Life

Learning to Love the Thing You Wish Hadn’t Happened

There are moments in life that split time in two.

There’s before it happened.
And there’s after it happened.

And sometimes, that “it” is something you would give anything to erase. A betrayal. A loss. A mistake. A failure. Something that shook you so deeply that, even years later, you still catch yourself saying, “If only that had never happened…”

I’ve been there. More than once.

For a long time, I believed the only way to be truly happy again was to go back—back to the way things were before the pain, before the fallout, before the day that changed everything. But the truth is, there is no going back. There’s only forward. And learning to move forward doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt, or even pretending you’re glad it happened.

It means learning to love what it taught you.

It means finding peace in the fact that this unwanted thing—this thing you thought would break you—has also shaped you into the version of yourself you are now.

The Lie We Tell Ourselves About “If Only”

When something painful happens, our minds get stuck in loops. We replay conversations. We imagine different choices. We rewrite endings that never came.

It’s a way of bargaining with reality: If only it hadn’t happened, I’d be happier. If only it hadn’t happened, I’d be whole.

But here’s the truth no one wants to admit—those loops keep us chained to the very thing we want freedom from. Every time we run through the “if only” scenario, we hand over our present to a past we cannot change.

And if we’re not careful, we start defining ourselves by the wound instead of the healing.

What It Really Means to Love the Thing You Wish Hadn’t Happened

Loving what you wish hadn’t happened doesn’t mean excusing it, approving of it, or romanticizing pain. It’s not toxic positivity, and it’s not saying, “Everything happens for a reason” as a way to shut down your feelings.

It’s about recognizing that you did survive it. That it’s part of your story. And that by accepting it instead of resisting it, you can take back your power.

When you love what you wish hadn’t happened, you’re saying:

  • “I see what this taught me, even if I never wanted the lesson.”
  • “I won’t let this moment define my future in a way that keeps me small.”
  • “I can carry this with me without letting it weigh me down.”

That shift—acceptance over resistance—is where freedom begins.

Turning Pain Into Purpose

If I look back at my own life, the moments I once wished away have given me some of my greatest strengths.

The heartbreak that shattered me? It taught me how to listen to my intuition.

The loss that felt unbearable? It taught me to love harder and to cherish the present.

The mistake I swore I’d never recover from? It humbled me, made me more compassionate, and connected me to people I never would have met otherwise.

When you learn to love what you wish hadn’t happened, you’re essentially mining your pain for gold. You’re pulling the wisdom from the rubble. You’re saying, “If I have to carry this, I will make sure it makes me stronger.”

Choosing to See the Gift

This is the hardest part—seeing the gift in the thing you never wanted.

Sometimes the gift isn’t obvious. It’s not wrapped neatly with a bow. It might take years before you see how something awful set the stage for something better.

But I believe this: Every wound has the potential to be the very thing that builds your wings.

That doesn’t happen automatically. It happens when you choose to look for the lessons. When you decide that your story will not end in tragedy, but in transformation.

You Don’t Have to Like It to Learn From It

There’s a misconception that acceptance means approval. It doesn’t. You can still hate what happened. You can still grieve it, still wish it had been different.

Acceptance is simply saying, “It happened. I can’t change that. But I can choose how I live with it.”

And sometimes, “living with it” means integrating it into your story in a way that honors your growth instead of your grief.

From Scar to Strength

Your pain is not who you are.

It’s part of your story, but it’s not your identity. The thing you wish hadn’t happened might always sting a little, but with time, the sting fades, and the scar becomes proof—not of what hurt you, but of what couldn’t break you.

When you reach the point where you can love that scar, when you can look at it and think, That’s where I grew the most, you’ve taken back what was stolen from you.

That’s when the thing you once wished away becomes the thing that shaped you into the person you were always meant to be.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What’s one event in your life you still wish had never happened?
  2. How has holding onto resistance kept you tied to it?
  3. What’s one strength, lesson, or relationship you have today because of it?
  4. How would your life look if you could accept it fully?
  5. What’s one small step you can take this week toward making peace with it?

