Good morning SLAYER! We all suffer defeats, but we must not them defeat us. We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose not to be reduced by it.
SLAY on!
Journey
People Cast Us In Their Lives
I don’t think it ever occurred to me, until I started on this journey and began to make positive changes in my life, that some of the people in my life might push back and not support me in my journey, that some people in my life wouldn’t support that I was becoming a better person, that I was doing things differently, not engaging in arguments I didn’t belong in, that I had started taking care of myself, and learning to love who I was. Those people who wouldn’t accept the changes I was making had cast me as a certain person in their life and they didn’t want me changing that. It was hard for me to understand at first, I thought that everyone would be happy that I had stopped living my life the way I had been and was finally taking action and getting the help that I so desperately needed, but that wasn’t always the case because some of the people I had chosen to be in my life, who I thought had been friends, weren’t willing to accept those changes and wouldn’t try to adapt the role they had already cast me in.
Just like in a play people cast us as certain roles in their life, without our consent or sometimes even our knowledge or involvement. I know for me there have been times that people have had a wild misconception about the relationship that we had, wild because we didn’t have a relationship, the relationship they thought we had was completely fabricated based on a few brief exchanges and from those they decided who I was going to be in their life and created the rest on their own. When this used to happen I felt obligated to be that person, even if it wasn’t who I really was, or how I felt, not wanting to let them down I would act the part, but that wasn’t fair to me, not if that’s how I really felt, or, if it wasn’t the truth because it was false and based on some sort of fantasy or preconceived notion on their part . As my sense of self got clearer I stopped doing that, I stopped agreeing to be what other’s perception of me was and just focused on being myself, and when people did push back or not like it, that was a great indicator that those people shouldn’t be in my life, because the people who truly knew me, who truly cared, and who truly supported me were happy to see the changes I was making and supported them, and me. I realized that people will sometimes hold on to who you were, or who they thought you were, or who they want you to be and not let go, and if that’s not who I am then I have to let that person go, and that can be hard to do, but as we go through life, and walk this path of SLAYDOM, there are going to be people who fall away, who aren’t up for the journey with us, who aren’t ready for the steps we’re taking, and who’s story in our lives should come to an end. Not everyone is meant to take the journey with us, not everyone is ready, but, if we live our lives as an example of a better way, a more loving way, perhaps they might come back around, or perhaps they’re not meant to, but we in no way should change who we are to fit their idea of us.
We also have to watch out that we don’t do the same to others. I know for myself, as an example, I put my parents on a pedestal for a long time, expecting them to be all-knowing and to always get it right, but the truth is they are just people like myself, learning and growing as they go, and even though they have had more time to live life, they’re journey is their journey, and I have to respect that and let them be who they are, not who I want them to be. And that’s important for everyone in our lives. As a SLAYER we allow others to be their authentic selves, as we want people to honor ours, we allow others to walk on their path at their own pace, their own way, and if they change and grow, we accept that, and hopefully if that growth is in line with ours, we do it together.
At the end of the day we our only responsible for being the people we are, we don’t owe anyone else a different representation, the only role we should play is ourselves, and we should only expect and encourage that in others. Who we are, authentically, is the greatest role of all, stand tall in who you are, and shine bright.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there people in your life who have cast you in a role that doesn’t or no longer fits? Why do you think they’ve cast you in that role? Have you been honest with them, or have you played the role they’re wanting you to play? Do you think they will accept your authentic you? If not, why? If they won’t, do you feel this person is a good fit for you and your life? Do you cast other people in specific roles you want them to play? If so, why? As a SLAYER we celebrate our authentic selves, as well as others in our life, the only role we want to play is us, and that’s the only role we want them to play as well, there’s no greater part to play, it’s the part of a lifetime. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
You Can’t Grow In Your Comfort Zone
When I first stepped on this path I was desperate, desperate to feel better, desperate not to hate myself, desperate to not want to harm myself, desperate to make that dim little light inside of me brighter. And as much as I wanted to change, to grow, to get better, there were times I pushed back, recoiled, and didn’t want to do the work. The thought of sharing what I had been doing, thinking, and the way I had been living made my skin crawl, I was afraid you all would judge me and I would be left alone, a fear I had lived with my whole life, but now, my life depended on me stepping outside my comfort zone and taking action. You see, my comfort zone had gotten me to that place, it had gotten me to a bottom, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and even though stepping out of it and trying a new way of living made sense, and I wanted it, I had to actually take the steps to do it, to take action, no matter how uncomfortable it felt, because it was a better path, and a path that would save my life.
We’ve all been hurt, kicked around, criticized, made fun of, and when those things happened to us, we shut down, we retreated, we hid, we found a place to live that was safe, but in doing that we cut ourselves off from experiencing new things, from hearing new voices, and living life. For me, when I stayed in my comfort zone I didn’t grow, or learn, and I started listening to the voices in my head that told me to stay there, and that I belonged there, and the longer I lived in my comfort zone the more the fear grew inside me and the harder it was to step out of it, that fear became so big and so loud that it keeps kept me there, like a prisoner, only, I held the key to get out.
