healthy relationships

When Someone’s Best Isn’t Enough

It’s one of the hardest truths to face: sometimes people’s best simply isn’t enough for us.

Not because they don’t care. Not because they’re bad people. But because what they’re capable of giving — emotionally, mentally, spiritually — falls short of what we need to feel seen, loved, or safe.

And that’s where the real heartbreak often lies — not in what was done to us, but in what wasn’t.

Redefining “Their Best”

When we say someone “did their best,” we often mean they tried. They gave what they had to give — based on their awareness, their upbringing, their capacity, their trauma, or their understanding of love.

But here’s the reality: trying doesn’t always meet our expectations.

Someone’s best effort might still look careless. Their version of love might still feel like neglect. Their attempt at honesty might still come across as half-truths and avoidance.

And that’s not because they didn’t try — it’s because their version of “best” comes from where they are, not where we hoped they’d be.

You can love someone deeply and still recognize that their best doesn’t align with your needs. That realization isn’t judgment — it’s clarity.

You Can Acknowledge Effort and Still Acknowledge the Pain

We often feel guilty admitting we’re hurt when someone “meant well.” But intention and impact are two very different things.

You can appreciate the effort and still acknowledge the wound.

You can say, “I know you did your best, but it still hurt me.”

Because emotional maturity isn’t about excusing behavior — it’s about accepting reality.

Sometimes, their best will never meet the version of love, care, or communication you need. And that doesn’t make you ungrateful — it makes you honest about what’s healthy for you.

Compassion Without Compromise

Here’s where the real growth happens: when you learn to hold compassion without self-betrayal.

You can have empathy for someone’s limitations and still set boundaries.

You can understand their story without living inside it.

You can see their pain and still choose to protect your peace.

Compassion says, “I see why you are the way you are.”
Boundaries say, “But I can’t let that continue to harm me.”

Both can exist together. That’s what it means to love without losing yourself.

Stop Waiting for Them to Change

So many of us stay in relationships — romantic, familial, or otherwise — waiting for people to finally give us the version of love we’ve been hoping for.

But sometimes, that version doesn’t exist for them.

If someone’s “best” is rooted in avoidance, control, or emotional unavailability, no amount of waiting will transform it. You can’t heal what someone refuses to see.

And your worth isn’t measured by how long you can endure someone’s limitations.

The truth is, you don’t need to be mad at them — you just need to stop expecting more from someone who’s shown you their limit.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with their behavior. It means you finally believe it.

Letting Go of the Fantasy

Part of maturity is grieving the version of someone you hoped they’d become.

We hold onto potential because it gives us hope. But potential is not the same as partnership, love, or consistency.

When we fall in love with potential, we fall in love with who they could be, not who they are.

And that’s not fair to them — or to us.

Letting go means releasing the fantasy. It means saying, “I accept that this is your best, and I also accept that it’s not enough for me.”

That’s not cruelty. That’s self-respect.

When It’s Time to Choose You

You don’t have to hate someone to walk away.

You can love them, wish them healing, and still know that staying would mean betraying yourself.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do — for both of you — is to stop expecting someone to meet you where they can’t.

Because every time you lower your standards to match someone’s capacity, you also lower your connection to your own worth.

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.

It’s not about giving up on people — it’s about not giving up on you.

How to Accept Someone’s Best — and Still Move Forward

1. Stop rewriting their story.
Believe what they’ve shown you, not what you’ve imagined.

2. Separate compassion from tolerance.
You can care about someone without accepting behavior that hurts you.

3. Grieve the loss of what could’ve been.
It’s okay to mourn the potential you saw — that’s part of healing.

4. Decide what “enough” means for you.
Clarity comes when you stop measuring your needs against someone else’s capacity.

5. Release with grace.
Closure doesn’t always come through a conversation. Sometimes it comes through peace.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who in your life has given their best — and what did that reveal to you about your needs?
  2. Have you ever mistaken someone’s effort for alignment?
  3. What expectations are you holding onto that might be keeping you stuck?
  4. How can you offer compassion without losing your boundaries?
  5. What would choosing yourself look like right now?
  • S – See the difference between effort and alignment
  • L – Let go of what no longer meets your needs
  • A – Accept others without abandoning yourself
  • Y – Yield to peace, not potential

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever realized that someone’s best just wasn’t enough for you? How did you find peace with that truth?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone struggling to let go of unmet expectations, send this to them.
Sometimes, understanding that their best isn’t your best is the first step to freedom.