S – Stop replaying the “if only” loop
L – Look for the lessons, even if they’re small
A – Accept that it’s part of your story, not all of it
Y – Yield to the growth it’s given you

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you wish had never happened—and how has it unexpectedly shaped you for the better?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck wishing they could erase the past, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

People-Pleasing Is Manipulation in Disguise

We often think of people-pleasing as a “nice” trait. We want to be liked, avoid conflict, and make others happy. But here’s the hard truth: people-pleasing is actually a form of manipulation.

I know that might sting. It did for me when I first realized it.

People-pleasing isn’t just about kindness—it’s about controlling how people see you. It’s about shaping their perception, keeping them happy so they won’t be upset with you, leave you, or think badly of you. And while it might look selfless on the surface, underneath it’s driven by fear and control.

When you live in that cycle, you’re not actually being authentic—you’re performing. And no performance lasts forever.

The Hidden Cost of Pleasing Everyone

For years, I lived in a world of quiet performance. I wanted everyone to like me. I thought if I kept everyone happy, no one could hurt me. I said yes when I wanted to say no. I laughed at things I didn’t find funny. I took on tasks I didn’t have time for. I agreed with opinions that didn’t reflect my own.

At the time, I thought I was being “easygoing” and “kind.” What I was really doing was trading my authenticity for approval.

Here’s the problem: people-pleasing keeps you stuck in a loop of resentment. You give and give to avoid conflict, but inside you feel empty, angry, and misunderstood. And the worst part? People aren’t seeing the real you—they’re seeing the version you think they want.

People-pleasing is not generosity. It’s fear in a nice outfit.

People-Pleasing Is About Control

When I finally started doing the work on myself, I realized that my need to please wasn’t selfless—it was controlling.

I wasn’t just helping others. I was managing their reactions to me. I was trying to avoid discomfort, dodge rejection, and secure love and approval without ever having to risk showing my true self.

Here’s the truth:

  • When you say yes but mean no, you’re lying.
  • When you overextend yourself to avoid someone’s disappointment, you’re manipulating their perception.
  • When you pretend to agree just to keep the peace, you’re abandoning yourself.

It’s hard to admit, but once I faced it, I felt…free. I wasn’t “nice.” I was scared. And I was hiding behind compliance to stay safe.

Breaking the Cycle

Learning to stop people-pleasing is like building a new muscle. At first, it feels foreign. It feels risky. It even feels mean—because you’re so used to putting everyone else first.

Here’s what helped me break free:

  1. Get Honest About Your Motives
    Before saying yes, ask yourself: Am I doing this out of love and choice, or fear and control?
  2. Sit with Discomfort
    Saying no, setting boundaries, or letting someone be upset with you will feel uncomfortable. Sit in it. That discomfort is your freedom forming.
  3. Reclaim Your Voice
    When you start telling the truth—“I can’t commit to that,” “I don’t feel comfortable,” or simply, “No”—you’ll feel your power return.
  4. Detach from Approval
    Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will understand you. But people who love the real you will stay, and those who only loved the performance will fade.

The Power of Authenticity

The shift from people-pleasing to authenticity changed my life.

When I stopped performing, I discovered who actually belonged in my life. I learned that relationships built on honesty are stronger than relationships built on compliance. And most importantly, I learned to trust myself again.

When you release the need to control how others see you, you also release the constant exhaustion of managing everyone else’s feelings. You step out of manipulation and into freedom.

So the next time you feel the pull to please, pause. Ask yourself: Am I doing this out of love, or out of fear? Am I honoring myself, or abandoning myself to keep the peace?

The real you is always worth showing. And the people who are meant for you will meet you there.

Choose truth over performance. Choose authenticity over approval. Choose you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Do you often say yes when you mean no? Why?
  2. How does people-pleasing keep you in cycles of resentment?
  3. Can you recall a time you were honest about your boundaries? How did it feel?
  4. What relationships in your life are based on performance instead of authenticity?
  5. What’s one small step you can take today to stop people-pleasing and start honoring yourself?

