let go of the past

A Pickle Can’t Go Back To Being A Cucumber

There were so many times—when I was living in my darkness—that I wished I could turn back time. Every day felt heavier. My shame grew deeper, my self-hatred stronger, and my life more out of control. I remember wondering how I ended up in such a place, feeling trapped and defeated. And instead of taking action, I relied on wishful thinking, hoping things would magically return to the way they once were.

But as they say: a pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber.

You Can’t Go Back

Life moves forward, whether we do or not. Time doesn’t stop just because we’re stuck. We can’t undo the past, and we can’t relive the glory days we once knew. No amount of hoping, wishing, or romanticizing will turn back the clock.

What we can do is choose to grow from where we are now. We can become the best version of who we are today. We might not be able to go back to who we were before, but we can become someone even stronger—someone wiser, more resilient, and more alive because of what we’ve walked through.

When I stopped trying to return to the past and started showing up for the present, everything changed. I started building the life I wanted—not by undoing what was, but by creating what could be.

From Regret to Renewal

In the beginning, I had to learn how to be okay with discomfort. Letting go of the past and embracing the present wasn’t easy. I had to shift my mindset, stop reliving old memories, and set new goals for myself. I had to trust that I could heal, evolve, and become someone I hadn’t even imagined yet.

And you know what? I did.

Today, I live in forward motion. I know I can’t be who I was before, but I can be someone better. I’ve learned to love the journey—even when it’s messy. Because forward is the direction of growth. It’s where joy, healing, and new beginnings live.

We don’t need to be cucumbers again. We just need to be the best damn pickles we can be.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Embrace the Now

  • Do you spend time wishing for the past? Why?
  • What are you holding onto that’s keeping you stuck?
  • What parts of your past could you reframe as lessons?
  • What can you do today to move forward—just one step?
  • How might your life change if you focused on who you’re becoming, not who you used to be?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can let go of the past and move forward today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who keeps looking back, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that the best is yet to come.

When You Judge Someone By Their Past It Can Make That Past Impossible To Escape

I’ve been thinking about this one for a while.

When someone works to change their life—truly change it—few things are more disheartening than being treated like they’re still the person they used to be. I’ve witnessed this over the years, most recently with someone I love. It’s a painful thing to watch: someone trying to climb out of the hole they once lived in, only to be reminded—through judgment, dismissal, or condescension—that some people refuse to see the progress they’ve made.

The truth is, when we judge someone by their past, we make it that much harder for them to escape it.

The Weight of Someone Else’s Words

I’ve written before about how some people in our lives might not want us to change. Not because they don’t love us—but because our growth disrupts the status quo they’ve grown comfortable with. Sometimes people don’t want us to get better because they liked the version of us who needed them. Or maybe they’re not ready to face their own discomfort, so they keep us boxed into the role they’re used to playing.

I’ve seen this happen recently to someone close to me. They’ve done the hard work to better themselves—mentally, spiritually, emotionally—but a family member still treats them like they’re stuck at their lowest point. The conversations aren’t supportive. They’re diminishing. And I’ve seen the toll it takes. That judgment acts like a chain, pulling them backward into a version of themselves they’ve outgrown.

Words matter. How people speak to us—and about us—can either reinforce our progress or unravel it.

Breaking the Cycle

When I committed to getting better, I was fortunate to have strong support. I leaned on my people hard in the beginning. And as I grew stronger, I leaned less—but that circle still stood beside me. Eventually, I began to notice who was genuinely happy for me and who wasn’t. And let me tell you: not everyone will cheer for your growth.

Some people liked me better when I was lost, because it made them feel more in control. Others preferred the version of me who didn’t challenge the status quo. But I had to remind myself that my healing wasn’t up for debate. I wasn’t going to stay stuck to keep someone else comfortable. And neither should you.

We are allowed to outgrow roles, relationships, and narratives that no longer serve us. We are allowed to heal—and to demand that the people in our lives meet us where we are now, not where we used to be.

Let Yourself Grow

You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not the version of yourself that someone else insists on remembering.

You are your growth. You are your progress. You are your present—and your future.