Empathy Without Boundaries Is Self-Destruction

Empathy is a beautiful gift—it allows us to connect, understand, and hold space for others in ways that make them feel seen and valued. But here’s the hard truth: without boundaries, empathy becomes a weapon turned inward. Instead of healing, it harms. Instead of connecting, it consumes.

Many of us who identify as “empaths” or deeply compassionate people have learned the hard way that pouring ourselves out for everyone else often leaves us running on empty. When we absorb other people’s pain without limit, when we rescue at our own expense, or when we carry burdens that don’t belong to us, we aren’t practicing empathy—we’re practicing self-destruction.

True empathy isn’t about losing yourself in someone else’s storm. It’s about holding space with compassion while knowing where you end and they begin. Boundaries are not walls; they are bridges of clarity that keep you safe while still allowing you to show up with love.

When Empathy Crosses the Line

It starts subtly. You say “yes” when you want to say “no.” You listen to someone’s problems at 2 a.m., even though you have to be up early for work. You absorb the emotions in a room until they feel like your own. And before long, your identity is tangled in other people’s struggles.

This isn’t empathy—it’s overextension. And over time, it erodes your mental health, your relationships, and your sense of self. Without boundaries, empathy mutates into people-pleasing, codependency, and burnout. It may look like kindness, but underneath it’s exhaustion and resentment.

Why Boundaries Save Empathy

Boundaries don’t make you less compassionate—they make your compassion sustainable. They protect your inner world so you can continue to give without losing yourself in the process.

Think of it this way: your empathy is a flame. Without boundaries, that flame burns everything in sight—including you. With boundaries, it becomes a steady light that warms without destroying.

When you set limits—saying no when you need to, protecting your energy, and remembering that someone else’s healing is not your responsibility—you create space for empathy that is genuine, not sacrificial.

My Own Turning Point

For years, I believed that to love meant to absorb. If someone was hurting, I carried it like it was my own. If someone was angry, I tried to fix it. If someone needed rescuing, I was already running into the fire.

But I learned the hard way that empathy without boundaries isn’t noble—it’s self-neglect. I was burning out, resentful, and wondering why I always felt unseen when I gave so much. The truth was, I wasn’t giving from love. I was giving from fear: fear of disappointing others, fear of being unlikable, fear of being seen as selfish.

When I finally learned that empathy needed boundaries, everything changed. I could still care, still show up, still love deeply—but without sacrificing my own well-being. I realized that the most powerful act of empathy sometimes is saying: “I love you, but that’s yours to carry, not mine.”

Choosing Sustainable Love

Empathy should not be self-destruction dressed up as kindness. Empathy with boundaries is love that endures—not just for others, but for yourself.

Boundaries aren’t cold, cruel, or selfish. They’re an act of love. They say: I care enough about myself to stay whole, and I care enough about you to show up from that wholeness instead of from depletion.

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Protect your flame, and your empathy will continue to shine without burning you out.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment to pause and reflect:

  • S – Stop: When was the last time your empathy drained you instead of uplifted you?
  • L – Look: Do you confuse empathy with rescuing, fixing, or absorbing other people’s pain?
  • A – Ask: What boundaries do you need to put in place so your empathy feels safe and sustainable?
  • Y – Yield: How can you release the responsibility for someone else’s emotions and return to your own?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever confused empathy with self-sacrifice? What boundary could you set today that would protect your compassion without draining your energy?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who is burning themselves out by carrying everyone else’s pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Their Storm, Not Your Forecast

There’s a strange pressure to get swept up in someone else’s chaos. To absorb their anger, defend against their projections, or even try to fix what they refuse to face. Especially if you’re a deeply empathetic person, it can be hard to remember:

Not every storm requires your umbrella.

Just because someone is bringing drama, blame, or emotional thunder into the room doesn’t mean you have to get soaked.

It might sound harsh, but not every meltdown, every mood, or every mess is yours to carry.

Let’s be real—some people thrive in the whirlwind. They create it. They stir up tension, throw lightning bolts, and wait to see who gets scorched. And if you’re not careful, you’ll mistake their storm for your reality.

You’re Not the Weather Channel

Here’s the thing: just because they’re forecasting doom doesn’t mean you have to build an ark. We can love people, support people, and still refuse to be pulled under by their emotional riptide.

Your peace isn’t up for negotiation.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is this: if someone is committed to chaos, no amount of calm you bring will change them. You don’t have to match their energy, explain yourself endlessly, or prove your worth in the face of their projection.

Your job is to stay grounded in your truth.

