State Of Slay

In The Doing, Something Happens

We’ve all heard the saying, “fake it til you make it.” It’s something I have used in the past when I’m unsure about something but know I need to find a way to accept it, or a way to do it, but sometimes people have a problem with the word “fake,” and I understand that, we as SLAYERS are meant to live as our authentic selves, so how can we do that if we are faking something? Valid point. But instead of “faking” it, why not look at it as just doing it, just doing it even if you don’t believe it will help, just doing even if you don’t know if it will work, just, well, do it. Sometimes in the act of just doing it, something happens, an understanding, a revelation, and a belief that we can. In the doing, something happens.

When I first stepped on this path, a lot of things were suggested to me that didn’t sound like anything I wanted to do, or things that seemed like they wouldn’t help. I was told to do them anyway. To go through the motions and see how I felt. It felt fake to me. I thought, if I don’t believe, or want to do this, how will this help? But it did. The things that were suggested for me did help, they helped me to get out of my comfort zone and reach out, to share my truth, to connect with other people who were also on the same path, and to give back. Give back. At a time I thought I had nothing to offer, I did, and by just doing it I realized that no matter how low I may have felt, there was someone out there that may feel lower, and might look to me for inspiration, and in just doing, I not only helped someone else, but I helped myself, and I started to believe. In the act of just doing, taking the suggestions and just doing them, miracles happened. I started to feel better, I started to have self-esteem, I started to connect with people and didn’t feel so alone, I began to see some light in the darkness. In the doing, something happened.

It’s not a matter of believing to get started, it’s merely the act itself that can bring you to believe, and sometimes, that’s all we have. For me, my life depended on me just doing it, the voices in my head were still so loud, telling me it wouldn’t work, and I just yelled back louder, “I’m going to try!” Sometimes we’re so set in our old ways, or so afraid, or so determined to fail that we don’t believe things can get better, we shoot the suggestions down before we even start, but if we can get ourselves to just begin, to inch forward, to just do it, incredible things start to happen. And, although it may feel scary, or strange, or awkward, we’ve all felt those things before, and we’ve all survived them, so push through them and SLAY on, learn to find your comfortableness in the uncomfortableness, learn to find excitement there, learn to love that feeling of being unsure but trusting it’s right, learn to believe.

Every new chapter, every victory, every new life begins with taking action, there are always a million reasons to not do something, but there are a million and one to start, that one is you, and that is the most important one. You are worth it. You matter. You can and will make a difference. Just do it. You hold the key to your own freedom, but you have to turn the key in the lock you’ve created, turn it, walk through, and set yourself free.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to have it all figured out. It’s about taking it one moment at a time, one step at a time, one action at a time, and as you do you’ll gain momentum, you’ll gain confidence, you’ll gain freedom. All you have to do, is do.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there things in your life you know are good for you, or better for you, that you just don’t start? Why? What’s stopping you? What if you chose one and just did it? Just started, even if you didn’t know what the result would be? What do you think could go wrong? What do you think could go right? Do it SLAYER! Even if things don’t go as you would like them to, you still learn, and maybe within that lesson is the solution you’re looking for. But, you’ll never know unless you start. Just do it and SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Stay focused on what’s important, not getting distracted by wants and other people’s opinions keeps us in a state of grace and on track to SLAYDOM!

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Important

Place Importance On Important Things

We see this all the time, people in dire need of something or someone, reaching out frantically, putting up emergency posts, IN ALL CAPS, with lots of punctuation, only to find that it’s just something they want, not a necessity. Or, they make a big deal out of something that really isn’t, causing themselves anxiety, heartache, and pain needlessly because it shouldn’t be given so much weight in the first place. Or maybe we are guilty of those things. Causing drama, panic among our friends, when it really isn’t necessary.  I think we all can be from time to time. We get used to something being a certain way, or we convince ourselves that it has to be one way or everything is off, or will go wrong, or something catastrophic will happen, but will it? Or are these just things we put too much importance on in our lives?

