanding, not to excuse them for what they may have done, but to relate to why they might have. It is within that connection that you will find forgiveness, and forgiveness that will show you how you may be like the very person who harmed you, or where in the past, or perhaps not, but finding that connection will help to keep your heart open, maybe not to that person, but to all the rest. Find some understanding in your day today. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you feel betrayed do you try to find some understanding? If not, why not? What do you do instead? How does this help you? How does this hurt you? How has this affected your relationships in the past, or even today? Do you regret it affecting certain relationships? Even though you may have gotten hurt, are you able to look at the person or situation and find some understanding? If not, what if you tried today? Sometimes just the act of looking for it in others may help you find some understanding in yourself, you never know what you’ll find on the other side of understanding.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you