group

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! No one else can fix all your problems, but they can offer that you don’t walk alone.

New blog goes up Friday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Together So Much

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Anything is possible when you have the right people supporting you.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Candles

Find Your Saviors

I always had friends. I typically had a small group of friends growing up, one or two girls, large groups made me feel uncomfortable, shy and nervous. As I grew up that continued, my circle of friends got bigger but I usually spent time with one at a time, it was rare that I went out in groups. I also enjoyed spending time alone, and fancied myself as a lone wolf who reached out to her friends when she felt like leaving the den. When my life was in a downward spiral I hid it from my friends, and many of them, although they had seen glimpse of troubling behavior or changes, did not know the extent of what was going on, I kept most of it to myself. Some of those people in my life were my saviors in different ways, in moments when I would let them in enough or they would shine their light in my direction giving me a moment or two of rest from the internal battle I fought every day. But when I made the decision to seek help, that is when they, and many others stood by my side as I fought for my life.

As I stepped on this path of recovery I was terrified. I knew that my life had to change or I would lose my battle. Standing at this crossroads with the gift of fear and desperation, I confessed my secrets and opened up to those in my life about the darkness I had been living in. They rallied around me in support, but I was told to seek out others, like myself, who were fighting the same fight and who I could walk next to on my journey to a better life, I was encouraged to join a support group. My first reaction was, I’m not a group person, I’m not going to like this, but, knowing doing it alone didn’t work, I took the suggestions and nervously sought out these groups. I was terrified, but found that what I had actually discovered was a new home. A place with like-minded people who understood what was in front of me, or were, just like me, starting this new way of life. Those people welcomed me, supported me and loved me long before I loved myself. They, all, became my saviors. And that’s not to say that those friends and family who had stood by me all those years weren’t, but there is nothing like someone standing by your side who understands what you’re going through, someone who’s been there, and said and done the things you have, those people, who walked before me, and showed me that there was, and is, hope, saved my life.

Our saviors can take many forms. As mentioned, they can be family, friends, co-workers, those like yourself who you meet through clubs or support groups, they can be clergy or members of religious or spiritual groups, or even fan clubs or conventions, anyone who lifts up your spirits and encourages you to be your best self and to move forward. And we may find that our saviors change as we do, we may look for different things, attributes or inspiration in those around us, that is OK, it means we’re learning and growing on our path and we’re looking to the next chapter of where we want to go, or what we want to work on next. Trust that you are being drawn to the people you are for a reason, and look at what you can learn from those people.

We are not meant to walk our journey alone, as someone who believed I could only trust myself, I had to learn that there are many trustworthy strong individuals out there who I could learn from, and, that trust, started with me. Having walked this path for over 13 ½ years I have had and have many saviors in my life, whether they are in my everyday life or I see them sporadically, or maybe not even at all anymore, they all have lifted me up, inspired me and encouraged me to move forward, and every one of them has played an integral role in me getting to where I am right now.

Find your saviors, hang on to them, listen to them, learn from them, and know they have been sent to you for a reason. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have what you would consider saviors in your life? Who are they? How did you find them? How have they saved you or helped you? How have you done the same for them? If you don’t know, ask them. What do you look to your saviors to help you with? How has what you look for changed? How have your saviors changed? We walk our paths with many others who are walking theirs, and together we help each other walk the sometimes challenging road as we navigate through life. Thank your saviors today for all they do for you, or have done, to get you where you are today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYERS! Missed us tonight? Don’t worry I’ve got you covered. I also wanted to say thank you to those who have participated and watched SLAY TALK LIVE over the past few years, this was my last scheduled livestream…time to move on and bring in some new ways to SLAY! Stay tuned…

Shared Suffering

When I was suffering from my disease the most I wasn’t sharing what was going on with anyone. I isolated and kept my pain to myself believing that no one would understand, would care, or that everyone else had their own problems so I need not burden them with mine. That rationale kept me sick for a long time, and got me sicker. The more I retreated and kept to myself the more those negative voices in my head became my truth, but it only took one person to share their shared suffering with me to give me enough hope to reach out for help.

I had always said I wasn’t a “group” person. I always preferred to do things one on one. Even growing up with my friends, I had my one or two girls I would hang out with, and we might do things with groups of people from time to time, but mainly it was just the two or three of us. That’s just how I had always been. So when I made the commitment to make positive changes in my life, and to seek help, it was suggested to me I join a support group and get to know other women who were walking the same path as I was. That struck fear in my right away. Me, join a group? That did not sound like anything I wanted to be a part of, but I had promised myself I would try everything that was suggested, so I took a deep breath and dove in. It was difficult for me at first, to sit there and try to be a part of the group, but the more I sat there the more I heard my story told through other people, and I realized that I wasn’t alone. I thought that no one thought and did the things I did, that was one of the reasons I never told anyone, I thought I was a horrible person and no one would understand, or even worse, would judge me for being who I was, but what I learned from sitting in those groups and finding the courage to share my truth is that I wasn’t the only one, in fact I found many others who thought and did things exactly how I had, which was shocking, but also a relief.

It’s been almost 13 years since I first stepped foot in a group meeting, and I still go today, in fact, I went morning I wrote this blog, and I was reminded what a gift it is that I found a group of people like myself who I can relate to, who remind me of who I was and who I have worked to be. Today, I look at that group as something I am blessed to be a part of, something I never would have imagined 13 years ago, but I now know the strength that that group has for me and many others out there who have found a strength with those who identify with them.