Surround yourself with people who celebrate that. People who speak life into your healing, not those who try to hold you hostage to your history. Anyone who truly loves you will root for the best version of you. And that’s the kind of energy you deserve to have around you.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do the people in your life support your growth?
  • Are there voices in your circle that try to tie you to your past?
  • How do those interactions make you feel?
  • What can you do to distance yourself from that energy?
  • Who are the people that celebrate your healing? How can you keep them close?

You’re not defined by where you’ve been. You’re defined by who you choose to become.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve broken free from someone else’s perception of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to grow but feels weighed down by old narratives, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be seen for who we are becoming.

Setting Them Free Frees You

Holding a resentment against someone ties you to them, it forms an attachment to them,  it connects you cosmically. And when you are angry with someone, and dare I say, hate someone, do you really want to be tied to them? There’s a saying that a resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die. They won’t. But you might. What good does harboring a wrong or your anger really do? It does nothing except keep punishing you for someone else’s actions. You may be holding someone in a cell, but you as the jailer are also a prisoner, and, you are your own prisoner! So, how do we learn to let go, and, possibly, forgive, those who have wronged us?

The reason why you should find a way to move on and forgive is simple, for you. It’s not about letting someone get away with it or letting them off the hook, it’s about setting yourself free. We as SLAYERS are not pushovers, but we don’t continue to harm ourselves with our own actions, the healthier choice, the stronger, more self-loving choice, is to find forgiveness and let them go. At the end of the day, our own peace of mind far outweighs some grudge we have against someone else, or some plot to find revenge, that behavior does not serve us, it only brings us down to a lower level, a level that brings with it more anger, more hate, and more negative energy.

Finding forgiveness doesn’t mean we are pardoning or excusing the other person’s actions. It doesn’t mean that we need to tell the other person they’ve been forgiven. It also doesn’t mean we are not entitled to have feelings about the situation or person. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t further work to be done if we choose to continue a relationship with that person, we’re not giving them a free pass, we’re not forgetting the actions took place. Forgiveness is not something we’re doing for the other person, it’s something that we are doing for us. It is a loving action that allows us to move on and be free of what happened. So, how do we do this?

First, it takes time. Allow yourself to find some peace with it gradually, and some take longer than others, but it’s also about not letting yourself wallow in it too long, which also doesn’t serve us, nor does letting it become your identity. You are not a victim, you are a SLAYER! To start with, you have to be willing to forgive. I’ve talked about willingness in a previous blog post, and without willingness, you’re not going to get too far. Even if it’s small to start, willingness will open the door to forgiveness, even if it’s just a crack to start. From there we go to:

1) Accept – accept that the incident happened. Accept the facts of the circumstances, how you felt, and how you reacted. In order to forgive you have to find acceptance around it, and focus on the facts rather than the feelings it has brought up, as our feelings may be attached to other things, and other incidents from our past.

2) Find The Growth – what did you learn from the incident? Was there something you could have done differently that could have prevented it or lessened it? Did you ignore warning signs that you now know to pay attention to? What did the incident teach out about boundaries? Could you have been clearer. Not placing the blame solely on ourselves, but typically it does take two to tango, so as a SLAYER, are there ways you could have protected yourself from the incident giving you more strength and power? Use this as an opportunity to grow and learn for next time, turning it into something positive for yourself.

3) Perspective – try to look at the situation or incident from the other person’s perspective. We all have bad days, is it possible the person did not mean to hurt you but his/her perspective was off, or skewed, blurring their judgment? Again, we’re not giving them a free pass here, just trying to see the incident from a different angle. Was there a misunderstanding? Or were the person’s motives to deceive, hurt, or always had malicious intent? We as human beings are all flawed, many times it is those flaws that cause us to hurt or clash with others, perhaps it could have been one of those times.

4) Take Stock – does it serve you to hold on, to not let go of the resentment? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say no, in every case no. There are certainly varying degrees of forgiveness, from flat-out letting it go and moving on to finding as much forgiveness as you can so you can move forward, and revisiting it later when you have some distance from it. But, ask yourself how it benefits you to hold on to the past? It doesn’t. It only holds you back.

5) Letting Go – letting go can come in many forms. Perhaps it is telling the person you forgive them in person. Maybe you write them a letter. Maybe you send that letter, maybe you don’t. Maybe you write it and then burn it to let it go. And maybe you just make a living amends to yourself, to do things differently, to set more boundaries, to ask more questions, to make different choices to you don’t get caught in the same situation again. Finding a way to turn a negative into a positive. You can. You have that power.

