surround

Hang Around People Who Like You

Now this one seems like a no brainer, but how many of us hang out, or choose to spend time, with people who don’t really like us? When we are not feeling good about ourselves, when we are not proud of ourselves or we are feeling less than, we look for people who we can spend time with who may be lower companions, people we feel are far worse off than we are, or at least, just as bad, because we think they won’t, or can’t, judge us. We may also look for people who will continue to tell the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves, one that we may have been telling since our childhood, so we look for those people who will help us to continue to tell that story, one that may keep us sick and dull, dimming our light. It seems crazy that we would do that, purposely look for people who will keep us in a place that is not our authentic selves, but we do it, and many times we do it without even realizing that’s what we’re doing.

We have to believe we deserve good people in our lives, and we have to believe we are also one of those good people. For me that took some work. I hated myself, and thought if you could see the real me, you’d hate me too. So I looked for people who wouldn’t ask a lot of questions, or would believe the person who I pretended to be so they would like me, or at least like me around. I also looked for people who were confrontational, or who I could rise out of, so when I wanted to fan the flames of the story I would tell myself, that I was a bad person, that person would oblige, reinforcing that story. When I made the commitment to get well I had to really look at the relationships in my life. I had to ask myself why I had chosen each person, and if, within this new lifestyle, they could stay. Most did stay, but some had to go. The people I did keep in my life did like me, even when I was living in my sickness, or struggling, they liked me even more, and even loved me during my toughest times. And where I used to not trust someone if they had liked me, I now was able to start liking myself by allowing myself to see what they saw. I was able to back into my own self-love, or like, through theirs.

When we have people around us who like us, support us and cheer us on, we can do anything, but we have to allow those people into our lives, we have to seek them out, and if we’ve chosen the wrong people as we move forward into a positive place, we have to let them go. Each person we choose to have in our lives is a reflection of us and who we are, and if we’re truly being honest with ourselves we have to look at the group of people we’ve surrounded ourselves with and ask ourselves what is being reflected back at us by those people. Find your group of people who like you, who love you, who support you and want the best for you. Surround yourself with them, keep them close and allow them to lift you up when you need to be reminded how amazing you are. Look for those people who like you, who understand you, who want the best for you, and like you just as you are and who you are working to be. Let those who you let into your life represent who you are and the journey you are choosing to take. Make sure they like you, and most importantly, make sure you like yourself. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you choose the right people to spend time with and be in your life? What types of people do you look for? How do the people in your life inspire you? How do you hurt you or tear you down? Why do you let them? Are you wanting them to tear you down? Why? What if you choose people who lift you up? What if you only allowed people in your life who liked you, encouraged you, loved you? What do you think would happen? Do it SLAYER, focus on those people, or find them, they’re out there, look for the people who are walking the same path as you are, look for the people who you can relate to, who you feel comfortable listening to, and who will cheer you on as you work to be your best you. Stay in the middle of these people, and when things get tough, find some strength within their strength, and let them propel you to the next level. Stay in the middle of the good.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

 

 

 

You Have A Lot In Common With People You Have Little In Common With

That one makes you think doesn’t it? When we are feeling low, alone, and are sitting in the dark, we feel like no one would understand what we’re going through, we feel lost, like we’re the only ones who are, or have, gone through what we’re going through. But the truth is, many of us have similar or shared experiences, even with those people, from the outside, we have very little in common with.

When I finally made the decision to fight for myself, a big part of that was joining a support group. I went, the first time, because a friend I trusted suggested I go, so I went, trepidatiously, thinking I was going to sit there and listen to people I couldn’t relate to and leave feeling even more alone than I already did. The opposite happened. As I sat there in the back of the room I looked around. None of these people looked like me, they didn’t necessarily come from the background I had, how were they going to help me. Well, the first woman who spoke and shared her truth told my story. Not exactly, but what she shared was so similar to my own experiences I almost thought I had been set up by my friend and the people in that room had been told what to say. In fact, I think I accused him of it once or twice. But what really happened as I continued to listen to various people, who all were sharing their own experiences, which mirrored mine, is that even though I wouldn’t have thought we had anything in common by just looking at their outsides, our insides were the same. We did the same things, thought the same things, and, had said many of the same things, one of which being that we didn’t belong there before we realized the truth.

You see the truth is we have a lot more in common with those around us than we think. And, we only discover that when we share our truth with another person, or, group of people. Those stories saved my life because I realized that I was in a safe place, and within that place there was a solution to a better life. I wasn’t the only one, all of the people in that room were just like me, and they were all committed to getting better, and, supporting each other along the way. I’d never encountered anything like it. I had gone through my whole life thinking I was different, odd, and the only one who thought the way I did, it was baffling, but refreshing to learn that that wasn’t the truth. I felt safe among those people because I knew they wouldn’t judge me, I mean, they were just like me, and I them, so no one was pointing any fingers saying I should have done better, we collectively were there saying we were going to do better today.