It goes back to saying yes. We all know in our hearts what we should be doing, we make excuses for not doing them, or trying them, but we know staying tucked away in our comfort zone is not living life to it’s fullest, and not utilizing who we are and what we’re capable of. The fear of stepping out isn’t real, it is us reliving situations from our past and dragging them into our present, but if we’re choosing to surround ourselves with the right people, living as our authentic selves, asking for what we want, and letting others know what our intentions are, finding out the facts, we are safe, we are safe to try new things, with new people, and we are free from the shackles we have placed on ourselves.
For me, getting out of my comfort zone, trusting the people around me who had walked this path before me, and learning to trust myself and my instincts, saved my life, it also gave me a new one, a life full of new friends, new experiences, new tools to use, and a lot of healing and love. It also taught me about humility, and that it was OK to not get things right the first time, most people don’t get things right the first time they try them, that’s part of the fun of trying something new, or part of the journey to SLAYDOM, the point is just to try, to put yourself out there and fly. Your comfort zone will still be there to sneak back to for a break, but the more you step out of it, the more you realize that it’s really a prison of your own making, it will become less and less comfortable as you grow, heal, and sore like you never have before.
Think about all the things you want for yourself, and ask yourself if you can achieve those things in our comfort zone, SLAYER, my guess is you probably can’t, I know I couldn’t. Take the leap, or maybe slide a toe over, walk on the wild side, and leave your comfort zone behind, there are exciting things waiting for you out there, far beyond your imagination, trust me, I’m writing this from far beyond mine.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to stay within your comfort zone and not try new things? Why do you think you do that? What do you think will happen if you do venture out of your comfort zone? Are you basing your fears on your past? Do you want to live your life for today or stay stuck in the past? What can you do today to make a positive step to get out of our comfort zone? Challenge yourself SLAYER to try 5 new things this week, and write down how you feel after you’ve done them. I’m right out there with you SLAYER, and there are others, you are not alone, take that step towards us.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good Morning SLAYER! How are you finding your own happiness today? Our happiness is our job, it is a choice, not a result, be fearless in what sets your soul on fire, shine bright SLAYER!
New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! It’s good to have goals and dreams, but unless you take action and do the work they’ll remain just that, something you dream about. Make your dreams a reality!
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
Like this quote, or have a favorite one from the past, the SLAYER SAY line of products has just been launched in the SLAY STORE, to check them all out click here: SLAY STORE SLAYER SAY Quote Series
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYER! Start off the week expecting the good, when we look for and expect the good, the good appears. The good may start just with you expecting it, or looking for it. Life still rolls along, challenging us, but when we honor ourselves, choosing carefully the people, places and things we get involved with, surrounding ourselves with things that honor us, we start to see life with a new belief and worth.
SLAY on!
New blog goes up Tuesday morning.
Stinking Thinking
I used to have some stinking thinking, and on a bad day, I still can. My default mode, when I’m not on top of my self care, is negative, reactionary, manipulative, and downright awful, I know now that those are all defenses I used to use to “protect” myself, and they were my go-to tools before I found better tools for my tool box, but, now I know better, so I don’t let myself get away with using those old ones, I also know that when I do fall into stinking thinking that something is off and I need to take a moment to look at the source of that. As an actor I always liken my job to that of a detective. I get a script and then I try to gather as many facts as I can and research to paint a picture of who that person is and why they’re doing what they’re doing. I talked about being the detective of your own life in Powerful Powerlessness, so taking what I do for work I also apply that with my thoughts in my personal life. My thoughts lie to me, a lot, and I know now how to listen but with a different perspective, I know my perspective can be skewed to the negative so I have to be careful not to let myself fall down that rabbit hole, I’ve worked too hard over the years to let myself live in that negative place, and it’s not the woman I aim to be, so that stinking thinking tells me I need to pause for a moment and get out my detective hat.
Our negative thoughts and actions can quite often have nothing to do with the truth of what’s really going on, but a reaction to something that’s been triggered in you. We walk around with a lot of damage from past experiences, especially if we haven’t been living as our authentic selves, we’ve probably not spoken our truths and have chosen less than ideal people and situations to get involved in, all leaving these really touchy triggers of times we may have felt abandoned, wronged, or not listened to, so in life, we can be minding our own business and then come across something, or someone, and BAM, it triggers something in us from our past, and the stinking thinking comes out in full force. This seems especially true with family and romantic relationships, they seem to have a special atomic reaction with our stinking thinking. Now identifying the source of these takes time, and for me, was aided a lot by counselling to put all the puzzle pieces together, but since these reactions are usually triggered by our past experiences this takes us back to forgiving ourselves, we haven’t gotten to forgiving those other people yet, but if we’re able to forgive ourselves it makes getting through stinking thinking easier. Again, the people we were when we were hurt, or maybe thought we deserved it, is not who we are anymore, we are SLAYERS, and as slayers we are moving forward, but we’re also learning from our past, so when the negative thoughts come up, instead of reacting to them immediately, pause….pause and ask yourself why they’re coming up, what about the situation or person is causing these feelings? As I said, it may take time to come to the truth, or you may need to seek some outside help like I did, but it’s important that you find the root to all of the evils that plague you, once you do, you are actually safer, and, it feels good to have a better understanding of what makes you tick, or ticked off, and why. As a SLAYER we want to have as much of the information as we can so we can make better choices for ourselves moving forward.
