higher power

Loneliness Is Curable

If someone had told me that my loneliness was curable before stepping on this path I would have laughed. I had always felt lonely, even in a big room full of people. I always felt apart from everyone else, different, and those feelings kept me from connecting with others. I always had friends, and had several long-term romantic relationships, but I never really let anyone in completely, fearing that what they would find in me they wouldn’t like, because I didn’t like myself on the inside. That feeling of loneliness was always present in my day-to-day life. What I didn’t realize is that I held the key to that loneliness, I could let people in and find a peace and love in myself to wipe out the loneliness I felt.

Just as we hold the key to most of our suffering, we hold the key to our recovery from our past. For me, I found a way to connect with a spiritual way of life, to find a belief in something greater than myself. That took some time, even though I had always believed there was something out there, I was told it was up to me to find something that I could connect to and nurture a relationship with. I set out to find something that wanted the best for me, that was there to guide me and watch out for me, and I started to talk and connect with that idea. That alone wasn’t enough, but it was a great start. As that connection grew stronger I started to feel less alone, and that along with making an effort to connect with others like myself, who were on a similar path, those feelings of loneliness started to subside. It wasn’t always easy at the start, to reach out to people I didn’t really know, but it helped to focus on our commonality and those things I knew we shared and when I was able to do that asking someone to meet for a coffee or for their phone number became less scary, and as I did that and formed new friendships and relationships my life got richer and fuller. I still maintained many of the friendships from before, but it helped to form new ones with people who understood the journey I was on.

We, many times, impose our own loneliness, we sentence ourselves to be alone, because we may not feel worthy, or may not like ourselves or convince ourselves we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives, we do, but we have to believe we do and then set out to form those friendships. And, if you live in a smaller community where it’s more difficult to find people like yourself, find them online, find groups or fandoms that you can relate to, and that have common interests, goals or ways of life that coincide with yours. They’re out there. There are so many ways to cure your loneliness, all it takes is some effort on your part, no matter where you find yourself, no matter what interests or excites you, there are people just like you who will not only accept you, but embrace you, so let them know you’re out there and invite them in. Your loneliness is within your control, take your power back and let yourself live as your true self, allowing others to celebrate who you are along with you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel lonely? When do you feel lonely? Why do you think you feel lonely? Have you always felt lonely, or was there a specific time or event that started your loneliness? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life? If so, what is it? Are you able to identify it? Do you have a spiritual belief or relationship in your life? If so what is it? When you connect with something greater than yourself, do you feel less lonely? Does connecting with it give you comfort or make you feel more confident? Do you have trouble making new friends, or seeking out new people with similar interests or a similar journey? If not, why not? What gets in your way? Find the courage, SLAYER, to reach out those like yourself if you’re feeling alone, work on engaging with those people and find a commonality with them you can connect to. You can cure your own loneliness, but it takes work, so get to work and kick loneliness to the curb!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! If you’re living in harmony with yourself, you’re living in harmony with the universe.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

state of slay universe

How Do I Know I’m In The Flow?

Someone recently asked me how I know when I’m in the will of the universe or my own will. For me, I can typically tell because when I’m not trying to force my will things go smoothly, it’s like being in the express lane on the freeway.

Looking back, before stepping on this path, I only wanted things my way. Nothing went smoothly because I was trying to force things into happening the way I wanted them and when I wanted them. There was no waiting or investigating to find the right way, or the right time, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now! As a result I wasted a lot of time and energy on things I had no business being a part of, and would often get involved with people I shouldn’t have, or get involved with them for the wrong reasons. Nothing just flowed into the right direction because I was trying to override that direction with the direction I was trying to make happen, which led me into dishonesty and manipulation. It was all a slippery slope with me, and when I’m in a mode of trying to force my will I’ll go to almost any length to make that happen, ignoring the signs around me that I’m heading in the wrong direction.

The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever makes sense for you, does send us guidance and signs if we ask for them, and, we are looking for them. Sometimes those signs do come like a slap in the face when we’ve been ignoring them, and there may be something that comes that is even bigger than a sign and just stops you dead in your tracks, but when we are open to working with a force that is bigger than ourselves, and look for direction, I have found it is there, and if it’s not in that moment I know that I am not supposed to do anything at that moment, to keep doing the work, keep investigating, keep asking for direction, but stay right where I am until I feel confident about the next move. It is during those times, when I am in alignment with where I am supposed to be that I feel at peace, that things do fall into place, many times, quite miraculously, and I feel grounded and centered on my path. Now that may sound like some mumbo jumbo if you don’t have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself, but I am a firm believer in a higher power and I know, from plenty of experiences in my life, that there is something out there that watches over me, and I also know that when I connect with it, it has my back, in fact it’s even had my back when I haven’t connected with it, but it works better when I do, and I certainly feel better.