S – Stop and notice when you’re abandoning yourself for approval
L – Let go of the need to manage how others see you
A – Align your choices with your truth, not your fear
Y – Yield to authenticity, even when it feels uncomfortable

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where does people-pleasing still show up in your life, and how are you working to break free?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling with saying yes when they want to say no, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is permission to stop performing.

Their Storm, Not Your Forecast

There’s a strange pressure to get swept up in someone else’s chaos. To absorb their anger, defend against their projections, or even try to fix what they refuse to face. Especially if you’re a deeply empathetic person, it can be hard to remember:

Not every storm requires your umbrella.

Just because someone is bringing drama, blame, or emotional thunder into the room doesn’t mean you have to get soaked.

It might sound harsh, but not every meltdown, every mood, or every mess is yours to carry.

Let’s be real—some people thrive in the whirlwind. They create it. They stir up tension, throw lightning bolts, and wait to see who gets scorched. And if you’re not careful, you’ll mistake their storm for your reality.

You’re Not the Weather Channel

Here’s the thing: just because they’re forecasting doom doesn’t mean you have to build an ark. We can love people, support people, and still refuse to be pulled under by their emotional riptide.

Your peace isn’t up for negotiation.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is this: if someone is committed to chaos, no amount of calm you bring will change them. You don’t have to match their energy, explain yourself endlessly, or prove your worth in the face of their projection.

Your job is to stay grounded in your truth.

People will accuse you of being cold, distant, or selfish when you refuse to engage in their drama. Let them. You’re not required to participate in every emotional argument you’re invited to.

Calm Isn’t Weak—It’s Wise

Some storms are loud. Others are subtle. But all of them share one trait: they pull you away from your center. When you stay calm in the face of emotional turbulence, you’re not being passive—you’re being powerful.

Calm is a boundary.

It says: “I’m not going to argue with someone who’s not listening. I’m not going to internalize someone else’s pain. I’m not going to let your storm become my identity.”

This doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself to know the difference between being present and being consumed.

Detach Without Guilt

If you’ve ever grown up in dysfunction, chaos might feel familiar—even comfortable. You may have learned to overfunction, to fix, to please, to manage the emotions of others so things wouldn’t blow up. But that’s not your role anymore.

You can walk away. You can say, “This isn’t mine.” You can let someone rage, spiral, or stew without stepping into the storm.

Because here’s the truth: the storm isn’t personal. Even if it’s aimed at you, it’s not really about you. It’s about their unhealed pain. Their fear. Their need for control.

You didn’t cause it, and you don’t have to catch it.

Protect Your Inner Weather

Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re windows. They let in light and fresh air, but they keep out the hail. When you feel that pull to jump into someone else’s chaos, pause and ask:

  • Is this really mine?
  • What happens if I don’t respond?
  • What would it look like to stay rooted in my calm?

Because that’s the goal: to be so in tune with your own emotional forecast that someone else’s storm can roll through without ever touching your peace.

Let them weather it. You’ve got sunshine to protect.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Have you ever mistaken someone else’s storm as your responsibility to fix?
  2. What patterns from your past make chaos feel familiar or expected?
  3. When was the last time you stayed calm in a moment of drama—and how did that feel?
  4. What’s one situation right now where you can say, “This isn’t mine”?
  5. How can you strengthen your boundaries to protect your inner peace?

S – Step away from unnecessary emotional storms
L – Let go of the need to fix what isn’t yours
A – Acknowledge your limits with compassion
Y – Yield to peace, not pressure

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve protected your peace by not engaging in someone else’s storm?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s always caught in the swirl of someone else’s drama, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that peace is a choice.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

There are moments in life that mark us so deeply, they carve their names into our memory. A love we lost. A chapter that closed too soon. A person who changed us forever. And when we talk about letting go, it can feel like we’re being asked to erase those parts of our story—to forget, to move on, to pretend it never meant as much as it did.

But letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry the past with you without letting it weigh you down.

There is a quiet kind of strength in remembering. In holding onto what once made your heart full, not to relive it or rewrite it—but to honor it. Letting go is not an erasure. It’s an act of transformation.

