Love

You Don’t Have To Repeat The Past

Looking back before I stepped on to this path my life was a series of repetitious bad decisions. I kept doing the same things and expecting different results, the true definition of insanity. How were things going to change if I wasn’t? Well, they weren’t. I was proud of my stubbornness, and my ego was holding me back by telling me I knew better, it was all of you that were wrong. But in truth, I was stuck in a cycle that was never going to get me to where I wanted to go, I was so stuck I couldn’t even see where I could go, my blindfold of bad decisions kept me from seeing that I had other options, it was my choice to continue to make the same bad decisions over and over, even though I had the power to change that.

For me, it took things getting really bad before I was even open to the idea that it was possible for change. My best decisions brought me to a place where it literally was a matter of life and death that I make positive changes in my life, and, break the cycle. As we grow up we learn certain things, we pick up things we see, hear, and experience and start to build up who are we, what we stand for, and how we’re going to operate, and unless someone, or something, teaches us something different, we tend to stay stuck in those ways, sometimes for a lifetime. I was forced to find different ways to live, healthier, more positive ways, and even though it was tough to undo a lifetime of behaviors that no longer served me, in fact, probably never had, when I finally did, it was like that blindfold got lifted off my eyes and I saw a brand new world. Life is not something that happens to us, we have the choice in how we react to it, and how we choose to engage with it. We can hit the reset button at any time and choose not to repeat the past.

Let’s start here, make a list of the areas in your life that you are not happy with, not happy with any of it, write it all down in a column. Now, write next to each item how you can do things differently, even if it’s something you don’t want to do or it makes you squirm, just write it down. Now think about those things you’re not happy with, and visualize yourself taking the opposite action, visualize the result being different than it has been in the past. How does that make you feel when you think about it? How do you make that feeling a reality?

1) Take Action – it’s always about taking action. Make a conscious effort to make better choices for yourself and stick to it. Make yourself accountable for those actions. Call yourself out. When we are accountable and vocal about what we are working towards you are more likely to follow through.

2) Conquer Fear – let go of the fear of doing something different, or upsetting someone for not doing what’s expected. The only fear you should have is staying in the same place, staying stuck, but walking through fear to get to a better place is worth it, just do it and see what happens.

3) Know You Are Worth It – you are worth fighting for, your wants and needs are valid, so take the action you need to get it. Find your own self value and know that each step you take to make your life better is worth it, because you are. Believe you deserve the things you want.

4) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes – we all make mistakes, especially when trying something new, so don’t quite or beat yourself when you make a mistake, or if it doesn’t go the way you had wanted it to. Keep going, keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes, let them make you stronger, smarter, better, just keep going.

5) Recognize Your Victories – allow yourself to celebrate your wins. When we make changes for the better let yourself celebrate that, feel good about that, shine. We’re undoing years, or a lifetime, of old behavior, every victory, no matter how small, is a victory and a step in the right direction.

6) Write Down Your Progress – keep a journal so you can track your progress. Write down your wins and losses and the circumstances around them so you can see your own growth, or the areas where you keep stumbling, recognizing your patterns is going to give you the map that you need to navigate around them and to chart new courses of action.

7) Persistence – keep going, keep doing it, don’t celebrate so much that you fall back into old behaviors or think you can stand down and coast, it takes a lot of work to break a pattern, and a lot of repetitious behavior of doing the opposite of what you had been doing to make it stick, keep practising and keep moving forward. Be patient with yourself.

This is a lifetime practice of making changes for the good, as we grow and learn we will find new things to focus on, patterns to break, we start to fine-tune and hone our behaviors and lives so they work in conjunction with our hopes, dreams, and goals, not against them. I can assure you it is possible, I am proof, it just takes a desire to do so, and some work. Roll up your sleeves SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see negative or unhealthy patterns in our life? What course of action can you take to change them? Why haven’t you in the past? Are these patterns serving you? My guess is not if you are listing them as unhealthy or negative. How can you make the changes you need to make to break your patterns and live a healthier more positive life? Write them down. Start to make a conscious decision SLAYER to take action in these areas, to do the right thing for you, and to make the changes you need to start a new cycle, a cycle that allows you live a life you want, and one your are proud of. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Our only competition is ourselves, and our only job is to be better than we were the last time, or, the best we can be in that moment. Let go of expectations that get in your way of enjoying yourself and your life, and allow yourself to let the people in who love and care about you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ego

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! We are in charge of our anger, if we are feeling angry it’s our job to figure out why before we act out on it and possibly do or say something we can’t take back. Pause before you act.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger Destroy

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Weren’t able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE, here’s what you missed

Also, for those of you wanting to take a look at or purchase the Christmas ornament inspired by my episodes of SUPERNATURAL by Jodi Zulueta, click the link: Eldwenne’s Fantasy – Christmas Ball

Also, here are a latest “Sleigh Gear” I just added to the SLAY STORE today.

