stand tall

Are You Leaving Trap Doors For Yourself?

Even when we step into the light and start to forge a new path for ourselves, a path that honors who we are and where we want to go, a path that allows us to build self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, we can leave trap doors for ourselves to fall through. There are sometimes places inside of us that want to keep us where we were, that want to keep us back, that want us in the dark. We succumb to these places, and sometimes tell ourselves we belong there. And sometimes, we believe it. Why would we set ourselves up to fail?

There are many reasons why we do this to ourselves. We may still feel undeserving of success, or better things, so we sabotage our road to success, not believing we truly deserve it. Believing we should hold ourselves back from where we want to go, or feeling it’s safer there, because that’s what we know. So even if we do rack up accomplishments and succeed, we feel worse, believing we don’t deserve it, so we sabotage our success and keep ourselves from moving forward.

We may also set trap doors for ourselves as a way to feel in control. When we try new things for the first time, or set new behavior patterns we weren’t practicing before it can feel like we’re spinning out of control, we’re in unfamiliar territory, and if we’re feeling unworthy on top of feeling like we’re not sure what’s coming next our need to control can take over and sabotage the good we’re doing.

If we’re lacking in self-confidence as we walk our new path we may feel like a fraud as we gain success, we may feel like we may be found at as not deserving, not talented enough, and not worthy of the place we find ourselves. We may feel that if we’re found out sooner than later, we have a shorter distance to fall, so why not pull the rug out now and save ourselves some pain of a fall later.

There can be many reasons why we leave trap doors for ourselves and get in the way the of our own success, but at the root of the problem is owning our own self-worth, believing that we deserve good things and deserve to succeed in what we are working for, without that we will continue to believe that we don’t deserve to be in the winner’s circle and we will continue to get in our own way. When we stand tall, take contrary action, doing what’s good even when we may doubt we deserve it, taking the compliment, humbly, even though we may not feel it, and accepting the success, even when we may not feel we deserve it, something happens, something changes, the good starts to come in, little by little, we start to live in a place of yes, a place that allows us to grow, to succeed, to win, and, we start to believe we deserve to be there. Step around those traps doors, even better, dance around them, and stand firm in who you are, what you offer, and what you believe, stand tall and allow yourself to be your best you, and continue to work towards what you want. You have the power to make your dreams come true, just make sure you step out of your own way so you can find them. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you set trap doors for yourself? Why do you think you do this? How do you think it hurts you? Why do you think you don’t deserve to have success in your life? What if you believed you should? What if you could? What steps could you take to allow yourself the freedom of allowing success or good things in our life? Write them down. When you find yourself in a place of self-doubt, or self-sabotage, look at that list SLAYER, read it out loud, and stop yourself from getting in our own way and believe that you deserve all the things that want for yourself. Get to work SLAYER, dream, believe, achieve.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Just Try

Anyone who follows STATE OF SLAY knows I’m big on taking action, without it, we stay stuck, and nothing changes. It can be daunting to start something new, to start a new project or task, or maybe try something we’ve never tried, perhaps by taking contrary action. But I encourage you to just try. There’s no harm in trying, and really, life is a series of us trying new or different things with varying success. It’s just about the act of trying. If we don’t try we don’t win. We don’t know. We never change, or grow. I used to be afraid to try new things, thinking it was safer to just stay where I was, even though I wasn’t happy there, and wasn’t fulfilled there, it felt safe, because I knew it. It took a lot for me to try something new, it almost took my life, and it was scary to start, scary to step out of the routine I had been living in, scary to not know what the results would be, but, I did it, and the more I did it, the less scary it became, and even though things didn’t always work out the way I would want them to, many worked out in ways I couldn’t have imagined, and in ways that helped me grow. At the end of the day it’s just about jumping off that cliff and trying, but unlike cliff jumping, if things don’t work out the way you had hoped, you can always try something different, and chalk that up to a learning experience.

Life is all about taking chances, taking risks, and adjusting to things as they change, those changes are a good thing, it means we are pushing ourselves, we are flexible in our thoughts and actions, we are riding the waves of life as they come in to our lives. Living our lives to be safe typically doesn’t bring us happy results, it tends to leave us feeling like we’re living life on the sidelines watching everyone else win around us. But we can win to, we just have to jump in and play the game. And so what if we lose. Everyone, no matter how successful, no matter how great of a person, no matter how smart, talented, or prepared, will lose at some point, everyone, so what you are you afraid of? We’ve all been losers and we’re still here to talk about it, and we’re still trying, and still jumping in the game. The circumstances will never be perfect, so stop waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, just start, jump in. Jump in with wild abandon, jump in with passion, with excitement, with everything you’ve got, maybe even jump in with others and do it together. No matter what the outcome you’ve already won, you’ve tried, you’ve tested the waters and took a leap, that in itself is a win. And speaking of winners, stick with the winners, stick with those people are taking chances, who are going after their dreams, who are inspiring others, those are the people you want to surround yourself with, let them inspire you, encourage you, set your soul of fire to get moving and take action. Those are the people you want around you, stay in the middle of those people as you take a leap of your own.