You Can Turn the Page Without Tearing It Out

I used to think that moving on meant forgetting. That in order to stop the ache, I had to pretend the past didn’t exist. But the truth is, the ache only grew louder when I tried to silence it.

Grief, loss, heartbreak—they don’t disappear just because we’re tired of feeling them. They soften when we allow them to be part of us. When we stop fighting them. When we let them shape us, instead of shame us.

The chapters that break us open are still part of our story. They don’t need to be rewritten. They need to be remembered. With tenderness. With clarity. With the understanding that they taught us something essential about who we are.

So no, you don’t need to forget. You just need to stop clutching the past so tightly that your hands aren’t free to receive what’s next.

Memory Is Not the Enemy

We’re told to move on. To get over it. To stop living in the past. And while yes, healing requires forward motion, it doesn’t require amnesia.

You can move forward and still feel. You can carry love and loss in the same breath.

Letting go is not about abandoning your memories. It’s about finding the strength to acknowledge them—even the painful ones—and still take the next step.

I had to learn how to hold space for both: the ache of what was, and the hope of what could be. And in doing that, I discovered something surprising:

The past doesn’t hold me hostage when I stop trying to run from it.

Instead, it becomes something I carry—not with regret, but with reverence.

Life Moves On, and So Can You

There’s a moment in every healing journey when you realize: you can miss what was, love who you were, and still choose to turn the page.

Letting go is not a betrayal of the past. It’s a commitment to your future.

You can bring everything you’ve learned with you. The beauty. The brokenness. The truth. All of it.

Letting go is about making peace with what no longer fits, not because it wasn’t real, but because you are growing.

So don’t rush to forget. Don’t erase what made you feel. Let the memories come. Let them stay. Just don’t let them stop you from living the life that’s waiting for you now.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Is there something in your past you’ve been trying to forget in order to move on?
  2. How might you carry it differently—with tenderness instead of pain?
  3. What have your most difficult moments taught you about yourself?
  4. Are you ready to stop running and start remembering?
  5. What would turning the page look like for you today?

S – Sit with your memories, even the hard ones
L – Let yourself feel without needing to fix
A – Accept what was, and honor how it shaped you
Y – Yield to growth—even when it hurts

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What is something from your past that you now carry with love instead of pain?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to let go, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Chase Purpose, Not People

There was a time in my life when I was constantly chasing people—their attention, their approval, their love.

I thought if I could earn it, maybe I’d finally feel like I was enough.

But no matter how much I gave, how much I bent, or how much of myself I lost in the process…
it never felt like enough.

Because it was never supposed to be.

I wasn’t meant to chase people.
I was meant to chase purpose.
And so were you.

When We Abandon Ourselves

When we get stuck in the cycle of proving our worth to others, we end up abandoning ourselves.

We ignore what lights us up.
We try to become what we think they want.
We twist. We shrink. We perform.

We lose the very parts of ourselves that were never meant to be hidden.

And the worst part?
The more we shape-shift to please, the more invisible we become—to others and to ourselves.

Purpose Doesn’t Need to Be Impressed

Purpose is steady.
It doesn’t need applause.
It doesn’t need permission.

It doesn’t ask you to chase it—only to follow.

When I started focusing on my purpose—my healing, my growth, my creativity, my peace—it all got clearer.

I could see what was aligned.
I could feel who was for me and who never was.
The people who truly belonged in my life didn’t need to be convinced. They didn’t need to be chased. They just showed up.

And not for what I could do for them.
But for who I was becoming.

Let Purpose Lead

The truth is:
You are never too much for the right people.
And you are never not enough for the path that was made for you.

So if you’re feeling left out, overlooked, or unseen—it might not be because something’s wrong with you.

It might be because you’re not meant to follow them.

You’re meant to follow you.

Let your purpose lead.
It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

Do you ever find yourself chasing people instead of aligning with your purpose?
What does “chasing purpose” look like in your life right now?
Who in your life supports your growth without needing you to earn their love?
What’s one step you can take today to move closer to your purpose?
How might your life shift if you stopped proving yourself and started honoring yourself?

