It was in my teens that I first remember turning against my body.
I had been a thin, athletic kid, comfortable in my skin — and then things started to change. My body began doing things I didn’t understand and didn’t want. It started drawing attention I didn’t ask for. And instead of curiosity, I felt betrayal.
I felt like my body had turned on me.
I already carried discomfort inside myself — parts of who I was that I kept hidden — and when my body began changing, it only amplified that discomfort. I started comparing myself to everyone around me. Measuring myself against them. Finding myself lacking in every direction.
Nothing ever felt good enough.
And that’s when the spiral began — not in my body, but in my mind.
My mind started bullying my body.
When Control Becomes the Goal
Looking back now, I can see it clearly.
What I was really afraid of wasn’t my body — it was not being in control.
There were so many things in my life I felt powerless over, and my changing body felt like the final betrayal. So I did what I thought would give me control back.
I tried to stop it.
Manipulate it.
Shrink it.
Silence it.
That path led to an eating disorder — one I was lucky to recover from.
It took years to heal. Years to rebuild trust with food. Years to rebuild trust with my body. And even now, there are still days I have to stay conscious and accountable with my thinking.
What makes me sad looking back isn’t my body — it’s the hatred I had for myself.
There was never anything wrong with my body.
The Voice Was the Real Problem
I see now that the damage wasn’t physical — it was mental.
The voice in my head was cruel.
Relentless.
Unforgiving.
The more I hated myself, the louder it got.
I wanted to disappear into the crowd.
Blend in.
Not be noticed.
Not be questioned.
So I tried to control myself into invisibility.
That voice told me I was the problem.
That my body was the problem.
That I had to fix it to be acceptable.
But the truth is: my body was never the enemy.
My mind was.
Learning a New Relationship
Today, I appreciate my body.
Not because it looks a certain way —
but because of what it does for me.
It carries me.
It heals.
It protects.
It supports my life.
And while I still have days where old thoughts creep in — because healing isn’t linear — I no longer live in war with myself.
I no longer punish my body for existing.
I no longer try to control it out of fear.
I no longer define my worth by how it looks.
Health Without Hate
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthy.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel strong.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to care for your body.
But when self care is driven by self hatred, it becomes harm.
We are not meant to all look the same.
We are not meant to fit one mold.
We are not meant to match one standard.
Different shapes.
Different sizes.
Different structures.
Different beauty.
Every body is valid.
Changing the Relationship, Not the Reflection
Healing doesn’t start in the mirror.
It starts in the mind.
In how we speak to ourselves.
In how we interpret our reflection.
In how we define worth.
In how we measure value.
Your body doesn’t need to be fixed.
It needs to be respected.
Your Body Is Not the Problem
Your body is not your failure.
Your body is not your enemy.
Your body is not your shame.
It’s your home.
And it deserves compassion — not cruelty.
Care — not control.
Respect — not punishment.
Safety — not shame.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: What negative thoughts do you carry about your body?
L: Where did those beliefs come from?
A: What would change if you spoke to your body with compassion instead of criticism?
Y: How can you start practicing care instead of control today?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What is one way you can start treating your body with more kindness today?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who struggles with body shame, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
