Good morning SLAYER! You should not rip yourself into pieces to keep someone else whole.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
Inspiration
Are You A People-Pleaser?
I never would have said that I was a people-pleaser before stepping on this path, but looking back I was, not in every way, but I definitely identify with some of the behaviors. I think we all can be at times. We all want to be liked. We want to make people happy. We want to look like the good guy. The hero even. But when we use the act of making people happy as our own self-worth, that’s where people-pleasing becomes a problem. Yes, it’s nice to do things for other people, but not if we’re putting other people’s needs before our own, neglecting our own as a result, or we’re doing it in such a way that it becomes self-destructive. Many times people-pleasing comes from our own self-worth issues, I know it did for me, I didn’t think I had any worth, so I equated my worth to the acts I did for other people, and if those people didn’t appreciate those acts as much as I thought they should, I would get angry. Wrong intentions, wrong reaction. We should only do something for someone else if we genuinely want to do it and expect nothing in return from that person other than knowing your act may have made their day better, otherwise you run the danger of people-pleasing with selfish motives. So, how do we know if we’re people-pleasing? Here are some signs.
Pretending You’re Always In Agreement. You pretend you always agree with everyone’s opinions or values just be liked, or to be seen as being on the same page, going against your true beliefs and what you stand for. I am a firm believer in always listening to someone’s opinion, even if it differs from your own, but never fake who you are to make friends, as sooner or later the truth will come out and you will be labeled as just that, a fake.
You Fell Responsible For Other People’s Feelings. Each of us in charge of our own feelings and emotions, you as an individual cannot make someone feel something they do not. Again, it’s nice to do something for someone if you know it will help them or they’ll appreciate the gesture, but it’s not your job to manage someone else’s feelings, and you can’t, your job is to manage your own.
You’re Always Apologizing. Never be sorry for being you. People-pleasers typically over apologize always fearing that people are blaming them, even when they’ve done nothing wrong. When you’re secure in who you are and know your true intentions, there is no need to apologize for things unnecessarily, there should be no fear that you’re always in the wrong, or it’s your fault for something you didn’t do.
You Feel Obligated. You over-schedule your life with things and activities you’re not really interested in doing but feel you should to keep someone else happy. You are in charge of your life and your time, you don’t have to agree to anything you don’t want to, or you feel burdened by. Again, the only reason to do something is because you want to, not to look good to someone else or because you feel you can’t say no, you can. Better to be honest about how you feel than do something and then feel resentful when you’re there.
You Fear Anger. You make decisions based on whether someone might get mad at you and fear their displeasure. We can’t control whether someone gets upset with us, we also are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Living in fear of upsetting someone is a true sign of a people-pleaser and a sign of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
You Mimic Those Around You. You’re a chameleon and act like the people you are around never showing those you’re with your true self for fear of not being accepted for who you are, or upsetting someone. Different people tend to bring out different sides of us, we do tend to have different facets of our personality, but to pretend to be what you’re not can be self-destructive and can often sabotage your goals if you’re not truly expressing who you are and sharing that with those around you. Be confident in your true you and don’t be afraid to share that with others, people want to meet the real you, not the you you think they want to meet.
You Need To Be Complimented To Feel Good. Everyone likes to hear when they’re going well, but people-pleasers depend on it. They’re constantly seeking validation for what they’re doing, or sacrificing, and when they don’t get it feel a sense of betrayal, but the only person you’re betraying is you, for not being yourself in the first place. The only person you should be making sure is happy is you, that happiness should not come at a cost to make someone else happy.
You’ll Do Anything To Avoid Conflict. No one likes conflict, well, no one who loves themselves and those around them, but to go to great lengths to avoid it is a sign of a people-pleaser. At some point we all find ourselves in conflict, there’s no way to avoid it, and doing everything in your power to try to avoid it might just cause more conflict because you aren’t being true to who you are, eventually someone will see that. Walk in to everything situation with the best of intentions, and know why you’re there, that’s the best any of us can do, conflict will happen regardless at times, but if you’re being honest you have nothing to worry about.