When I initially thought about starting a blog the idea was to create a safe place where we could share in our commonality, to create a community of like-minded people who were all striving to live in the light and be our best selves each day. I know there is a lot of power in shared suffering, especially when the focus isn’t on the suffering, but a solution. So for those out there who suffer alone in silence, I invite you to join us, I encourage you to reach out, to share your truth with us, we are not here to judge you, as we are no one to judge, we have all had our share of things we have done in the past that we may not be proud of, or even in our present lives, but it is a part of our journey, who we once were, and we have used those experiences to remind us of where we don’t want to go, of how far we’ve come, and to allow those seemingly negative experiences to bring us closer to those out there who once were just like us, and perhaps still are, but are striving to live in the light. You are not alone, unless you choose to be, but if you decide to come and join us, or others like us, we’ve got a place waiting for you and a love for you that you may not even have for yourself yet, that love comes from an understanding and a recognition that you are just like us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your truth when things are not good with you? If you do, how does that help you? If you don’t, why not? What are you afraid of? Do you have people in your life who you can share your truth with, no matter what it is? If so, who are they? If not, how can you find people like that in your life? Do you see how finding people like yourself can help you to grow, learn, and give you a feeling of support? Do you feel there is strength in numbers? Go find your group SLAYER, even if that’s just us, we as a group are stronger than we are alone, if you’re looking for a place to belong, come SLAY with us.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Talk Live Video

Hey SLAYER! Not able to join us tonight for SLAY TALK LIVE? No problem, here’s what you missed!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Everything

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When we work together, we can accomplish anything.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Strong

We SLAY Together

I had the privilege of sitting down yesterday with a group of incredible women, all from different parts of the country, different ages, different types of jobs, skills and family lives, from the outside we all looked different, but inside we were all the same. We had similar experiences, we had done, and do, similar things to get by, to live life, we had made a lot of the same mistakes, and had many of the same fears, hopes, and dreams. It made me smile, and it filled my heart with love. All of these beautiful people were doing their best, they were survivors, warriors, fighters, and all, at different times came to realize at some point in their life that their journey was not meant to walked alone, that there was strength in numbers. We are all stronger together. We back each other up. We lift each other up. And when we do, we get stronger, and we rise. When I started on this path and it was suggested I get involved with a group of people for support, my first reactions was, “I don’t like groups, I’m a one-on-one-person.” And I was. The thought of sitting in a group of people I didn’t know and have to listen to their “problems,” and then share about mine made my skin crawl. Who the heck wants to do that? But I did it anyway. I did it because my life depended on it. So I sat there that first time, not wanting to be there, and the first person who spoke told my story. I realized in that moment I wasn’t alone, and I realized by all the nodding heads in the room as she spoke, that I was in a room full of people just like me, I wasn’t the only one, I wasn’t a freak, a bad person, all of the people in that room had similar stories, and I related to something in all of them, and not only did I feel relieved that I wasn’t the only one, because I identified with the people in that room, I also found hope in the ones who had found a better way of life for themselves, I thought, if they had done it, maybe I could to. And that maybe is what kept me going back, and motivated me to do the work I needed to climb my way out.

I now love sitting in a group and sharing my truth, I get a charge from it, there’s an electricity, it’s palpable, you can feel it in the room, as is the love. I also learned a lot from sitting in those groups, I learned to listen and not interrupt until someone was finished, I learned to share my own truth in a concise and clear manner, and I learned how to be a friend to someone else, a true friend, but also how to set healthy boundaries for myself so that the friendships I was making, as well as the ones I had before, were in line with the path I was setting out to live my life on, a path that was about self-love and respect and being compassionate with others. I also learned that if I needed to talk to someone one-on-one that I wasn’t “bothering” them, that I may be helping them too. I am a firm believer that nothing happens by chance, we meet and interact with the people we are meant to, when we are meant to, and so when we reach out to someone because we need someone to listen, or we need some feedback, we’re not bothering them, we are meant to have that exchange with them because they need it to. They may need to hear what you have to say, or they may need to hear themselves say what they respond back with. It’s a two-way street, at least if it’s a healthy relationship or friendship. And, as SLAYERS, we’re working to only have healthy relationships and friendships, or at least ones on our own terms. So, when you don’t share what’s going on with you it’s actually selfish, because you are not only cheating yourself out of a conversation you should be having, but you’re also cheating the other person out of having a conversation they should  be having as well. Open your heart and share.

I am so proud of the SLAYERS who walk along with me, who share their authentic selves at any given moment, with me, with the people in their lives, and with anyone out there who can be helped by it. Every one of our stories has value, and you just never know who may hear and how that may help them, or possibly, save their life. It was a story that saved my life, and that is why I place so much importance on sharing mine with others. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do find it difficult to share you story, or what’s going on for you, with others? Why? Do you have people in your life you can trust and can talk to? If yes, why don’t you share yourself with them if don’t? If you don’t feel you have people to go to, where can you go to find people who are like you, or that you can trust? For me, it started with one person I trusted, someone I knew had overcome a lot, someone I knew wouldn’t judge me, and by opening up to that one person, I was introduced to many, and my world grew exponentially. Challenge yourself SLAYER to reach out, to share, to find those like you you can share your journey with, your struggles, and know that we here, we SLAYERS, are all alike, and we all love you, even when you don’t love yourself. Stay close SLAYER, we’ve got your back.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you