happy

Place Importance On Important Things

We see this all the time, people in dire need of something or someone, reaching out frantically, putting up emergency posts, IN ALL CAPS, with lots of punctuation, only to find that it’s just something they want, not a necessity. Or, they make a big deal out of something that really isn’t, causing themselves anxiety, heartache, and pain needlessly because it shouldn’t be given so much weight in the first place. Or maybe we are guilty of those things. Causing drama, panic among our friends, when it really isn’t necessary.  I think we all can be from time to time. We get used to something being a certain way, or we convince ourselves that it has to be one way or everything is off, or will go wrong, or something catastrophic will happen, but will it? Or are these just things we put too much importance on in our lives?

What is important? Things we need to live, food, water, family, loved ones, a roof over our heads, safety, these are some of the things that are important. For many of us, it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important, and what we deem as important because it’s the way we want it to be, or the way we’d like to be, or because everyone else seems to have it or is going where we want to go. But what is important is not loosing sight of what really is important.

The important things in life change for all of us, but there are four simple ones that apply to everyone, and when we focus on these things, the rest fall into perspective.

Your health. Not taking care of yourself and your health will not only limit the time you have to live your life but it will impact the quality of life you have, and your ability to enjoy it and those things you love. Ultimately, your heath, mental and otherwise, is most important thing in your life, and should be protected and nourished daily, making sure you are getting what you need to thrive, grow, and live the live you want to live. Make sure you are taking care of you, in every way that you need to to be your best, most effective, useful you.

Your self-love. Finding and owning your self and loving yourself is also one of the important things in life. Self love is a major part of our foundation as human beings. It grounds us. Gives us strength. Confidence. We make stronger, better choices, because we are doing what’s best of for us, not what’s expected, or what looks good from the outside, or what will impress others, we do what works for the lifestyle we want to live, and for the people we are and who we strive to be.

Your relationships. Life is about relationships, the connections and communication we have with others, whether it be friends, family, or co-workers, invest in the relationships in your life, or, find some worth investing in. Spending time with actual people, not the computer screen or phone, getting out and connecting, socializing, doing things that you love, sharing, is what makes our lives richer, and reminds us that we are not alone, it add to our foundation and fortifies us when life gets tough, relationships teach us who we are, who we want to be, and, take us to where we want to go. All important.

Living your purpose and dreams. When we’re taking care of our own needs, finding love in ourselves, and surrounding ourselves with supportive, like-minded people, we are on track to finding out who we are and what our purpose is in life. I know for myself, it was through my journey of self-love and healing that I became aware that my purpose was to be of service to others who may be struggling, I never would have figured that out had I not found my way through the first three things on this list. When we feel good, when we feel love, and when we give love, we become open to finding a meaning in who we are, in finding a purpose and how we can be most effective. We learn what values are most important to us and how we can apply those to our dreams, or find new ones. It’s important to dream, there is a reason we are drawn to certain people, places, and things, question that, pursue that, and use the knowledge you have gained about yourself and those around you to go after your dreams and make them a reality.

Having all of these in place, it’s time to take action, and to remember, what is really important in life, it’s not the stuff, it’s not the activities you feel you’re missing out on, it’s not something only having to be one specific way, it’s your health, self-love, relationships, and your purpose and dreams, everything else is gravy, so put the importance on life on the important things and with everything else, go with the flow and let things go, you’ll be happier when you do, and, you just might learn a thing or two about you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you place importance on unimportant things? Do you think everything you want and need is important? Do you see that perhaps not everything on your list is important? List the important things on your list? List the things that may not be important but are nice to have or you like to have? Do you see the difference? It’s easy to get caught up in wanting and having things, but life is actually really simple SLAYER when you allow yourself to see it that way, and when you focus on the truly important things, you’ll probably find that many of those things you would like to have may just come your way as a result of you taking care of yourself and investing in your relationships and your hopes and dreams. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The people who care are the ones who love you, who are aware and concerned, not the ones who want you around only to make themselves happy. Surround yourself with people who celebrate and support you for being you!

Choose wisely SLAYER.

State Of Slay Positive

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  We are what we tell ourselves, so feed yourself with positive thoughts and surround yourself love and with what nourishes you.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Feed

 

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we stop looking for happiness in our past, we open ourselves up to finding happiness within ourselves and in those places that love, support and nourish us today, and what we may find is, those things we thought held the key to our happiness, we never really needed at all.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Perfectly Happy

 

Stop Looking For Happiness Where You Lost It

We’ve all been guilty of this. We look for someone’s approval who’s never given it. We go somewhere that no longer serves us, looking for something that no longer exists. We do the same things over and over when we’re not the same people, so why would the same things make us happy? We, well, many of us, are creatures of habit, and when something used to make us happy we continue to go back to that well and look for more, but sometimes that well is empty, or, it’s not really what we need anymore, and it’s up to us to stop going there looking for something that no longer exists, or no longer works for us.

