balance

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t ignore the truth for temporary happiness. 

New blog goes up Sunday, until then… SLAY on!

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Balance is the key to everything. What we think, do, say, eat, feel, they require awareness, and through this awareness we can grow.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then… SLAY on!

State Of Slay Who You Are

Pushing Yourself Until You Break

I used to push myself until I broke.

Whether it was exercise, my to-do list, or unrealistic expectations, I was constantly competing with myself to do more, to be more. Sure, it’s healthy to set goals, but not at the cost of your well-being. I thought pushing myself to the limit proved my worth. But it wasn’t sustainable—and it wasn’t healthy.

When You Don’t Like Yourself, You Push Too Hard

The truth was, I didn’t like myself.

I set impossible expectations and used them as a weapon against myself. I’d force myself to work out, even when sick. I’d overschedule until I was drowning. And when I couldn’t meet those unrealistic goals, I’d berate myself for failing. I never let myself rest or breathe—I was always on the go, always one step from a breakdown.

I realize now that this was my way of proving something to myself and to the world. I wanted people to see me as a superwoman who could do it all. I hoped to impress or intimidate them enough to avoid questions. But deep down, I was trapped in a toxic cycle.

Learning to Love Myself—and Find Balance

When I learned to love myself, I also learned to adjust my expectations.

I started practicing self-care, giving myself breaks, and embracing my human limitations. I realized that not completing everything on my to-do list didn’t make me a failure—it made me human. Today, I still feel frustrated when I don’t get everything done, but I’ve learned to let it go. I can always tackle it tomorrow.

Now, I focus on balance. I still juggle a lot, but I make space for flexibility. I prioritize moments with myself or someone I care about. I no longer need a completed list to feel worthy. My worth comes from listening to what I need each day, not what my ego demands.

Honor Yourself and Your Limits

Listen to yourself. Push where you want to grow, but not at the expense of your peace. Set goals and do your best—but know your best will change from day to day. The key is to put you at the top of your to-do list.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? List three.

  • What makes them unrealistic? Why do you set them?

  • What can you do to make them more realistic?

  • What can you do to continue setting realistic goals in your life?

  • How do you react when you don’t meet a goal?

  • Do you feel the need to one-up others? Why?

  • Does your ego push you past your limits to exhaustion? What can you do to stop?

Self-love and self-care should always come first. The goals you reach will be sweeter because you’ll achieve them when you’re ready—not when your ego says so.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small step you can take today to prioritize self-care and set realistic goals?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other.

And if you know someone pushing themselves too hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, the best reminder is a simple “You’re enough.”

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Give without expecting anything in return, and always remember when someone has shown you kindness.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Give

Are You A Giver, Taker Or Matcher?

No, I’m not talking dating terms here, I’m talking life. In a perfect world we’re all “matchers,” we give as much as we take, but in a lot of cases people tend to lean more heavily to one or the other, and in some cases, people are only giving or taking.

The trick is to find the balance, to make sure you’re getting what you need but also sharing what you have with others. There should be a give and take, and it’s up to keep yourself from doing more of one than the other. It seems easy to identify that behavior in others, but sometimes harder in ourselves. I’ve written before about “Emotional Vampires,” those people who demand so much of your time and energy they leave you drained, those people are takers, and I’ve also written in the past about those of us who are “People-Pleasers,” and we’ll do anything to make sure the other person is happy, even at your own detriment. So, how we find a balance?

Anything done to extreme isn’t good for us, so when we’re only putting energy out and not recharging our batteries, or doing things that give back to us, eventually we will tire ourselves out, and most likely, ring up one sizable resentment against the people we’ve been giving so much for. On the flip side, some of us can take without giving anything back, in which case, you’re probably the person someone has a resentment against. So it’s about finding ourselves somewhere in the middle, and, there may be times when we lean toward one or the other, but always making sure we are not just do one thing. It can be good to reach out and say you need help, it may be a part of your healing to do so, especially if you are like I used to be, always proud to do it alone, even if not asking for help ultimately caused more pressure or stress that could of been avoided. For those people, asking for help is a big deal, and something that will garner them big rewards as they continue to practice the act of asking for a hand. And then there are those who are always asking, and keep asking, when they could probably do it themselves, or, help someone else with something. Those who could benefit from asking themselves from time to time, how can I be of service here, and not just think of themselves.

