Author: Carrie Genzel

Celebrate Your True Spirit

For most of my life I lived behind a mask, a cardboard cutout of who I thought you wanted me to be, and I say cardboard because it always felt flimsy, like if it got wet it would buckle, and as time when on it seemed to get ragged from overuse, it seemed to give way to the broken woman who held it up with white knuckles because she was clinging to it with all her might. My spirit was broken, was pushed so far down under the muck and sludge I had thrown on top of it that I wasn’t sure it was even there, never-mind celebrate it. It took a lot of work to finally let it back out and to shine. I realized as I was working my way back from a pit of darkness that I needed to celebrate my spirit along the way, celebrate that I was a survivor, celebrate that drive in me to get better, to do better, and really appreciate the spirit in me that makes me who I am, at the core. Now, on a bad day I can beat up that spirit, I’m grateful that I don’t have as many of those today, because today I protect that spirit, I honor it, and do what I can to nourish it, to let it shine for all to see, because my journey has taught me, when I do, great things happen, and when I do I can encourage others to do the same. But, if you’re not quite there yet, or maybe never where, how to do we learn to celebrate our spirit and who we are as individuals?

1) As Shakespeare said…”This above all: to thine own self be true.” Never dull your shine for anyone. Be your true self, all we have to offer to set us apart from each other is our own uniqueness, and we are all unique. We may have similar interests or ideas but we all have our own twist of seeing the world and executing those ideas, so share your perspective, share your unique voice, as I always say, let your freak flag fly! No one wants a carbon copy of someone else, or someone pretending to be someone else, know who you are and be proud of that. And if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for ask yourself, invest in yourself, and head down the road of self-discovery, it’s the richest road you can travel on. Always be your true self.

2) Be Good To Yourself. Give back to yourself, nourish yourself, mind, body and spirit. Make sure you’re getting what you need to be your best self, invest in yourself. It’s easy to put ourselves last when life gets busy, but you can’t pour anything from an empty cup, fill yours up first before you start giving to others. Whatever makes your heart shine, make sure you’re giving yourself some of that every day, even if it’s just rocking out to your favorite song in the shower, whatever makes you smile from the inside out, do that, and do that often.

3) Have Fun. Don’t forget to have fun. There are many things in life that aren’t that much fun, but I am of the firm belief that we can really make most things fun, some are more fun than others, but again, it’s a matter of perspective, and, if there is something that is most definitely not fun, make sure you’ve got a plan in place for some fun after, I use that one a lot. Life should be fun, so schedule some in between those things that you have to do, and even better, see if you can’t make those more fun too.

4) Embrace Your Flaws. First off, we all have them, second, are they really flaws, or you just placing an unkind label on something you’re just not fond of, or perhaps think should be or look a certain way. I’ve talked about turning our flaws into flawsome in the past, and it’s something that really let’s our spirit shine. There’s so much pressure and negativity in the world, why not stop adding to what’s already there by thinking and speaking negatively to ourselves? Embrace who you are, flaws and all, and see if you can’t change some, if not all of them, into flawsomeness.

5) Go After What You Want. Know what you want and go for it. You are the only one stopping you. You’re not always going to get what you want, but you tried, and the act of trying may take you to where you’re supposed to be. But, you won’t get there if you don’t know, or don’t even get started. Trust that you are drawn to where you’re path is supposed to lead you and then take action. And don’t be afraid to tell people what you want. When you speak up and share your ideas and goals others may join you, or may have a suggestion of how you can achieve that goal. Speak up, be confident, and be proud of who you are and where you want to go.

We all get knocked down in life, some harder than others, but no one gets a free ride. It’s about getting back up and celebrating who you are, who you truly are, at the very center of your being, of letting that light in you shine bright sharing it with those around you, but also with yourself. Be good to you, celebrate you, love you, when you do you start to receive that love back in all that you do.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you celebrate your spirit? If not why? If you do, how do you celebrate your spirit? Are you struggling to celebrate your spirit today? What do you think is stopping you? If someone where to describe your true you, how would you want them to describe you? What words would you like them to use? What’s stopping you from describing yourself with these same words. Start SLAYER. Write down 5 things you love about who you are. Write down 5 words each day this week, never repeating the same words twice. At the end of the week, celebrate you and all of the ways that make you, and your spirit, uniquely and beautifully you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! What if you simply devoted more time to loving yourself?