People will accuse you of being cold, distant, or selfish when you refuse to engage in their drama. Let them. You’re not required to participate in every emotional argument you’re invited to.

Calm Isn’t Weak—It’s Wise

Some storms are loud. Others are subtle. But all of them share one trait: they pull you away from your center. When you stay calm in the face of emotional turbulence, you’re not being passive—you’re being powerful.

Calm is a boundary.

It says: “I’m not going to argue with someone who’s not listening. I’m not going to internalize someone else’s pain. I’m not going to let your storm become my identity.”

This doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself to know the difference between being present and being consumed.

Detach Without Guilt

If you’ve ever grown up in dysfunction, chaos might feel familiar—even comfortable. You may have learned to overfunction, to fix, to please, to manage the emotions of others so things wouldn’t blow up. But that’s not your role anymore.

You can walk away. You can say, “This isn’t mine.” You can let someone rage, spiral, or stew without stepping into the storm.

Because here’s the truth: the storm isn’t personal. Even if it’s aimed at you, it’s not really about you. It’s about their unhealed pain. Their fear. Their need for control.

You didn’t cause it, and you don’t have to catch it.

Protect Your Inner Weather

Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re windows. They let in light and fresh air, but they keep out the hail. When you feel that pull to jump into someone else’s chaos, pause and ask:

  • Is this really mine?
  • What happens if I don’t respond?
  • What would it look like to stay rooted in my calm?

Because that’s the goal: to be so in tune with your own emotional forecast that someone else’s storm can roll through without ever touching your peace.

Let them weather it. You’ve got sunshine to protect.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Have you ever mistaken someone else’s storm as your responsibility to fix?
  2. What patterns from your past make chaos feel familiar or expected?
  3. When was the last time you stayed calm in a moment of drama—and how did that feel?
  4. What’s one situation right now where you can say, “This isn’t mine”?
  5. How can you strengthen your boundaries to protect your inner peace?

S – Step away from unnecessary emotional storms
L – Let go of the need to fix what isn’t yours
A – Acknowledge your limits with compassion
Y – Yield to peace, not pressure

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve protected your peace by not engaging in someone else’s storm?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s always caught in the swirl of someone else’s drama, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that peace is a choice.

Boundaries Don’t Burn Bridges, They Protect Castles

We often think of boundaries as walls—cold, hard, unmovable. Something that keeps people out. Something that severs ties. But boundaries aren’t built to burn bridges; they’re created to protect the castles we live in: our peace, our worth, our mental and emotional well-being.

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish or difficult. It makes you safe. It makes you sovereign over your own life.

Castles Require Protection

Think about what a castle is: it’s a sanctuary. A stronghold. A place where something valuable lives. And yet, without a gate, without guards, without a moat, it’s just a target.

You are the castle.

Your energy, your time, your kindness, your heart—these are the treasures inside. Boundaries are how you decide who gets access, and under what conditions. They are not about shutting everyone out. They are about making sure that those who enter are willing to honor the space, not pillage it.

If someone sees your boundary as a betrayal, they were never meant to be in your castle to begin with.

Burning Bridges vs. Building Balance

There’s a big difference between cutting someone off out of spite and setting a boundary to preserve your well-being. But not everyone will see it that way—especially those who benefited from you not having boundaries before.

Let that be a red flag.

When someone is upset that you’re taking care of yourself, it says more about them than it does about you. Your healing will threaten the dynamics that were built on your silence, your sacrifice, and your people-pleasing. And when those dynamics shift, don’t be surprised if some bridges fall down on their own.

Let them.

Not every bridge is meant to last forever. Some were only built to teach you how not to be walked on.

Boundaries Are Not Barriers to Love

It can feel scary to draw the line—especially with people we care about. We worry they’ll see us differently. That we’ll lose them. That they’ll think we don’t love them anymore. But the truth is, love that can’t coexist with boundaries isn’t really love.

It’s control. It’s codependency. It’s convenience.

Love honors the sacred. And what could be more sacred than your well-being?

Setting a boundary is not an act of war. It’s an act of self-respect. It’s saying, “I care enough about myself to choose what I allow into my life.”

Those who love you well will walk through your gates, not try to climb your walls.

You Don’t Owe Anyone Access to Your Peace

Let that sink in.

You don’t owe explanations. You don’t owe justifications. You don’t owe your energy to people who constantly drain it. You don’t owe a single brick from your castle to anyone who hasn’t proven they know how to build.

