I used to let my sadness immobilize me. I’d let it wash over me and take me out to sea, where I’d just float in my sadness until one day I’d wash up on shore again. I was out to sea with my sadness much more than I was on shore before walking this path. I’d let my anger do the same, let it take over, feeling paralyzed. It’s awful being in that place, feeling hopeless, helpless and without a way out. I can still feel that way, but now I know I can’t let it take hold of me the way it once did, it’s too hard to get back.
That sadness, and anger, took hold me other night and the following morning. I got up anyway, and trudged forward, and then finally sank back into bed with the blanket over my head. I knew I couldn’t let myself stay there, and it’s rare that I even indulge the way I did that morning, but I let myself succumb to it, giving myself a time limit to sink back in. Sometimes I allow myself to fall back so I remember how bad it feels, and it did feel bad, but there was also a part of me that relished it, and just wanted to tune out the world and stay there. I made myself get up, I had too much to do just to hide in my room, and I kept trudging forward once again. But the sadness stayed, like a veil over the day, a veil that sometimes I would trip over and be reminded of throughout the day. I knew it would pass, in fact, most of it has already, but I used to believe my head when it would tell me that it never would, and that I would always be drifting in the sea of sadness, that thought would immobilize me and I would just stay there.
Today I focus on forward motion. That’s not to say I rush through, I do focus on getting to the heart of what’s really going on, and what feelings and emotions might also be tagging along from my past. I am in forward motion, but at my own pace. And we all have different paces. Don’t rush through because you want to feel better without figuring out what triggered the sadness and why, but don’t let yourself get washed out to sea either. For me, it takes a lot of checking in, really seeing where I’m at and if I’m just lingering the old-time sake, or if I am where I’m supposed to be in my process. Forward motion, always, even if it’s an inch at a time.
Only we suffer when we let our sadness immobilize us, and speaking from my own experience, if you let yourself float too far out to sea, it can be nearly impossible to get back, I nearly didn’t. We should acknowledge our sadness, and even talk about it, that alone may quash it and send it packing, but even if it doesn’t, reminding yourself to keep moving forward, and, if you’re not able to come to a concrete solution, to just let it go, you won’t get stuck in it. Do the work you need to get on the other side of it, and to put it in perspective, it can be easy to blow it up into something bigger than it is, or to only see your point-of-view, sometimes the way out is looking at it through someone else’s eyes, that may be the life-preserver you need. Either way, you are the one who can break free of your sadness, focus on the good in your life, and do something good for you, that will get you moving out of sadness and into happiness. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your sadness overtake you and immobilize you? How? Why? What can you do to not let it take over? What typically triggers your sadness? Is that something you can control or change? When it gets triggered, how long does your sadness immobilize you? How can you shorten that time? How can you not let it immobilize you at all? Find out what triggers your sadness, and when it happens focus on moving through it, instead of letting it move through you. Take control and learn from your sadness, and then let it go. You have the power to do that SLAYER, I know you do.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