S — Show up for yourself
L — Let go of needing approval
A — Align with your purpose
Y — Yield to what feels right, not who feels familiar

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s something you’ve stopped chasing in order to start honoring your purpose?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to hold onto people instead of themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Be Your Own Fairy Godmother

Some of us grew up believing someone would swoop in and fix everything. A magical godmother. A rescuer. A sign from the universe that now is the time, that this is the moment our lives change for the better.

But here’s the truth no one tells you as a kid:

The magic wand is already in your hands.

Waiting for someone else to save you keeps you stuck. Hoping for permission to live fully delays your joy. You don’t need a fairy godmother. You just need to believe in your own power to create change, healing, and magic.

You don’t need a transformation. You need a reminder of who you already are.

I Spent Years Waiting for a Rescue

I thought love would save me. Or success. Or finally being “enough.”

I believed that if I kept trying, kept achieving, kept pleasing, eventually someone would say, “You’ve made it. You’re worthy now.”

But that moment never came—because I was looking outside of myself for something only I could give.

It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to be the one to pull myself out. I had to be the one to say, “Enough. I choose me now.”

It wasn’t a grand, glittery moment. It was quiet. Personal. But it changed everything.

When you stop waiting to be chosen, and choose yourself instead, that’s when the real magic begins.

And that decision? It didn’t come from perfection. It came from truth. From realizing that I deserved better—not someday, but right now.

Create Your Own Magic

We’ve been taught that magic looks like glass slippers and pumpkin carriages. But real magic? It’s setting boundaries. It’s speaking your truth. It’s taking the brave next step—even when your voice shakes.

It’s no longer waiting for someone to tell you that you’re ready. You already are.

It’s recognizing that you are worthy of love, rest, joy, peace, and purpose—without having to earn it.

Magic is found in the everyday moments when you show up for yourself. When you advocate for your well-being. When you care for your spirit. When you speak kindly to your reflection.

Magic is deciding not to abandon yourself again.

It’s building a life that honors your truth, your pace, your values. Not the ones someone else handed you.

You don’t need a crown. You don’t need a costume. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

You’ve had the power all along.

Let this be your reminder: You are the magic. You are the moment. You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Where in your life are you waiting for someone to rescue or choose you?
  • What would it look like to choose yourself instead?
  • What’s one area where you can take your power back today?
  • What belief about worth or magic are you ready to release?
  • How can you show up for yourself like someone who truly has your back?

S – L – A – Y

S: See where you’ve been waiting for permission.
L: Listen to what your inner voice truly wants.
A: Act from a place of self-trust, not self-doubt.
Y: Yield to your own magic—it’s been waiting for you.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever realized you were the one you’ve been waiting for?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck waiting to be saved, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Love on a Leash

There’s a kind of love that doesn’t feel like love at all. It looks the part—smiles, sweet words, even grand gestures—but underneath, it’s tethered to expectations, rules, and unspoken conditions. It’s love, but only if. That’s love on a leash.

Love on a leash says: “I’ll love you if you behave a certain way.” Or worse, “I’ll love you when you’re less of this and more of that.” Sometimes, the leash comes from others. But just as often? We hold the leash ourselves.

We believe we must be a specific version of ourselves to be lovable. We shrink. We twist. We contort our identities to avoid rejection, or worse—abandonment. We believe we’re only worthy of love if we’re easy to handle, always agreeable, or constantly achieving.

And over time? That leash tightens. We stop reaching. We stop expressing. We stop showing up as who we really are.

I Know That Leash All Too Well

I’ve felt it—the pull of wanting to be loved so badly that I’d trade my truth for someone else’s comfort. The tension of walking on eggshells just to keep the peace. The guilt that rises when I try to set a boundary, even a healthy one, because I fear I’ll lose the connection if I do.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Any love that demands you abandon yourself isn’t love. It’s control.

Love shouldn’t feel like a leash. It should feel like a safe place to land.

