learning

You’re OK

You’re OK…you’re still OK…you’re still OK…and…you’re still OK. It’s easy sometimes to get caught up in your own head, to make something bigger than it really is, or get caught up in the drama or the ‘what-if’s’ of a situation, but at the end of the day, you’re OK. Before starting on this journey I used to build everything up to be a cataclysmic epic event, everything was life and death, even the simplest things, I would get my blood pumping, my heart racing, and my thoughts firing off a millions miles an hour, I would get totally worked up and then my anxiety would kick in, the doom and gloom, and the fear would take over, but none if it was real, it was all concocted in my mind, and blown way out of proportion. I would cause myself so much unneeded worry and stress because I wasn’t living in reality, I wasn’t asking myself what the facts were of the situation, if there wasn’t drama, I would produce it, and I would try to pull anyone and everyone into it right along with me. Really, most of it, was just made up in my head. The reality was, I was OK.

When we’re used to living in drama, and think that’s normal or where we deserve to be, or think that’s where we want to be, the rush becomes like a drug, and when we can’t get it we make it ourselves, but we’re only harming ourselves by doing it, and we’re harming those around us we pull them into the vortex of our storm. The result of that is we cause ourselves a lot of anxiety, and many of us reach for outside fixes to calm ourselves down, even tell ourselves we ‘need’ these things because of our ‘stressful lives’, so we drink, take drugs, shop, use people and relationships, and so many other things to calm ourselves and tell ourselves those things are our medicine for the stressful life we have. But, we’re the ones causing the stress.

When we engage with people who are not looking out for our best interests, the drama will come, the anxiety, the hurt, and in those places, we are not OK, we can make ourselves OK by stepping back, stepping away from those people, places and things to get out of the drama and into the calm, but we have to be diligent about not letting those people, places and things in the first place. We also have to get used to living without drama, and that can be difficult if that’s what we’re used to, but it’s what we should do, it’s taking it’s toll on you and it’s not worth the results and what it creates, it’s also not how we live as SLAYERS. We live in the now, the present, we know the facts, we are asking the right questions, so we’re making sound decisions, we’re watching our people picker, choosing the right, or better, people to surround ourselves with, we are asking for what we want, making our expectations clear, and checking in to see what our intentions are. If we are doing all of things, we are OK. We’re OK! Life will do it’s dance, it’s going to roll along doing it’s thing, and it’s going to throw curve balls at us, that’s what it does, but when we stay on track with all of those things that ground us and give us a strong foundation, it can’t rock us off what we’ve built, and no matter how difficult it might be to walk through, we’re still OK.

Every once in a while something will get me, it’ll sneak up on me or just trigger something from my past and my anxiety will spike, and I have to remind myself that feelings aren’t facts, I have to ask myself what I know to be true about the situation, and how I can take action to make it better. I’m OK. In those moments my breathing can get shallow, which is not going to help me in my solution finding mission, so I have to slow down and breath deeply. When this happens there’s a trick I use, I place one hand on my abdomen and one hand on my heart, and I focus on only moving the hand on my abdomen, if the hand on my abdomen is moving, I am breathing deeply. I focus on my breath and count in for four, pause, and count out for four, it calms me down, it also works if I’m having trouble sleeping, for me, it works for every time.

You’re OK. Whatever may be happening for you right now that is causing you anxiety may just be fear, fear of the unknown, fear of loosing what you have, or fear of not getting what you want, fear and worry are not going to help you solve any of your problems, and what are the facts of the situation, are these fears and worries based on any kind of fact, or are you creating drama when the facts don’t back them up. None of us can control what’s going to happen, all we can do is the footwork and then things will unfold as they are meant to, so worrying about them and living in fear isn’t going to change anything and it certainly isn’t going to make it better. Live in the now, what do you know for sure? What can you take care of right now? What can you do to lay the groundwork to solve the problem? Take action. You are OK…you’re OK…you’re still OK, keep breathing SLAYER, you’re still OK.

