Personal Growth

When a Child is Shamed for Feelings, They Don’t Stop Feeling—They Stop Trusting

There’s a heartbreaking truth many of us come to learn too late:

When a child is shamed for having feelings, they don’t stop feeling. They stop trusting.

They stop trusting their emotions. They stop trusting their voice. And eventually, they stop trusting themselves.

We often teach kids—intentionally or not—that certain feelings are too much, too messy, too inconvenient. That anger is bad. That sadness is weakness. That fear is overreacting. We hush them. We roll our eyes. We tell them to “get over it” or “calm down.” But what we’re really saying is: Your feelings don’t belong here.

And that message doesn’t just sting in the moment. It stays.

The Seeds of Self-Doubt

When we shame a child’s feelings, we’re not teaching emotional regulation—we’re teaching emotional suppression.

Instead of learning how to navigate their emotions, they learn to ignore them, question them, or feel guilt and embarrassment for even having them in the first place.

They start asking:

  • “Why am I so sensitive?”
  • “What’s wrong with me?”
  • “Why can’t I just be normal?”

These questions don’t come from nowhere. They come from a world that told them, early on, that their natural responses were somehow wrong.

Unlearning the Silence

As adults, many of us carry this conditioning into our relationships, our workplaces, and our inner dialogue. We still quiet our feelings. We second-guess our instincts. We feel shame for emotions that are perfectly human.

But here’s the thing: Our feelings don’t go away just because we learned to hide them.

They find other ways to come out—through anxiety, depression, emotional outbursts, or chronic people-pleasing. The body keeps the score. The heart remembers.

Healing begins when we give ourselves permission to feel again. To validate what was once invalidated. To trust that our emotions have something to teach us, not something to be ashamed of.

Reparenting Starts With Awareness

Maybe you were that child. Maybe you’re still carrying the weight of being told to “toughen up” or “stop crying.”

Or maybe you’ve caught yourself repeating those phrases to someone else—not out of cruelty, but because it’s what you were taught.

Here’s the good news: You can stop the cycle.

You can start by:

  • Saying “I hear you” instead of “you’re overreacting.”
  • Asking “What are you feeling?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Letting your own emotions be seen, so others feel safe showing theirs.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be a safe place.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Was I shamed for showing emotion as a child?
  • How did that shape the way I express or suppress feelings today?
  • Do I trust my emotional responses—or do I second-guess them?
  • How can I begin validating my emotions, rather than hiding or judging them?
  • What would it feel like to create space for someone else to share, without judgment?

S – L – A – Y

S: See where your emotional patterns began.
L: Listen to your inner voice with compassion.
A: Allow your feelings to surface without shame.
Y: Yield to the wisdom your emotions are offering.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Were you taught to suppress your emotions as a child—and how has that shaped your journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s learning to feel again, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Confirmation Bias

We all want to believe we’re right. That the thoughts we have are the truth. That what we fear is valid. That what we suspect about others is accurate. And so, often without realizing it, we go looking for proof. Not for the truth—but for what we already believe.

That’s confirmation bias.

And it can quietly wreck everything from our relationships to our self-worth.

What Are You Trying to Prove?

Here’s the thing about the human brain: it’s not always looking for truth. It’s looking for evidence that confirms what it already believes.

If your brain believes you’re not good enough, it will dismiss compliments and zero in on criticism.

If your brain thinks no one can be trusted, it will interpret a delayed text or a short tone as betrayal.

If you believe someone doesn’t like you, you’ll search their face and their actions for the tiniest piece of proof—and you’ll find it, even if it isn’t real.

We all do it. It’s human.

But when we act on that bias instead of reality, we reinforce the story we already believe—and miss the opportunity for connection, growth, and healing.

When I Believed the Worst

For a long time, I believed I was unworthy. That no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough. That I would always be the one left behind.

So I looked for proof.

I clung to any sign of rejection. I dismissed care or kindness because I assumed it wouldn’t last. I assumed I was being judged, even when no one was paying attention to me.

I thought I was being self-aware. I thought I was protecting myself.

