expect the good

We Find What We’re Looking For

I was trying to help someone yesterday with putting on a bracelet, this person immediately started complaining that I was putting it on too tight, the bracelet wasn’t tight, to make sure of it I had placed my finger between the bracelet and her wrist to make sure I wasn’t fastening it too tight, and as I tried to adjust it anyway, she kept complaining, so much so that I finally opened my hands letting the bracelet go and said, “OK, why don’t you do it.” She immediately jumped on me verbally and said that I had thrown it at her. I hadn’t, I just opened my hands and let the bracelet fall to the table, which was right below my hand. She looked at me with such anger, right away, and it was in that moment I realized, she was looking to be upset, so she was upset. There was no reason for her to be upset, but that’s what she had decided to be, long before we crossed paths, so that’s what she was. It reminded of a few things I’ve talked about before at STATE OF SLAY, about when we expect the good, good often comes, well, when we expect the bad, it can come, and if it doesn’t, we can manifest it on our own, like this lady yesterday. But it got me thinking, how often do we go into a situation with dread, or worry, or doubt, or, anger, only to find that’s exactly the outcome? But, were we right in expecting that? Or, did we manipulate the situation to fit the narrative we wanted to tell?

It’s important to walk into every situation with an open mind. To do your homework, prepare where you can, know your true intentions, but then let go of the outcome, and, if you can, try to make the situation a pleasant one, for all parties. We all can carry extra baggage into our days. Something is weighing on our minds, or has pissed us off, or is causing us anxiety, but it’s important not to drag that baggage around with us into the other events and situations that have nothing to do with where we currently are. I know, it can be hard to shake certain things, but it’s about keep things in perspective, and checking in with ourselves to find the source of how we’re feeling at any given moment, so we don’t take things out on people who have nothing to do with the reason you’re upset.

And, just as when we expect the good the good often comes, so does the bad when we expect it. If you’re anticipating something is going to be difficult, or frustrating, or infuriating, it probably will, because you’ve set yourself up to have that experience. Again, if you are feeling a certain way, even before you’ve gotten into the situation, find out why you’re feeling that way. Ask yourself what the real issue is, and try to let that go before stepping into something new and bringing that baggage with you. If the situation is one that you often find to be a negative one, ask yourself how you can turn it around, or, how you can make it a better experience. Many times, even in times when there isn’t much that can be done to make something better I just try to bring in a positive attitude, or bring in some humor, or, maybe compliment someone on something they’re doing right, or well. It’s about changing the energy around something, and, we’re not successful every single time, but many times it does make things smoother, or more pleasant.

When we look for the bad, the bad is what we’re going to find, and who wants to look for that all the time? Well, I used to, but it was a very unhappy place to live.  Be mindful of how you’re feeling, and find out why, and, don’t take that out on someone else who has nothing to do with what’s bothering you in the first place. Be honest with your feelings, and be responsible about how you share them. It just takes a little effort to take responsibility for how you interact with others but that interaction can make a huge impact on those you interact with. Always try to leave someone in the situation the way you would want to be left, maybe even better than that, you choose. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you are about to start something new, or start a new task, do you assume the worst or look for the bad? If you look for the bad, why do you do you? Do you think it benefits you to look for the bad? How do you think it hurts you? What can you do to start looking for the good? Do you often carry bad feelings from past experiences into your current experiences? What is the result of that? Do you see how expecting the worst, or carrying feelings from your past, can influence how things go in your present? How can you let go of your past, or expectations, and walk into each situation or task with an open mind? How do you think that will help you? Work on that SLAYER, don’t let your past dictate your future.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the footwork, let go of the results and trust the universe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Universe

The Universe Is On Your Side

Oh I can hear you cynics, I hear your big sighs or “not me’s” and I used to be you, I was, big time, I always thought the universe had it out for me, that is was plotting against me, wanting me to fail, and relishing in it when I did. I looked for the bad and the bad typically came, when the good did come I didn’t think I deserved it, or thought it was a trick, so I couldn’t ever really enjoy it. When I started out on this path of healing, self-love, and empowerment a good friend of mine, someone who walks this same journey, and who I trusted very much, said to me, live life as if it’s rigged in your favor. I laughed! “Yeah right” I said, “nothing is rigged in my favor.” He told me to act “as if” it was, and he gave me a set of cherry red dice that I still have today. When I’m having a day of doubt that the universe is indeed on my side, I’ll take those dice out and look at them, they remind me to expect the good, to do the footwork, and trust that the universe has my back and is leading me to the people, places and things I need to move forward or to where I am supposed to be. I have to remind myself that where I think I should be and where the universe knows I should be may be two different places, but I just need to let my intentions be known, do what I can, and leave the rest to a power great than myself to do the rest. When I do that, and stay out of the way, not trying to manipulate or force the outcome I want, great things happen, one of those great things that path lead me to writing this blog, something I would have never have thought to set as a goal myself on my own. Amazing things happen when we get out of our own way. So, how do we start trusting, or even collaborating, with universe?

