you are enough

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! You just have to meet us halfway, just as you are.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Souls

When Someone Tries To Shame Us, It Only Shames Them

Most of us have experienced it at some point.

Someone calls us out for not knowing something.
Mocks a decision we made.
Ridicules us for a mistake.
Speaks with just enough condescension to make us feel small.

Shame has a way of landing fast and hard — especially when we’re already feeling vulnerable. And in that moment, it can trigger an old, familiar ache: the part of us that once believed we were “less than,” “different,” or “not good enough.”

But here’s the truth we often forget when shame is directed at us:
When someone tries to shame you, it says far more about them than it ever does about you.

Shame is not strength.
It’s insecurity in disguise.

Shame Is a Projection Not a Truth

People who are grounded in themselves don’t need to humiliate others. They don’t gain confidence by tearing someone down. They don’t feel threatened by curiosity, learning, or different experiences.

When someone tries to shame you for not knowing something or for making a choice they believe was “obvious,” what they’re really doing is projecting their own discomfort.

It’s the need to feel superior.
The need to be right.
The need to appear knowledgeable or important.

And more often than not, that behavior is rooted in low self-esteem — not high confidence.

Shame is rarely about education or growth.
It’s about power.

Why Shame Hurts Even When We Know Better

Even when we intellectually understand that shame isn’t about us, it can still sting.

Why?

Because shame targets our most tender places — the parts of us shaped by past experiences, criticism, rejection, or moments when we were made to feel wrong for simply being human.

On the wrong day, at the wrong moment, someone’s words can slip past our logic and land directly in our nervous system.

That doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re human.

And it’s exactly why compassion — for yourself first — matters so much in these moments.

We All Come From Different Places And That Matters

No two people arrive at life with the same background, education, experiences, or opportunities. We learn different things at different times, through different paths.

That’s what makes conversations interesting.
That’s what creates diversity of thought.
That’s what keeps us growing.

It is impossible — and unreasonable — to expect anyone to know everything.

There is no shame in learning.
There is no shame in asking questions.
There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”

In fact, there is far more strength in curiosity than in pretending you already have all the answers.

When I Realized I Had Been on the Other Side

I can say this honestly: I haven’t always handled this perfectly.

Before I was living the life I live now, before I found self-love, self-worth, and self-respect, I had moments where I tried to elevate myself by putting someone else down.

And if I’m being truthful, I know exactly why.

I felt insecure.
I felt less than.
I felt like I needed to prove something.

Belittling someone else gave me a temporary sense of control — a fleeting boost that never lasted. And afterward, it always felt worse. Heavier. More disconnected.

Once I started living in alignment with who I truly am, that behavior didn’t just stop feeling good — it felt wrong.

Because when you build real confidence, you no longer need to steal it from someone else.

Compassion Without Tolerance

Understanding why someone shames doesn’t mean excusing it.

You can have compassion and boundaries.
You can recognize someone’s pain without accepting their behavior.
You can see the truth without internalizing it.

I don’t tolerate shaming behavior anymore — but I also don’t take it personally.

Because I know what it looks like when someone isn’t in a good place.
And I know it has nothing to do with me.

You Are Not Required to Know Everything

Let this be your reminder:

You are not required to know everything.
You are not required to be perfect.
You are not required to justify your learning curve.

There is power in humility.
There is power in growth.
There is power in owning where you are without apology.

When someone tries to shame you, remember this:
If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.

That tells you everything you need to know.

You Control What You Carry Forward

You can’t control how others behave.
But you can control what you absorb.

You get to decide whether someone else’s insecurity becomes your burden — or whether you set it down and walk away lighter.

And here’s the truth that matters most:
Knowing who you are is far more powerful than knowing whatever someone thinks you should know.

You don’t need to shrink.
You don’t need to defend.
You don’t need to explain your worth.