It’s not easy to maintain boundaries, especially when guilt or fear creeps in. But remember this:

Every time you choose your peace over your people-pleasing, you reinforce the walls that keep your life safe and sacred.

Protect your castle. The right people will come with open hands, not demands.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Where in your life have you struggled to set boundaries?
  2. What have you been afraid might happen if you did?
  3. How does it feel when someone respects your boundaries without question?
  4. What does your “castle” need more protection from right now?
  5. How can you reinforce your emotional boundaries with love and clarity?

S – Stand strong in your worth
L – Let go of guilt around protecting your peace
A – Ask for what you need without apology
Y – Yield only to love that respects your lines

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What boundaries have helped protect your peace?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s afraid to set boundaries, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Can’t Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Help Themselves

We’ve all been there—someone we care about comes to us, overwhelmed by their circumstances. We listen. We offer suggestions. But what they really want is a quick fix, and often, one that lets them off the hook from actually doing the work. Sometimes people just need a break, and it’s kind to help where we can. But more often, the most loving thing we can do is encourage them to help themselves.

My Turning Point

Before I began my recovery journey, I constantly looked to others to rescue me from my own messes. I played the victim, and life felt so unmanageable that it was easier to expect someone else to clean it up.

The truth? My thinking was broken. My perception was skewed. I had no healthy tools or coping mechanisms. So when I finally reached out for real help, I was asked one question that changed everything:

“What are you willing to do?”

And for the first time, I said: Anything.

That was the moment things shifted. I had to fall far enough down into despair before I became willing to fight for my life. And fight I did.

Recovery taught me that this new way of living would only work if I worked it. No one could do it for me. I had to believe I was worth the effort—and that belief became the spark that lit my path forward.

With each milestone I earned, my self-esteem and self-worth grew. I began to think about the younger version of myself—the one I’d neglected, the one I’d hurt. I made a commitment to her that I would never abandon her again. That’s who I fight for now. That’s who I protect.

Why Doing the Work Matters

You can’t do the work for someone else. And if you try, you’re actually robbing them of something vital: the opportunity to grow.

Growth comes from struggle. Strength is built through effort. Confidence is earned through consistency. When we do someone else’s heavy lifting, we deny them the chance to build the muscle they’ll need to stand on their own.

Of course, we can offer support. We can stand beside someone and remind them they’re not alone. But we must let them take the lead. Not only is it healthier for them—it’s healthier for us, too.

Practicing this kind of boundary is a form of self-respect. It’s a reminder that we’re not responsible for fixing everyone’s life. That people-pleasing, over-functioning, and rescuing don’t lead to healing—they often lead to resentment.

You can love someone deeply and still let them do their own work. In fact, that might be the greatest form of love there is.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Where Are You Over-Functioning?

  • Do you often take responsibility for someone else’s problems? Why?
  • How has doing your own inner work changed your sense of self-worth?
  • What lessons would you have missed if someone else had done the work for you?
  • Can you think of someone in your life who needs to do their own work? What boundary could you set to support them without enabling them?
  • How can standing beside someone—rather than carrying them—be an act of love?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve learned to step back and let someone else do their own work—and how did that shift your relationship with them or yourself?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s always trying to rescue others, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that loving someone doesn’t mean fixing them.

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

For most of my life, I believed I was unlovable.

Not just hard to love—unworthy of it.

I didn’t like myself, let alone love myself, so when someone claimed to love me, I didn’t trust it. If someone’s love felt genuine, it made me uncomfortable. I feared they’d eventually discover the “ugly truth,” so I kept one foot out the door—just in case. Even after I began to learn how to love myself, I still accepted love that was far below what I knew I deserved.

Because deep down, I didn’t believe I could ever have the kind of love I truly wanted.

That belief kept me stuck in relationships that weren’t healthy. They weren’t safe. And they weren’t loving. But it was only through experiencing pure love—one grounded in mutual respect, connection, and emotional honesty—that I finally learned what I truly deserved.

And more importantly, I believed I could have it.

Love Begins Within

It’s hard to receive real love when you don’t feel it for yourself.

Sure, there are times we begin to heal through the way someone else sees us. But more often than not, if we don’t believe we’re worthy, we’ll sabotage anything good that comes our way.

To let love in, love has to live inside us first.

If fear, shame, or self-hatred are taking up residence, there’s no room for love to grow. Love doesn’t thrive where it’s unwelcome. But when we begin to care for ourselves, nurture our hearts, and see our worth, love becomes a natural extension of that inner work.