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Yourself

Stop Judging Yourself And Start Loving Yourself

We would never put up with someone else saying the things we say to ourselves. Why we do judge ourselves so harshly? I used to be guilty of self-judgment, and still can be, hating myself for not living up to an unattainable standard. Making sure that I set those standards so high I could never reach them, ensuring that I always had a reason to hate myself and talk down to myself. It took a lot of work to stop doing that on a regular basis, but once I started to love and accept myself I stopped accepting that negative self-talk that used to be my daily narrative. If we don’t believe in ourselves, it’s difficult for others to believe in us, the work starts with us, and it’s work that’s worth it. Let’s start with, why do we judge ourselves?

What is it about our human nature that makes us turn on ourselves? It’s easy in the culture of social media for us to compare who we are to what we’re seeing, but as I’ve written about before, we should never judge our insides to someone else’s outsides, or their outsides at all for that matter. I’ve shared in the past that when I was at my lowest low, when I had given up on myself and didn’t want to be here anymore, I still got dressed, put on a happy face and walked out the door fooling most people, and there were people who told me they envied me during that time, not knowing what my internal struggle was, and I would laugh to myself and think, you have no idea what’s really going on, and truthfully, most people have an internal struggle going on of some kind that we know nothing about, so why would you compare yourself to someone who may be only showing you what they want you to see? We live an a time of filters and editing and well, unrealistic expectations, based on what we see online and in the media, and trust me, as someone who works in entertainment, even we don’t look like the images of perfection that get put out there, we get a lot of help, by experts who are paid to make us look a certain way, and even then there are filters and lighting. So, when I say to not judge yourself based on these images, I’m telling you, there is a lot of wizardly magic that goes on behind the scenes to make things look pretty. Just be you, be proud of that, and stand tall. And, if there is something you truly are not happy with, something that you can work on or change, go ahead and do that, work for it, make it a goal and take action if it makes you feel good about you. Speaking of action, let’s get into some action.

1) Where Do Your Judgments Come From? When you look at yourself, or think about yourself, what do you see or think? Do you feel love, or shame? Have you always felt this way, or was there a time or event that made you change? Where there people in your life who validated these judgments or negative thoughts? Or maybe, placed them there to begin with? Think about what got you here, how it began, what in you or your environment fueled your judgment? As I always say, get out your detective hat, and find out the facts and the root of your judgment. Once you have that, you have something to work with. And, even if you don’t know, it’s about consciously making a decision to turn that negative self-talk and judgment around, to talk to yourself in a loving and forgiving way. No one is perfect, no one, even the people you think who are, so give yourself a break SLAYER, we’re all learning and growing, and trying to be the best us we can.

2) Find Your Own Self Love. I know, this one can be tough, but I know it can be done because I’ve done it, and I hated myself so much I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth, so, I have faith you can find it to. Start by making a list of 5 things you like about yourself. Carry that list with you and when you start to judge yourself, read that list out loud, then smile. I did that for a few months when I started on this path, it always put things in perspective, and as my self-love started to grow so did my list. Start looking for the good instead of the bad.

3) Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes. We all make them. If we’re not making them we’re not taking chances, so really, it’s a good thing that we’re making them. We learn from mistakes, we grow, and it may just give us the answers we’re looking for. When things “go wrong” we then know not to do that again, and sometimes we will anyway, but eventually we’ll stop, and we’ll move on to something else. But it’s about trying, and learning from those tries, and allowing yourself to not get it right, and maybe even celebrating when you don’t because it means you’re allowing yourself to try new things, or maybe old things, in a different way. Mistakes open the door to discoveries.