Holiday SLEIGH

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be

We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.

When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.

We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Expectations vs. Reality

It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.

When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.

And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.

Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations

The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.

But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.

  • Let them know how you feel.
  • Ask for what you need.
  • Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.

This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.

When They Can’t Be Who You Want

Here’s what I discovered over time:

  • “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.
  • Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
  • When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.

I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.

You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You

Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.

Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.

You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.

Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace

How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?

  1. Stay open to love, even when disappointed.
  2. Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.
  3. Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.
  4. Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.
  5. Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well

You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.

You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?
  2. How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?
  3. What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?
  4. Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?
  5. How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?

S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.

And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.

Get Out Of The Should And Into The Could

 We’ve all sat and thought about the things we should be doing, we should exercise more, we should eat better, we should get more sleep, we should apply for that job…the list goes on. It’s easy to live in the shoulds, but the shoulds don’t get us anywhere except adding to an unending list that we allow to pull us down into resentment and despair because we’re not taking action so the list just keeps growing longer and longer. The shoulds are typically seen as a negative because we’re not executing them, they hang around and nag us, but until we change them into coulds, they will continue to drag us down.

Living in a place of could is a more positive place. A place of possibility, of hope, and of change. Just changing our attitude from should to could isn’t enough though, but it is a start. We can take our should list and make a conscious effort to change it into our could list, and then from there take action where we can. It’s a matter of perspective and how we choose to look at the things we want in our life. We have the power to make change, we have the power to go after what we want, to have those things on our list, but it requires us to actually pull the trigger and do the work, magical thinking will not get us magical results. When we’re living in the shoulds, and in negative thinking, we limit our view to the outside world, it gets narrow, we only concentrate on what we’re not doing or getting instead of changing what we can, our limited view only lets us see what we don’t have, it can paralyze us. Negative thoughts don’t allow us to see the choices we have around us, thinking we have none, we give up. But when we live in the coulds our brain sees the possibility, it opens up our mind to more options, which in turn allows us to build new skills that can help us eventually get from could to did, which is ultimately where we want to go. So, how do we achieve more positive thinking in our lives?

The more joy, love, and contentment we feel in our lives, the more positive we feel. So, if you don’t know already what in your life brings you those things, it’s about finding them and what fills you up, what nourishes you, what excites you, what makes you smile. Do those activities to help you focus and find a more positive outlook, or find new activities that can help you, maybe, meditation, writing, and play time. Now I know some of you cringe at the word meditation, and think it is only sitting quietly with a clear mind. Next to impossible right? But there are many different ways one can meditate, for me, what works best, is a walking meditation, getting out in nature, by myself, and starting a conversation with myself about what’s going on, what I’m concerned about, what I’d like to try, whatever is on my mind. Just breathing the air, taking time to soak up my surroundings and just being with myself, helps me to sort through many issues or mental blocks that I may be experiencing. There are many different ways to meditate, find one that works for you. Writing is also a good one. I was never a writer before this journey, I would never just sit down and write, but I found that when I did interesting things would come out of it, things I didn’t even know I thought, or felt, would pour out onto the page or screen, don’t think about it, just start writing. And, if you’re struggling with positivity in your life, write down five positive things at the bottom of the page each time. If you have a hard time starting to write, maybe start with what the benefits are of accomplishing each item on your should list, how would that benefit you, how would that change your life. Focus on the positive nature of doing good things for yourself and improving your life with those actions. The third activity, play, make sure to schedule fun in your life, those things that make you smile, laugh, or fill you with joy. There are always things we have to do that we don’t necessarily want to do so I always make sure to bookend those things with something fun, something I enjoy or like to do, that way I’m going into the not so fun activity with joy and I have something to look forward to when I finish.