But what I was really doing was building a case against myself, collecting data that wasn’t even true. And every time I gave weight to a moment of perceived rejection, I was closing a door. I was missing a chance to see that maybe the story I was telling myself wasn’t the whole truth.

And if it wasn’t the truth? Maybe I wasn’t broken after all.

How to Break the Bias

Awareness is everything.

Next time you find yourself thinking, “See? I knew it,” pause.

Ask yourself:

What am I trying to prove right now? And is this actually true—or just familiar?

Confirmation bias feels like safety. It feels like control. But really, it’s just an old loop. One you can break.

Try asking someone you trust for a reality check. Or write down your belief and then list the evidence for and against it.

Better yet, ask yourself: Would I talk to someone I love the way I’m talking to myself right now?

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • What beliefs do I keep trying to prove?
  • Where did those beliefs come from?
  • How is confirmation bias limiting my relationships?
  • Do I trust my thoughts more than I trust what’s real?
  • What would it feel like to look for evidence of the opposite being true?

S – L – A – Y

S: Spot the belief that keeps repeating.
L: Listen for the moment you start searching for proof.
A: Ask yourself what else could be true.
Y: Yield to possibility. It’s where healing begins.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s a belief you’ve spent a long time trying to prove—and what happened when you questioned it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in a loop of self-doubt, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

The Detour Might Be the Destination

Sometimes the road that disappears was never yours to travel.
Sometimes the no, the silence, the sudden shift
isn’t a rejection—it’s redirection.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.
It means making space for the greater good
that’s already finding its way to you.
Keep walking. It’s not the end.
It’s just not that path.

SLAY ON.

Be Your Own Fairy Godmother

Some of us grew up believing someone would swoop in and fix everything. A magical godmother. A rescuer. A sign from the universe that now is the time, that this is the moment our lives change for the better.

But here’s the truth no one tells you as a kid:

The magic wand is already in your hands.

Waiting for someone else to save you keeps you stuck. Hoping for permission to live fully delays your joy. You don’t need a fairy godmother. You just need to believe in your own power to create change, healing, and magic.

You don’t need a transformation. You need a reminder of who you already are.

I Spent Years Waiting for a Rescue

I thought love would save me. Or success. Or finally being “enough.”

I believed that if I kept trying, kept achieving, kept pleasing, eventually someone would say, “You’ve made it. You’re worthy now.”

But that moment never came—because I was looking outside of myself for something only I could give.

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to be the one to pull myself out. I had to be the one to say, “Enough. I choose me now.”

It wasn’t a grand, glittery moment. It was quiet. Personal. But it changed everything.

When you stop waiting to be chosen, and choose yourself instead, that’s when the real magic begins.

And that decision? It didn’t come from perfection. It came from truth. From realizing that I deserved better—not someday, but right now.

Create Your Own Magic

We’ve been taught that magic looks like glass slippers and pumpkin carriages. But real magic? It’s setting boundaries. It’s speaking your truth. It’s taking the brave next step—even when your voice shakes.

It’s no longer waiting for someone to tell you that you’re ready. You already are.

It’s recognizing that you are worthy of love, rest, joy, peace, and purpose—without having to earn it.

Magic is found in the everyday moments when you show up for yourself. When you advocate for your well-being. When you care for your spirit. When you speak kindly to your reflection.

Magic is deciding not to abandon yourself again.

It’s building a life that honors your truth, your pace, your values. Not the ones someone else handed you.

You don’t need a crown. You don’t need a costume. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

You’ve had the power all along.

Let this be your reminder: You are the magic. You are the moment. You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Where in your life are you waiting for someone to rescue or choose you?
  • What would it look like to choose yourself instead?
  • What’s one area where you can take your power back today?
  • What belief about worth or magic are you ready to release?
  • How can you show up for yourself like someone who truly has your back?

S – L – A – Y

S: See where you’ve been waiting for permission.
L: Listen to what your inner voice truly wants.
A: Act from a place of self-trust, not self-doubt.
Y: Yield to your own magic—it’s been waiting for you.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever realized you were the one you’ve been waiting for?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting to be saved, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Love on a Leash

There’s a kind of love that doesn’t feel like love at all. It looks the part—smiles, sweet words, even grand gestures—but underneath, it’s tethered to expectations, rules, and unspoken conditions. It’s love, but only if. That’s love on a leash.