You Won’t Admit Being Hurt. Not wanting to disappoint anyone or hurt them, you keep your feelings inside, not admitting when you’ve been hurt. You deny anything is wrong, which only makes you feel worse, and keeps those relationships superficial and weak, as sooner or later your pain will cause you to disengage with that person, or they’ll sense you’re not being honest about who you are. If you’ve gotten hurt talk to the other person, we unintentionally hurt others at times, and some times it’s done by us. A conversation can clear the air and make a relationship clearer and stronger.
Recognize yourself in any of these behaviors? I think we all can to a degree, whether in our current life or in the past. People-pleasing really has the opposite result, because as we focus on pleasing others we are not pleasing the one true person who matters, us, and while we’re running around doing things for everyone else, there’s a part of us that is dying as we stuff down our goals, desires, and interests to keep up a facade we think we should present to the world. Be you. That’s all you need to be. That’s enough. Stand tall in who you are and what you believe in and share that with those around you, if that’s not appreciated in your current social circle, then perhaps it’s time to find a new circle of people just like yourself, or, a circle who wants you to be nothing more than who you are. SLAY on.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you identify yourself as people-pleaser? If yes why? If not why? Did you recognize yourself in any of the scenarios in the blog? Which ones? How has acting out this way harmed you? How can you change this behavior? What do you think will change when you do? How is your journey of self-love coming along? Where do you think you can improve? Where have you improved? SLAYER, write down 5 things, you cannot buy, that you are proud of. Keep that list with you and when you feel the urge to people-please, look at it, and know you are the person you need to please because you are an incredible person all on your own and your needs also deserve to be met. Go after what you want, and know, you are enough!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! What we give out is what comes back to us, you’re greatness is not what you have, it’s what you give.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Keeping Your Side Of The Street Clean
It’s easy to look at someone else’s mess and call it out. But here’s the truth: we all have our own mess to manage. And if we’re being honest? It’s usually easier to spot someone else’s than to deal with our own.
Lately, I’ve been navigating a major life transition—a season full of change, compromise, and triggers. Most days, I can catch myself before reacting in old ways. But sometimes? I slip. I say or do something that’s not aligned with who I’m becoming. It doesn’t feel great. But I’ve learned something powerful: mistakes don’t define me—how I clean them up does.
Look Inward First
When you’ve made a mess, the first step is owning it. That means pausing long enough to acknowledge where you went wrong—not where someone else did.
Open, honest communication is essential. Admit your part without excuses. I’ve carried the weight of unacknowledged mistakes before, and it’s heavy. You end up walking through life with a dark cloud following you—not because of what someone else did, but because you haven’t owned your part.
Here’s what I’ve learned: most problems can be worked through with a sincere conversation. People are far more forgiving when they sense you’re being real with them.
Apologize. Make It Right.
Humility is not weakness—it’s wisdom.
If you’ve wronged someone, apologize clearly and directly. Skip the over-explaining or blame-shifting. They don’t need to hear all your reasons. They need to feel your sincerity.
Sometimes a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is enough. Other times, you may need to ask how to make it right. Be open to what they say. And remember, making things right isn’t about winning—it’s about restoring trust.
And if your instinct is to defend, justify, or co-blame? Pause. That’s not the work. Your side of the street is yours to clean. Period.
Make the Mess a Message
Mistakes are not dead ends—they’re spotlights on where we need to grow.
Rather than beating yourself up, get curious. What triggered that reaction? What could you do differently next time? Every misstep is a chance to shift your path.
I now try to see these moments not as failures but as feedback. They shine a light on areas I still need to work on, and that’s a gift. It helps me become more self-aware, more emotionally grounded, and more intentional in my relationships.
The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be accountable. Honest. Clean.
Being a SLAYER Means Owning Your Part
At the end of the day, keeping your side of the street clean means taking responsibility for your actions, no matter what someone else does. It means not letting your ego steer the ship. It means choosing peace over pride.
We can’t control others. But we can control how we show up. And when we lead with integrity? That ripple changes everything.
Let your integrity speak louder than your mistakes. That’s how we Slay.
SLAY Reflection
- When was the last time you had to own a mistake?
- Did you take action to make it right—or avoid it?
- How do you typically react when you’ve messed up?
- Is there something on your side of the street that needs cleaning?
- What could change in your life if you started showing up with more ownership?
S-L-A-Y:
- See your part clearly
- Let go of blame and excuses
- Act with humility and integrity
- You’re responsible for your energy and actions
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What does keeping your side of the street clean look like for you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone working on showing up better, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! We are too complicated to be labeled, as are those around us. Why limit yourself to be just one thing, aspire to be all of the things you want to be, and aspire to be undefinable.
