Before I stepped onto this path, I walked through a lot of pain.
Not gracefully.
Not reflectively.
More like a storm spinning out of control—reactive, destructive, and exhausting.
I told myself, and was often told by others, that the pain was making me stronger. That suffering was proof of growth. That endurance alone was somehow building character.
But looking back, I can see the truth much more clearly now:
The pain wasn’t strengthening me.
My response to it was weakening me.
And in many cases, I was the source of my own pain.
That realization wasn’t comfortable—but it was freeing. Because it showed me that growth was never about how much pain I endured. It was about what I did after the pain showed up.
Pain Is Inevitable Suffering Is Optional
Pain is part of being human.
We get hurt.
We get disappointed.
We get blindsided—sometimes by others, sometimes by life itself.
But pain alone doesn’t create growth.
Pain without awareness creates repetition.
Pain without reflection creates cycles.
Pain without honesty keeps us stuck.
What determines growth isn’t the pain itself—it’s whether we react from old wounds or respond with clarity.
And there is always a choice.
Reaction Keeps Us Stuck Response Moves Us Forward
There’s a difference between reacting and responding.
Reaction is impulsive.
It’s emotional.
It’s driven by fear, old stories, and survival patterns.
Response is intentional.
It’s grounded.
It’s guided by truth instead of triggers.
When I reacted to pain, I made choices that caused more pain—burning bridges, sabotaging myself, repeating patterns I swore I wanted to escape.
When pain wasn’t self-inflicted, that was where growth became possible—if I was willing to respond instead of explode.
The Myth That Pain Builds Strength
One of the most damaging stories we tell ourselves is that pain itself makes us stronger.
That belief often keeps us tolerating what we shouldn’t.
It keeps us in harmful relationships.
It keeps us justifying self-destructive behavior.
Pain doesn’t build strength.
Choices build strength.
The strength comes from what you learn.
From what you release.
From what you decide not to repeat.
The old narrative—that suffering proves worth or resilience—often keeps us returning to the same sources of harm, believing it’s “part of the process.”
It isn’t.
Getting the Facts Is How We Grow Safely
One of the core truths I return to again and again is this:
When we have the facts, we are safe.
Not the feelings.
Not the assumptions.
Not the stories shaped by past wounds.
The facts.
Looking at pain honestly—without embellishment, blame, or denial—allows us to understand its source. And once we understand the source, we gain power.
Power to choose differently.
Power to set boundaries.
Power to walk away instead of reenacting.
Pain becomes useful only when it’s investigated.
We Always Have More Control Than We Think
Here’s the part that changes everything:
We don’t control whether pain shows up—but we do control how much we let it stay.
We can:
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Let it fester
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Turn it into resentment
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Use it for sympathy
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Or learn from it and release it
Sometimes simply letting pain go is growth.
Not every wound needs a deep dive. Some lessons are learned by choosing not to engage again.
And when you’re living from self-love and honesty, destructive reactions stop feeling good. Self-sabotage loses its appeal.
Because why tear down something you’re finally learning to build?
Pain Is a Teacher Not a Home
Pain is meant to inform you—not define you.
It shows you where boundaries are needed.
It highlights what isn’t aligned.
It reveals patterns asking to be broken.
But pain is not meant to be lived in.
When you respond with curiosity instead of chaos, pain becomes data. And data leads to discernment. And discernment leads to peace.
That’s growth.
Turning Pain Into a Gift
You may have never paused to ask yourself how you typically respond to pain.
So the next time it shows up, try this:
Strip away the story.
Remove the emotional overlay.
Look at the facts.
What actually happened?
What role did you play?
What part was within your control?
What can you learn?
When you do this, pain stops being something that happens to you—and becomes something that works for you.
The greatest gift pain can offer is information.
And information, used wisely, changes everything.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: What do you believe is the main source of pain in your life right now?
L: How much of that pain are you creating, allowing, or repeatedly engaging with?
A: When pain shows up, do you tend to react or respond—and how is that serving you?
Y: What could change if you chose to learn from pain instead of letting it control you?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
How has your response to pain shaped your growth—or where do you feel called to respond differently now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s stuck believing pain itself is the path, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