Love on a leash says: “I’ll love you if you behave a certain way.” Or worse, “I’ll love you when you’re less of this and more of that.” Sometimes, the leash comes from others. But just as often? We hold the leash ourselves.

We believe we must be a specific version of ourselves to be lovable. We shrink. We twist. We contort our identities to avoid rejection, or worse—abandonment. We believe we’re only worthy of love if we’re easy to handle, always agreeable, or constantly achieving.

And over time? That leash tightens. We stop reaching. We stop expressing. We stop showing up as who we really are.

I Know That Leash All Too Well

I’ve felt it—the pull of wanting to be loved so badly that I’d trade my truth for someone else’s comfort. The tension of walking on eggshells just to keep the peace. The guilt that rises when I try to set a boundary, even a healthy one, because I fear I’ll lose the connection if I do.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Any love that demands you abandon yourself isn’t love. It’s control.

Love shouldn’t feel like a leash. It should feel like a safe place to land.

Real Love Doesn’t Require a Performance

Authentic love sees the real you. It invites all your parts—your fire and your softness, your growth and your mess. It doesn’t flinch at your vulnerability. It honors it.

And the same goes for how we love ourselves.

When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we put our own hearts on a leash. We tell ourselves we’ll be worthy when we’re thinner, calmer, more successful, more perfect.

But we’re worthy now. We’ve always been.

You don’t have to earn love by becoming someone else. You get to be loved for who you are.

Releasing the Leash

Letting go of love with conditions means facing our fears. It means risking disapproval. It means standing in our truth, even if someone walks away.

But it also means freedom.

It means deeper connection, greater peace, and the kind of joy that only comes from being fully known and still fully accepted.

It starts with you. How you love yourself. How you speak to yourself. What you tolerate—from others and from your own inner voice.

And maybe most importantly? It starts with the unlearning of what love was never supposed to be.

You don’t have to stay tethered. The leash can come off.

And when it does?

You’ll remember: real love doesn’t confine—it expands.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Have you ever felt like love came with conditions?
  • Who’s holding the leash—someone else, or you?
  • What stories about love and worth are you still carrying?
  • How can you begin showing yourself more unconditional acceptance?
  • What kind of love do you want to give—and receive—from this point forward?

S – L – A – Y

S: Spot the conditions—where do you feel limited in love? L: Let go of outdated beliefs about what makes you lovable.
A: Affirm your worth without needing to prove it.
Y: Yield to relationships that offer real connection—not just compliance.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced love on a leash—and what helped you take it off?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel seen for who they truly are, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Authenticity Is a Higher Vibration Than Joy and Love

We spend so much of our lives chasing happiness, love, and the so-called “good vibes.” But what if the real key to alignment isn’t about always being joyful or even feeling loved? What if the most powerful shift we can make is to be authentic?

Because here’s the truth: authenticity is a higher vibration than joy and love.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

The Truth About Vibration

Energy doesn’t lie. And when you’re pretending, pleasing, or performing, your vibration lowers—even if you’re smiling through it.

Joy without truth is performative. Love without boundaries is self-abandonment.

Authenticity, however, is rooted in truth. It’s grounded in presence. It’s the real you. And when we operate from that space, we emit the clearest, most powerful frequency we have. We show up aligned—and everything around us responds to that.

Real Over Perfect

There was a time when I thought I had to look happy to be happy. Smile through the pain. Be grateful when I was struggling. Be kind even when I was breaking.

But fake it ‘til you make it can only take you so far.

The day I stopped trying to be perfect and started being real—everything changed. People connected more deeply with me. My relationships became healthier. I became healthier. Because I wasn’t trying to stay high-vibe. I was trying to stay real.

And that is the vibe the universe actually responds to.

How Authenticity Heals

When we give ourselves permission to be real, we invite others to do the same. We create safety. We foster trust. We show others what it looks like to live in truth, not performance.