SLAY OF THE DAY: What causes you anxiety? Are some of these things you cause yourself? Is living in a place of anxiousness or drama your normal? Why? What if you made a conscious effort to not engage with your anxiety, to stop listening to your head and look at the facts of the situation, what are the facts? What can you do about them to change them if you don’t like them? What’s in front of your hands? Sometimes there just isn’t anything more, or anything at all, we can do in a situation, if that’s the case, accept that, accept you’ve done what you can do, and move on. You’re OK SLAYER, SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER!  When we make a commitment to live in the light, to love and honor ourselves, authentically, and do the work to ensure we stay on that path, miracles happen.

New blog goes up TUESDAY, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Miracle

Stop Apologizing For Who You Are

I used to do this, feeling less than I didn’t think I deserved anyone’s help, concern, or ear, I thought I was a burden and if I did reach out I would apologize for it. I would apologize for everything, for wanting things, for being passionate about the things I was, for being alive! I truly didn’t think I was worthy of anything and wouldn’t speak up, and then I would get angry and hurt when I wasn’t acknowledged, as a defense my ego would kick and say “yes, you do deserve all of these things and how dare they not know that!” I would stand there, the most righteous piece of crap that ever walked the earth, and then crumble in self hatred and doubt and not speak up, or if I finally did, be apologetic for my wants and needs.

We need to stop apologizing for ourselves! We do deserve good things, good people in our lives, and to love the things we do, no apologies. We have to lose the idea that if we need a friend, someone to listen to us that isn’t a burden, because, true story, you may just be helping the other person too. Crazy right? When you think about it, it’s actually selfish to hold back, not share, because you could also be cheating someone else from hearing what you have to say, maybe they also need to hear it, or need to hear themselves say what they’re going to say back to you. Don’t apologize. You matter, your experiences matter, your thoughts matter, it all matters. When I started this blog my intention, or hope, was to bring some light to someone who may be suffering or struggling, and so I set out to speak my truth, with no apologies, and because I’ve been doing that you all have responded with your stories of struggle or experiences, and victories, and have given back to me, and because I relate to so much of what you’re saying it reminds me of where I am, where I’ve come from, or where I need to be. See, it’s really a big circle, when we all share our truths, we all find some healing, and love, and comfort. Never apologize for who you are or your story.

That goes for your passions as well! Be you! Love what you love! Don’t ever apologize for those things or think you shouldn’t share it, when you do you find like-minded people who are also into the things you are. Some of you out there already have, and look at how amazing it feels to find your tribe, if people don’t understand, that’s OK, they don’t need to, it’s not up to you to make them understand, or apologize for it.

As SLAYERS we stand tall, we love and appreciate our authentic selves, we are proud of who we are, what we stand for, and what and who we love. We deserve to have good people and friends around us, we deserve to have the things we work for, aspire to, we deserve all of it, never apologize for any of that because it’s your unique voice, your love, your passion that is needed out the in the world, whether you’re having a good day or one full of challenges, we need to hear your voice, we connect with it, we love it, and we share in your journey.

Standing tall in ourselves means forgiving yourself, yeah I’m not going to let that go, finding your flawsome, letting your freak flag fly and celebrating you! Never apologize for who you are or what you want, you deserve all of it, you are special, we love you, but, you have to love yourself…without apologies.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you apologize for what you want? Why? Do you apologize when you’re struggling and need someone to listen? Why? Don’t you think we want what we want and go through what we do because there is a bigger plan, a reason we want and go through those things? If we don’t speak our truths and share with others we’re not only cheating ourselves, but we’re cheating those around us who may need to hear what you have to say. Don’t apologize for needing and wanting what you do. Stand tall SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Carrie Genzel talks ‘Supernatural’ fans and her State of Slay

Many thanks to fellow SLAYER Carol Hansson for this interview and for talking to me about my inspiration and hopes for STATE OF SLAY.  SLAY on!

To read interview, click link: Movie TV Tech Geek: Carrie Genzel talks ‘Supernatural’ fans and her State of Slay

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! It’s important to celebrate each win, no matter how small, if it’s a step in the right direction, that’s a step that needs celebration! Be loud and proud, you are on the winning team SLAYER!