1) Keep and open heart and open mind. We can only see but a small part of the whole picture. We are only privy to our own lives and what’s in front of us, we have no idea how our actions contribute to the bigger picture and how they can affect others around us. It’s about finding trust, or faith, that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, even when that’s a good place, we’re meant to be there for a reason, perhaps there is something to learn there, there likely is, we typically learn a lot through pain, and it’s usually a big motivator for change, change we wouldn’t seek out or agree to if our circumstances were great, so trust you are there for a reason and look to find the lesson in it, or what’s it’s trying to tell you. Also, things don’t have to look and sound a certain way to be deemed “good,” keep an open heart and open mind. There are infinite possibilities out there, and our experiences are small compared to what exists, let yourself explore and be open to new things, or things looking a different way.

2) Be Creative. So in keeping an open heart and mind, we are able to try new things, to be creative and explore. When we do this our world, our mind, our circle gets bigger causing us to find new paths, new ideas, and new dreams. Challenge yourself to do one thing differently each day and see if that doesn’t open up your world. Keep yourself engaged in life and don’t limit yourself to the way you’ve always done it, or the way your parents did, find our own way, your right way, be creative and what’s best for you. And, don’t be afraid to change even that. If we are continuously challenging ourselves, growing, learning, loving ourselves, we are continuously changing and growing, so even if something did work for us yesterday, things may have changed today, shifted, so keep yourself open to being fluid with your life and keep finding new ways to be creative.

3) Ask For Help. Never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I’ve talked about this before. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, you may also be helping the other person you’re asking, and, you may just find a new perspective or way through a problem by having someone else join you for the journey, you may even make a new friend, or strengthen a friendship you already have. We all need help some times, everyone, and you’re no different, if you need help, ask for it, the person you ask may just be a part of the universes plan to get you to where you need to be.

4) Don’t Let Challenge Stop You. I know, sometimes we get tired, and the thought of a new challenge makes us want to hide under our blankets, but let the challenge energize you. You’ve been through many challenges before and have made it through, so what’s a few more challenges? Challenges keep us sharp, they make us stronger, and, they can also open our eyes to new solutions and new opportunities. A challenge is all a matter of perspective, so look it right in the eye and say “game on,” and head right in without hesitation.

Allow yourself to believe the universe is on your side, at least be willing to believe, willingness opens the door, but when you believe that you have something pulling for you, cheering for you, and wanting good for you, you tend to find the good. It’s really an easy concept, when we look for good things, we find good things. It’s up to us. And what’s the alternative? Sitting in the darkness wallowing in our anger, hurt and pain? Been there, done that. I’ll stick to the good any day, even if it’s hard to muster on a dark day, the good always wins over the dark. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe the universe has your back? If yes, why? If no, why? Make a list of times you feel the universe had your back. Make a list of times you felt the universe didn’t have your back. Within those two circumstances, what did you do differently. Do you think that had anything to do with changing the outcome, or your perspective of it? I challenge you SLAYER, to look for the good this week, to act “as if” you believe the universe has your back and see how that changes your outlook and goals. At the end of the week write down how you feel and see if that has changed from today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Sometimes A Breakdown Can Be A Breakthrough

I had always thought of a breakdown as a negative thing, but when I look back at mine, that moment when I couldn’t do it anymore, that moment where I had run out of solutions, where I was just done, I look at that moment as a blessing, it was a moment of clarity, the smallest bit of hope, and the moment when my new life was about to begin. That breakdown, as it were, was a gift, it meant that I had had enough, that I was putting a stop to the way I had been living my life and that I was finally going to reach out for help. Now, it could have gone a different way, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jumping for joy during this profound moment, it was scary, and very easily, without that tiny dim light inside of me, could have come to a very dark end, but it didn’t, it didn’t because I believe it had always been a part of the plan for me, that the power that I believe guides me knew that it was going to take that breakdown to finally get me on my knees and surrender to the help I needed to get better. That breakdown is always what keeps me on this path because I remember what it was like in that moment, what brought me there, and I know I never want to go back, and I also know that moment, and worse, is waiting for me if I do.

I think we as human beings put things into compartments, I talked about this in my blog Finding Grace In The Gray Areas, we like to make things “good” or “bad,” but looking back the “bad” things that happened to me all led me to the life I have now, even writing this blog, I look back and see how the “bad” led me to the “good.” Life ebbs and flows, it doesn’t stay the same, we ride the waves of good times and the waves of challenging times, but in the end it’s all the same ocean, and we’re the same people riding those waves, it’s just a matter of how we look at those waves, our perspective, of those “good” and “bad” events.

