communicate

Before You Do Something, Say Something

I used to sit alone and ponder all of kinds of brilliant ideas about life, about who I was, and what I was going to do. As I slide down deeper and deeper into darkness, those ideas became more and more morose, and ultimately destructive, but because I wasn’t sharing them with anyone they sounded like the truth, like my best options, and the solution to all my problems. I thought that no one else would understand, that people would think I was crazy, or judge me, so I kept quiet, continuing to stew in my own frustration, loneliness, and self-loathing. I had a plan and I wasn’t about to ruin it by telling anyone. Luckily for me something compelled me to finally share, and I did before moving forward with my plan, with the tiny bit of light left in me, I did reach out to someone I trusted and I told them what was going on, that conversation saved my life.

It’s easy to believe the voices in our heads, the negative bullshit committee that pipes up whenever we are feeling low, with all kinds of ideas and negative affirmations to make us feel even lower than we already do, and are meant to keep us away from the ones we love, and who love us. They are exactly that, bullshit, they are not the truth, they are telling us lies, stories, to fit the narrative they want us to believe, that we are garbage, that no one cares, that we are better off alone, or not here, but that’s not the truth, none of it! When that committee pipes up that’s a sign to reach out, to practice contrary action and talk to someone, to make plans with someone to do something you like to do, or, just ask someone to listen. Do the opposite of what you want to do. Sometimes taking that step is the like trying to walk with weighted shoes, but when you fight for that step into the light, each step will get easier, it will become less of a chore, and will scare you less. Reach out, and tell people what is going on for you that day.

My negative committee still chimes in, almost every day, it loves to chatter on telling me things that I don’t care to listen to, it takes a commitment on my part to not listen, to tell them to shut up because I’m not interested in what they have to say. For me, I have a few tools in my SLAY chest to keep them quiet; self-care, speaking my truth, giving back, and living in gratitude. If I am practicing these things, those voices don’t get very loud, and even if they do, I can focus on something positive to quiet them down. But, there have been times that nothing I do seems to get them to go away, and that’s when it’s important to tell someone about it, to not suffer long, and to be brave and share my truth with others. As I’ve said before, when we talk about something it looses it’s power over us, it does, it no longer has us shackled to it like some grotesque secret, it’s out, and within the process of letting it go there is a place for a solution to be found.

No one has an excuse to suffer in silence. There are so many people and outlets available to aid us in our times of need. Whether it’s through friends or family, clergy, support groups, hotlines, social media groups or pages, a social worker, counsellor, or just a neighbor, there is always someone available to listen, and if the first try doesn’t work, try again, if the second try doesn’t work, try again, you’ll get who you are meant to talk to, even if it takes a few extra tries. I was able to turn my life around because I made one phone call, and that phone call set out a chain of events that has gotten me here, to this place, to a place of living in the light, and a place where I can sit down and write this blog.

If you feel alone and that you have no one to talk to, find the courage to reach out and find someone who will, they are out there, and so is a bigger better life for you if you choose to take it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you reach out to others when you are feeling down? If not, why? What do you think will happen if you do? Are there maybe a better group of people you could be reaching out to? Make a list of people or organizations you feel you could reach out to in times of crises. Do you feel that you matter? If not, why? You DO matter. There is no need for you to suffer alone, there are countless others who feel like you do and think like you do, but are living productive positive lives, I am one of them, it just takes you reaching out and sharing who you are and what’s going on. Before you do something you can’t take back, do something that you might not have done, tell someone, I, along with the other SLAYERS will light your path as you find our way home.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

We’re Only As Sick As Our Secrets

For a long time, my entire life was a secret.

I hid what I was thinking.
I hid what I was doing.
I hid how I was really feeling.

I carried shame, confusion, and anger quietly, convincing myself that keeping everything inside was somehow safer than letting anyone see the truth. I believed secrecy gave me control.

Instead, it made me sick.

Very sick.

And the hardest truth to accept was this:
I was the one holding myself there.

The Illusion of Control That Secrets Create

When we keep secrets, it often feels like protection.

We tell ourselves we’re avoiding judgment.
We think we’re sparing others.
We believe silence keeps us in control.

But secrets don’t protect us — they isolate us.

They keep us from asking for help.
They keep us from being known.
They keep us trapped in our own minds.

I believed that if no one knew, I could manage it on my own. But what I was really doing was cutting myself off from the very things that could have helped me heal.

The Moment the Truth Lost Its Power

Everything changed the first time I asked for help.

The first time I said out loud what I had been hiding.

That’s when I heard a phrase that landed like a weight in my chest:

“You’re only as sick as your secrets.”

It was devastating — and freeing — all at once.

Because suddenly, I could see how much suffering I had endured not because of what I’d done, but because I refused to speak it. The moment I shared my truth, it lost its grip on me.

There was nothing left to hide.

And in that openness, I found freedom.

Shame Thrives in Silence

Secrets feed shame.

They whisper that we are bad people.
That we’re unlovable.
That no one would understand.

But shame lies.

There is nothing you’ve done that someone else hasn’t already done, felt, or survived. We like to believe our pain makes us uniquely broken — but the truth is, our experiences connect us far more than they separate us.

When we share our truth, what we usually meet is not punishment — but understanding. Compassion. Connection.

And sometimes, in telling our story, we give someone else permission to tell theirs.

Why I’m Not Afraid to Share My Story

People often ask me if I’m afraid to share my truth publicly.

Do I worry about judgment?
Do I fear what people might think?

And the answer is no.

Because the people who matter most in my life already know my story — the broad strokes, the truth of where I’ve been and who I am now. I told them years ago, and in doing so, I was released from the bondage of my past.

I own my story.
I own my choices.
And I also know I am no longer that person.

There is power in that clarity — far more power than silence ever gave me.

Secrecy Makes Us Vulnerable Honesty Makes Us Safe

The kind of “power” secrets give us is false.

It feels like control, but it actually leaves us exposed — to ourselves, to our darkness, and sometimes to people who would exploit what we hide.

Honesty removes that leverage.

When you are open, there is nothing to hold over you. No threat. No fear of being found out. You get to stand in truth instead of hiding behind it.

And that truth doesn’t just heal you — it protects you.

Sharing Your Truth Builds Real Connection

Being honest about where we’ve come from allows people to understand us more fully.

It deepens relationships.
It opens communication.
It builds trust.

Sometimes it also keeps us physically or emotionally safe — especially when others need to understand our boundaries, our triggers, or the reasons we must protect ourselves from certain people or situations.

Your truth gives context to your needs.

And context invites compassion.

Freedom Lives on the Other Side of Secrecy

At the end of the day, you hold the key to your freedom.

Keeping secrets you believe are “unshareable” doesn’t protect you — it imprisons you. It keeps you from intimacy, from support, and from fully living your life.

You don’t have to tell everyone everything.
But you do need to tell someone.

Because secrecy keeps pain alive — and truth allows it to heal.

You are only as sick as your secrets.

Don’t let them own you.

SLAY Reflection

Let’s reflect, SLAYER:

S: Are there parts of your life or past you’ve never shared with anyone?
L: What fears keep you holding those secrets?
A: What do you believe would happen if you spoke your truth out loud?
Y: How might your life change if you chose honesty over hiding?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after sharing something you thought you had to hide?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying secrets that are weighing them down, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.