Real Love Doesn’t Require a Performance

Authentic love sees the real you. It invites all your parts—your fire and your softness, your growth and your mess. It doesn’t flinch at your vulnerability. It honors it.

And the same goes for how we love ourselves.

When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we put our own hearts on a leash. We tell ourselves we’ll be worthy when we’re thinner, calmer, more successful, more perfect.

But we’re worthy now. We’ve always been.

You don’t have to earn love by becoming someone else. You get to be loved for who you are.

Releasing the Leash

Letting go of love with conditions means facing our fears. It means risking disapproval. It means standing in our truth, even if someone walks away.

But it also means freedom.

It means deeper connection, greater peace, and the kind of joy that only comes from being fully known and still fully accepted.

It starts with you. How you love yourself. How you speak to yourself. What you tolerate—from others and from your own inner voice.

And maybe most importantly? It starts with the unlearning of what love was never supposed to be.

You don’t have to stay tethered. The leash can come off.

And when it does?

You’ll remember: real love doesn’t confine—it expands.

SLAY Reflection

Ask yourself:

  • Have you ever felt like love came with conditions?
  • Who’s holding the leash—someone else, or you?
  • What stories about love and worth are you still carrying?
  • How can you begin showing yourself more unconditional acceptance?
  • What kind of love do you want to give—and receive—from this point forward?

S – L – A – Y

S: Spot the conditions—where do you feel limited in love? L: Let go of outdated beliefs about what makes you lovable.
A: Affirm your worth without needing to prove it.
Y: Yield to relationships that offer real connection—not just compliance.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced love on a leash—and what helped you take it off?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel seen for who they truly are, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Sometimes Happy Is a Feeling, Sometimes Happy Is a Choice

Let’s be honest: some days happiness wraps around you like a warm blanket. Other days, it’s a threadbare flag you have to raise yourself, even when the wind isn’t blowing.

Sometimes, happy arrives uninvited. A smile you didn’t expect. A moment of peace. Laughter that catches you by surprise. These are the days when joy feels natural. Effortless. When your heart feels light and your worries take a back seat. These are the days you wish you could bottle.

But what about the other days? The days when you wake up heavy, when your body aches with exhaustion, when your mind is cluttered and your heart is a storm cloud? What then?

That’s when happy becomes a choice. And yes, sometimes, it’s the hardest choice you can make.

Feel It When It Comes

We all have seasons where happiness seems to bloom everywhere—inside us and around us. These are the easy days. The ones where gratitude feels automatic, and your smile is real. And when those moments show up?

Let them.

Don’t question the joy. Don’t wait for the other shoe to drop. Let yourself feel good without guilt. You don’t have to earn happiness for it to be valid. It’s not a reward, it’s a gift. And you are allowed to receive it, just because you exist.

Too many of us hesitate to feel joy because we’re afraid it won’t last. But here’s the truth: happiness isn’t permanent, but it is powerful. And when it comes naturally, lean in. Let it soak into your skin.

Choose It When It Feels Out of Reach

And then there are the other days.

The days when happy feels like a stranger.

That’s when you make the choice to reach for it anyway. You choose to smile. To take a walk. To text a friend. To wash your hair. To play a song that makes you sway just a little. To say thank you, even when you’re not quite feeling it.

This isn’t toxic positivity. This is resilience. This is saying, “I know I feel low, but I’m going to plant the seeds of joy anyway.” And over time, those seeds bloom.

Happiness isn’t about denying what hurts. It’s about refusing to let the hurt define the whole day.

You Are Allowed to Want More

Here’s a powerful truth: you don’t have to settle. Not for a life that keeps you stuck. Not for a mindset that keeps you small. You are allowed to chase joy. To design a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good from the outside.

And when you can’t find it? You can choose it. You can create it.

Even if that looks like a slow morning with coffee and quiet.

You are not failing if you have to fight for your happiness. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.

Some Days It’s Both

Sometimes happy is a breeze. Sometimes it’s a battle.

And sometimes, it’s a little bit of both.

Either way, you have the power to feel it, create it, or reach for it. You don’t have to wait for life to feel perfect before you allow yourself to be happy. Let it show up in small ways. Invite it in. And when it comes, don’t push it away.