4) Treat Yourself Like You Treat Others. We typically treat others better than we treat ourselves, and we judge them less, if we are judging them more harshly that’s usually a pretty good indicator though that we’re needing to address things in our own lives, we often will attack someone else for the things we dislike in ourselves, but, usually we tend to see everyone else with rosier glasses than see ourselves. A lot of times we find it easier to forgive others’ flaws because it’s not us, or because we’re only seeing their outside, so we figure anything we’re picking up on is just them having an off day, we make excuses for them, and maybe it’s because we love them, but, shouldn’t we cut ourselves the same breaks because we love ourselves? Yes, we should. When you catch yourself behaving badly towards yourself, think about how you treat others in your life, and ask yourself if you would be as harsh to them? Also ask yourself why? Those same reasons apply to you.

5) Step Out To Look In. When you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk , step outside of yourself and observe what’s going on. Don’t engage in it, just observe what you are saying and how it makes you feel. Let it pass by you. Watch it go. When you don’t engage and passively observe it, you don’t get emotionally involved and defensive, that’s when the truth can come to the surface. And when you know the truth, you stop telling yourself lies because they no longer make sense. And, you stop believing them.

Once you stop judging yourself and start encouraging yourself to live a full and expansive life you open the door to a bigger world, you open yourself up to new relationships and experiences, and you attract others into your life who are also on the same path. We all have bad days when the negative chatter gets loud in our heads, but that’s when we practice self-care and stick to the facts, those things we know to be true, we are beautiful, incredible people who are growing and learning and taking chances because we are operating from a place of love, not judgment. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you judge yourself harshly? Why do you think you do that? What can you do to stop judging yourself so harshly? Do you want to stop judging yourself so harshly? If not, why not? How does it benefit you? How does it hurt you? What are 5 loving things you can do for yourself this week? Write then down SLAYER and do them, see if start to lessen the grip on our own judgment.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! There are two types of pain, pain that hurts you, and change that changes you. You decide how your pain will affect you.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stuck (1)

 

Pain Can Be A Good Thing

Crazy concept right? How can pain be good? In my case it turned out to be. It took being in the excruciating pain I was in for me finally to surrender and ask for help. Now, I wish I had surrendered long before I did, I realize now how much self-inflicted pain I caused myself, but, it took that amount of pain, for that amount of time, for me to finally say enough. And for that, I am grateful. Pain is a big indicator that something is wrong, either with us, or the circumstances we are in. It’s a red flag that something is wrong. I do not believe we are meant to live in pain, but many times it’s what finally gets us to a place where we’re open to change, and in those cases, pain is good.

It seems like we go through much of our lives trying to avoid pain, so much so that some of us disengage from life to avoid it, and there are others out there who seem to run to it head on, leaving a path of destruction behind them, including, sometimes, themselves. The trick is to use pain to our advantage, as an indicator that something is wrong, and to allow it encourage us to make changes, or to reflect on our own decisions and actions that have gotten us to a place of pain. When we are in pain it’s time to put on that detective hat again and find out the facts. What is really going on? What is causing our pain? Why are we feeling pain? What can we do to stop the pain? Remember, we are in control of how we feel, and if something is wrong, it’s time to investigate why and then take action to make it better. Finding yourself in pain can also help you recognize what you want in life, and what your needs are. Pain can shine a light on needs that might not be met, so, there is another area to look at, what are your needs and are they being met? If they’re not, how do you change that? It’s also time to look at whether the pain you’re feeling is real or if it’s fear-based. We can suffer so much pain at our own hands and it can be all just worrying and fear we’ve created in our heads. Again, what are the facts? Have you created unnecessary pain in your life because of worrying about things you have no control over? And finally pain can bring us closer to others, or help us build a community around us. I know it did for me. Because I reached out and connected with others who were also in pain, or had been where I was, I started to build a new circle of friends who not only understood my pain, but had some suggestions of how to stop it, from that I learned how to be a better friend and how to get out of the painful cycle I was in.