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Celebrate You

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! When you can’t find a solution to the problem, it’s probably not a problem to be solved, but a truth to be accepted. Accept the truth,  move on, and let go of what no longer serves you, that is where happiness lives.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Letting Go

Personal Love Letter

That’s right SLAYER, let’s slow down for a moment here, you’ve been working hard, and it’s important that you acknowledge that. You are incredible! You are love! You inspire me every day! You are a warrior! You are a survivor! You are giving! You are kind! You are beautiful! You are strong! You, you are a work of art, and I am honored to have you SLAY along with me.

I felt like was important to celebrate us today. To exhale and do something we don’t always do, pat ourselves on the back for what we’ve accomplished in our lives, to acknowledge it, to acknowledge us; the changes we’ve made, the obstacles we’ve overcome, the fears we’ve walked through, the people, places, and things we’ve said goodbye to, all the things we’ve done to live as our authentic self, honoring and loving who we are.

We also need to remember to be patient and gentle with ourselves, we are precious cargo, sensitive souls, and it’s always good to check in and see if we’re taking time with ourselves to learn, grow, and move forward. Life is not a game show, there is no buzzer that’s going to sound off if we’ve taken too long, we move at our own pace…as long as we’re moving, and we do what we can each day, and don’t judge that. Sometimes we leap, and sometimes we crawl, but as long as we’re moving forward we’re moving in the right direction. We are also not comparing our progress to anyone else’s, we are where we are, and maybe where we are is just right for today, maybe where we are helps us, and someone else, and maybe where they are does the same for us, trust that, and know that you are only responsible for your own journey, and your journey has it’s own timeline, and that timeline is unique to you, so the footwork and then just let it go.

For me, a lot of times, the issue I am struggling with may not come to me because I’m trying to force a conclusion or solution, or, I’m just not meant to find the answer at that moment, but when I stand back, and move on or maybe focus on something else, trusting, and asking for the answer to come, it does, it almost always does, at random times, when I’m doing something completely different and have moved on, then pop, there it is, and it always makes me smile. If that hasn’t happened for you that may seem like some mystical Jedi lore, but trust me, it can happen for you, and will, if you let things go, and, it is magic, and it is because we are magical human beings, and instead of us trying to run the show we’re letting whatever guides us through life do exactly that, we’re following the timeline we are mean to be on and not trying to force our own, letting it come to you when it’s supposed to and then taking action, maybe the process of letting it come to you is part of the solution, or lesson, or just part of the journey, trust that, and know that is all a part of your diving plan. Just be.

A friend recently shared an exercise that she did with some her close friends. They each wrote a letter to themselves. I encourage you SLAYER to do the same. Write a letter, or postcard, to yourself, telling yourself the things you would want to hear from the person you love the most, but, say it to yourself. Give it to a family member, friend, or spouse, to randomly mail to you, so that one day, when you’re not expecting it, and probably when you need it, a letter will come addressed to you, from you, telling yourself why you rock. You can also do this for others in your life as well, but, not forgetting to do your own letter. Do it SLAYER, you deserve it.

SLAY OF THE DAY: I started this blog by telling you the things I thought of you, so to get your own personal love letter started I want you to do it for yourself SLAYER. Here’s a start:

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

I am _____________________________________________________________________________

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! We alone build the walls and fences shutting us off from the world around us, and we alone can take those down. Let go of the fear of letting the outside world in, be true to yourself, stand tall, and set yourself free.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Set You Free

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! We all make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt someone as a result of our actions, but it is how we take action after the fact that defines who we are. If and when it’s possible a simple ‘sorry’ isn’t always enough, it’s taking responsibility for the damage caused, and making amends to correct the behavior in the future or fixing the damage. We may think that we’ve done permanent damage, but miracles happen when we are open and honest about what we’ve done, the relationship may even strengthen where it had been weak.

New blog goes up Friday until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Flowers

SLAY TALK LIVE Video

For you SLAYERS who weren’t able to join us for SLAY TALK LIVE tonight, here’s what you missed!

SLAY on!