let go of the past

A Pickle Can’t Go Back To Being A Cucumber

There were so many times—when I was living in my darkness—that I wished I could turn back time. Every day felt heavier. My shame grew deeper, my self-hatred stronger, and my life more out of control. I remember wondering how I ended up in such a place, feeling trapped and defeated. And instead of taking action, I relied on wishful thinking, hoping things would magically return to the way they once were.

But as they say: a pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber.

You Can’t Go Back

Life moves forward, whether we do or not. Time doesn’t stop just because we’re stuck. We can’t undo the past, and we can’t relive the glory days we once knew. No amount of hoping, wishing, or romanticizing will turn back the clock.

What we can do is choose to grow from where we are now. We can become the best version of who we are today. We might not be able to go back to who we were before, but we can become someone even stronger—someone wiser, more resilient, and more alive because of what we’ve walked through.

When I stopped trying to return to the past and started showing up for the present, everything changed. I started building the life I wanted—not by undoing what was, but by creating what could be.

From Regret to Renewal

In the beginning, I had to learn how to be okay with discomfort. Letting go of the past and embracing the present wasn’t easy. I had to shift my mindset, stop reliving old memories, and set new goals for myself. I had to trust that I could heal, evolve, and become someone I hadn’t even imagined yet.

And you know what? I did.

Today, I live in forward motion. I know I can’t be who I was before, but I can be someone better. I’ve learned to love the journey—even when it’s messy. Because forward is the direction of growth. It’s where joy, healing, and new beginnings live.

We don’t need to be cucumbers again. We just need to be the best damn pickles we can be.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Embrace the Now

  • Do you spend time wishing for the past? Why?
  • What are you holding onto that’s keeping you stuck?
  • What parts of your past could you reframe as lessons?
  • What can you do today to move forward—just one step?
  • How might your life change if you focused on who you’re becoming, not who you used to be?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can let go of the past and move forward today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who keeps looking back, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that the best is yet to come.

When You Judge Someone By Their Past It Can Make That Past Impossible To Escape

I’ve been thinking about this one for a while.

When someone works to change their life—truly change it—few things are more disheartening than being treated like they’re still the person they used to be. I’ve witnessed this over the years, most recently with someone I love. It’s a painful thing to watch: someone trying to climb out of the hole they once lived in, only to be reminded—through judgment, dismissal, or condescension—that some people refuse to see the progress they’ve made.

The truth is, when we judge someone by their past, we make it that much harder for them to escape it.

The Weight of Someone Else’s Words

I’ve written before about how some people in our lives might not want us to change. Not because they don’t love us—but because our growth disrupts the status quo they’ve grown comfortable with. Sometimes people don’t want us to get better because they liked the version of us who needed them. Or maybe they’re not ready to face their own discomfort, so they keep us boxed into the role they’re used to playing.

I’ve seen this happen recently to someone close to me. They’ve done the hard work to better themselves—mentally, spiritually, emotionally—but a family member still treats them like they’re stuck at their lowest point. The conversations aren’t supportive. They’re diminishing. And I’ve seen the toll it takes. That judgment acts like a chain, pulling them backward into a version of themselves they’ve outgrown.

Words matter. How people speak to us—and about us—can either reinforce our progress or unravel it.

Breaking the Cycle

When I committed to getting better, I was fortunate to have strong support. I leaned on my people hard in the beginning. And as I grew stronger, I leaned less—but that circle still stood beside me. Eventually, I began to notice who was genuinely happy for me and who wasn’t. And let me tell you: not everyone will cheer for your growth.

Some people liked me better when I was lost, because it made them feel more in control. Others preferred the version of me who didn’t challenge the status quo. But I had to remind myself that my healing wasn’t up for debate. I wasn’t going to stay stuck to keep someone else comfortable. And neither should you.

We are allowed to outgrow roles, relationships, and narratives that no longer serve us. We are allowed to heal—and to demand that the people in our lives meet us where we are now, not where we used to be.

Let Yourself Grow

You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not the version of yourself that someone else insists on remembering.

You are your growth. You are your progress. You are your present—and your future.

Surround yourself with people who celebrate that. People who speak life into your healing, not those who try to hold you hostage to your history. Anyone who truly loves you will root for the best version of you. And that’s the kind of energy you deserve to have around you.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do the people in your life support your growth?
  • Are there voices in your circle that try to tie you to your past?
  • How do those interactions make you feel?
  • What can you do to distance yourself from that energy?
  • Who are the people that celebrate your healing? How can you keep them close?

You’re not defined by where you’ve been. You’re defined by who you choose to become.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve broken free from someone else’s perception of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to grow but feels weighed down by old narratives, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be seen for who we are becoming.

Setting Them Free Frees You

There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.

But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:

Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.

And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.

Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.

About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.

And maybe you have felt that too.

When Anger Becomes an Attachment

Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.

You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.

I have done all of that.

And honestly, it was exhausting.

There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.

But over time I saw how accurate it was.

My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.

That realization was sobering.

Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.

Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook

This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.

Forgiveness does not mean:

  • What happened was acceptable

  • You have to reconnect with the person

  • You forget the experience

  • You stop having feelings about it

Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

That is it.

You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.

And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.

My Turning Point

For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.

I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.

And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.

So I started asking myself a different question:

Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?

The answer was always no.

Every single time.

That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.

What Letting Go Actually Looks Like

Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.

Sometimes it looks like:

Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences

And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:

“I release this. I deserve peace.”

You do not even have to tell the other person.

Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.

Steps That Helped Me Move Forward

There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.

Acceptance

I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.

Just reality.

Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.

And that alone can bring enormous relief.

Finding Growth

Even painful situations carry information.

Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.

Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.

And transformation is powerful.

Perspective

Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.

People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.

Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.

Checking What Serves You

This was the biggest one for me.

Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?

Usually, it does not.

Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.

Creating Closure Yourself

Sometimes, closure never comes externally.

No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.

Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.

Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.

Whatever works for you.

Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.

Freedom Is the Real Goal

When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:

I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.

Forgiveness cleared space.

And that space allowed joy back in.

Not immediately.
But steadily.

Protecting Peace Going Forward

Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.

In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.

You can forgive and still:

Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being

Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.

A Note From My Heart to Yours

If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.

Truly.

There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.

But I promise you this:

Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.

You deserve that.

Not someday.
Now.

SLAY Reflection

Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?

Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?

Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?

Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Letting Go

I can already sense some of you tightening your grip as you read the title. Let go. Letting go is an art, a skill that really lets us SLAYERS soar when we set it in motion, it’s what lets us fly to new heights and lightens our hearts.

I never used to let anything go, my grudges ran deep, they were ugly, revengeful, epic, but they only fueled the darkness in me, the anger, hate, and resentment, and ultimately weighed me down and held me back. I would live the incident over and over again, stewing in it, I wasn’t evolving, growing, opening myself up to new experiences and people, I was living in the past. I’ve already talked about forgiving ourselves, how’s that going by the way, finding forgiveness in our own behavior and missteps from a time when we didn’t know better, or, we did but chose not to act better, lets let that person go, release our old sevles into the abyss of the past, we are not those people anymore, and we don’t carry the baggage of our past with us, we are SLAYERS, we move forward leaving our old selves behind to stare anew. And, same goes for people of our past. Those who have hurt us, betrayed us, lied to us, let them go, we’ve learned what we needed from them, and we let them go, we don’t need to carry their extra weight.

Easier said than done right? Well, it can be hard, even on my journey there are certain people, or things, that seem harder to let go of than others, so know, that sometimes it is a journey, letting go, and let yourself go through your process, but ask yourself, why it’s so hard to let it, or them, go, those are typically the situations or people who really got us at our core, shook our foundation, but why, the answer to that will help you in your decision process as you move forward, those answers will give you a warning in the future when we invite new people or things into our lives, we have to ask ourselves if we are safe, we have to ask the questions and find out the facts to keep us safe, so we don’t harm ourselves, or get ourselves into harmful situations, like we’ve been harmed in the past.

How do we let go? Well, for one I look at what I learned. If it really stings, I’ll write it down in my journal, a process, I’ll write down the pros and cons of that situation or relationship and really examine it, especially the cons, remember those, those are what will stop you from doing the same things over and over again, because what’s next is asking yourself what your part was in those things, taking responsibility for the actions you took, you’ve taken part trust me, and then looking at those things, forgiving yourself and making a commitment to yourself to do better for yourself, you deserve better, you do, so remind yourself of that. Now look at other person, the cons, and with forgiveness in your heart let them go. Yeah, I totally just said that. With forgiveness in your heart, I know, it may be a stretch to actually forgive them, hopefully that will come over time, but with forgiveness in your heart for yourself, and them, let them go. When I’m struggling to do that I will pray for that person. No, I haven’t gone completely nuts, I pray for them, or wish, that they receive all of the things I would want for myself, and I will do that every day for two weeks, it totally works. After that two weeks I have to let them go, or at the very least, don’t want something dastardly to happen to them. Don’t believe me? Try it SLAYER.

At the end of the day we’re all sick in our own ways, and some are sicker than others, we were probably drawn to these people because we saw something in them that we see in ourselves, maybe our intentions were self motivated, or we saw a weakness we could exploit, speaking for the old me here, so in thinking about the other person and what they may fight themselves makes it a little easier to let them go and to let them fight their own battles as you continue on and fight yours. As SLAYERS we walk with love in our hearts, not hate, letting go of the past let’s love in and helps us to heal our broken hearts. I love you SLAYER!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Who are what do have trouble letting go of? Make a list. What’s your part in that relationship or situation? Are you able to forgive yourself for your part? If not why? Why are you still attached to this person or situation? How is it serving you to hold on? How is it hurting you? Let it go. Let them go. Pray or wish that that person receives everything you would want for yourself, do it SLAYER, every day for two weeks, it will change things, shift them, and maybe even give you the relief of letting them go. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you