What is important? Things we need to live, food, water, family, loved ones, a roof over our heads, safety, these are some of the things that are important. For many of us, it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important, and what we deem as important because it’s the way we want it to be, or the way we’d like to be, or because everyone else seems to have it or is going where we want to go. But what is important is not loosing sight of what really is important.

The important things in life change for all of us, but there are four simple ones that apply to everyone, and when we focus on these things, the rest fall into perspective.

Your health. Not taking care of yourself and your health will not only limit the time you have to live your life but it will impact the quality of life you have, and your ability to enjoy it and those things you love. Ultimately, your heath, mental and otherwise, is most important thing in your life, and should be protected and nourished daily, making sure you are getting what you need to thrive, grow, and live the live you want to live. Make sure you are taking care of you, in every way that you need to to be your best, most effective, useful you.

Your self-love. Finding and owning your self and loving yourself is also one of the important things in life. Self love is a major part of our foundation as human beings. It grounds us. Gives us strength. Confidence. We make stronger, better choices, because we are doing what’s best of for us, not what’s expected, or what looks good from the outside, or what will impress others, we do what works for the lifestyle we want to live, and for the people we are and who we strive to be.

Your relationships. Life is about relationships, the connections and communication we have with others, whether it be friends, family, or co-workers, invest in the relationships in your life, or, find some worth investing in. Spending time with actual people, not the computer screen or phone, getting out and connecting, socializing, doing things that you love, sharing, is what makes our lives richer, and reminds us that we are not alone, it add to our foundation and fortifies us when life gets tough, relationships teach us who we are, who we want to be, and, take us to where we want to go. All important.

Living your purpose and dreams. When we’re taking care of our own needs, finding love in ourselves, and surrounding ourselves with supportive, like-minded people, we are on track to finding out who we are and what our purpose is in life. I know for myself, it was through my journey of self-love and healing that I became aware that my purpose was to be of service to others who may be struggling, I never would have figured that out had I not found my way through the first three things on this list. When we feel good, when we feel love, and when we give love, we become open to finding a meaning in who we are, in finding a purpose and how we can be most effective. We learn what values are most important to us and how we can apply those to our dreams, or find new ones. It’s important to dream, there is a reason we are drawn to certain people, places, and things, question that, pursue that, and use the knowledge you have gained about yourself and those around you to go after your dreams and make them a reality.

Having all of these in place, it’s time to take action, and to remember, what is really important in life, it’s not the stuff, it’s not the activities you feel you’re missing out on, it’s not something only having to be one specific way, it’s your health, self-love, relationships, and your purpose and dreams, everything else is gravy, so put the importance on life on the important things and with everything else, go with the flow and let things go, you’ll be happier when you do, and, you just might learn a thing or two about you.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you place importance on unimportant things? Do you think everything you want and need is important? Do you see that perhaps not everything on your list is important? List the important things on your list? List the things that may not be important but are nice to have or you like to have? Do you see the difference? It’s easy to get caught up in wanting and having things, but life is actually really simple SLAYER when you allow yourself to see it that way, and when you focus on the truly important things, you’ll probably find that many of those things you would like to have may just come your way as a result of you taking care of yourself and investing in your relationships and your hopes and dreams. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  When we act on self-righteous anger we are in danger of hurting ourselves, and those around us. You are in charge of how you react, and who you choose to engage with. Choose wisely.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Anger

Slay With Me In Person

Hey SLAYER! You can SLAY with me in person this month at Modesto’s Classic Comic Con in Modesto, California October 27-29th.

Get your tickets here: Comic Con Tickets

SOS Modesto

Photographer: Bianca Dorso

 

Self-Righteous Anger

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.

You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.

That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

 

Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility

If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.

You decide:

  • Who you engage with

  • How far you let them in

  • What boundaries you set

There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.

This blog connects back to so many past entries:

  • People Picker – choosing aligned connections

  • Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs

  • Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”

  • Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance

It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.

When We Engage to Feel Superior

Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.

Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.

Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.

And it didn’t work.

Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership

When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.

Ask yourself:

  • Could I have avoided this situation?

  • Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?

  • Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?

A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.

Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:

  • Disappointment

  • Resentment

  • Frustration

  • Anger

That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.

Break the Cycle with Compassion

The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.

We avoid self-righteous anger by:

  • Engaging with people who align with us

  • Setting boundaries with those who don’t

  • Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong

  • Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow

  • Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves

And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.

Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.

Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.

And reactions are usually about us, not them.

As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.

So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.

Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?

  1. Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
    Why do you think you do that?

  2. Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
    What do you think it’s really covering up?

  3. How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
    What’s the cost?

  4. What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
    How could you protect your peace instead?

  5. What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
    Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  Things only change when you do, start making different choices and get different results.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Changes

Contrary Action

When I first began this path, I had to rewire the way I thought—completely.

My mind defaulted to negativity. It convinced me people were against me. It whispered that I’d never make it, that I didn’t belong, that failure was inevitable. And because I believed it, I acted on it. That belief nearly cost me everything.

So when I committed to healing—to getting better, to learning how to love myself and live differently—I had to learn something new: contrary action.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

What Is Contrary Action?

Quite simply, contrary action means doing the opposite of what you would normally do—especially if what you’ve always done hasn’t brought you peace, joy, or healing.

It’s breaking patterns.
It’s pausing before reacting.
It’s asking: What’s the loving, honest response here?

That pause is the magic.

At State of Slay™, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—life is not a game show.
There is no prize for the fastest answer.
And most of the time, our fastest answer is coming from an old wound or old wiring.

A Different Way to Respond

In the beginning, I had to practice contrary action nearly every time I opened my mouth—or even thought about opening my mouth.
It didn’t come naturally. In fact, it felt strange.
Awkward. Uncomfortable. Like backing down.

But here’s what I learned:

  • I wasn’t backing down—I was growing up.
  • I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was choosing peace.
  • I wasn’t shrinking—I was showing up for myself in a new, more aligned way.

Old me might’ve lied to get what I wanted, manipulated to stay in control, or started a fight just to feel something.
New me? Learned to take a breath. To tell the truth. To walk away if needed.
That shift changed everything.

Building a New Foundation

Practicing contrary action gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time: self-esteem.

Every time I did the right thing—even when it felt weird or hard—it built a new brick in the foundation I now stand on.
And once I started building that self-esteem, I didn’t want to do things that tore it down.

Was it always easy? No.
Did I mess up sometimes? Absolutely.
But the more I practiced contrary action, the more I started to trust myself—and life began to open up in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

10 Ways to Practice Contrary Action

Here are a few simple ways you can try it today:

  1. Give someone a compliment when you’re feeling jealous or insecure.
  2. Own your part instead of seeking revenge.
  3. Take a walk instead of reaching for something to numb the feeling.
  4. Breathe deeply instead of lashing out.
  5. Visualize the life you want instead of reliving your worst decisions.
  6. Remember a win when fear tells you to quit.
  7. Take time for yourself instead of saying there’s never enough time.
  8. Say no with love instead of saying yes out of guilt.
  9. Go to bed instead of scrolling endlessly.
  10. Speak about dreams instead of gossip.

Each time you choose contrary action, you’re choosing yourself.
You’re choosing growth.
You’re choosing a future that looks nothing like your past.

SLAY Reflection: Where Can You Shift?

  1. Do you tend to react quickly without thinking?
    What’s usually the result?
  2. Have old patterns led you into places you didn’t want to go?
    How did it feel?
  3. What could’ve gone differently if you had paused—or chosen contrary action?
  4. Where in your life could you try the opposite of what you’d normally do?
    How might that change things?
  5. Who can you talk to when you’re unsure how to respond?
    Could their insight offer a healthier way forward?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice contrary action this week—especially when your first instinct is to go back to old patterns?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the same old loops, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to move forward.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fears kill more dreams than failure ever will. Dream big. Aim high. Kill your fears. Make your dreams come true!

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay False

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Fears are not facts, they lie to us and hold us back from reaching our potential. You hold the key to setting yourself free by walking through your fears to freedom.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fears