communicate

Before You Do Something, Say Something

I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.

It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.

My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.

No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.

If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We’re Only As Sick As Our Secrets

Secrets, we all have them, my whole life used to be a secret, I would hide what I was thinking and doing from everyone in my life, ashamed, confused, and angry.  I kept everything inside and consequently became very sick, my secrets nearly cost me my life. And it was me, I had control of that, it was me who held myself back from sharing, from getting help, from talking to the people who loved me about what was going on, it was all me, all in my control.

It wasn’t until I finally asked for help, finally started telling people what was going on that I first heard someone say, “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” That hit me like a lead balloon. Wow, I had put myself through years and years of suffering because of my fears, pride, and need for control and I could have stopped it, put an end to my suffering had I just spoken up. My sick brain told me that I was in control if I didn’t tell anyone, but the truth of the matter was, I had the control to stop it, I had control over my own well-being and my own happiness by sharing my struggles, by admitting what I had been doing, how I had been living, and how I was feeling. Once I said those things out loud, they lost their power over me. They were out there. Nothing left to hide. And, THAT is freedom.

We walk around ashamed and scared to share our truth with others, but when we do we harm ourselves, we tell ourselves that we are bad people, that we are better off alone, that no one will understand us, but none of that is true, there is nothing that we’ve done that someone hasn’t already done, sorry if you think you are tragically unique, but it’s true, someone, and probably many, have already done what you think is so shameful or horrible that you can’t possibly share it with anyone for fear of the consequences. But typically the consequences are understanding, kindness, love, and connection to another person who may also have felt like you, or now, because you shared your truth, understands you and has now found compassion for you, and possibly you for them.

People have asked me if I have any fear for sharing my truth in a public forum, do I worry what people might think and without hesitation I say no, because I don’t, and the reason I don’t is because all of the people in my day-to-day life, the ones I count as family, close friends, and my actual family, know all of this, at least the broad strokes, I may not have gotten into the detail I have here, but everyone knows, and in me telling them years ago, I was granted the gift of freedom from all of that, from the bondage of my past that I let bind me, I walk tall today owning my part in it, but also knowing that I am not that person anymore, I know that by me sharing it not only helps me, but it helps you, and that is far more powerful than anything that I could keep to myself out of fear, shame, or pride, that power is false, it only feels powerful because we think we’re safe, but we’re not, it makes us vulnerable to ourselves, the darkness, and to those who would exploit that and use that against us. When we are open and honest, we are free, we don’t have a reason to hide, and it keeps us safe.

Being open about where we’ve come from and what we struggle with also opens the door for people to understand us better, it opens the door to communication and connections to others we wouldn’t have if we kept to ourselves. It can also keep us safe if there is still a threat from our past that can harm us today, if those around us are clear on what our past is, it gives them a better understanding of why our safety rests in their hands in keeping our anonymity with certain people who may still want to harm us. It’s important to share your truth, even if it’s painful, ensure that everyone understands your situation.

At the end of the day you hold the key to our freedom, not sharing those things that you think are unsharable keeps you imprisoned in your own cell, it keeps you from connecting to others, and can leave you vulnerable to harm. You are only as sick as your secrets. Don’t let them have power of you and your life.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life or your past that you’ve never shared with anyone? If yes, why not? What do you think will happen if you do? What are they? Look at them, do you think that no one else has done these things or can relate to them? Do you see how holding on to your secrets can hold you back from living a loving and fulfilling life? Do you see how sharing these things might help others? You have the power to take control of your life, to let go of all of the things you think you have to keep a secret, and to find freedom from the bondage of your past and move forward. Let it all go SLAYER, we understand.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you