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slay Talk Live Video
Hello SLAYER! We had another great SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, lots of talk about forgiveness, letting go, and moving on.
Here’s what you missed.
Let Go Of Labels
I used to let labels get in my way of thinking outside the box, I thought they kept me safe, so I would neatly label others to keep them all in order, but I certainly did not want others to label me and put me in a box. As I’ve mentioned before, I was a walking contradiction of ego run wild and me thinking I always knew better, and thinking of myself as garbage the same time. It was a really fun mix to juggle. Putting labels on others was a way for me to keep things organized, a way to quickly identify who everyone was and what they could do for me. As for me, I would vehemently deny I could be labeled, but behind closed doors would label myself as useless, less than and a horrible person. Labels. Who wants to be labeled? Who wants to be told they are one thing and only that one thing? I think what makes us all so incredible as that we are all multiple things, multiple ideas, energies, we have multiple layers, all of us. There is so much more to all of us than that one thing, or label someone can put on us. So, not wanting others to label us, why do we label others? And, what if we stopped doing that and just excepted people for who they were on any given day? What if we did the same for ourselves? What if we let go of who and what we thought we were supposed to be, and just allowed ourselves to be our best selves each day? Sounds kind of freeing right? So, how do we do this?
1) Don’t Compare. No two people are alike. We are all different. We may share some character traits, or ideas, but we are all multi-faceted people with a lot to offer in a lot of different areas. This goes back for us to self-love and self-worth, we have to find that in ourselves, and when we do, we don’t compare ourselves with people as much because we are happy in our own skin, happy with who we are, or the progress we’re making on the way to becoming who we would like to be. Also, when we have a strong sense of self, we tend not to judge others as much, we are more excepting of them and their journey, as well as our own. There is no comparison between two people, because no two people have the exact same journey, we all are exactly where we are supposed to be and learning things as we are meant to learn them, we can’t compare our journey with another, we’re not playing on the same playing field. Accept where you are, and who are, and, if there are changes you’d like to make, make them. Everyone else’s journey, is their business.
2) Focus On Relationships. When we tend to label we tend to focus on individuals rather than the relationships we have with them. When we shift our focus to our relationships it stops being about you vs. them and becomes about the two of you, and who the people are in our lives, who they are to us. When we’re focusing on our relationships we tend not to label the people in them, we look at them as people we are connected to, partnered with, or share common interests or a part of our lives with. So when thinking about the people in your life, and yourself, start thinking about the relationship you have with them, who they are to you, who you are to them, and what that relationship means to you. When we focus our thinking this way, we tend not to think of labeling that person, or ourselves because we’re thinking of what’s most important, our relationship with them. That also rings true for ourselves, when we focus on the relationship with ourselves, the one we have or working on having, a healthy loving relationship with ourselves, we tend to judge ourselves less.
3) Be Curious. I’ve talked quite a bit about wearing your detective hat, and this is a great time to take it out and be curious about things you don’t know about, or things that make you, or the people in your life, different. Go explore. Ask questions. Maybe even try some new things. The more knowledge we have and the more experiences, the less likely we are to label others and ourselves and start seeing how we are all well-rounded individuals who have many different interests and layers that make up who we are.
4) Try Different Labels. If you’re stuck, feeling like you need to label someone, or yourself, try on different labels, like putting on a different coat, try something new on and see if it fits. As much as we can limit those around us by putting a label on them, we can also do it to ourselves, so why not try something new and see what it feels like . Maybe try some things that are the complete opposite of what you might label yourself and see how it feels. Practice a little contrary action. You may be surprised at what you discover about yourself. Give yourself permission to try different roles, different ideas, different perspectives and see how much you grow.