I am guilty of that from time to time. I’ll fall into an old pattern looking for love, acknowledgement or inspiration where there isn’t any, maybe there never was, or there just isn’t anymore. I have this hope that it’s there, and then get my hopes dashed when it’s not. But it’s my fault for looking in those places in the first place. I know better, and then I beat myself up for searching in those places. Well, I used to beat myself up, I don’t beat myself up anymore, I ask myself why I was looking there in the first place, because the reason is going to tell me something about where I’m at emotionally and spiritually, and what I need to work on or fix for myself that day.

I know for myself that when I do go looking for happiness in the wrong places I have some work to do, the odd time I might just be doing it by rote, just a bad habit from the past, and without thinking about it, a go-to, but most of the time there is something behind it. It may be low self-esteem and I’m looking for validation, or it may be low self-esteem and I want to validate it by not getting validation, oh yeah, I’ll still do that too sometimes. It may be that I’m hoping someone will prove me wrong and show me love, acceptance or encouragement. No matter what it may be showing me, what’s it’s telling me is that I need to find a healthy way, myself, to feel fulfilled, and not place that responsibility on other people, places and things. And sometimes that can be hard, to do the work ourselves, especially when we feel like the people in our life should be there to support us, to love us, and reassure us when we need it, and yes, that’s wonderful when they do, but that’s not their jobs, it’s ours. And seeing as our well-being is our job, we need to stop going to those people, places and things looking for something that’s not there. If you know there’s no water in a well, why would you go with a cup looking for water? You wouldn’t would you, but we do it in our lives.

We need to take responsibility for our own happiness, we need to make ourselves happy without relying on people or outside things to do that for us, now I know that sounds like it’s a lot harder than just reaching out and trying to find happiness first, but the truth is, unless we are able to make ourselves happy, us, ourselves, none of that will ever truly make us happy. It might for a short period of time, but there will always be something missing, an emptiness that never gets fulfilled, I know, I lived like that for most of my life, and even at the “happiest” times of my life, there was always a darkness, or fear, or black hole inside of me that could never be filled. We fill that black hole when we surround ourselves with who and what honors who we are and how we live our lives, when we honor ourselves by listening to what we need, by giving back when we can and sharing our happiness with others, by gifting ourselves the time to do the things we love, the things that charge our batteries, that fires us up, and get us excited and inspired by life. And sometimes it’s just as simple as smiling. Of letting things go. Of acknowledging we did the best we could and that’s enough. Of letting love in, and learning to trust ourselves so we can love. And, by not looking for happiness where we know it’s not.

Happiness is within, it is there for the taking if you do the work to find it, and when you do you’ll find you’ll stop looking for it where it is not, and surround yourself with the people, places and things where it is, so you can share your happiness with those around you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for happiness in places where you’ve lost it before? Why do you think you do that? How can you stop doing that? Do you find happiness within yourself? If not, why do you think you’re not able to? What’s stopping you from finding that happiness? You are SLAYER, you. No matter what your circumstances, there is always a way to find some happiness within yourself by honoring who you what you love, and sometimes, who you love. Sometimes just sharing your love with others is a way to find love in yourself, and when we do you stop looking for it in those places it no longer exists. Write down 5 non-material things you love about you SLAYER. Put that list in your pocket and carry it with you. At the end of the day, take it out, read it, and smile. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! The only thing that grows in our comfort zone is our fear to step out of it. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. Take a leap of faith and step outside what makes you feel safe and see what magic is waiting for you when you have the courage to change.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Comfort Zone

Finding Grace In The Grey Areas

I used to think that everything had to be either black or white. If something didn’t fit in one of those two areas I would make it fit, bending it, manipulating it, twisting it to fit into the narrative I wanted to tell so it could be put neatly into the box I wanted it to. In doing so I was forcing things to only ever be one of two things in my mind, right or wrong. Life isn’t always that simple, many times it’s many things in between, and as much as I myself fought back to not to be put in a box, or be labelled as any one thing, I was doing just that with the people, places and things in my life. Much of that had to do with my need to control, to force things to be a certain way because it made me feel safe, smart, or better than, but I wasn’t living in truth, and I was missing out on appreciating all of the amazing things that live in the grey area, including myself.

When I started on this path, the grey area made me very uncomfortable, it felt unsafe, unmanaged, not defined enough, but as I started to open my mind, to see that things didn’t always fit in one of two places, the grey area started to become exciting, a little like the Wild West, where anything could happen. First I had to get comfortable with that, even though it seemed exciting, it felt scary, a little dangerous, and unpredictable, it was about learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness, which at first made me want to crawl out of my own skin, but I was encouraged to sit there and was told if I did, I could find peace there, and eventually grace. I did. And when I did it opened up a whole new world for me. A lot of life happens in the grey areas, and no matter how much I would force it into one of two places, a lot of things didn’t belong there. Most things don’t really belong there. Most things fall into the middle, and deserve to be left there. And when we leave them where they are supposed to be, even honor them for being there, we find grace. We stop fighting, manipulating, twisting them into something they are not, and honor them for being exactly what they are. This may sound like an abstract concept, but when we think about ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, who and what we love, typically, we don’t just fit into one neat box either, there is some grey, and maybe a lot of grey in the areas that matter, so as much as we wouldn’t want to be forced into a box that we didn’t fit in, neither should other people, places, and things. It’s also acknowledging our own growth. As we walk on this path, learn, and grow, what we believe, experience, and the way we live our lives, changes, our parameters get bigger, wider, and more vast, we accept things as they are, no matter how messy or perhaps how undefined they are, and let them be, without trying to change them, we let them live just as they are, and when we do, we find our grace.