You are allowed to feel good. You are allowed to choose good. You are allowed to live a life that includes joy.

Even on the hard days.

SLAY Reflection

  1. When was the last time you felt joy without effort? What triggered it?
  2. Do you feel guilty when you’re happy? Why?
  3. What’s one small way you could choose joy today?
  4. How can you remind yourself that happiness isn’t a reward?
  5. What would your day look like if you let joy take up more space?

S-L-A-Y:

  • See where joy naturally shows up in your day
  • Let yourself lean into those moments
  • Acknowledge the hard feelings, but don’t stay stuck in them
  • You have the power to choose happiness, even in small ways

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What does choosing happiness look like for you right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel joy, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder.

To Become Who You Truly Are, You Have to Let Go of Who They Told You to Be

For much of my life, I tried to be who they told me to be.

The “they” was everywhere—teachers, parents, partners, bosses, social media, society. Each one had a version of me they preferred. I wore those versions like outfits, hoping one of them would finally feel like me. But deep down, I always knew: I was playing a part written by someone else.

When You Live for Them, You Lose Yourself

Every time I molded myself to fit their expectations, I lost another piece of who I was. I became quieter when they said I was too much. I smiled when I wanted to cry. I said yes when everything inside me screamed no.

I wanted to be accepted so badly, I started rejecting myself.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I was exhausted. Not from being myself, but from not being myself. I had no idea who I was anymore—but I knew I couldn’t keep pretending. That was the first step.

Forget Who They Told You to Be

To find my true self, I had to unlearn the lies I’d been told:

  • That I was too sensitive.
  • That I needed to tone it down.
  • That my worth depended on being agreeable, pretty, polite, perfect.

None of that was me. It was who they needed me to be so they could be comfortable.

But I wasn’t born to make other people comfortable.

So I started letting go. I peeled back the layers of conditioning, people-pleasing, and perfectionism—and underneath, I found someone real. Someone strong. Someone worth knowing.

Becoming You Is a Brave Act

Choosing to be yourself—your real self—isn’t always easy. It might upset people. It might confuse them. It might even mean walking away from relationships or roles that no longer fit.

But becoming who you truly are is the most powerful act of self-love there is.

Every time you choose authenticity over approval, you build a life that actually feels like yours. And trust me, there is nothing more freeing than that.

You don’t have to be who they told you to be. You get to decide who you are.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who told you who you “should” be?
  2. What roles or expectations are you still carrying that don’t feel like your own?
  3. When have you felt most like yourself?
  4. What’s one way you can show up more authentically today?
  5. What would your life look like if you stopped living for their approval?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Shed the stories that don’t belong to you.
  • Live your truth—loudly and unapologetically.
  • Acknowledge who you’ve always been beneath the noise.
  • You are allowed to become someone they don’t recognize.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What part of yourself are you reclaiming today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in a role they never chose, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Find Your People, Find Your Truth

For most of my life, I felt like a chameleon. I’d shift and mold myself to fit the people I was around. I convinced myself that if I acted the way they wanted—or the way I thought they wanted—I’d finally belong. But deep down, it didn’t feel right. And often, I’d leave those interactions feeling drained and wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”

I’d watch others with envy. They seemed to flow effortlessly through social situations, forming connections with ease. I couldn’t understand why it felt so hard for me. Why did it feel like everyone else had the key to belonging, while I was stuck on the outside looking in? I’d analyze every interaction, wondering what I did wrong, why I couldn’t seem to fit.

The truth is, it wasn’t about being wrong. It was about being in the wrong rooms.

The Missing Piece: Discovering Self-Truth

It wasn’t until I began my journey of self-discovery that the truth hit me: there was nothing wrong with me. I just wasn’t with the right people. I wasn’t being true to myself, and I wasn’t choosing connections that were aligned with who I really was—because, if I’m honest, I didn’t even know who I really was.

