Good morning SLAYERS! Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!
Slay Say
do the work
Are You Addicted To Control?
Before stepping on this path I was very addicted to control. Control to me felt like safety. When my world felt unsure, when I didn’t know what was around the next corner, or when I felt like people were watching me, wanting me to fail, I tried to control everything I could, even things I couldn’t. I was always tightly wound, trying to keep things together, and trying to make things happen the way I wanted to. It exhausted me. It also frustrated me, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control everything, no one can.
That need to control became like a drug. It was something I chased. And when I was able to control something I got a shot, or hit, that gave me a high, and then I was off for the next fix. And when I couldn’t control something the feeling and realization of that always hit me hard, and the bullshit committee in my head would get loud telling me I wasn’t good enough and was a failure. And as my life continued to spin out of control that need for control grew inside of me, like a rope I was desperately trying to hang onto but was slipping out of my hands. Control, for me, was a way to counteract my fear, so when I was told I had to let go to save my life, I was terrified.
Letting go of my need for control didn’t come easy, and sometimes I still catch myself trying to control things, not nearly like I did before, but, there is still a part of me that reaches for that when I feel like my world is, well, out of control. My disease will also disguise it as other things, like food, shopping, relationships, so I don’t notice it at first, but it all comes from the same place, fear. We, as human beings, can’t control everything, it’s impossible, so living a life hellbent on control is only going to drive you into the ground. For me, it’s where my disease wanted me, because it could then keep fuel on the fire that I was a failure, it was a place I was most vulnerable, and the endless need for control kept me so busy I couldn’t see what was truly happening and why. Once I made an effort to stop it, with the help of a counselor, support groups, and others like me who were on the same path, that is when I finally saw the truth in what I had been doing, and how I had been living my life. Coming to terms with why was a hard pill to swallow, but knowing the why helped me to stop the behavior. As I always say, what is the root of the problem? It is finding the answer there, that allows you to get better.
Today I no longer try to control, in fact today when I was thinking about an opportunity I would like, I immediately heard myself say to myself, you’ve done the footwork, now let it go. And that is how I live my life today. I do the work towards a goal or opportunity, I ask myself if there is anything else I can or should do, and if the answer is no, I let it go. That is the place I live in today, that is the place I have to live in today to live a healthy and happy life. And trust me, it is a much easier place to live, and much less exhausting. No matter how hard you try, you don’t have the power to control life so stop trying, control what you can, accept what you can’t, and focus on what you can change to be your best you. That you can control.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you obsess about things? Do you try to control things in your life? What do you try to control? Why? Are you able to control it? How does trying to control things benefit you? How does it harm you? Write down all the things you try to control. Write down a Y or N if you are able to control those things. Count how many Y’s and N’s you have. Which have more? Do you feel that if you don’t try to control something that something bad will happen? It won’t SLAYER. All you can do is the work that’s in front of you, do the work, trust that you’ve done what you can, and let the results go, you have no control over what the results will be, so stop trying to control something you can’t. Let go, live your life, and set yourself free, you may just get more of what you want by learning to control you need for control. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
The Journey Is The Point
I am boarding a plane today to go home after a vacation and as I got up I thought to myself, ugh, wish I could just blink my eyes and just be home. The thought of getting to the airport, checking in, getting on the plane, sitting on the plane, getting home from the airport, just seems daunting, even though I’ve done it hundreds and hundreds of times, I just want to get to the end. It made me think about life and how many times we don’t want to go through the process, we just want to get to the finish line, but whole point to all of this is the journey itself, even more so than the actual goal. The journey is where we need stamina, it’s where we learn, grow, it challenges us, it may defeat us temporarily, but it’s about getting back up and continuing on, battling on, to get to where we want to go, it’s all in the journey.
When I think back to where I’ve come from, literally knees on the floor, lost, lower than low, beaten at my own game, all I wanted at the moment was to get better, I don’t even know if I knew what that meant, I just wanted to stop hating myself, lying to myself, and those around me, and I knew I didn’t want to die, so I set foot on a new journey, one of hope, love, and empowerment, my step was shaky and very unsure, but I kept stepping, moving forward, and with the help of many I kept stepping, and today I continue to step, you see, I realize, almost 12 years on this path, that it’s the journey that is most important, that it’s all about the journey, and I now look at it as a positive experience, not just a bunch of things I need to do or experience to get better. The journey has taught me how to be a better person, how to be loving to myself, how to trust people, how to put my ego aside and do what’s right, and how to trust that no matter where I am on the path, that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. If we sprint to the finish line we miss all the good stuff along the way, we may still get there, but we’ve cheated ourselves out of all the juicy stuff along the way, the stuff that ultimately makes us us.
In a society of quick fixes, of short-cuts, apps, virtual assistants, we forget sometimes that life, the good stuff anyway, comes with some old-fashioned work, some roll-up-your-sleeves, get in the dirt, hard, sometimes dirty, work, and that it’s in the work that we become who we are meant to be, who we can be, who we can be proud of. I always say, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for speed, so why not slow down, enjoy the process, and trust that you are being guided to what’s next, when you are meant to be there, and until then look around a bit, see what there is to see, do the work you see in front of you, and let yourself be open to new doors that may open, new paths, new journeys that await you. Don’t get so focused on that one thing you’re after, you’re chasing, that might only be the carrot that is meant to lead you to someplace else you don’t even know about yet, so let yourself explore and be open to new ideas. And, don’t be afraid of the work. Trust the work, dive in to the work, learn to look at it as a good thing, something positive, because with it comes change.
We as SLAYERS don’t run away from the work, we dive in, taking breaks if we need to, but getting back to it to SLAY on. Look at the journey as part of the good stuff, when we give ourselves to the journey, the journey always gives back to us. I’ll try to remember that while standing in line at the airport this afternoon. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to want to rush to the end without doing the work? Do you procrastinate in doing the work because you look at it as a negative, something you don’t want to do, putting it off? Why do you think you have a negative view of the work? When you’ve worked toward a goal or for something in the past can you see how the work gave you something back? What did it give you? Do you often only see the one way or goal you have in mind and possibly miss other opportunities that may be in front of you? What stops you from trying new things? What if you did try new things? What if you started to look at the journey as something exciting? Something positive. Something that will make reaching that goal even sweeter. I challenge you to do that SLAYER, next time you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work, look for ways to make it fun, to make someone else’s day, to give yourself an opportunity to learn and grow from it, to find a way to SLAY THE DAY.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s great to have goals, and look into what you need to do to achieve them, but it’s the action that takes you to the finish line.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s up to us to get ourselves out of the shoulds and to take action, get out your SLAY sword and go into battle for you, you’re worth it.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