Just be you.
That is enough.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Have you ever been shamed for something you didn’t know or a decision you made? How did it make you feel?
L: Looking back, can you see how that moment reflected the other person’s insecurity rather than your worth?
A: Have you ever been on the other side and shamed someone else? What was going on inside you at the time?
Y: How can you choose self-respect and compassion the next time shame shows up — whether from someone else or within yourself?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you experienced someone trying to shame you — and how did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying shame that isn’t theirs, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Are You Living Your True Life? Or The Narrative You Want To Tell?

When we’re living our true life we are living in the moment, we are open to new things, open to change, maybe even welcome it, but we are living life on life’s terms, we’re not forcing things to look and sound the way we want them to. We’re also not only focusing on a small part of our story, the story we want to tell, whether good, or bad, we live it all. Our lives have many different facets to them, many different angles and alley ways, many different colors, patterns, and many different moods, emotions, and feelings. Our lives are not just one thing, and if we’re living our life just for one thing we are not living our true life as our true selves. We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to show the world a certain story of who we are and what we can offer, but we can get so caught up in wanting to show something specific that we neglect other parts of our life. We may also, to get a certain reaction from others, exaggerate, or downplay, certain aspects of our lives to get sympathy or to gain praise, but when we do this we short change ourselves, and those people in our lives, because we’re not painting a complete picture and sharing our true selves. So, how do we know if we’re not living an authentic life?

1) When you’re sharing with others you feel like you’re lying to them, or, not telling them the whole truth. When we’re telling people a story rather than the whole truth we know it in our gut, and ultimately they know it too, people can sense when we’re not being authentic with them, even though we may be able to fool them some of the time, our omissions usually catch up to us, and we know we’re not being authentic to ourselves.

2) You feel stuck. You feel like you’re spinning your wheels, like you’re stagnant, not getting anywhere. You may be right! If you’re not living authentically only focusing on what you want to you might be missing key elements and signs that are in front of you that will take you to where you ultimately want to go, but when you’re only looking at the facts that back up the story you want to tell you’re not open to seeing the possibility of change, of growth, and of new doors and roads that are open to you if you’re willing to take them.

3) You feel off. Things aren’t clicking, not going your way, you can’t find your groove. The challenges, headaches and aggravations may be telling you that there is something greater inside of you that you’re not tapping into, and because you’re not living up to your own potential nothing seems to be clicking in your life, your health may even be declining, all because you are ignoring your true self and the true path you are meant to be on. When you’ve lost your rhythm, that’s a time to look at how you’re living your life, there may be a reason why things aren’t going “right” or your way, and that reason maybe be you.

4) You feel like you’re being punished. You feel cheated or robbed by life, you never see yourself as a winner and feel like everyone else is getting all the breaks and nothing ever works out for you. At the end of the day, there is no escape from the hardships of life, we all have them, but when you’re not living as your authentic self they seem to hit harder because deep down, you know, you’re not being true to who you are and trying to manipulate your story, so when things don’t work out, you might feel like you’ve been hit harder because you know you haven’t been true to you and you feel the universe is punishing you, or you’ve been on the pity train and crying “poor me” and think the universe added an extra dash of sorrow. Either way, you’re not being punished at all, at least not by the universe, you are the only one punishing yourself by not being true to yourself.

I’ve said this many times before, and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true, you are enough. You are. You, right now, are enough. You are special. You are unique. You are talented in your own way. So, why would you want to be anyone else? We get in our own way, our own heads thinking that we should be something we’re not, or that someone else’s life is better, or we want to manipulate the facts to get a specific reaction from someone, but nothing is worth throwing away who we truly are, not for anything in the world. We always know when we’re not telling our whole truth, and if we know, so do others, and, the universe certainly knows, so isn’t it just easier to be you, all of you, and share that story instead of the one you would rather tell?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your true self with others or do you narrate a story you want to tell others? If you don’t share your true self, why do you think you do that? What’s stopping you from sharing your true self? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to accomplish? How do you think it hurts you? Why don’t you make a pact with yourself to not edit yourself or your life, to be you, in every facet and every way that you are you, just be you and be honest about your life and who you are. See if that changes the way you think about yourself and how you think the universe is treating you. Also, see how it changes, or strengthens, the relationships you have in your life. SLAY on.