I’d spent so long being a version of myself that I thought others wanted me to be, that I lost touch with my core. The parts of me that were silly, passionate, curious, and maybe a little bit weird were buried under layers of trying to fit in. I muted my personality. I downplayed my dreams. I laughed at jokes I didn’t find funny. I agreed with opinions I didn’t fully believe in. All because I thought that was the way to be accepted.

But acceptance built on pretending is fragile. It’s conditional. It’s a house of cards ready to collapse the moment you stop performing.

Those people I admired weren’t more skilled or more likable than me—they were just authentic. They were showing up as themselves, unfiltered and unafraid. I, on the other hand, was performing a version of me I thought was acceptable. And in doing so, I was hiding the parts of myself that actually made me unique and magnetic.

Why Authenticity Feels So Hard

For so many of us, the idea of being our true selves feels risky. Maybe we’ve been hurt in the past when we showed vulnerability. Maybe we’ve faced rejection, criticism, or ridicule. Maybe we grew up in environments where it wasn’t safe to be fully seen. Over time, we learn to armor up. We put on masks. We adapt.

But here’s the thing: that armor may protect us from pain, but it also shields us from connection. When we hide our truth, we also hide our light.

The reason social situations felt so hard for me wasn’t because I was broken or unlikable. It was because I wasn’t showing up as me. I was exhausted from pretending. And deep down, I felt the ache of knowing that I wasn’t being true to myself.

The Shift: Coming Home to Yourself

Everything changed when I started to get curious about who I really was. I asked myself hard questions:

  • What do I truly value?
  • What brings me joy?
  • What kind of people energize me instead of draining me?
  • What parts of myself have I been hiding, and why?

The answers were both surprising and freeing. I realized that the right people—the ones who would become my “chosen family”—weren’t the ones I had to impress. They were the ones who loved me for me. They were the ones who felt easy to be around, where conversations flowed, laughter was real, and silence was comfortable.

I stopped chasing approval from people who didn’t value my authenticity. I started prioritizing connections that felt reciprocal, nourishing, and aligned with my values. Slowly, my circle shifted. And with it, so did my confidence.

Finding Your People

Finding your people doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience and courage. It requires being honest with yourself about the relationships in your life:

  • Are you giving more than you’re receiving?
  • Do you feel energized or depleted after spending time with them?
  • Do you feel safe enough to be fully yourself?

If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” it might be time to reevaluate.

Here’s what I’ve learned: the right people will get you. You won’t have to explain yourself or perform. They’ll love your quirks, celebrate your wins, and hold space for your struggles. They’ll lift you up, not tear you down.

And the beautiful thing is, when you start showing up as your true self, you naturally attract those people. Authenticity is magnetic. When you let your real light shine, it draws others who resonate with that light.

The Liberation of Letting Go

One of the hardest but most liberating steps is letting go of relationships that no longer serve you. It doesn’t mean those people are bad or wrong; it just means they’re not your people.

Letting go creates space—space for new connections, space for self-growth, and space for deeper alignment. It allows you to breathe easier, to trust more, and to open your heart to those who are meant to walk this journey with you.

I promise you this: when you find your people, you’ll look back and realize that you were never broken or wrong. You were simply waiting for the right connections to show you how beautiful and worthy you’ve always been.

Your Light Is Needed

Here’s what I want you to remember, SLAYER: you don’t have to dim your light to fit in. The world doesn’t need a watered-down version of you. It needs you—fully, unapologetically, courageously you.

When you find your people, everything clicks into place. Life feels easier. Conversations feel more meaningful. Connections deepen. And you start to trust yourself in ways you never thought possible.

Because finding your people isn’t just about them—it’s about you finding yourself. It’s about coming home to your truth and realizing that you were never meant to fit in. You were meant to stand out.

SLAY Reflection

Take a moment to reflect and journal on these questions, SLAYER:

  • S: Where in your life are you still trying to fit in instead of standing out?
  • L: What relationships make you feel most like yourself? How can you nurture those?
  • A: Who or what do you need to let go of to make space for the right people?
  • Y: What’s one brave step you can take today to embrace your authenticity and attract your true community?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you found your people, or are you still searching?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to find their place, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.