There are always reasons not to do something, but most of the time they are just bullshit, they are just that voice in our heads that tells us we don’t deserve it, we won’t get it, or we don’t know what we’re doing, tell those voices to quiet down and watch, watch you try. Besides, those voices are lying to you, those voices are scared, those voices have no place in our life today, they’re just telling us an old story that no longer applies to us, we’re changing our story, we’re telling the narrative we want to tell, one of success, of excitement, of an ever expanding world around us. Let people know what you want, what you’re doing and see if you can build up a strong army around you of like-minded people who are all willing to raise each other up to bigger and better things. As SLAYERS we pick up our swords and soar, we stand tall and go after our dreams and we make it happen. Don’t let old ideas get in your way or negative self-talk, show those voices what you’ve got and why you’re strong. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your negative self-talk get in the way of you trying new things or going after what you want? What do they tell you? Why are those voices wrong? Write down all the ways that they’re wrong. How can you overcome them? What gets in your way of starting something new? How can you work around it? How can you take action today to work towards a goal you have? Take action on that SLAYER, on step at a time, and before you know it, you will leap farther than you ever could have imagined.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.” And, you can’t love you when you’re hiding who you truly are.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stand Tall

Take Up More Space

I think many of us at times have cut off pieces of ourselves to make other people more comfortable. We’ve made ourselves small. We’ve downplayed who we are and what we want to fit in nicely to what others are expecting of us, or willing to accept from us and cheating ourselves of being who we are authentically or going after what we want. Our job isn’t to make others comfortable with who we are, it’s to be the best us we can be and celebrate who we are and what we love, to go after the things that make us happy, that challenge us, and show off our talents. If that makes someone in your life uncomfortable then perhaps that person shouldn’t be in your life. A true friend or partner would want you to be you, and loves you for being you, and would never want you to dull your shine for them or those around you. Nor should we want nothing less for ourselves. As SLAYERS we should make ourselves priority, always shine bright and believe in our own strength, power, and beauty.

I didn’t always believe. I thought, for most of my life, that I was less than. That you all were the bright shiny stars, and even though I could pretend, put on the act like I too was bright, the truth was I didn’t believe I deserved it, and, I many times, made myself smaller so I wouldn’t stand out, or cause anyone to look at me. I had so many hopes and dreams and there were many I quashed in the darkness, I didn’t dare let out, or tell anyone, for fear you would tell me I didn’t deserve them, or they were stupid, or that you might get jealous. I lived like that most of my life, and it felt like I was constantly cutting away at who I was and I worried what would be left. In the end, not much was left, just an empty girl, with a dark heart, and an empty soul. Thankfully that girl had a tiny bit of light and fight left in her and started to put the pieces back to together.

Sometimes it takes a lot of walking through fear. If you’ve lived in an environment where you’ve been told you don’t deserve what you want, or aren’t good enough to get it, walking through the fear that they might be right can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. Use your desire to push past your fear, to show yourself that you can, and you will accomplish and get what you want, what you’re working for, don’t let someone else’s insecurities or jealousies stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Surround yourself with people who do believe in you and support you, use that support to further fuel you as you step forward, growing, expanding, and taking up more space. The fear that you might fail is not your story, it’s someone else placing a narrative on you to make them feel better, and if it is you and your narrative, you have the power to change it, as I’ve written in the past, You Are The Author Of Your Own Story, so start writing a new chapter. Make your mark!

Don’t get caught up in someone else’s expectations of who you are and who you can be. Express yourself in it’s truest form and be your best self, regardless of limits others may put on you. You are the only one who can break free of the chains that hold you back, you hold the key to reaching your potential and realizing your dreams, let go of those people who don’t support that and you and let yourself shine, you may just light the path for those naysayers who said you couldn’t.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make yourself smaller to make others feel more comfortable? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop doing that? What do you think will happen if you do? If you have fears in doing so, what are those fears based on? Fears aren’t facts. What are the facts of your situation, why are you stopping yourself from living as your authentic self and going after you dreams? You are not a victim, you are not your past, what you are is a beautiful human being with so much to offer to world, go out there and get it and show us all what you’ve got. SLAY on!

                                                 S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you