It’s easy to look around and think you have nothing in common with those around you, or, that you are the only one who has done the things you’ve done, but I am here to tell you, that that is not the truth. There are many who are just like you, and will understand you. At the beginning of my journey I was asked to look at the similarities and not the differences, because my disease, on a bad day, would try to excuse a way the connections I was making, it would try to nitpick their stories and highlight what didn’t match up with mine, but when I was able to take a step back, and really listen, I realized that there was far more in common than not, and I found strength and hope there.

I challenge you SLAYERS to do the same. Look for what you have in common with the people in your life, share your truth and see how that commonality comes out when two people share their truth. You are not alone, there are many who walk the same path you do, the question is, do you choose to walk the path in the dark, or the path that is lit from all those like you who have walked before you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you look for the differences in yourself and other people? Why do you think you do this? Do you tend to judge your insides to other people’s outsides? No one really knows someone’s true story unless you take the time to sit and share with them, and them you. It’s in those moments we realize that most of us are all truly connected by shared experiences, even in the most uncommon of circumstances. I once had a tough-looking biker, big guy, lots of tattoos, wearing his leathers, walk up to me and thank me for my honesty because he really related to my story, I smiled and said that only because we were both living in our truth did we get to realize that, and thanked him for his honesty that day. Be honest, be you, share who you are and see how that truth connects you to others who are just like you, maybe not on the outside, but inside, where it counts.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Explosion In Reverse

I was with a group of people the other day and someone said, “watching you get better was like watching an explosion in reverse.” It made me laugh, but then when I thought about it, it was the perfect analogy. I myself had certainly imploded years ago, and even after the implosion I still went on for years before seeking help.  It’s like all of the good parts of me, my heart, my soul, had blown away in an explosion and yet I kept on going, an empty vessel propelling itself forward, until it just couldn’t anymore. All of my pieces had blown away and there was nothing left but a shell. Imagining myself, and all those pieces coming back to together is a beautiful image. I like to think they came back in a different order, or arrangement then they weren’t in before, and, perhaps, picked up some new ones, better ones, along the way. But that statement got me thinking about what happens to us as we break down, as we lose parts of ourselves as we slowly, or with one big bang, explode from the inside out.

I’ve talked a lot about feeling empty and hollow, and that I’ve seen pictures of myself from that period of time in my life and have not recognized the person in the picture as me. Not only were all the good pieces gone, but my light had completely gone out, just leaving the darkness, and a deadness in my eyes. The first time it happened it scared me, it scared me to look at that woman and know that had been me, that woman looked like the walking dead, and the part of her that was still walking was wishing she was dead. I tell you this because that’s how far down I had fallen, I had reached a place where there wasn’t much left, and there wasn’t much to lose, but even when you’ve fallen that far down I can tell you, you can still climb back up, and, find those pieces you lost again.

I think about an actual explosion, that there is that moment where something ignites and boom! So when I think about an explosion in reverse, of ourselves, coming back to together, I think there is a boom and eventually, and ignition, that is when our light comes back on, when all those pieces we’ve lost come hurling back together, boom! There we are. It can be hard to muster the energy needed to pull off an explosion in reverse, I know for me, there were many days I didn’t think I had it in me, but I would rally my energy, and I would surround myself with others who had done it, or where doing it, so when I felt I couldn’t do it I used their energy, their light, to gather strength, to find the light within them to light my path until I had enough of my own to create my own explosion, the one that put me back to together.

I never want to forget that woman with dead eyes, that woman who stares back at me sometimes from old photographs, as hard as it is sometimes to look at her, I never want to forget her pain because if I do, and I forget that she still lives inside of me, I may forget why I work as hard as I do to keep her safe, to keep me safe from an explosion that could blow all my pieces away again.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you think about yourself, do you feel like there are pieces of you that you’ve lost? What parts? How do you think you lost them? How can you get them back? Do you see a moment, or a time in your life, that you feel like you blew apart? What has been the result of that? What parts have you managed to recover? What are you still looking for? Find those parts SLAYER. For me it took different things, a lot of support from others, it took counseling, a lot of journaling, sharing my story with others, allowing others in, letting them love and support me, and learning to love myself. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen, a beautiful explosion in reverse. Let yourself go boom SLAYER, and come back to together.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The people who care are the ones who love you, who are aware and concerned, not the ones who want you around only to make themselves happy. Surround yourself with people who celebrate and support you for being you!

Choose wisely SLAYER.

State Of Slay Positive