Like most things, it’s all a matter of perspective, and pain is no different. Use the pain you may be feeling to your advantage, use it to get yourself to a better place, one in which you can thrive and continue to expand your world. When we are open to change, and open to looking, truthfully, at our own actions, we are in a position to stop the cycle that may have led us down a painful road. Take charge of your pain and take the time to learn about yourself so that you can make better choices down the road, and maybe, stop being so fearful of the pain that pops up in your life in the future, looking at it as an opportunity to examine the pain in your life and to take action to leave it behind.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hide or run away from pain or painful situations in your life? Do you see by looking at the pain and dealing with hit head on it can be used to make positive changes in your life? How can you change your attitude toward pain to look at it as more of a tool rather than something to hide from? Or, do you invite pain into your life willingly? Do you purposely cause yourself pain? Why? Does this seem like healthy behavior? What can you do to change that behavior? SLAYER, challenge yourself to think of pain differently, use it to your advantage and see how much of a happier and healthier life you have. We all will experience pain, it’s how we react to it that makes us SLAYERS. Pick up your sword be brave and face it, be strong to change it, and be humble enough to ask for help when you need it. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Your story is important. Your voice matters. Your dreams count. You were born to make an impact. Follow your passion, and discover your purpose.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Why

 

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The meaning of life is to find our gift, your purpose is to give it away.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fearless (1)

 

Find Your Purpose

It took a major event in my life to find my purpose, and even after that it took some time, and a lot of reflection, to finally land on why I was here, and why I had I survived insurmountable odds to still be here. Before that my purpose had always been self-serving, it was always all about me, what I wanted, what I wanted to achieve, and looking back, with that being my main purpose it doesn’t surprise me that I felt lost, empty, and well, purposeless with that purpose. I realized, after nearly loosing my life on a Malibu beach, that my purpose was to be of service, to give back, and once I figured that out and accepted it, my life became much fuller and richer. That purpose eventually manifested into this blog, and into some incredible new friendships. Everyone has a purpose, sometimes it takes us some time to figure out what it is, but we all have one. We all have something different to offer, we all excel at different things, we all are drawn to specific areas, or perhaps a calling, we are all meant to be shining in our own way. So, if you’re feeling like you haven’t found yours, how do you find it? There is a much easier way than the way I did.

1) Take Action – I know, that again, you know I’m all about taking action, but hear me out, when we take action we get a clearer sense of things, we get first hand knowledge of what we like, who we like, and how to get what we want. We learn from that. I’m also all about trying new things, so when we put ourselves out there and try new things, again, we are learning about ourselves, what we like, what we’re great at, what interests us. The experience of doing is the reward, but we also gain knowledge and through that comes clarity, and with clarity a sense of purpose.

2) Act From You Heart – our head likes to get in the way, it likes to over think and make things difficult, act from your heart, let your heart guide you and show you the way. Don’t question it, just do it. There’s a reason you’re drawn to certain things or people, you are where you are supposed to be, and uncensored by your head telling you differently. When you lead with your heart you are leading with passion, you are leading with love, and through that you will explore and find things that you enjoy and that inspire you. Your heart is your best tool to access your passion and true purpose.

3) Keep An Open Mind – you may have more than one purpose, your life doesn’t have to only have one, there may be a few, don’t let the idea of finding the one big purpose stop you from finding your passions. Maybe your passions and pursuing them are your purpose, maybe you are meant to reach people in a few different ways or areas. Go after your passions, and when you do you’ll be living a full passionate life full of purpose. Many times the feeling of lacking purpose comes from not living a life full of passion, when you add more passion, or things you are passionate about, you are living a purposeful life.