There are signs and direction everywhere if we choose to see them and take the direction. We can try to run the show and steer the ship ourselves, but we’re likely going to hit solid ground at some point steering it alone, now that’s not to say that hitting bottom isn’t a part of your journey, and, could possibly be a blessing to get you where you need to be, but why cause more chaos than you really need to, life is meant to be enjoyed, we’re not meant to suffer at your own hand. Find your flow, be open to new ideas or directions, and look for the signs, they’re there and they’re there to show us the way. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe that there is something greater than yourself that guides you and looks after you? If not, why not? If you do, what is your understanding or belief in what that is? How has it guided you in the past? When have you seen the guidance and chosen not to take it? What was the result? What signs have you seen in your life that there seems to be some guidance from that source? How do you connect with it? How can you connect with it more? It comes down to having faith SLAYER, faith in something you cannot see but can feel, if you consciously work on forming a relationship with it, and allow yourself to loosen the reigns and let something else show you the way, that connection, or bond, will get stronger, and that direction clearer. There is a lot out there we don’t know, so why not let yourself believe and trust that you may have more on your side than you thought?

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Alone In A Godless Room

That sums up my life before stepping on this path. Even just reading the title of this blog, I feel a pit in my stomach, just remembering how alone I felt, and that no one, or nothing was watching over me. I had put myself there, and little did I know, there was something watching over me, but because I didn’t connect with it, or anything, I felt alone, in the dark. Now God can be many different things to many people, and none of them are wrong, many may refer to the Universe, their Higher Power, Goddess, and many others, nature may be your God, and none of them are wrong, for me, I use different words, but it’s all the same thing for me, I feel like when I really need to dig in, when I’m feeling alone, or lost, or confused, I use God, it sounds official, and much bigger than me, and when I’m just cruising through my daily life I tend to use other names, but ultimately I’m connecting to the same thing, a “God” of my understanding, and, design.

My connection to my Higher Power is really important to me today, it’s like a strong friendship I’ve cultivated over the last 12 years, one where I decided who and what I was talking to, and who was talking to me. I’ve shared this before on STATE OF SLAY™, a few times, but most prevalent in the blog A Power Greater Than Myself, the night I should have died alone on the beach, and the moment, when I thought I was going to die there, and when I reached out and asked for help in the dark, I heard a voice say to me, “it’s going to be OK,” to me, that is my God, and, everything did end up being OK, even though I shouldn’t have made it off that beach. Today, I do believe there is something out there, much bigger than me, watching out for me, and when I reach out to it, listen for it, and look for the signs, my life does seem to go a lot smoother. It may not always go in the direction I’m thinking it should go, but it’s going in the direction it’s supposed to go. And in that journey I always find miraculous things I wouldn’t have found otherwise.

Today I trust that guidance, I look for it, listen for it, and understand when it comes that is then that I need to take action. Guidance is only valuable if you take the necessary action after we receive it, otherwise, it’s just us trying to run the show when we don’t have all the information.

Which brings me back to being alone in a Godless room. My life before this path was me trying to make things happen the way I wanted them to happen. To manipulate, cheat or steal to get the result I wanted. I tried to be my own God, or director, and try to force the people, places and things in my life to do what I wanted them to, which of course, I was not able to do, and, only got me more frustrated, depressed, and angry. Also, thinking I knew better kept me out of the light, it kept me in the problem, and that problem kept getting bigger as I tried harder and harder to control everything around me without sharing with anyone what was going on. That room I was sitting in got darker, and smaller, like the walls were closing in and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. But, what’s interesting is that, on the last night of living in my darkness, when I got really scared, I instinctively reach out and prayed, to what I didn’t know, because I didn’t think I was worth anything actually listening, let alone, helping me, but I still prayed, and I asked for help, and the next day I woke up and heard a voice say, “you’re done,” which to me meant, you’re done living like this, and I miraculously picked up the phone and asked a friend for help. My God, Higher Power, the Universe, whatever I choose to call it, works in my life when I work to have a relationship with it, but looking back, even when I didn’t, it still was there to watch over me.

Turn on the light, and reach out to what speaks to you, what your heart connects with, and what you believe walks with you on your path. If you don’t know, today is a great day to find out.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a belief or understanding in something greater than yourself? If so, what is it? How did you come to believe, or discover it? If you don’t, why don’t you? Is there something holding you back? Can you think of times in your life when you feel you were saved from something, or a situation you had gotten yourself in? Write down those times. I guarantee you SLAYER, you have them, we all do, whether a near miss on the road, not getting hurt or injured when you should have been, or perhaps you may have gotten out of a situation you shouldn’t’ have. There is a bigger force at work around us, much bigger than ourselves, maybe it’s time to tap into it, and maybe make it your own, something you feel comfortable with so you are not sitting alone in a Godless room. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What are you grateful for today?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Gratitude.jpg

