unique

Don’t Let Your Mind Bully Your Body

It was in my teens that I first remember turning against my body.

I had been a thin, athletic kid, comfortable in my skin — and then things started to change. My body began doing things I didn’t understand and didn’t want. It started drawing attention I didn’t ask for. And instead of curiosity, I felt betrayal.

I felt like my body had turned on me.

I already carried discomfort inside myself — parts of who I was that I kept hidden — and when my body began changing, it only amplified that discomfort. I started comparing myself to everyone around me. Measuring myself against them. Finding myself lacking in every direction.

Nothing ever felt good enough.

And that’s when the spiral began — not in my body, but in my mind.

My mind started bullying my body.

When Control Becomes the Goal

Looking back now, I can see it clearly.

What I was really afraid of wasn’t my body — it was not being in control.

There were so many things in my life I felt powerless over, and my changing body felt like the final betrayal. So I did what I thought would give me control back.

I tried to stop it.
Manipulate it.
Shrink it.
Silence it.

That path led to an eating disorder — one I was lucky to recover from.

It took years to heal. Years to rebuild trust with food. Years to rebuild trust with my body. And even now, there are still days I have to stay conscious and accountable with my thinking.

What makes me sad looking back isn’t my body — it’s the hatred I had for myself.

There was never anything wrong with my body.

The Voice Was the Real Problem

I see now that the damage wasn’t physical — it was mental.

The voice in my head was cruel.
Relentless.
Unforgiving.

The more I hated myself, the louder it got.

I wanted to disappear into the crowd.
Blend in.
Not be noticed.
Not be questioned.

So I tried to control myself into invisibility.

That voice told me I was the problem.
That my body was the problem.
That I had to fix it to be acceptable.

But the truth is: my body was never the enemy.

My mind was.

Learning a New Relationship

Today, I appreciate my body.

Not because it looks a certain way —
but because of what it does for me.

It carries me.
It heals.
It protects.
It supports my life.

And while I still have days where old thoughts creep in — because healing isn’t linear — I no longer live in war with myself.

I no longer punish my body for existing.

I no longer try to control it out of fear.

I no longer define my worth by how it looks.

Health Without Hate

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthy.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel strong.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to care for your body.

But when self care is driven by self hatred, it becomes harm.

We are not meant to all look the same.
We are not meant to fit one mold.
We are not meant to match one standard.

Different shapes.
Different sizes.
Different structures.
Different beauty.

Every body is valid.

Changing the Relationship, Not the Reflection

Healing doesn’t start in the mirror.

It starts in the mind.

In how we speak to ourselves.
In how we interpret our reflection.
In how we define worth.
In how we measure value.

Your body doesn’t need to be fixed.
It needs to be respected.

Your Body Is Not the Problem

Your body is not your failure.
Your body is not your enemy.
Your body is not your shame.

It’s your home.

And it deserves compassion — not cruelty.

Care — not control.
Respect — not punishment.
Safety — not shame.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: What negative thoughts do you carry about your body?
L: Where did those beliefs come from?
A: What would change if you spoke to your body with compassion instead of criticism?
Y: How can you start practicing care instead of control today?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What is one way you can start treating your body with more kindness today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who struggles with body shame, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Tetris taught me one thing, if you try to fit in, you disappear.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Same

Weird

I was speaking this week to a group of women and children at a homeless shelter in Los Angeles and a 14-year-old girl came over to talk to me when I was done. I sat down with her and we talked about what was on her mind. I recognized a lot myself in her at that age, and related to what she was saying. One issue we talked about was being labeled weird by some of the kids at her school because she didn’t like the same music that they did. I smiled, remembering that being called weird at that age, and perhaps, any age, can seem like a badge of shame.

I smiled at her and asked her why she didn’t like that word? I asked her what that word meant to her. She said, it means she’s not like everybody else. I asked her why she wanted to be like everybody else rather than who she was. She paused. I told her that I would wear that label like a badge of honor, because it meant she wasn’t following the pack, or the rest of kids just to fit in, she was being true to herself, and that is something that most of those kids probably couldn’t claim as their own.

I’ve written in a previous blog about letting your freak flag fly, and when I say that I’m not saying you are a freak, I’m saying let those things that some may label freaky, or weird, or different, be what sets you apart, be what showcases who you are and what you love, and to never apologize for any of that. I’ve learned along my path that those things that may be weird to the masses are what connect me to the closest people in my life, and the ones I admire and love the most. There is a group out there for everyone, and if groups aren’t your thing, there are certainly individuals who share your interests or way of doing things that will think that weirdness is awsomeness.

Now I remember that at 14 many of us just want to blend in, we don’t want any, what we perceive as, unwanted attention, we want to look like we’re just like everyone else, but really all we’re doing is telling ourselves that our true selves isn’t good enough, and that we should hide who we truly are to be accepted by a group of people who won’t accept us for who we are. It’s easy now for me to see how ludicrous that is, but I was that 14-year-old girl, in fact I was that 14-year-old girl until I was 35 years old and had to accept and learn who I truly was at 35 because my life depended on it, because I had lived those 35 years only ever allowing you all to see who I thought you wanted to see so you wouldn’t ask me any questions, because I feared if you did, you would see how ugly a person I really was, and how unworthy I was.

I shared that with my new friend and she looked at me in disbelief. I smiled again and told her I understood that may seem like a far-fetched tale, but that today I look at all of those “weird” things and I wear them proudly, they are what make me me, and they are the best parts of me, those things that make me smile, set my heart on fire, and, most importantly, make me laugh.

Today if someone would tell me I was just like everybody else I would cringe because I would think I wasn’t sharing my authentic self with them. I was holding back. My flaws, my weirdness, my falls are what connect me to all of you, they are what we have in common, they are what make me, and all of us, uniquely us, because life is messy, life is unpredictable, life is about trying new things and celebrating what we love, and even though we may share commonalities, no one is us, no one is me, and, no one is you. Be weird, be brave, be your authentic you, without fear, and if someone tells you you’re weird, thank them, because in my book, that is one of the biggest compliments anyone can give me, because it means I am being myself today.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you ever been called weird? What does that word mean to you? Is it negative? Why? Can you find the positive in that word? If not, why not? Does it take you back to being a kid? What has been your experience with the word? Was it a word used to bully you? How does it make you feel now? What about yourself would others think is weird? What do you think is weird? Do you still feel ashamed of those things, or feel you need to hide them? What if you didn’t? What if you took that word back and looked at it as a positive word, a compliment even, what if you celebrated all the things you thought, or others have thought, were weird? Do it SLAYER, celebrate your weird, smile, and know that is what makes you you, maybe even the best parts. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you