It becomes the lens we filter everything through.

If what we say, do, or allow in our lives doesn’t align with love—it has to go.

What We Accept Reflects What We Believe

When we truly love ourselves, we become more compassionate toward others. Our energy shifts from scarcity to abundance. From needing love to sharing it.

And the more love we put out, the more love finds us.

That kind of love? It’s not desperate or dependent. It’s full. It’s expansive. It shows up with open hands, not clenched fists. And when it arrives, we can receive it—not because we’re perfect, but because we’ve finally stopped questioning whether we deserve it.

You do.

You Are Love

There are many paths to love.

Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to find our way back to it. Other times, we’re inspired by love we witness in others. But the more we cultivate and share love, the more it grows—and the more it sustains us when life gets hard.

Because love is more powerful than fear, shame, or anything trying to hold us back.

You are love at your core. That has always been true—even if you forgot for a while.

Feed that love. Honor it. Share it with someone who needs it today.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you love yourself? Why or why not?

  • If you do, what do you love most about yourself?

  • If not, what beliefs stand in your way?

  • What’s one small, loving thing you can do for yourself today?

  • What kind of love are you accepting right now—and is it aligned with what you deserve?

Start by naming one reason you’re lovable. Hold it in your heart. Add to it every day until you believe it.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helped you finally believe you were worthy of real love?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s settling for less than they deserve, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder of who we truly are.

Secrets Are Not A Replacement For Boundaries

We’ve all done it—told those “little white lies” to make things easier. Maybe to get out of a bind, avoid a confrontation, or dodge a situation we never felt comfortable with in the first place. We tell ourselves it’s harmless because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But if we’re honest? Most of the time, we’re just trying to avoid the discomfort of setting a boundary and speaking our truth.

Boundaries aren’t about being difficult.
They’re about being clear—about our needs, our limits, and how we expect to be treated. They build self-respect and create space for healthier relationships. The truth is, once we get comfortable setting them, life tends to feel less chaotic and more aligned. Boundaries reduce stress because they make our expectations known—no guessing, no games.

But learning how to set boundaries—especially when we’ve spent most of our lives people-pleasing—takes intention, patience, and practice. Here’s how you start:

1. Know Where You Stand

You can’t set a boundary if you’re unsure of how you feel. Check in with yourself. What makes you uncomfortable? What feels unsafe or triggering? Clarity is power.

2. Tap Into How You Feel

Resentment, anxiety, dread—these are often signs that a boundary needs to be set. What emotion is coming up, and why? Naming the feeling helps you respond with intention instead of reaction.

3. Be Clear

Once you know your truth, communicate it plainly. No over-explaining. No apologies. A boundary isn’t a debate—it’s a statement of self-respect.

4. Give Yourself Permission

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-aware. You are not “too much.” You are worthy of peace and respect.

5. Check In Often

Your needs evolve, and so will your boundaries. Stay aware. Reflect regularly on how situations or people make you feel, and adjust accordingly.

6. Look at Your Patterns

Do you default to caretaking? Do you shut down? Are you conflict avoidant? Recognizing these patterns gives you the power to shift them.

7. Prioritize Self-Care

Boundaries are a form of self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of you is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.

8. Find Your People

Surround yourself with those who support your growth. Healthy people respect healthy boundaries. And don’t be afraid to reach out for help—it benefits both the giver and receiver.

9. Take Action

Thinking about setting a boundary is not the same as setting it. You have to follow through. Speak up. Be consistent. And don’t shrink when you feel resistance.

10. Start Small, Build Confidence

You don’t have to tackle the toughest boundary first. Practice with low-stakes situations. Build your voice. Build your confidence. Then level up.

Here’s the truth:
Keeping secrets or telling lies to avoid discomfort isn’t kindness—it’s avoidance. And the more you avoid, the more disconnected you become from your truth.

Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about honoring yourself.

The more you practice, the more you’ll feel grounded, clear, and connected. That’s the foundation of a life that SLAYS.

SLAY Reflection

Do you struggle to set boundaries? Why?
Have you ever used a “white lie” instead of speaking your truth? What did it cost you?
Do you believe you’re worthy of setting the terms for how you’re treated?
What patterns from your past still influence how you show up today?
What would it look like to protect your peace, unapologetically?

S – Stop hiding behind excuses or silence.
L – Listen to your gut—it’s telling you what you need.
A – Assert your truth with compassion and clarity.
Y – Yield only to what honors your worth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you struggle with setting boundaries—and if so, why?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s learning to speak up for themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.