The purpose of all of our lives is to live life to it’s fullest, to embrace it, to experience it, explore it, we are all here to learn and to love, that is the greatest purpose of all, but within that, and while we’re doing that, another purpose may present itself, and if and when it goes, jump in with passion, there is no better life than one you feel connected with and one you feel you have something to offer. Ask yourself deep down what fires you up, what excites you, what motivates you, now get in there and find your purpose.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel a sense of purpose? Do you struggle to find your purpose? What do you think is stopping you? What excites you? What motivates you? What challenges you? What gives you the most back? When you think of a place where you feel whole, where you feel excited and energized, where is that place? Where, in your area or community, can you get involved with something like that? How can you participate and engage? Challenge yourself this week SLAYER to take action, to follow your heart, and find your passion, or, at least try, you never know where an open mind and passion might lead you. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You have the patience, the strength, and the passion to achieve your ambitions, your goals and your dreams. All you need to do now is try.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Try

Just Try

Anyone who follows STATE OF SLAY knows I’m big on taking action, without it, we stay stuck, and nothing changes. It can be daunting to start something new, to start a new project or task, or maybe try something we’ve never tried, perhaps by taking contrary action. But I encourage you to just try. There’s no harm in trying, and really, life is a series of us trying new or different things with varying success. It’s just about the act of trying. If we don’t try we don’t win. We don’t know. We never change, or grow. I used to be afraid to try new things, thinking it was safer to just stay where I was, even though I wasn’t happy there, and wasn’t fulfilled there, it felt safe, because I knew it. It took a lot for me to try something new, it almost took my life, and it was scary to start, scary to step out of the routine I had been living in, scary to not know what the results would be, but, I did it, and the more I did it, the less scary it became, and even though things didn’t always work out the way I would want them to, many worked out in ways I couldn’t have imagined, and in ways that helped me grow. At the end of the day it’s just about jumping off that cliff and trying, but unlike cliff jumping, if things don’t work out the way you had hoped, you can always try something different, and chalk that up to a learning experience.

Life is all about taking chances, taking risks, and adjusting to things as they change, those changes are a good thing, it means we are pushing ourselves, we are flexible in our thoughts and actions, we are riding the waves of life as they come in to our lives. Living our lives to be safe typically doesn’t bring us happy results, it tends to leave us feeling like we’re living life on the sidelines watching everyone else win around us. But we can win to, we just have to jump in and play the game. And so what if we lose. Everyone, no matter how successful, no matter how great of a person, no matter how smart, talented, or prepared, will lose at some point, everyone, so what you are you afraid of? We’ve all been losers and we’re still here to talk about it, and we’re still trying, and still jumping in the game. The circumstances will never be perfect, so stop waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, just start, jump in. Jump in with wild abandon, jump in with passion, with excitement, with everything you’ve got, maybe even jump in with others and do it together. No matter what the outcome you’ve already won, you’ve tried, you’ve tested the waters and took a leap, that in itself is a win. And speaking of winners, stick with the winners, stick with those people are taking chances, who are going after their dreams, who are inspiring others, those are the people you want to surround yourself with, let them inspire you, encourage you, set your soul of fire to get moving and take action. Those are the people you want around you, stay in the middle of those people as you take a leap of your own.

There are always reasons not to do something, but most of the time they are just bullshit, they are just that voice in our heads that tells us we don’t deserve it, we won’t get it, or we don’t know what we’re doing, tell those voices to quiet down and watch, watch you try. Besides, those voices are lying to you, those voices are scared, those voices have no place in our life today, they’re just telling us an old story that no longer applies to us, we’re changing our story, we’re telling the narrative we want to tell, one of success, of excitement, of an ever expanding world around us. Let people know what you want, what you’re doing and see if you can build up a strong army around you of like-minded people who are all willing to raise each other up to bigger and better things. As SLAYERS we pick up our swords and soar, we stand tall and go after our dreams and we make it happen. Don’t let old ideas get in your way or negative self-talk, show those voices what you’ve got and why you’re strong. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your negative self-talk get in the way of you trying new things or going after what you want? What do they tell you? Why are those voices wrong? Write down all the ways that they’re wrong. How can you overcome them? What gets in your way of starting something new? How can you work around it? How can you take action today to work towards a goal you have? Take action on that SLAYER, on step at a time, and before you know it, you will leap farther than you ever could have imagined.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you