Authenticity says:

  • I feel this, even if it’s messy.
  • I’m not perfect, and I don’t have to be.
  • I can still be lovable, even when I’m struggling.

And that is where true love and joy can actually take root. Not in the performance of being okay—but in the truth of being whole.

Authenticity Is a Practice

Being authentic doesn’t mean sharing everything or letting your emotions run unchecked. It means showing up honestly.

It means:

  • Saying no when you mean no.
  • Speaking up when something matters.
  • Honoring your feelings without needing to justify them.

It means being clear about who you are—and being okay with the fact that not everyone will get it. Because your alignment matters more than approval.

The Frequency of Truth

Your truth has its own frequency. When you live it, you attract what’s meant for you. You repel what isn’t. You stop chasing and start receiving.

Authenticity isn’t a trend. It’s a vibration.

And the more you live it, the more powerful you become. Not because you’re trying to be powerful—but because there’s nothing stronger than someone who is fully themselves.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Where in your life are you performing instead of being real?
  2. What does authenticity feel like in your body?
  3. What would it look like to choose authenticity over approval?
  4. Have you mistaken being “high vibe” with being emotionally bypassing?
  5. What part of your truth are you ready to reclaim?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Speak your truth, even when it shakes
  • Let go of the need to be liked
  • Align with your values, not someone else’s
  • You are your most powerful when you are real

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where in your life are you ready to get real?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in performance mode, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder.

Slay Say

You are not the story they’ve written in their minds.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of defending who we are, trying to explain, prove, or reshape ourselves so others will see us clearly.
But you don’t exist to be understood by everyone.
You exist to live your truth—even if it disrupts the version they created.

You don’t owe anyone a more comfortable narrative.
You owe yourself the freedom to be whole, honest, and real.

SLAY ON!

Invest In Yourself

When people talk about investments, they usually mean stocks, property, or retirement accounts. But there’s one investment that’s even more critical: you.

Your well-being—mental, emotional, and physical—is the foundation for everything else in your life. When you prioritize yourself, everything else gets better: your relationships, your career, your creativity, your peace of mind. Yet, so many of us wait until we’re completely burned out, overwhelmed, or spiraling to give ourselves the care we need.

It doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way.

Why Investing in Yourself Matters

The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re constantly giving to others without replenishing yourself, you’re operating from depletion. Eventually, something gives.

Investing in yourself doesn’t mean spa days and bubble baths—though those are lovely. It means making consistent choices that nurture your well-being. It means saying no when something compromises your peace. It means taking the time to listen to your own needs, even if others don’t understand.

For me, investing in myself looked like finally saying yes to therapy. It looked like turning down invitations that drained me, and instead spending quiet time journaling, walking, or simply being. It looked like learning how to support myself the way I’d supported everyone else for years.

It was uncomfortable at first. I worried I was being selfish. But I realized: prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it’s survival. And over time, I saw how much better I could show up for others when I was also showing up for myself.

The ROI of Self-Investment

When you invest in yourself, you start to:

  • Build resilience
  • Strengthen your boundaries
  • Increase your capacity for joy
  • Reconnect with your purpose
  • Attract healthier relationships

And perhaps most importantly, you start to trust yourself more deeply. You become someone you can rely on. That’s powerful.

Start Where You Are

You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Start with one intentional choice a day. One small way to say, “I matter.” Maybe it’s drinking a full glass of water first thing in the morning. Maybe it’s taking five minutes to breathe. Maybe it’s setting a boundary you’ve been avoiding.

Whatever it is, let that choice be an act of self-respect.

Because when you invest in your well-being, you’re not just surviving—you’re building a life that supports you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What does investing in yourself mean to you personally?
  2. What small act of self-care can you commit to today?
  3. Do you feel guilty prioritizing your well-being? Why?
  4. How might your relationships shift if you were more centered and grounded?
  5. What would change if you treated your mental health like a top priority?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Say yes to what nourishes you
  • Let go of guilt and shame
  • Act with intention, not obligation
  • You are worth the effort

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can invest in your well-being this week?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s always giving but rarely giving to themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Name Your Brain

Ever catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt or reacting like the sky is falling… when it’s really not? You’re not alone. That voice in your head—the one that catastrophizes, criticizes, or convinces you you’re not enough—it has a mind of its own.