I trust now that when “bad” things happen, that they’re happening for a reason. They might be happening as a result of my actions, so there’s a lesson there, and action on my part to correct it or make an amends to do it better next time. All good. Learning is good. Or, those “bad” things could be leading me to a place of good, a place of growth, of knowledge, of moving forward to the next chapter in my story. Sometimes we need a push by the universe so we don’t stay stuck, I know I need a nudge every once in a while, because when things feel good, and safe, and comfortable, well, sometimes I want to hang out there for a while, sometimes longer than a while, even though I know I need to keep challenging myself, so if I do hang on too long, the universe is bound to push me in the right direction, and sometimes that push can feel like a negative action, but, if we embrace it, ride the wave, look for the lesson or positivity in it, we may just have a breakthrough, a breakthrough we wouldn’t have had in our comfort zone.

Don’t get me wrong, a breakdown can be scary, but it’s in times like those that we really need to be open and honest with our friends and family, with those people who support us, they will undoubtedly be able to help us through those dark times, or at the very least, just be there when we need them most. If we’ve chosen the right people, and we’re living as our authentic selves, sharing our truths, we have nothing to fear, and we can trust the process we are going through, and trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem as we walk through it, uncomfortable means change, uncomfortable means we are doing things differently, uncomfortable means if we stick with it, a breakthrough is coming.

When you feel like you’re in, or headed, for a breakdown, dig in with the good in your life, and get ready, something really wonderful may just be on the other side of it. Hang on SLAYER, and, expect the good.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have there been times in your life when you can see that a breakdown lead to something good? If so, what? Have there been times when, looking back, you can see that the universe has pushed you in a certain direction because you were stuck where you were? Write down all the examples you can think of in your life when this has happened. How did you respond during these times of crises? Do you see how surrounding yourself with good supportive people can help you through those times? Do you reach out to the people in your life when you’re going through a breakdown? If not, why not? I know, for myself, I would not be here had I not reached out, and I have countless people to thank for the life I have today, countless people who opened their hearts to me, supported me, and offered me their strength when I had very little of my own. Don’t suffer in silence SLAYER, you are not alone, and, that breakdown just may be the best thing that has ever happened to you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Believe In Believing

I’m a firm believer in the laws of attraction, what we give out is what we get back for the most part, and we attract what we believe we deserve. When I was living in the darkness, depressed, and feeling less than, I would constantly get pummeled by “bad things” and talk about my bad luck, but the truth of the matter is, I believed I wasn’t worthy of having good things so it was the bad that came, or at least, it was only the bad I saw and embraced. If the good came I feared it would be taken away, feared I didn’t deserve it, or feared that something bad would happen to counter the good, but it was all just fear made up in my head, perpetuated by the fact that I was isolating and only listening the voices in my head, the bullshit committee, who wanted to keep me in the darkness, and alone. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things so most often good things didn’t happen to me, although I’m sure more did than I knew because I was so focused on the bad I probably didn’t see many good things that did come my way, or excused them away as coincidences or mistakes.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will get better, or we deserve better, but when we do, there’s a little light comes on inside of us, and that light attracts other light, and other individuals who’s light is also on. I have to tell myself, at times, to believe in the good, to trust that the good is coming, or will happen, and many times when I do, and focus on that, it does. Believing has real power. Believing sends a message to our subconscious, and the universe, that we want and are creating good things for ourselves. When we say we can’t do something, we set ourselves up to fail, we tell our subconscious that we can’t succeed and we set up a situation for ourselves that makes it harder to win.

So how do we start to believe? It starts by changing our thoughts, changing the way we live our life, and, changing the way we speak to ourselves. Our thoughts turn into beliefs, if we continue to work on thinking positively about ourselves and our situation, we have the power to transform our thoughts into beliefs. For me, when I was in a negative place, I used to write down 10 things I was grateful for, every day, things I couldn’t buy or own, and I would put that list in my pocket and carry it around with me. When I felt negative or down, I would take out that list and read it out loud, and think about that list. Now, some days that list was really hard to write, and the really dark days I wouldn’t make it to ten, or would struggle to make it to ten, but I would try, every day, and as I did that list started to get easier to write, and as I continued to do the things I was proud of they would make it on that list, things I had done differently, things I had succeeded in doing, things that had slowly become easier to do, and as those days turned into weeks and months, I started believing, I started believing in myself, I started believing that I deserved the good, I started believing that things could change because they were, I was changing, and the bad didn’t seem like a good place anymore, like a place I wanted to be, or deserved to be, I looked for the good, and worked for the good, and believed in the good. The good came.

Some days are harder than others to believe, we all have struggles and life can get challenging, and dark, but if we can keep the light of belief on inside of us, it makes those days easier and allows people who love and care about us come around to help and support us. Belief is like a beacon of hope that we can shine from our hearts for ourselves and those around us. Shine on. Believe.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble believing in good things? Do you believe you deserve good things? If not, why? You’ve taken the time to read this SLAYER, so you have enough hope and belief to seek out the answer to why you don’t believe, that means you have some belief in you that you can. Focus on that, let it grow, shine brighter, surround yourself with those people who also believe, in themselves, and you, let your light shine as they do theirs, SLAYER, you’re worth it.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you