Trust: It Starts With You

I have always had an issue with trust. I have never really trusted people. I’ve always wanted to, but have always been wary of their words, motivations and intentions. It wasn’t until stepping on this path that I realized that first and foremost, I didn’t trust myself. Just like with others, I had given myself reason to question my own words, motivations and intentions, because I had done things I had said I would never do, I had done things that harmed myself and I certainly didn’t always have my best intentions in mind before taking action. When I realized that I had broken my own trust I thought, how in the world can I learn to trust myself when I view myself as untrustworthy? The answer was to start being accountable to myself in my thoughts, actions and words, to figure out who I was and what I stood for, and stick with that, to not waver, even if it was the harder route, or the tougher path, to honor myself and my word no matter what. When I starting to do that, I was able to trust, and when I was able to trust myself, I could begin trusting others.

Only we know what are true intentions are, and only we can hold ourselves to stick to those intentions. It’s about being consistent, and yes, it’s OK to realize what we thought we wanted isn’t at all what we wanted, or needed, and head off in a new direction, it’s about being honest with ourselves and learning to listen to our ‘gut’ as it were, the voice that guides us and tells us when we’re headed in the right direction, with the right people. Don’t know what voice I’m talking about it? Then perhaps it’s about getting to know yourself, truly knowing yourself, warts and all. Who are you? What do you want? Who do you want it with? How are you going to get there? Start a relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Ask yourself the tough questions. And, don’t be afraid of the answers. The answers are you. As I keep saying over and over, when we know the facts we are safe, so never be afraid of what comes up, it’s you, and if you don’t like it, change it, or trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in that given moment. If something is coming up, it’s coming up for a reason. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have, and learning who you are allows you to figure out how you want to interact with the world, who you want to be, and from there learning to trust yourself. You can’t trust someone you don’t know, there are too many question marks. So, how do we fill in the answers about ourselves where there may be blanks?

1) Slow Down – stop keeping yourself busy, take some time for you, and stop over-scheduling yourself to keep yourself busy, give yourself time to catch up to yourself and check in to see how you’re doing and what’s going on.

2) Get Quiet – once you’ve slowed down, find some quiet time. Does that scare you? It doesn’t have to, and, the more you do it the more you’ll crave it. If you are afraid or reluctant, ask yourself why, that’s a good place to start. Connect with your truth. What’s it telling you?

3) Own Who You Are – no one knows you as well as you do, or at least as much as you’re privy to. So much importance is placed on what other people think of us sometimes, it doesn’t matter, what matters is what you think of you, and if that’s not positive, what can you do to change that? Take back your power, owning who you are gives you power, you may not be perfect, but you are you, and you are the best you you can be. If you’re not, why not? How can you work towards a you you would be proud of? Fight for you, you’re worth it.

4) Question Yourself – continuously check in, ask yourself what you want, how can you get it, who you are, who the people are you’ve chosen to be in your life, keep asking, things may change, and that’s OK, but only you can get the true answers to what’s happening inside, and what makes you tick.

5) Connection To A Higher Power – find a connection to something greater than yourself. Whether you call that God, or The Universe, or nature, or whatever that may be for you, connect with it and listen, because along with your inner voice comes the faith and guidance from something that may help you on your journey, and may give you comfort when that journey becomes difficult.

6) You Are Not Alone – this one goes two-fold, if you’ve found a connection to something bigger than you you’re halfway there, but along this journey of self-trust you’re also becoming a friend to yourself, that ensures you are never alone.

7) Don’t Let Others’ Fears Become Your Own – it’s easy to listen and take on what other people are saying and letting that stop, or paralyze you from doing what you are drawn to do, you are only accountable to yourself, not what other people are saying, again, this is about trusting yourself, so follow your path, and not the one laid out by someone else who may not have your best intentions at heart, or truly know you. Stand tall in who are you and what you want to do.

8) You Can Do It – if you’re practicing the principles above you’re well on your way to finding the trust within yourself and the more you start to realize that everything you’ve been looking for you have inside, you’ve just need to ignite that fire. Believe, and trust.

When we are accountable, to ourselves and to those around us, we not only learn to trust ourselves but we also learn to trust the people in our lives. And if we’ve chosen the right people to surround us, then we have no reason not to trust them, and we continue to build trustworthy relationships. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have trouble trusting people? If so, why? Do you trust yourself? If not, why? How do you think you can find more trust within yourself? Do you consider yourself trustworthy? If not, why? How can you change that? What are 5 acts that you can work on this week to begin to trust yourself? Do them SLAYER, self-trust is the foundation to a stronger healthier life, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust? It starts with you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good Morning SLAYER! What or whom watches over you today? Connect with your Higher Power today and give thanks.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Higher Power