When we feel good about ourselves, finding love, joy, and contentment in our day, we find it easier to go from should to could, and, taking action with our could list, we ultimately find that list turned from could to did. You can do it SLAYER, I know you can, but it starts with believing you can and then pulling the trigger and doing it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make excuses for not going after or doing the things on your should list? What’s stopping you? Are these legitimate reasons, or excuses? What can you do to start to take action on the items on your should list? Pick one. What can you do to tackle this? Have you tried in the past? How did you fail? How did you succeed, even if it was just a little. How can you try to tackle it in a different way than last time? Do you believe you can tackle and take action on the items on your should list? If not why? You can SLAYER. You have the power to do that, it just takes commitment and some work, but it’s worth it, you’re worth it, start small and build from there. Each step you take in a positive way will build a strong foundation under your feet, and help you build the skills you need to continue moving forward. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Staying in love with our sadness holds us in the past, when we let go and learn to live in the light we begin to see the beauty there, and the potential of what lies ahead.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Ahead.jpg

Are You In Love With Your Sadness?

I have to admit, I was. I had a total love affair with my sadness. I loved it. Sat in it. Relished it. It was my identity, the cloak I wore to protect myself from the outside world, a cloak that I thought kept me safe, but was slowly killing me, keeping me alone, and more and more disconnected from the world around me.

I used to wear my sadness like a badge of honor, I thought it made me a martyr, that I would get up and grace anyone in the day made me a hero, that I could overcome my sadness just long enough to participate in life made me a superhero I thought. But it was all self-indulgent bullshit. My sadness was within my control. My sadness was my choice. My sadness didn’t make me a martyr, it made me prisoner, but a prisoner of my own prison, that I had made. I would tell myself I was safe there, better off there, and deserved to be there, I thought it protected me from getting hurt, but it was holding me back from living life, from exploring new things, and from moving forward from the pain of my past. Looking back it was selfish, I cheated, not only myself, but everyone in my life from getting to know the real me, from me fully being engaged in my life and theirs, and from ever opening my heart.

When I look back at those years now I feel, well, sad. I feel sad for that girl who thought she didn’t deserve better. I feel sad that she wasted so many years hiding in the darkness when she could be been shining bright in the light. I feel like I never want to go back to being that sad girl and give up what I have now.

We get to choose, we get to say who we are, and how we’re going to live our lives, and today I choose happiness, gratitude, and light, to be brave and step out of the shadows, to connect with others like me, and to challenge myself to walk tall and be proud of who I am. Sometimes that sad girl creeps back, she finds me, and sometimes she’s hard to shake off, but I’m not her anymore, that dark cloak doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel safe anymore, it feels dangerous, and heavy, and suffocating. Thankfully that cloak doesn’t stay on too long today, my love affair with it has long past, even though the voices in my head will tell me that’s who I am, where I belong, I know different, I feel different, so I work to leave it behind. We have the power to leave it behind. We hold the key. And that key is light, a bright shiny light. When we let our light shine that dark cloak starts to disappear, the sadness starts to disappear, and we feel the warmth of our hearts, and who we are, who we are meant to be, anything else is a lie, a lie that we tell ourselves when we are afraid and we try to romanticize the darkness to make it OK to live there.

For me it took drastic changes to lose my love of my sadness, and it was hard to start, but just by doing loving things every day, for myself and others, the cloak of sadness slowly started to slip off, it slowly lost it’s place in my life, and it slowly went away.

It takes far more courage to live in the light than to bask in the darkness of our own sadness. We as SLAYERS don’t fear the light, we don’t back down from challenges and the work it might take to have a life that have dreamed of, a life full of goodness, love, and light. It’s there for us, if we choose to take it, and if we choose to shed our sadness for something brighter.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a love affair with the sadness in your life? Is your sadness a place that you feel safe? Do you let it define you? Do you see how it can be keeping you from connecting with people and living life? What’s stopping you from letting it go? Is it worth giving up living a happy and full life to continue loving your sadness? What do you think you would gain by letting it go? Is your sadness even valid, or is it events from your past? You have the choice SLAYER to linger in your sadness, or to let it go and live your life. It’s your choice. Stand in the light and let it go, the love you may feel for it doesn’t compare to the love that is waiting for you if you let it go. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay With Me In Person

Hey SLAYER! You can SLAY with me in person this month at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con in Modesto, California October 27-29th.

Get your tickets here: Comic Con Tickets

SOS Modesto

Photographer: Bianca Dorso

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Always speak your truth, your voice deserves to be heard, live authentically, never apologizing for doing what is right for in each moment, especially to yourself.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Truth