For me, I’ve found the answers to most of my triggers, which doesn’t mean I don’t get surprised from time to time, but armed with the information I do have I can typically get to the root of the matter and figure out why I’m being triggered, and if I need to do some more work in that area to clear away the negativity. We are always works in progress, but as much as that can seem overwhelming at times, it also means it’s OK to be fallible, to be human, to make mistakes, we are all here to learn, and sometimes it takes a while to get it, but you will, as long as you don’t give up. The fact that you are even trying is a huge victory SLAYER.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What areas in our life trigger stinking thinking? Why do you think that is? Do you know where it stems from? Looking back at those things, can you find forgiveness and start to love and nurture yourself in those areas? Write down 5 positive things about yourself. Smile SLAYER, smile, you are awesome.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYERS! When we have the facts, we are safe. Only you can choose who or what you give your power to, choose wisely.
New blog goes up Sunday morning, until then…
SLAY on!
Powerful Powerlessness
Sounds crazy right? The last thing I would ever admit to being was powerless over anything. I was strong, resilient, a warrior, I wasn’t powerless, I was….well, I was a mess. Don’t get me wrong, I had overcome a lot just on sheer willpower alone, but that only got me so far because it was only powered by stubbornness, the underlying truth was I felt like a piece of crap, and I was afraid you were going to find out that’s exactly what I was. When I was asked what I was powerless against the first time I thought, nothing, I am in control, well, clearly I was not or I wouldn’t have been on my knees asking for help years ago because my way had stopped working. So, it got me thinking. We are powerless over people, places, and things, we can not control them, we can try, heck knows I did, to the point of exhaustion, but at the end of the day people are going to do what they’re going to do, and life is going to, well roll on, in whichever direction it goes. This falls into acceptance again, but it’s also admitting that we have no power over those things, and once we do, we start to get our power back. See here’s how it works?
If we admit we don’t run the show what we are left with is the facts, and once we have the facts, we have power! We have the power to decide if this is the right situation, person, place for us to be, for us to thrive, for us to grow, be nurtured, challenged, and loved, and if it’s not, well, we probably shouldn’t be there. The more we ask ourselves these questions, and get the facts, then the more powerful we are.
Here’s another one, feelings aren’t facts. Now this can get tricky sometimes, because we “feel” like we should be with someone or somewhere, but, we now have to ask ourselves why, and what are the facts to back that up. It’s like we’re all detectives of our own lives, “just the facts Ma’am,” or Mister if the case may be, but we need to look at the facts, even if we don’t want to, and if we don’t, that’s usually an indication we are somewhere we shouldn’t be, our gut may be giving us a nudge. So, now that we are living in, or aiming to, our authentic selves we have to be careful where we go and what we do, we are precious cargo, we can’t just be throwing ourselves into situations like we used too! No, we deserve to be places and with people who appreciate who we are. Now that might mean that some people will fall away in your life, I’ve had to say goodbye to a few over the years, and it’s not easy, but, if those so-called friends or relationships aren’t supporting the authentic you, they need to go, and who knows, making the changes you are might inspire them to do the same. You’ll be amazed that when you start loving and respecting yourself how other people start to do the same, and if they don’t, well that’s a sign, and, a fact, they need to go. If those people are family, well, it’s not always easy to just say goodbye, but setting boundaries and limiting the types of interactions you’re having with them is step in the self love/authentic you direction. More on boundaries later, but, it’s about knowing the facts and making the best decisions for ourselves.
Someone who has been very instrumental in my road to recovery used to say to me, “when we know the facts we are safe because then you know what you are dealing with and can make the best decision for yourself,” but, at the beginning sometimes it was really scary to ask, it seemed easier to go back to my old ways and just assume or “hope” that things were the way I wanted them to be, or even worse, try to force it into being so, asking will probably not make you feel safe, but trust me, once you start doing it you will see that it is the only way we are safe.
It’s time to take our powerlessness over people, places, and things, and turn it into our power, our power to live authentically and live in the light.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What are you powerless over in your life? Who are the people, places, or things you don’t have all the facts on? What do you think will happen if you do? Is there something stopping you from find out the facts? Get the facts SLAYER, case closed.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
(Photo Credits: Photographer: Jay Bartlett Make-Up: Samantha Dellinger Jewelry: Hilliard Design)
Slayer Say
Good morning SLAYERS! Let your freak flags fly today, be your authentic self, share your unique talents, it is when we are able to see through someone else’s eyes that our own world gets bigger.
SLAY on!
New blog goes up Friday morning!