When we label ourselves, or those around us, we stay stuck. We don’t challenge ourselves to try new things, to meet new people. Try losing the labels we’ve allowed to hold us back. Break free of old ideas and get rid of all the labels that keep you in a place of stagnancy, let go of labels and set yourself free to be who you are, and let others do the same.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you label yourself? What label or labels do you use? Why do you use them? Do you think those labels let you be your true authentic self? What do you think will happen of you let go of those labels? Do you label others? Why? What if you didn’t label others and just let them be themselves? What if you didn’t label anyone or anything? What if you just lived in the moment, and accepted who you are, what you’re interested in, and what the other people in your life where doing? I challenge you this week SLAYER to do it. Let go of labels and just be, and let those in your life be as well. Focus on the relationships you have formed, and know that is what’s important above what label you would put on it, them, or yourself. Get out there and explore, tearing up your labels, and letting yourself free of the boundaries and fences you have placed in your own way. Let go and be free SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! You decide the direction you want to go, don’t like where you are, make a change, turn things around, you have the power to do that. When we tell the universe we’re ready, opportunities appear we didn’t see before.
New blog goes up Tuesday, SLAY on!
You Don’t Have To Ride The Truck All The Way To The Dump
The first time I heard someone say this I was in a pretty bad place, the lowest of lows, I felt like I not only was already at the dump, but rolling around in the garbage, I was ready to get out, but I compared myself to others who were also on a downward spiral and made sure I always had someone to compare myself with who had sunk lower than I was to justify me staying on that truck, at least I wasn’t as bad as they were I would think, and I continue doing what I was doing. The saying is true, we have a choice, in any given situation, to get out of that situation at any time if it’s not serving us, just because we’ve always done it that way, we had agreed to do it, or couldn’t figure out another option doesn’t mean we have to stick it out to the bitter end as it destroys us in the process. If it doesn’t feel right, if it is harming you, if it just isn’t the right place for you to be, right now, get off the truck, that’s the only obligation you have, to see things through for yourself, not that that truck gets to it’s final destination with us on board.
We can make a lot of excuses for not getting the help we need, or not reaching out, or, just doing the right thing for ourselves, we may even start to hang out with people who are far worse than we are just so we don’t look so bad, not noticing that we’re slowly slipping down, lower and lower, but have cleverly used the smokescreen of lower companions to shield us from the truth that we’re in trouble. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? Or to get ourselves to take it? Or, to just make better choices for ourselves? A lot of times it boils down to pride, ego, and perspective, we sometimes choose to see what we want to see instead of what’s really going on. We also sometimes are so good at pulling the wool over our own eyes that we haven’t even noticed the slow dissension into the garbage we currently find ourselves. We get to stop the way we’ve been living at any time. We have that power. It’s our choice. So why continue to suffer if you don’t have to?
If you think it’s what you deserve than it goes back to finding self-love, learning to honor and appreciate who you are and finding better choices that bring you out of the darkness and at one with your purpose and your spirit. If it’s about not knowing what the better choices are, it’s about finding some outside help, maybe a friend or mentor, or perhaps a counselor of some kind to help and guide you onto a better path of empowerment. For me it took both, it took a good group of people who had been where I was and who were also on the same path I was on, and counselling, I needed all the help I could get, I had to start from scratch and re-examine all the decisions and choices that I was making because the ones I was making nearly brought me to a place of extinction. I had to get humble and I had to be willing to try new things, to bring me out of the shadows and into the light. I had to trust. And, I had to take action. The first action I had to take was to get off the truck, that was my first action in living a positive life.
You have the power to change the direction your life is going, if it no longer serves you, or never did, get off the truck. Find the resources available to you to help you make a change for the better, an investment in yourself, and a life you deserve. Only you can do this for yourself, no one else can do it for you. It may take every bit of fight you have left to make that initial change, but it’s worth it, because that one decision can set the course of a chain of events that might just save your life, or, set you off on a journey beyond your wildest dreams to a life you may have thought was out of reach. You can have it SLAYER, but how much longer are you going to ride that truck until you get off and go get it?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you still living a life that no longer serves you? Have you always done what’s expected of you no matter how you feel about it? How has this damaged you? Have you always done the opposite of what’s expected of you just to defy the expectations? What has this take from you? What if you made decisions purely on what was right and healthy for you? How do you think that would feel? What’s stopping you from doing that? SLAYER, you, you are the only one who is stopping you. Step out of your own way and start working with yourself to be your better self, to get a better life, to be the person you’ve always wanted to be. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slay Say
Good morning SLAYER! When you are at war with yourself, or trying to distract yourself from life, you will always cause collateral damage to you and those around you. Learn to live in peace and harmony with yourself and you will find peace and harmony around you.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