So what if you gave it a name?

That’s right. Name your brain. Give that voice a personality, an identity, a little flair. Why? Because separating you from your thoughts helps you manage them with more clarity—and maybe even a little compassion.

Why Naming Your Brain Works

When you name your brain, you create space between you and the mental noise. You stop treating every thought as truth and start seeing them for what they really are: patterns. Most of them were wired in long ago—through experiences, messaging, and survival mode. But they’re not your whole story.

Let’s say your brain loves worst-case scenarios. It goes from “I made a mistake” to “I’m going to lose everything” in under five seconds. Instead of spiraling with it, what if you said:

“Okay, here comes that same old voice again. We’ve heard this one before—and we’re not falling for it.”

Naming helps you shift from fear to awareness. You start to notice your patterns, question them, and choose a new response. It turns down the emotional intensity and gives you the power back.

What’s Your Brain’s Personality?

Start by observing. When stress hits, how does your brain talk to you?

  • Is it hypercritical? (“You’ll never get this right.”)
  • Dramatic? (“This is a disaster!”)
  • Perfectionist? (“Not good enough. Try harder.”)
  • People-pleaser? (“Don’t speak up. You’ll upset them.”)

Now give that voice a name and a persona. Think of it like casting a character. Your name can be oddly specific, or just descriptive—whatever helps you take the edge off and reclaim your power.

For me, naming my brain made me think of it in a different way—less like a runaway train and more like an annoying voice or committee that would show up and try to spoil my day. Giving it a name helped me keep it in perspective. It gave me something specific to talk back to—and even tell to take a hike.

I mean, I wouldn’t put up with someone else saying the kinds of things my brain sometimes did—so why would I take that abuse from myself?

These days, when that voice pops in, I can say: “I hear you, but we’re not doing that today.” And it really does help.

From Reaction to Redirection

Once your brain has a name, you can start redirecting instead of reacting.

“Thanks for your concern, but I’ve got this.”

“We’ve heard enough from that old voice—let’s listen to truth instead.”

You’re not ignoring your emotions—you’re choosing to respond differently. That’s the real flex. When you stop giving your inner critic the mic, you make space for the wiser, calmer, more grounded version of you to speak.

Naming Isn’t Silly—It’s Self-Awareness

This practice is rooted in mindfulness and psychology. Creating mental distance from unhelpful thoughts is a proven way to disrupt negative cycles and build emotional resilience.

It’s not about dismissing your feelings. It’s about shifting from “this is me” to “is this me—or is this an old pattern or story?” It’s about knowing your truth, staying present, and calling out those old thoughts—and showing them the door.

The name is just a tool to help you step into that choice. Again and again.

Who Do You Want Driving the Bus?

At the end of the day, your brain will keep doing what it’s always done—unless you take the wheel. When your old mental pattern starts driving toward chaos, anxiety, or shame, you get to say:

“Thanks for the warning, but I’m steering us in a different direction.”

Empowerment starts when you realize you are not your thoughts. You’re the observer. The narrator. The author. You can write a different story—and still let those old characters pop in from time to time, without giving them control.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What type of thoughts show up when you’re stressed, insecure, or overwhelmed?
  2. What name would you give the voice that fuels those thoughts?
  3. How does it feel to separate yourself from that voice?
  4. What kinds of things does your brain say that you no longer believe?
  5. How can you start responding with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Separate yourself from your thoughts
  • Label the patterns
  • Acknowledge the impact
  • You are in charge of your response

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever given your brain a name? What would you call the voice that tries to take over?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in a spiral of self-doubt, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Rewrite the Narrative

You are the narrator of your own story—
and the tone you use matters.

Your inner dialogue isn’t just background noise—
it’s the blueprint your mind is building from.

Speak from awareness, not habit.
Speak from truth, not fear.
Speak from love, not lack.

Because the words you choose today
are quietly shaping who you’ll become tomorrow.

This is your reminder to be intentional with your inner voice—
it’s always listening.

SLAY on!