Life does it’s dance, and a lot of the time it’s dancing to a totally different tune than the one in our heads, but instead of trying to force our dance to it’s music, just enjoy the music, and trust it’s the music we’re supposed to be hearing, it gives us an opportunity to learn a new dance, or to adjust the one we already know. Try new things, accept differences in others, and trust that you are being introduced to these things to help you on your journey, to guide you on your path, and to lead you to where you are supposed to be going. Find the grace in the grey, and let that open your heart to a brave new world.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you try to put everything in your life neatly in boxes or categories? Does the grey area scare you? If yes, why? Why do you think you need to have everything categorized neatly into one or two boxes? Would you like to be categorized into only one or two boxes? Do you think you fit into some grey areas in your life? If so, in what way? Can you see that others’ may also fit into grey areas? Can you accept that? When you can SLAYER, you are on your way to finding grace, and you are on your way to a new freedom, opening your eyes to the infinite possibilities that the world has to offer. Let go of old ideas and SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  The best thing you can do for yourself is believe in you, and do what’s best for you, without worrying about the results, or what that looks like to those around you. Be your best you for you!

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Happy

Do You Want To Be Right, Or Do You Want To Be Happy?

I used to think that the only way to be happy was to be right, so I made sure I was never wrong, at least in my own mind. I would twist and turn things so I could always justify things in my favor, I was the ultimate spin doctor of my life. Even when I knew I was 100% wrong I would find a way to convince you, and myself, that I was right, and if there was something that I felt was unjust in the world or a situation, even if it had nothing to do with me I would find a way to insert myself and I would fight to the point of exhaustion because “I didn’t believe that someone should get away with what they were doing”, but what I was really doing was trying to make up for my own lack of self-esteem and self-worth by making myself feel important when I went into battle.

When someone first said to me, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” it had never occurred to me that I might have been contributing to my own anxiety and frustration by continuing to fight battles I had no business being in, or fighting something I couldn’t win, only to satisfy my own pride and ego. There are situations that we can’t change, or have no business changing because the situation has nothing to do with us. There are times we stick our noses into situations just so we can put our boxing gloves on and get in the ring, it gives us a high, it makes us feel important, but it also leads to our own unhappiness and anxious feelings. I’m not saying that if you see someone in need of help not to jump in if you can and help that person, but it’s important in every situation to ask yourself if you belong in that fight, or are you just fighting for fighting sake?

I used to constantly stick my nose into situations I shouldn’t have, because I would say that I was helping, or righting a wrong, or an injustice, but no one was asking me to do that, and in fact, by trying to insert myself into a situation I didn’t belong in I was cheating the other person, or people, the opportunity to stick up for themselves, to find a solution, or to maybe learn to set a boundary for themselves. When we step in to fight someone else’s battles we are taking that chance away from them, for them to grow, learn, and to find the courage and pride in who they are to draw a line or learn to fight for who they are.

So many times I’ve heard people say, “that’s not right,” as they’re bubbling over with anger or anxiety. There are so many things that aren’t “right” in the world, but unless there is something you can do to change or help it, and you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes who should be changing it for themselves, you’ve got to learn to let it go, to find acceptance around it. It’s also nice to ask if  help is actually need, or wanted, before plowing in there ready to raise hell. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s drama, but it’s exactly that, someone else’s drama, it’s for them to work out, and unless they’ve asked for help, and even then, it may not be right for you to step in if it’s something they should be taking care of themselves, in those situations you have to step back. And, that may seem like a hard concept to swallow, but trust me, the result is a much happier life, and one of a lot less stress and frustration. I always try to keep my side of the street clean, but I also take a look at each situation and assess whether it’s actually on my street, or on the next block or city and I’m just crashing in to stir up trouble under the guise of “helping.”

Is putting our happiness on the line worth being “right?” It’s not. We as SLAYERS need to take care of ourselves, and sometimes the better option is to just take a step back and not get involved where we don’t belong, every battle is not our battle to fight, and sometimes even if it is our battle, it’s about taking the higher ground and learning to step away if it saves us from suffering at the expense of a battle that isn’t that important to fight in the first place. We fight for ourselves and those we love when it’s necessary, but learn to not pick up that sword for each and every fight we come across. It goes back to self-care, as warriors it’s just as important to take care ourselves and our own needs, to replenish, refresh, and rest, more than it is to slay ever dragon to comes our way.  Make sure you’re fighting the right battles SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have to go to battle for every thing you feel is unjust or not right? Why do you feel you need to do that? Do you see that some times the better option for yourself may be to not engage? Ask yourself SLAYER, next time you feel like you need to jump into the ring, is this your battle to fight, or are you taking the job away from someone else who should be fighting the battle for themselves? If asked, or it’s appropriate, we as SLAYERS do step in to help, but not at the expense of our own mental health and well-being.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you