wishing

Why, Why, Why Can’t I Be Normal?

When I was struggling, and even when I started this journey of healthy living and addressing my mental health, when the road ahead seemed especially daunting, or the road beneath my feet seemed uneven, I would wish that I could just be normal. Now, that makes me laugh, because, what is normal anyway? I still don’t know. And, I’ve learned that all those difficult things, those are the different things that connect me to the most important people in my life. And really, I don’t know if anyone truly is normal, I think we all have our own struggles, whether we voice them or not, I think some of us are just better at hiding them, to appear normal, than others. I was especially good at it for a long time, but I knew I wasn’t. I knew something was wrong and instead of facing it head-on, I tried just wishing it away.

I wasted a lot of time wishing I was normal, thinking if maybe if I just pretended I could make it so, but while I did that my disease got worse and I kept sliding lower and lower into the pit of darkness I eventually called home. When I finally got help I was relieved to finally not be living a lie anymore, but I was also resentful that I had to work through my mental illness and that I was told it was something I would be doing for life. For life!? Ugh! Why can’t I just be normal? I would slide back to that. The fact of the matter was, and is, I’m not normal, and I do have to practice self-care each day to make sure I am able to live the life I want to life and to keep myself in the light. Is that an impossible task? Absolutely not. Are some days harder than others? Of course. And on those difficult days I can still wish to be normal, even 12 ½ years into this journey, but, what I know is that I am on this path for a reason. I am here to be of service, to encourage other, non-normal, people to embrace who they are and to take care of themselves, I can walk with them on their journey, and they me, and together we make one heck of a non-normal SUPER SLAYER army of people all doing what they can to be their best selves. I’ll take that over normal any day.

What we have may challenge us, but it also makes us special, because you can’t not be special to walk this path, what may seem like a shortcoming or weakness is really what makes us strong, and what makes us persevere and rise to the top. I am a firm believer that we are given the challenges we are because we can handle them, because they will lead us to where and to whom we’re supposed to go and be with, because they will sharpen our tools so we can rise above and be our best selves, and, show others it can bed done. The way I look at it, we are not normal, we are exceptional, and we have the scars to prove it. We are phoenix’s rising from the ash, we are warriors. We could never be any of those things without our struggles, we were never meant to be normal.

So, instead of wishing for something that just isn’t meant to be, focus on what makes you outstanding, what makes you useful to those who are still struggling, what makes you one badass superstar who can shine bright for all the others, just like you, to see. I see you. I embrace you. I am just like you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you wish you can be normal? What does normal mean to you? What makes you not normal? What makes you exceptional? What have you overcome in your life to live the life you have today? What do you still want to overcome? What parts of you connect with those around you who are like you? Are those the not normal parts? Are you grateful those parts have connected you to others? When you look at those parts as assets, as good, because of what they do for you, they become much less of a burden, you start to look at them differently, and even though there are days when they may seem overwhelming, they are making you stronger, better and sharpening your SLAYER tools. Stop wishing to be something you aren’t, because what you are is exceptional.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

Why are we so averse to change? Well, we’re certainly not averse to the circumstances changing in our lives that we don’t like, we just don’t want to have to change to change it. Therein lies the rub. Change starts with us. In order for anything in our lives to change, we have to make changes in order for that to happen. Did that just make you break out in hives?

Change used to make my anxiety level shoot up immediately. I hated change. I can still sometimes be resistant to it, but now it’s more about when a website changes its interface and I can’t find anything, or a favorite restaurant changes its menu and gets rid of my favorite dish, why do they do things like that? I have learned on my journey so far that I need to make the changes I want to see happen, I need to do the footwork, without that nothing changes.

I used to live my life in this constant cycle of same. One day just like the next because I kept doing the same things. I hated where I was, but I only knew one thing and I stayed there, just spinning my wheels to insanity because every day was just like the last. I kept thinking that life would just change it for me, by somehow just wishing for it, without any more effort from me than that. Well, if that’s you I’ve got a newsflash for you, it won’t change, and if it does, it’s probably for the worse, not better. You have the power to make a change and to set your life in a new direction. When I did that for myself, for me, it was reaching out for help, that act set the course of my life into one of recovery, of hope, of better choices, of self-love and healing, that one act of change changed the entire direction of my life, which as lead me right here.

Knowing what the power of change has done for me, I now look at change as a powerful act, something I can do because it’s within my control, I can choose to make different choices, better choices, I can make choices that are loving to myself, that honor myself, and when I do that, my life always changes for the better. Instead of looking at it as work, I now look at it as taking my power back instead of acting like a victim of life, I can make positive changes that will take me in the direction that I want to go, life will always do it’s dance, but if we can change our steps or learn some new dance moves, we can learn to dance along with it, even if we get knocked down from time to time, when we fall, we learn, and we make different choices the next time that same dance comes our way.

If we are not changing, we are not learning, we are not challenging ourselves, and testing what we are capable of, what we believe we deserve, and showing the universe we are willing to do the work to get it. When we demonstrate our willingness to change, the universe listens. And sometimes it starts right there, just by being willing, even before we are ready for the act, just the consideration of it can bring about change.

We all have sat in a state of frustration and thought, when are things going to change, they’re going to change when you do, so why not start today? What’s stopping you SLAYER?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you averse to change? Why do you think that is? What about change scares you, or makes you uncomfortable? What do you think your biggest roadblock is to change? How do you think you can overcome that? In the past, have there been instances where you have made a change and the result was different? Site those examples. Do you see that you making the change or changes caused things in your life to change? What stops you today from making changes? What in your life today, that you have control over, can you change to live your life in a healthier happier way? What’s stopping you? I challenge you SLAYER to be open to that change, to consider it, and of course, to take the necessary steps to make that change for you. Find it in you to overcome your fear to change, and make that fear less than the fear of staying the same. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you