It’s OK to ask for help, it can be a healthy action for many of us, but when we solely rely on people to run in and save the day, or do the work for us, we’re cheating ourselves out of doing the work, and feeling the satisfaction of a job well done, or overcoming an obstacle in our path. Really ask yourself, and be honest, are you too much of a giver or taker, and if so, are there certain areas in your life where you tend to lean one way or the other? Within the answer to those questions lie a lot of useful bits of information about yourself, information that will guide you to more of a balance, like anything else, when we find out the facts, why we do certain things, or what triggers us to exercise certain behaviors, we are better able to address those issues and practice contrary action to walk past it, to find our healthier balance, it should be just as good to ask for help as it goes to help someone else, and the more we strike that balance, the happier and healthier we’ll be.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that you are a giver or a taker? Do you find it difficult to ask for help? Why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are you basing that on what’s happened in the past? You are not your past. Today you are setting out to make positive changes for yourself, so throw out old ideas and old stories and start to make new ones. Do you find that you are always asking things of other people? Do you also give back? If you find that you are taking more than you are giving, why do you think you’re doing that? What if you tried to help someone else? Do you think that might also help you in some way? It will SLAYER, when we help others, or do something we know they will appreciate, it’s gets us out of our head, or self, and it gives us a broader perspective than just our own, it also brings us closer to those people in our lives, as when we are able to ask for help, we allow someone else to give in service to us, both people receive a gift, so if you are only acting one way or the other, not matter what way, they are both selfish acts. Find your place in the middle and find a healthy balance of give and take, you will be a richer person for it, and you may find that your relationships get stronger and deeper as a result. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Optical Delusion

We’ve all heard the saying “looking at the world through rose-colored glasses,” and I was certainly guilty of that, and I say guilty because I believe that although sometimes it is nice to see the world with a positive, or pretty perspective, when we purposely ignore the truth, ignore our responsibilities, and ignore ourselves and choose to see only what we want to see, that’s where we can fall into bad behaviors. Each one of us has our own perspective, no two people see everything exactly the same, and take our experiences, beliefs, and projected expectations into each situation, and those things can twist reality into something very different.

Our own Optical Delusions aren’t always rose-colored. They can also hold us back. I was reading a story recently about some trainers in India working with baby elephants. When they began they would firmly chain them to a tree so they can’t break free. Over time, after many attempts to break free, the elephants stop trying, and slowly the trainers reduces the size of the chain until they no longer use one at all, but the elephant, still believing it’s there, because it had been many times in the past, no longer tries to see if it can get away. We as people do the same thing. Our field of vision can get so small based on our past experiences that we stop trying, we just sit there, and our Optical Delusion tells us that there is no hope, no use in trying, because we are doomed to the existence we currently find ourselves in, not true. Try. Just try something different, take contrary action and just try. Circumstances can change, we change, but we’ll never know unless we try. Sometimes the only thing that is currently holding us back is us, there is no chain, only the one we imagine in our mind.

On the flip side, there are those who live life like they’re in their own fairy tale. Floating through life doing what they want, not a care in the world, or if they do, quickly brushing it off, or stuffing it down with outside things, thinking if they can keep floating above the mayhem, or the reality of their actual lives, they will always be OK. Well, at some point the balloon bursts and they come crashing down to earth, sometimes with a lot of mess and financial damage to clean up. As you know, I’m always an advocate of looking for the good, the positive in the world and our lives, but not so much that we are ignoring what is really going on around us.

So, how do we know if we are seeing the truth around us, or our own Optical Delusion? We stop, really look around. We ask ourselves if what is happening, truly happening, lines up with our core beliefs of who we are and how we want to live our lives. We ask ourselves if we are shirking our responsibilities to go off and play, ignoring our own needs and those around us. We ask ourselves if the story we’re seeing in front of us is true. What are the facts? Or have we slipped into a place of repression, or irresponsibility, which is holding us back? Listen, it’s always nice to treat ourselves and do something we love, enjoy, or feel a part of, but not if we’re using those things to run away from ourselves and our lives, or, holding ourselves back and telling ourselves we can’t do the things we love, or try for something better because of our own negative self-talk. It’s about getting honest with ourselves. We can do anything SLAYERS, we have the power, but sometimes we get in our own way, or let the voices of others stop us from trying. Ask yourself if what you’re seeing in your life is true, the facts, or are you looking at it through an Optical Delusion?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think you look at your life with a clear perspective? Or do you think you give it a darker view, or to much of a rosey one? Why do you think you do that? What do you think you can do to change that? What do you think will happen if you do? Write down how you feel about yourself and your life. Now, ask yourself which of those things are facts, and which ones are fears or feelings that no longer pertain to your life or situation. What can you do to change the facts that you don’t like? And, how can you accept the ones that you cannot change? It’s about finding a balance SLAYER, living our lives for us, finding joy for ourselves, but not putting joy above the basic things we need to do to be active in our own lives and taking responsibility for our own actions. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you