Stop drinking the poison and let it go. Forgiving someone is a beautiful way to honor yourself, and to break the tie that holds you to someone or something that hurt you, it also affirms to the universe that you deserve the good, and deserve to be happy. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold resentments or grudges instead of moving on? Why? How does this benefit you? How does it hurt you? What can you do let go of the resentments in your life? How can you turn those incidents from negative to positive for you? Write out a list of resentments you currently have, using the points above go through each one and find ways to take away some positive actions from them, and, maybe even find some forgiveness for those people, and yourself.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Letting Go

I can already sense some of you tightening your grip as you read the title. Let go. Letting go is an art, a skill that really lets us SLAYERS soar when we set it in motion, it’s what lets us fly to new heights and lightens our hearts.

I never used to let anything go, my grudges ran deep, they were ugly, revengeful, epic, but they only fueled the darkness in me, the anger, hate, and resentment, and ultimately weighed me down and held me back. I would live the incident over and over again, stewing in it, I wasn’t evolving, growing, opening myself up to new experiences and people, I was living in the past. I’ve already talked about forgiving ourselves, how’s that going by the way, finding forgiveness in our own behavior and missteps from a time when we didn’t know better, or, we did but chose not to act better, lets let that person go, release our old sevles into the abyss of the past, we are not those people anymore, and we don’t carry the baggage of our past with us, we are SLAYERS, we move forward leaving our old selves behind to stare anew. And, same goes for people of our past. Those who have hurt us, betrayed us, lied to us, let them go, we’ve learned what we needed from them, and we let them go, we don’t need to carry their extra weight.

Easier said than done right? Well, it can be hard, even on my journey there are certain people, or things, that seem harder to let go of than others, so know, that sometimes it is a journey, letting go, and let yourself go through your process, but ask yourself, why it’s so hard to let it, or them, go, those are typically the situations or people who really got us at our core, shook our foundation, but why, the answer to that will help you in your decision process as you move forward, those answers will give you a warning in the future when we invite new people or things into our lives, we have to ask ourselves if we are safe, we have to ask the questions and find out the facts to keep us safe, so we don’t harm ourselves, or get ourselves into harmful situations, like we’ve been harmed in the past.

How do we let go? Well, for one I look at what I learned. If it really stings, I’ll write it down in my journal, a process, I’ll write down the pros and cons of that situation or relationship and really examine it, especially the cons, remember those, those are what will stop you from doing the same things over and over again, because what’s next is asking yourself what your part was in those things, taking responsibility for the actions you took, you’ve taken part trust me, and then looking at those things, forgiving yourself and making a commitment to yourself to do better for yourself, you deserve better, you do, so remind yourself of that. Now look at other person, the cons, and with forgiveness in your heart let them go. Yeah, I totally just said that. With forgiveness in your heart, I know, it may be a stretch to actually forgive them, hopefully that will come over time, but with forgiveness in your heart for yourself, and them, let them go. When I’m struggling to do that I will pray for that person. No, I haven’t gone completely nuts, I pray for them, or wish, that they receive all of the things I would want for myself, and I will do that every day for two weeks, it totally works. After that two weeks I have to let them go, or at the very least, don’t want something dastardly to happen to them. Don’t believe me? Try it SLAYER.

At the end of the day we’re all sick in our own ways, and some are sicker than others, we were probably drawn to these people because we saw something in them that we see in ourselves, maybe our intentions were self motivated, or we saw a weakness we could exploit, speaking for the old me here, so in thinking about the other person and what they may fight themselves makes it a little easier to let them go and to let them fight their own battles as you continue on and fight yours. As SLAYERS we walk with love in our hearts, not hate, letting go of the past let’s love in and helps us to heal our broken hearts. I love you SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Who are what do have trouble letting go of? Make a list. What’s your part in that relationship or situation? Are you able to forgive yourself for your part? If not why? Why are you still attached to this person or situation? How is it serving you to hold on? How is it hurting you? Let it go. Let them go. Pray or wish that that person receives everything you would want for yourself, do it SLAYER, every day for two weeks, it will change things, shift them, and maybe even give you the relief of letting them go. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you